Evangelion: Revisited
by matt020388
Summary: AUcont. Shinji is forced to relive the entire series. What will change after he's dealt with his demons at the end of the last, a perverted mother, and too much knowledge of the future? Is a Nonwuss ShinjiHarem fic with hopefully lots of Gendo Bashing!
1. Prologue: A Dream?

A/N: I'm not that motivated and this is my first fanfic, solely based on a half-baked promise I made to a friend a year ago. I don't own Evangelion, but if I did...I don't know. Maybe I'd supply some aspirin for people who didn't like the ending (I'm just lazy, so I gave up trying to understand it myself).

This starts in the third impact thingy, last episode of the series AND all the kids are a year older. That means Shinji is 15 and becomes 16 near the end of the series because I said so. Note to anyone concerned, chibi-kirby's don't work on this site.

_Italics: Thought_

**Bold: Sounds**

(. ) (.) (>.)> (. ) (.) (>..)>Begin Prologue (. ) (.) (>..)> (. ) (.) (>..)>

"Congratulations" "Congratulations" "Congratulations" Everyone...err...congratulated Shinji on finally figuring it (A/N: still have no clue) out inside his mindscape.

_'From now on, I'll work to change myself. I have friends, they're almost family really...I don't need that Gendo-teme. There's no reason for me to be so depresse...#$&! My Eva's stuck inside of a giant Rei and everyone was killed by those evil Evas and soldiers. Why me...' _Shinji's hopes were crushed as he re-entered pathetic mode and looked at the HUD..

_'Shinji...' _An angelic, ironic as it was, voice called out.

"Mother!"

_'Yes, listen closely. I need to fully access this body's control to escape the poor replica of myself...'_

"What! You were a giant, albino rei/angel!"

_'Good to see you're developing some confidence and wit, but don't interrupt again. I'll tell you later. Now quickly... knock yourself out or get pissed off!'_

"What!"

_'I either need to be the dominant mind here, meaning yours is not conscious, or you need to sync up with me, and I'm royally PO'ed. GO!'_

Working on pure instinct, Shinji thought of every wrong that was committed on him and focused on building his rage. Being God's personal hacky sack meant no lack of material and thousands of images flashed before his eyes. Down in Central Dogma, surrounded by pools of LCL and broken equipment, a flickering piece of electronics showed a bar graph instantaneously jump to 100 and still climbing. The servos in the evangelion could be heard straining as it tried to burst from captivity inside the "giant Rei's" forehead.

_'Keep it up my son... the world depends on it'_

Shinji was turning red as his face contorted into demonic visage (A/N: Thesauruses are fun! but too much work).

_'YES!'_

**whack!**

The Eva tore free and the resulting AT field split the rei/angel in half. Inside the plug of Unit 01 laid one Shinji Ikari, with a torn off piece of the butterfly controls in his hands, unconscious from the prodigious self-inflicted blow to the head. Yea...he took the easy way out.

**sigh **_'my little baka'_

(. ) (.) (>..)>Later... (. ) (.) (>..)>

"Ugh...maybe I should have tried syncing up with mom," he pondered while rubbing the large discolored bump on his head. Checking the timer on his hand, he discovered only a few minutes had gone by.

_'That would have been the wiser choice, but hey, at least you got the job done as fast as possible. Now I can answer your questions from before, but only a few because I don't have much time'_

"Umm...sorry...but did you say that you were a giant rei/angel trying to control the fate of the world back...um...there?"

_'First, lose the "um's" and "sorry's", you are too polite for your own good. Be respectful to those who deserve it, but don't you dare revert back to who you were. And no, I'm not. You see, your father created clones of myself composed of human and angel DNA. He called the clones Rei Ayanami and used them for the dummy plug protocol. So Rei was a genetic relation to you...'_

Shinji blanched at the memories of his newfound naked sister/mother and started to beat himself to death with the broken controls.

_'Stop that! It doesn't matter what you thought about her, she wasn't raised as your sister and it's not wrong at all to think of her that way. You should only feel a little guilty about what you did to Asuka, she deserved it for all the hurt she has caused you, but she wasn't even awake!' (A/N: If you haven't seen the movies, tough luck)_

Shinji, who had stopped beating himself, started to ram his read against the walls of the LCL filled plug as he realized something..._MY MOM KNOWS EVERYTHING I'VE DONE OR EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT! _It wasn't as if Shinji had truly done anything horrible in his lifetime, but any teenage guy would freak out over knowing his mother knows his every thought. Shinji stopped as Yui began to speak again.

_'Yes, I do and I'm disappointed Shinji... You should've asked Asuka to join you earlier! Two, maybe three or more girls were constantly trying to seduce you and you never even tried to hook up with any of them! Your worst dreams were of half-naked women! _(A/N: I say he closed his eyes when he fell on Rei and has only seen the top half of any woman ever) _I can do better than that! Here!'_

Shinji was currently trying to wrap his head around the thought that his mother was perverted and disappointed her legacy wasn't passed onto him. It wasn't his fault that he was deprived as an early teen. Suddenly an image appeared in his head that might as well have been taken from an NC-17 ficlet. Maya, Ristuko, Misato, Rei, Hikari, Asuka, and Yui herself were abusingShinji in a way he wanted to become accustomed to and Kaji, the Stooges, and Gendo were crying in the background. For such an innocent boy, he lasted a whole two seconds before his nose propelled him into the chair at high speeds in a shower of blood.

"Stop that! You're my mother!"

_'Fine, there.' _The image disappeared from Shinji's mind. _'I know I'm your mother, but do you see why Gendo would destroy humanity to get me back? or do you need another example?'_

"YES! no?...I MEAN NO, NOT YES PLEASE!...wait, to get you back?"

_'Correct. Who wouldn't destroy humanity to get their sex-obsessed wife back? His entire manipulative scheme was to make Rei control third impact to kill everyone and bring me back to repopulate the world.'_

Shinji was stressed beyond imagining, trying to stop the urge to vomit and kill himself while praying for a change in topic. Suddenly, a bright light appeared and an angelic chorus started to sing out.Yay.

_'Kuso. Okay, there's not much time left, so I'm to rummage through your brain and answer all the questions you have...' _Shinji felt comforted by a warm, soothing sensation of his mother holding him...which was instantly drowned out by the unbearable pain caused by someone raping your mind.

_'Hmm, it turns out you did have some better ideas in your mind. Buy the karma sutra when you get back and study the 13th chapter. Ok, done' _Just for your knowledge, Shinji was clutching his head and shaking violently, why did his mother have to be so evil?

_'First, I'm not evil. I would have been gentle if I had the time. No, I do not love your father, he was just my favorite plaything. I would kill him right now for not properly taking care of you. I was absorbed into the Eva as a test pilot after being tricked by Gehrin, my body was disposed of because a lack of soul would have caused a psychotic breakdown of the shell. It happened to Asuka's mom, that's why she's so obsessed with being better. I've always been inside this Eva, Asuka's mom is in her's, and Unit 00 never talked, probably Dr. Akagi. No, not Ritsuko, her mom.'_

_'LCL is blood, angel blood to be precise. Nerv had the second angel crucified in the bowels of Nerv, her name's Lillith and this Eva is made from her legs. Adam was the first angel, he went boom boom in Antartica when Misato's father and Gendo stabbed him with the Lance of Longinus and caused 2nd impact. If you get the chance, cut off Gendo's right hand and pour Yebisu on it after that splitting angel. That shit's stronger than that pathetic pallet rifle you're forced to use._ The chorus was on the third refrain and the light was dimming._ Damn, there's barely any time left.'_

_'Idesignedtheideaofpenpen.Reineedstobeconvincedemotionsandherwillmatters.__CreatinganATspikewillworkaswellasthelance. __Askforasalaryforanyjobyouget,don'tgetbulliedintoanything.YoucouldprobablyuseATfieldsyourselfwithpractice.BuyaniPod. AND TRY TO HAVE SOME FUN, I'll always be there for you in someway or another. There's no time left. ByeBye!'_ The voice left, leaving many questions unanswered and Shinji disappeared.

(. ) (.) (>..)>Scene Change (. ) (.) (>..)>

Shinji's eyes fluttered and took in the site of half a giant Rei and the LCL ocean. The sky was a pure black night and somehow the beach was clearly visible. An image of normal Rei appeared and vanished into thin air.

_'What the hell? Where am I? Did mother do this?' _Shinji was seriously considering knocking himself out again, _'wait, maybe this is just too many head traumas in such a short time, yeah...', _when a sound from beside him attracted his attention.

"Ugh"

_'Oh crap it's Asuka...wait, what's up with the eyes?' _Then for some reason his body decided to move on its own and proceeded to choke Asuka to death. _'Well this is interesting, I'm feeling no remorse and she isn't dying.'_

"Pathetic."

_'Okaaaaaaaay. I have brain damage, that's it. I'll just start sobbing uncontrollably and sit back while I realize I'm stuck with half a giant Rei, a ghost Rei, and a half-dead Asuka.'_

"Patheitic. You surely can do better."

_'What? Her lips didn't move!'_

"You suck! You rate as **beepbeepbeep** Social Excrement!"

The world around our confused protagonist dissolved and Shinji found himself in front of a very peculiar machine: Love Tester: To determine your prowess in the social scene, squeeze the handle as hard as possible. Costs: 100 Yen. The rest of his surroundings consisted of an out of date arcade and flickering fluorescent lighting. (For those confused, it was a game to test the strength of your grip and then somehow relate it to how good you are with women. It's like the machine in the Simpson's Moe's which I don't own as well.)

"Please play again," it said in a sing-song voice as Shinji finally looked around. He was first: alive, second: not surrounded by LCL, and third: confused as hell.

Wandering aimlessly, Shinji found the exit and looked back. _'Hm, this is the same station I met Misato at, wait...this place is abandoned. Where did everyone go? I must have dozed off at that game, but does that mean everything was my worst dream ever? I thought you couldn't read things in your dreams or feel pain? I'll make a phone call, maybe 911 or a local insane asylum' _Shinji's thoughts wandered as he tested out his newfound sarcasm and wit. Maybe his newfound personality differences could be blamedon frontal lobe injuries.

"Sorry, but...**loud explosions are heard in background**...thankyou." **click** Shinji hanged up the payphone, disappointed on hearing nothing helpful over the sounds of destruction. _'what?' _He turned around and saw the something that would screw over his life once again.

"Noooo..."

(. ) (.) (>..)> (. ) (.) (>..)>End Prologue (. ) (.) (>..)> (. ) (.) (>..)>

A/N: That's my explanation of the ending of the show and a little into the new story. Okay, review if you want.

Any ideas? I can always make an Omake if it's good but doesn't fit in.


	2. Chapter 1: Kawaii!

A/N: Thanks to anyone who reviewed.

I don't own Evangelion...why do I need to write this? Oh yeah, for the +4 word count bonus.

_Italics: Thought/Yui's voice_

**Bold: Sound**

* * *

"Noooo..." Yep, Sachiel was destroying UN forces left and right. The military kept firing salvo after salvo of rockets and other ammunition...despite the evidence that nothing was happening at all to the angel itself. 

_'You'd think they'd start retreating after the first 15 minutes of zilch effect and rampant destruction. Oh pretty, the beam comes out in the shape of a cross, never noticed that before...wait, does this mean it wasn't killed before?'_

**Crash! **Debris from a now indescribable military craft interrupted his train of thought as he ran to the end of the street, barely escaping a crispyfying end. Rei suddenly appeared near the scene of the battle and vanished again, stopping Shinji again.

_'Okay, time to find out what is going on around here.' _Searching through his belongings, he find the oh so famous picture of Misato.

_'Crap. I really hope that this doesn't mean what I think it does.' _But it did. Tires could be heard screeching in the distance, the shifting of gears, and the high tell sound of a engine being pushed beyond the limits of conventional vehicles. Each of these caused Shinji mixed emotions: the joy of knowing she was alive and the absolute fear of what was to come.

"Are you Shinji Ikari!" Our favorite purple-haired drunkard came onto the scene in her blue Renault, pre-first impact which was coming up soon.

"Unfortunately..." Shinji surrendered himself to the inevitable as he climbed in, "let's get moving before that giant piece of shrapnel crushes us flat" with a thumb jerk behind him.

"Wha..." Misato followed his gesture to the impending death of flaming debris, eyes bugged out instantly, "SHIT!"

3 seconds later they were safely on their way to Nerv and the car's lifetime had been halved. Shinji was still confused and silently contemplating what happened. He was in the past. How the hell had this happened? What was going to happen?

"Heh, sorry about that." Misato was only slightly shaken, an extra can of liquid medicine once when she got home would fix that. A couple of minutes later, _'I can't stand this, isn't he even going to say anything? One Rei's enough as it is, I'll just tease him into talking, hehe.'_

Misato opened her mouth when Shinji raised his hand slowly and gestured the thumb backwards again, then he dove for the floor. She looked behind her and saw a single plane and speck traveling at the behemoth. Then it hit her.

"#$#$! An N² mine!" and she threw herself on Shinji as the car was lifted into the air and thrown several yards.

_'Comfy...wait! Damn mom!' _Shinji relinquished his hiding place in the hills and focused on suppressing the blush and minor hemorrhage that occurred in the nasal cavity. (A/N: I blame my constant fear of using simpler words on College English) His new personality seemed to be that of an actual teenager now, _'I think she did that on purpose...', _including the stupidity.

"I just got this car! No way my insurance is going to believe this...**sigh**...Shinji, come here and help me flip this over." Misato said, her anguish being pushed aside for her mission...that was already late...Ritsuko was not going to be happy.

"Okay," Shinji agreed. The car turned over with the awful sounds of the shocks giving out and metal caving in. "I think it's broken."

"Ya think? We are sooo late. Help me find some batteries to borrow." She headed off towards a series of stores.

"You mean steal."

"I'm a governme..."

"Over here," Shinji didn't let her finish, it took forever to find the batteries last time and he just wanted to get this over with and get some sleep. He picked up a fallen street lamp (just the head of it) and threw it through the display window of a general store. "Do you need any oil while we're at it?"

Slightly put off by the question, "Sure, and lots of duct tape unfortunately."

Shinji absent mindedly loaded a shopping cart with a couple batteries, the duct tape, and then stopped. _'Why not? Misato's reading a magazine and I remember her taking a few. I'll just ask to make sure.' _

"Hey Misato-san!"

Looking over the top of the magazine she stared at Shinji and then returned to the article. "Yeah?"

"Can I get one of these?" pointing at an electronics display case.

Misato glanced up again and saw what he wanted. "No, we should get going," picking up a few magazines and turning around.

"But you're taking those."

"These...um...are for cleaning up the oil, yea. And that's way too expensive."

"It's just to pass the time, it's not like I'm on the job. I mean, I doubt the reason I'm going to NERV is for an exciting job opportunity. I'm just on a visit right?" Shinji's manipulative bastard genes were kicking in. He felt a little bad doing this do Misato.

"Er...right." _'Maybe I should just let him. Who could it really hurt? The kid's gonna freak out later when he sees Unit 01 and they expect him to pilot. The Marduk institute's insane! Making kids pilot, there's no other way though. I shouldn't encourage this on the other hand...Screw it! Let's just leave already, maybe I'll grab some Yebisu and pocky on the way out.' _"On second thought Shinji, just grab it and go. Consider it a gift from NERV."

"Yes! Thank you Misato! Thank you!" he buttered her up. _'Good 'ol Misato, I remember why you were a fun guardian. Or should it be "will"? nah, who cares!'_ And with that they returned to the Renault, Misato with an armful of alcohol, sugar, and gossip and Shinji pushing the cart and trying to open his new iPod: Revolution².

------------------------Sometime later...-------------------------------

The rest of the ride was uneventful, Misato called her friend, Shinji ignored the outside world as he transferred his songs from his old SDAT to his iPod, and the car actually held together!

_'Ah, the miracle of duct tape,' _Shinji and his slightly buzzed escort thought at the same time when they left the car and rode the elevator.

"Do you have your ID?" "Yes." "Welcome to Tokyo 3..." Misato went on, but Shinji just stared at the sight. It was kind of beautiful in retrospect, no craters, standing buildings, the lack of death. _'I'll make sure it stays this way.' _

The scenery quickly changed to grey, sterile walls and steels girders. The numbers of the halls passed by (A/N: making this up) 46...47...48...49...5err...46...47...48...49...46

"Stop. We're lost." Shinji really wished he had paid attention the first time. Even though he didn't care as much, he still was anxious about seeing mister "let's create clones, giant bio-mechanical robots, and screw over the entire population of the planet just to get my wife back" Gendo Ikari and wanted to get it over with.

"How do you know?" Misato asked as she finally took her first left.

"You know what...nevermind." Shinji saw they were walking on the metal grates leading up to where Ritsuko would enter.

_'I hate these drafts, they make me regret wearing skirts around this place, maybe I'll just tell Shinji to see his reaction.'_

"You must really hate the drafts here in that skirt," taking the words out of her mouth while suppressing the thoughts of his awakened libido. "Is that her?"

Misato was shocked/disappointed and turned to see Ritsuko, in a white lab coat and blue one-piece.

"Misato! Honestly, how did you get lost again? Nevermind, is this the third child?"

"Yes, this here is Shinji Ikari. Shinji, this is my friend Ritsuko Akagi."

"Nice to meet you Shinji, follow me."

"Why are you wearing a bathing suit?" Shinji had wondered this before...stupid hedgehog's dilemma.

"I was just checking on some calibrations under the surface," the demi-blond scientist tried not to reveal much. For some reason both Misato and her thought it would be fun to make it a surprise yesterday. "Here we are."

The room was all dark, the suspense was mounting, Ritsuko spoke out: "The last hope for mankind, Evangelion Unit 01." The lights came on and showed the giant machine. Purple and green with a perverted...err...menacing face and horn protruding from its forehead.

Shinji gazed upon it, memories reflecting in his eyes before he realized he was being stared at. _'What should I say this time? Bad colors? nope. My father built this? done that. I know.' _

"Kawaii! (Cute)"

**Splash!**

Misato sweat-dropped and Ritsuko flat out fell off the walkway and into the LCL 20 ft below.

"It's a good thing she's wearing that suit." Shinji smiled before bursting with laughter.

Misato stared at him _'Is he serious...' _before she snorted and started to giggle herself. Ritsuko was soaking wet walking towards them, hair matted to her head, and looking pissed.

"Gomen nasai Ritsuko-san, but it was funny." Ritsuko hand twitched as she glared between Shinji, Misato, and Misato's handgun.

"Come on Ritsuko-chan." Misato finished her fit.

"Grrrrrr...**sigh**" _'was he serious?' _Ritsuko thought. _'I'll forget to mention LCL breatheable later and stare at him like something's wrong during his physicals, damn Ikari bastards. But at least this one can laugh.' _"Were you serious?"

"Not really. Okay, so what is this? Is this what my fath" Shinji saw the light reflect off his father's glasses. Apparently he was waiting for the magic words. "...er has been working on all these years that he has decided to abandoned me after mother died and dump me on uncle, who forced me to cook and clean, but I did learn how to play the Cello and now I've come all the way here, away from my friends, to visit him and he doesn't even show up to explain this personally, thank you by the way Misato and Ristuko for showing me all this, when there is a giant ugly monster coming this way, bent on utter destruction for apparently no reason but to destroy us and no other targets in the world, almost as if this giant place is hiding something."

"Correct."

"Father," Shinji struggled to say, but he knew he must hold some of his cards for later. He had pushed it far enough for right now of future knowledge.

"You will pilot it." _'and begin the first step to reclaiming Yui.'_

(warning, the next part has been overkilled)

"Okay, for the same amount Ritsuko makes in cash each paycheck I will pilot it once, but why should I?" _'Oops, have to fib that part up about knowing Ritsuko makes more later.'_

Currently, Misato shot a quick glare at the cat-lover and Ritsuko smirked. They returned to the clash of the Ikari's, an interesting site for anyone to behold.

_'I could find the money somewhere, but I will not submit. Let's see, he was polite and thanked Katsuragi and Akagi, so I'll force him with Ayanami and those two. But first...'_

"You have to."

"Well technically I don't, I could choose to" _'grab Misato's gun and shoot your balls off' _"walk away."

"Humanity depends on it."

"Is humanity not worth a few yen?"

_'Now.' _"Fuyutsuki. Bring in Rei. The spare's unusable." _'Checkmate third child.'_

Rei was brought in on a cart surrounded by personnel and covered in bloody bandages. She feebly attempted to move...

_'Kuso! Control yourself Shinji...you'll help her this time' _(A/N: happy? he's still a little angsty)

The facility shook and Rei was thrown off the cart and right into the path of a falling support beam. Shinji dove for her as the sounds of metal restraints snapping and a dull clunk as the right hand of Eva Unit 01 caught the hunk of steel. Looking down at his hands and the almost whimpering Rei, he saw red: both blood and anger.

"Come on Shinji, will you pilot for us?" Misato gestured to herself and friend. Gendo continued to display his almost smirk of bastardness.

"Rei seems to be incapable of even walking right now. Do you honestly think she can pilot this against that monster?"

"She will if she has to." Gendo stared on. _'Time is running out...'_

"Kuso...you do know you're running out of time?"

"You will be paid, but it will be in a fund for when you turn 18 and not in the amount you specified." Gendo said slightly faster as another explosion occurred.

"No. You don't have another choice but to use me, do you?" Shinji was nervous, Rei needed attention and he had a slight headache...

_'Shinji...'_

_'Mother help me out, I'll explain later, just speak!'_

**ROOOAAAARRRR! **(A/N: ROFL!) Unit 01's mouth restraints rumbled, restricting the words: "Gendo you #$&$$$$$#$$$#&#$!"

Gendo's eyes widened an incredible amount for anyone who knew of him. _'This is disturbing, I will' _shudders deeply _'compromise.'_

"Katsuragi's pay."

"Agreed. Show me what to do."

-----------------------------5 Minutes later...--------------------------------------

Shinji was sitting in the plug, waiting for the plug to fill up and power to turn on. His headache was gone and he couldn't seem to think to Yui anymore. The plug had already started filling up and Ritsuko's eyes lit up in anticipation, unfortunately Shinji never noticed it until the world around him went all trippy.

_'Ooooh, the colors...so shiny and bright...was that a scene of a meadow?' _the HUD appeared _'...why does Ritsuko look sad?'_

_'I think she's disappointed that you didn't freak out of your lungs filling with angel blood'_

_'Hi mom, do you remember what happened?'_

_'Yes, I do. I hid my new memories inside the perverted part of your brain and just retrieved them...good to see you're taking a new interest this time around. "comfy" eh? and don't forget the skirt and swimsuit, don't tell me you didn't notice she was cold.'_

_'I didn't...until now. Stop it, did you ever consider I don't want to be that perverse?'_

_'Shinji, I know all your thoughts while your synced with me. Iam justa little sad that you are not going to follow in my footsteps. So I'm extremely perverted just to make sure you don't revert back.'_

Meanwhile, during this precious mother-son bonding ritual, the bridge bunnies, Misato, Gendo, and Fuyutsuki were waiting for the results. Maya was the first to speak.

"Holy #&#$! HE'S AT 87 SYNC RATIO!

"So?" Everyone stared at Misato.

"Rei can only sync at 40 on a good day and the second child, who has been working for years, just broke 65 herself! He was born to pilot an Eva!"

Gendo's thoughts: _'I did not expect him to be so high, but this will only help the scenario.'_

"Go Shinji! Eva Unit 01, LAUNCH!"

---------------------------------Back to Shinji...-----------------------------------------

_'So I'll be able to defeat the angels pretty easily?'_

_'No, much easier than last time though. I know how to replicate an S² organ with my soul, so you won't need batteries, but I'll fake it. Do you want to handle this battle? I still want to beat the crap out of Sachiel for kamikazing on us last time. That was plain cheap and it felt like my face fell off.'_

_'It did and I'll get back to you on that.'_

"Are you okay Shinji?" Misato asked.

"Good I guess, How am I doing?"

"Everyone says you're a born genius! You have the highest sync ratio ever!"

Shinji decided to play dumb, " That's nice, but how do make this thing move, I don't know how to use the controls."

Crickets, thought to be extinct, were all heard once again in Tokyo-3. Impressive when you consider a giant angel was destroying the buildings, waiting for the Eva to move. Everyone at the control center looked at each other and then stared at Ritsuko.

"Um...okay, crash course in piloting an Eva..." Ritsuko began and explained in detail that I don't know, "...now focus on walking."

Eva Unit 01 took a step forward but...but...but didn't trip like in so many other freaking stories, thank PenPen!

"Heh, this is pretty easy. What about weapo...**Crash!**" and Shinji was sent flying backwards. You see, a higher sync lets you move better, but feels more pain, which Shinji was rediscovering first hand.

_'Hey mom, take over and make sure not to let Toji's sister get squished.'_

_'Lazy baka. I'm not the dominant mind and it's not like you can knock yourself out on camera.'_

_'Then why did you suggest it?' _Shinji cringed as he was dodging blows, especially avoiding the arm AT spikes.

_'Because of...this:'_

_'What?'_

Another image appeared in Shinji's mind, the same one from before (A/N: NC-17 sXallfemales for those too lazy to look back) and this time was much worse. Syncing with his mom meant he felt more of what she felt...including imaginatively. Shinji's nose didn't have time to start as the small perverted part of his mind overloaded and took the rest with into darkness...

* * *

A/N: Now I see why good updates take so long. Explanation time first: Any differences between the actual series and my fic are a result of Shinji being different, like the butterfly effect. So people's conversations will not be exact and some things may be added or subtracted from the plot. Honestly, 'shifty eyes', it's not as if I forgot most of the lines and don't even own my own copy to check with. 


	3. Chapter 2: Alcoholic or Workaholic?

A/N: Okay, lot's of reviews equals headache for me.

Evangelion's In Gainax Possession, All's Right With The World

_Italics: Thoughts/Yui_

**Bold: Sound**

One last thing, I found a script, but it's direct translation. So more of the plot won't be completely made up and I'll stop using it if this chapter sucks. Sorry for any incorrect usage of japanese.

* * *

The crews of NERV are still on clean up detail after the gruesome battle: hazmat suits as far as the eyes can see, giant slabs of burning angel flesh hanging off of antennas, a sewer system blocked and filled with blood, bones and guts, and multiple workers heaving the contents of their stomachs to add to the mess. 

"Oh God, make it stop," random worker 66 collapsed, ripped his mask off, and multi-colored yawned over the street corner he had just cleaned.

"Here you go," a distorted voice caught his attention. Turning around, 66 saw the supervisor with a little duct tape covered box in his hands and on his gas mask. "Attach the box to the input hose and get back to work."

Worker 66 quickly attached the box and shoved the mask back on his face. The smell was gone! After 2 hours on duty, he ran up to his supervisor, sobbed his thank you while bowing down to him like a religious idol, and started back towards his little corner of Tokyo-3.

_'I wish they'd stop that...' _Mr. Supervisor took out another box and headed to the next collapsed worker.

* * *

"This second coming of angels is too...It's too abrupt," Seele 01, AKA Keel or Robo-bastard spoke out at the dimly lit conference. 

"It's just like 16 (everything's a year later, my story) years ago. They struck without warning." Seele 03 (?) commented.

"This may be a good thing. What happened then bore no fruit for us." Seele 05 leaned back.

"Be cautious, it's too early to tell if this is wasteful or not." Seele 07.

"Exactly, NERV must protect the information behind the new anti-angel measures for this to work. Which seems almost impossible considering how it was stopped" Seele 03 sweat dropped.

"The matter has been taken care of. Don't worry." Non-robo-bastard assured the committee.

"Well, that's has been addressed." Keel stated, inclining he wanted to move on.

"...but Ikari, NERV and Eva...they could be better used, right?" Seele 02.

"The costs to repair Unit 00, and the damage to Unit 01..." Seele 04 started to say.

**Snort** "hehe...I'm sorry, but what damage? You saw the footage." Seele 03 interrupted and a few snickers could be heard.

"continuing what I was saying. Your practices would bankrupt most countries." Seele 04.

"I heard you gave that..." he was going to say toy, but thought better of it, "equipment to your son." Seele 06.

"Lives, time, and money... How much will be spent by you and your son before you are satisfied?" Seele 07.

"Besides, you have another job to do, don't you?" Seele 04.

A folder lay in front of Gendo.

TOP SECRET

HUMAN COMPLEMENT PROJECT

TOP-LEVEL EXECUTIVE COUNCIL

17TH INTERIM REPORT

HUMAN COMPLEMENT COMMITTEE

PROJECT OUTLINES FOR FISCAL 2016

SUMMARY

"The Human Complement Project--that is what you must give the highest priority." Seele 04.

"That's right. That project is our only hope in such hopeless circumstances." Seele 03.

"Anyway, even though Angels have come again, that project must not fall behind schedule. As for the budgets, we'll consider them." Keel.

"Well, the committee will take over now." Seele 06. The rest of the members disappeared, leaving Bastard vs. Robo-Bastard.

"Ikari, you can't go back now." Keel commanded.

"I understand. Humanity has no more time." and Gendo left believing his scenario would go on as planned. Thank goodness he purposely ignores the other carrier of his manipulative genes. Gendo would need to rethink everything in a couple of months, but for now he had to make a phone call to check on Rei.

* * *

While Gendo was defending himself against his masters, Misato was at ground zero. She was overseeing the cover-up, wearing a gas mask and fanning herself to repel the heat. Without the stench of angel death to distract them, several people were also complaining about the weather. 

"Misato, come on. We can debate this like normal on the way back to NERV." Ritsuko boarded the mobile test vehicle.

"Hold up!" Misato jogged up to the van and climbed in, completely missing the scene to her left. Half the workers on break were bowing down to a roll of duct tape and making solemn prayers to their savior.

"Ah, air conditioning, but I don't even want to take this mask off until were 50 ft underground." _'I really need a beer...'_

"Don't worry, unless you touched a sample, the smell doesn't linger. It's fascinating really."

"Yeah, it finally looks like everybody's starting to move and work together on this," they passed a weapon cache in construction "we should be to win if Eva and the city work together." Misato looked at her friend, sparking the debate.

"Aren't you being a little optimistic?" Ritsuko asked. "An unknown amount of adaptive angels bent on killing us all and limited resources on our part."_ ' Advantage: Angels'_

"Come on. It's not even wishful thinking. Did you not even see Unit 01's battle?" Misato responded in a little bit of disgust and malicious smile. _'Revenge is gooood.'_

"Damn it. How am supposed to beat that?" _'I haven't lost one of these in years.'_

"Ha! You owe me later. See you." Misato smirked. _'Yes! Free beer for me!'

* * *

_

Prior to all this, around 9 o' clock...

_'99...100 percent ...image dispersed. Reactivating Ikari Shinji, version 2.0...Updating system hardware... modifications found ... Libido: Yui's Guide for Beginners...nasal buffers included ...Reboot complete.' _(A/N: sorry, couldn't help myself)

_'That was awesome!' _was Shinji's first conscious thought, then his eyes flashed open and body went rigid, _'MOM!'_

Calming himself down, he noticed where he was. _'Yep, still 121 ceiling tiles. I thought I could at least get out of this, but then Misato wouldn't pick me up in...' _Looks at clock on wall_, '6 hours!'_

With a sigh, Shinji pressed on the call nurse button and a cute brunette walked in a minute later. "You're awake! That's great, let me get the doctors just to make sure you're feeling fine."

_'Yay! Two hours of tests and I'll get lunch. The good news is I didn't pass out from pain this time. Why can't I remember what happened? Oh right...I'll somehow recall it when I try to go to sleep tonight.'_

Shinji didn't get much more time to ponder as the doctors swarmed in and performed hell knows how many tests. He took it pretty well since he was used to it by now, there was always a simple pattern in answering.

"Yes...no...no...okay...yes..." He raised his limbs and moved his body in the specified directions before going on to another list of questions. The whole process only took an hour and a half due to Shinji's cooperation and nudging towards the correct questions.

_'Finally...thank God.' _"Excuse me miss..."

"Sadamoto." the brunette was back.

Shinji smiled slightly, pretending to be a little shaken up, "do you think you could get me some paper and a pen?"

"Sure, I was about to leave and get your lunch anyways." Before she exited the room with a comforting smiling. A while later she came back and told Shinji to call if he needed anything.

_'Time to get scheming._' He began to write after his not-so-bad meal. Hey, anything compared to Misato's cooking was good._ Things to make sure happen in the upcoming weeks: 'I'm not going to plan to far ahead, but things should line up nicely' 1. Visit Rei 2. Misato becomes my guardian 3..._ And this list went on with various ideas until he got to the end. _Make the bastard's life a living hell any and every way logically possible in all the points above._ _'That's actually going to be difficult, how to do it without creating more work for Misato?'_

Shinji tucked the stack of papers away into his bag as Sadamoto came back in. He was all ready to go.

"Mr. Ikari, everything turns out to be A-OK. You can leave whenever your ride gets here and try not to come back unless it's a visit," she said with a wink.

_'Misato still has another hour...' _"I'll try Sadamoto-san. Do you what room Ayanami, Rei is in?"

"Yes, she's relaxing in the ICU suites, first floor, room 150. I don't think she's up to any visitors."

"I just wanted to make sure she was okay, I'm sure Comander Ikari, my father, would like to know." _'Must...use...restraint...in...manipulations. I don't want to end up like him, God forbid it.'_

Nonetheless, it had the desired effect and the nurse informed the guard Rei would have a visitor. _'She has a guard? Sure, put her in a crappy apartment, but give her the best room in the hospital.' _

Rei was lying there, listlessly staring at the ceiling. The only signs of life were her gentle breathing movement, the occasional blinks that covered her red eyes, and the beeps of the heart monitor. She heard the door slide open and turned her head slightly.

_'Pilot Ikari is here.' _And she returned to her ceiling gazing. _'I recall him debating with the commander and Evangelion Unit 01 prevented our deaths.'_

"Hello Ayanami-san. How are you feeling?" Shinji assumed the bastard position and placed his hands in front of him, mirroring his father. Maybe it would bring Rei out a little more.

"I'm acceptable." _'Why is he here?'_

_'I had forgotten how restrained she is...it's kind of annoying and refreshing compared to Asuka and Misato. Apparently she didn't inherit mom's personality.' _"I just wanted to make sure you were feeling well, you were bleeding severely, right?"

"Correct."

"Well I hope you recover soon. We have school together and I'd like to see you there. Are the other students nice?"

Rei took a split second longer to answer the question, "They are acceptable."

"That's nice. Tell me about your friends."

"I do not consider anyone my friend."

"What? Surely you have one friend? Why wouldn't you?"

"It is not necessary."

_'Jackpot!' _"Many things are not necessary Ayanami-san, but people do them anyways. If people only did what was necessary, they'd die. Because people have and do things they want, they feel the need to live."

"...what is your purpose here Pilot Ikari?"

_'Shit. Maybe I tried this too soon...I'll just fight misunderstanding with misunderstanding' _"I am in Tokyo-3 to pilot Evangelion Unit 01 and fight so long as I get paid and protect the world. If I don't, then what would happen? I need the world to exist if I want to live, but it's good to get paid so I can enjoy the present more...oh, you meant with you. Forget that then, I just wanted to see how you were doing and see if you could tell me anything about my new school."

"I see..."

"Sorry Ayanami-san, but I have to wait for Misato to pick me up. I will see you later."

_'Well that could've gone better. I really hope Rei can't read minds.' _Shinji wandered his way into the waiting room and pulled out his iPod and SDAT. _'half an hour left. At least I found out there were more than two tracks on my old SDAT. Stupid rewind button, I could never get it to go past Track 25.'

* * *

_

"Hey Shinji-kun, let's go get your housing arrangements." Misato pushed the elevator button.

_'Yay, I hope he holds his words,' _the doors open and Gendo was waiting inside. _'Sigh...it's bastard time.' _"I trust you remember our agreement father."

"..." _'A verbal agreement constitutes nothing, he will accept the position and...'_

"Katsuragi's pay...Katsuragi's pay...Katsuragi's pay..." Shinji was holding his iPod up and playing his new favorite track over and over. This had the same effect on the rest of the compartment's passengers: annoyance.

_'It's so unfair, Shinji-kun's been here one day and is making the same as me.'_

_'I was unaware he had a recording device.'_

_'Thank you Misato!' _"I trust you will take care of it, I have sent a copy (remember the waiting room) to payroll and I expect my payment by Friday. I expect my regular wages to be in cash as well" And Shinji left the elevator before getting a response. _'He won't comply...'_

"Sorry about that Misato-san, I can't imagine the crap you've put up with working for him. I don't know how much you make, I thought Ritsuko made less so I chose her to start with. I would have piloted it like normal if it was anyone but my father."

_'So he doesn't like his father...I can relate, but I bet he won't regret it.'_

Shinji and Misato stand before a man at the model of Nerv.

DISTRICT F, GEO-FRONT, TOKYO-3 RESIDENT'S CARD

6-24, DISTRICT F, GEO-FRONT, TOKYO-3

1: Ikari Shinji 0001-137-2

"He's going to be living alone?"

"Yep, his room is located there in Block 6. It's close to his school and the 37th entrance, is that okay?" random man asked.

"I guess..." _'Come on...'_

"You don't sound to happy with it huh, Shinji-kun?

"I don't have any other choice Misato," with a puppy dog face as he turned around. Misato started to ask the man several questions and Shinji's face lit up. _'Yay!'

* * *

_

"WHAT DID YOU SAY? I TOLD YOU LAY OFF THAT STUFF AFTER COLLEGE!"

"I told you, I'm going to be Shinji's guardian. I've done all the paper work and got permission. It's not like I'll have an affair with the kid. Besides, you heard him: He cooks, cleans, and it's always good to have a second income."

"Yes...'' _'How come it sounds like she thought this through?' _"maybe I should petition for custody?"

"Sorry Rits-chan, you don't spend enough time at home. Always better to be an alcoholic than a workaholic! Call you later." **Click. **Misato ran off to find Shinji.

"Damn. Have to get to Unit 00 and run some more tests."

A short while later we see Misato driving her mass of duct tape through a tunnel, not paying attention to the road and talking to Shinji. Shinji was in a great mood knowing that he'd be returning home and having a second chance at it.

"Thanks again Misato," rubbing his head after calling her Katsuragi-san by mistake.

"Well, we'll be having a wild time tonight, right?" She winked.

_'I wish...bad Shinji!... Hey she did say we do the next part after I came back...Baka she doesn't know that, she means a party...damn, but just to make sure,'_ "What are you talking about?"

"There's a welcoming part for new roommates! What did you think?" Insert lecherous grin.

"Nothing!" _'Evil idea...' _"Roommates? We have another roommate? Who is she?"

"He's not a she."

"Eww, I don't want to share an apartment with your boyfriend there."

"Baka, he's not my boyfriend. You'll understand later." Misato simply responded, it took a lot more for her to become embarrassed. The car stopped instantly, flinging Shinji into the seatbelt. "Come on, we need supplies."

Said supplies consisted of every type of instant food and beer. "Let me at least grab some stuff for tomorrow."

"We have enough Shinji-kun."

"I'll pay you back with interest."

"Okay, we'll work something out." As Shinji added some fresh (edible) food to the basket. In the background two women were talking about moving as Misato checked out and they left.

"Let's make a little detour, I want to show you something."

"Sure, what is it?" _'Damn, I forgot how often she does that.' _Shinji was feeling the ill effects of being a teenager and having a hot guardian who incessantly teased you.

**giggle** "It's... a... good... place." '_I have a feeling I'll enjoy living with Shinji.'_

_'Arghh! Maybe I should've taken the other apartment.'_

The car stopped at the top of a hill, overlooking the sunset, and Misato motioned for Shinji to join her to look at the city. Silence hung throughout the air before the alarm rang out. The buildings were extending from the ground, resembling a sped up film up a plant growing.

_'Why bother to put the buildings up now before night...oh, Misato must have known they were down for the Angel attack and clean-up and if they did it in the morning, they'd wake people up.' _"That is so cool," Shinji honestly spoke out.

"I'd like to welcome you to Tokyo-3, the town you protected and the fortress against all incoming angels. Time to show you to your new home."

* * *

Boxes outside the door held the rest of Shinji's belongings and there was a sloppily hung nameplate reading 'Katsuragi'. She opened the door and Shinji simply stared. Boxes were shoved aside and garbage lay to the sides of paths made in between refrigerator, bedroom, and bathroom. 

_'Is this worse than before? ...I knew it, that box did have a 'biohazard' label!'_

"Heh, you can see I just move in myself."

"Obviously...well. Tadaima!" _'It's better than nothing.'_

"Okaerinasai!" (Welcome home) "Let me show you around. I know it's a little bit messy"

"..." _'And Gendo's only a little bit bastard...'_

"And that's it! Great, huh?"

"Yea, it is actually, somehow..." Shinji trailed off. He couldn't stop smiling.

"Could you put the groceries away? I'm going to change."

"Okay." _'Where's PenPen?'_

A microwave spree, a little water, some salt, a few vegetables, and some rice balls later Shinji somehow transformed Misato's choice in food into a half decent meal. The only explanation can be a prior year's worth of survival experience...that and an extreme determination not to look down Misato's tank top made him entirely focused on the meal.

Misato had currently take residence, sitting backwards on the chair, leaning forward while drooling slightly at the smell of culinary ability.

_'Oh man, if she leans forward anymore I'm going to get a free show...damn libido. Misato isn't used to living with me yet.' _"Misato, you're kinda distracting me...just give me a minute."

"Okay Shin-chan." _'I've still got it, but Shinji's no fun. This would be hilarious if he was extremely introverted.'_

"Done. Here you go."

Simultaneous "Itadakimasu!" 's were said and both dug in. Misato much faster seeing how she grabbed a Yebisu and slammed it down.

"AH! That's the good stuff! I see your enjoying yourself."

"Yea, I used to do this every so often with my last guardian. I've actually missed it a little bit."

"Ne?"

"I don't mind cooking that much, especially for peoplewho appreciate it. What's next? Don't tell me your party for new roommates consists of instant food and cleaning the landfill up."

"Hey, it's not that bad and no, you forgot moving the boxes in and unpacking," Misato smiled and hammered the next beer down with no mercy.

"Great."

* * *

_'Well that was awful,' _they had shoved the mess mostly into Asuka's past room and Shinji left the boxes to unpack for later, _'I guess she rubbed off a little on me last time.' _Overall, the apartment was a little messier than he was used to, _'I wonder if I should stop Asuka from coming...'_

"Stop staring into space, it's time to divide up the daily duties. Let's play Janken!" _'Hehe...I'm not a tactical expert for nothing.' _Misato rarely lost in Janken after the first couple of games because she seemed to shoot almost late and tell what her opponent was throwing before hand...or she's just lucky.

"Let's not. I suck at it," clearly remembering last time he lost a month's laundry duty to Misato. "I'll flip a coin and you call it in the air..."

"No, let's play Janken, pleeeease!" Misato responded with a clearly fake, but effective, sad face.

"Err...just for breakfast and dinner, ok?" _'Crap. Backbone, why did you break on me? sigh At least I know I'm going to end up cooking everything anyways and now she'll probably push for more,' _Shinji thought as he quickly assumed the bastard position.

_'I guess that's okay, I'd push for everything, but I get the weird feeling I don't want to piss him off,' _"Deal."

_'Whoah, it worked. I bet if I got sunglasses I could force the people at NERV to mindlessly obey me,'_

Elsewhere, Gendo Ikari sneezed in the middle of his trip to Unit 00. No one said 'bless you' or even breathed as they tried to avoid the area as soon as possible. Who knows what disease he could have? There had to be some logical reason a single person would be so bastardy.

OUR EVERYDAY DUTIES TABLE

(To-Do/a day of the week) (Sun)(Mon)(Tue)(Wed)(Thurs)(Fri)(Sat)

(Breakfast) (Shi)(Shi)(Shi)(Shi)(Shi)(Shi)(Shi)

(Dinner) (Shi)(Shi)(Shi)(Shi)(Shi)(Shi)(Shi)

(Garbage) (Shi)(Mi)(Shi)(Mi)(Shi)(Mi)(Mi)

(Bath Cleaning) (Mi)(Shi)(Mi)(Shi)(Mi)(Shi)(Shi)

"You were unlucky, Shinji-kun. Now that that has been fairly taken care of, everything's ok."

_'I know you cheat, somehow. No one's that good at Janken.' _then it hit him _'Grrrr, she lost on purpose the first time we did this!'_

"How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You know, cream me in Janken?"

"Very simply... It's... a... secret!" Misato giggled as she hung up the chart.

**"Grrrrr. **I'm going to take a bath. It's your day to take the garbage out. Ja!" Leaving Misato behind with the heap of garbage bags.

"Hey! Heh, and here I thought he'd be another Rei. I hope PenPen isn't in one of these," as she picked up two of the many bags and headed out.

* * *

In the testing bay of Unit 00, Ritsuko and Gendo were talking. Two of the walls were partially destroyed and bakelite encased a Unit 00 in mid punch. 

"How is Rei doing?"

"She will be able to move in ten days. I will get the committee's permission to unfreeze Unit 00 then." Gendo was significantly colder than normal, maybe it had something to do with having to stop all inter-office mail to get the third child's letter to payroll. He would arrange it tomorrow in his own fashion and then lock the wages.

"They have to deal with so much..."

"There are no other people who can use Eva so, for as long as they live, I will let them do that." It was amazing the double-speak Gendo used sub-conciously.

"Whatever what the children want...right?" _'Of course not, look who I'm talking to. He doesn't give a shit what they think._'

* * *

"Ahh, this is heaven." Shinji struggled to stay awake. In his mind, he had not had a proper bath since pre-third impact and had not enjoyed one for even longer. Unpleasant things used to come to mind when Shinji tried to relax, but he could simply say "it won't happen" or wonder why it had bothered him in the first place. 

One moment his eyes were open, then he slipped beneath the surface, and the next he saw PenPen floating on top of the water. "AHH!" _'well, that woke me up. I'm turning into a prune.'_

Shinji wrapped up in a towl and carried PenPen to the living room where Misato was waiting. "So this is our other roommate?"

"Yep. PenPen meet Shinji. Shinji meet PenPen. He's a hot-water penguin"

"Hey..."

"Wark..."

"What?..."

"War war-kk." By now Misato was watching the two of them with interest.

"You understand what he's saying?"

"Hell no! I've haven't learned how to speak penguin. Ow! That hurt!"

_'Stupid human. Just wanted you to make tuna for breakfast.'_

"If I make you tuna for breakfast will it make you happy?"

"WARK!" PenPen smiley-eyed at Shinji and headed for his fridge.

"Looks like you have a gift with animals, usually takes me twice as long to figure out what he wants."

_'I know... eventually he just stops coming to you for food.' _"I guess so. I'm turning in after I unpack, night!"

* * *

On to Misato in the bath talking to Ritsuko on the phone. 

"So how's everything going with Shinji?"

"Pretty good. I don't have to cook ever and he doesn't mind. I'm still a little afraid, but we've hit it off pretty well."

"Developing a crush are we?"

"Be serious, he's a little young for me. I just meant he seems to fit right in, even PenPen approves."

On the other end Ritsuko's eyes widened. It had taken her three packages of salmon and designing his fridge to get PenPen to accept her. "Guess you got lucky, well I have to go. Make sure to bring Shinji in for his physical and tests. Ja Matta"

"Ja ne." **sigh** "I feel guilty about using him like this."

* * *

Shinji had finished unpacking the rest of his things and was hiding his scenario in the ceiling in his closet. _'So much depends on the later angels and it will all be worthless if my father doesn't get any migraines.'_

"Hey Shinji-kun." Misato was outside his door hanging up a little plack she'd forgotten about.

"Come in." Shinji sat down on his blankets.

"Hey...I just wanted to see how everything was going?"

"Suprisingly well."

Shinji looked up and saw the disbelief on her face.

"Things could always be worse Misato. I could've died, I could be living by myself _'or the bastard...barf' _and I could have all the chores to do. Don't worry about that. Consider it a thanks for all you've done and I'll make the payments on your car if you teach me how to drive. I live mostly for the present now, but I don't intend on letting you or anyone else ruin my future. I like living here so far and if something happens, it happens. I'm happy now."

_'Ok, besides asking how he can read my mind, what should I do?' _"It's just that...I don't really know how to be your gaurdian."

"There's always Ritsuko if you don't want me. Don't worry about it."

"Hey! Fine, alright. Remember you've done a good job kicking angel ass so far, so keep holding your head high. You start school next Monday at Tokyo-3 Junior High and tomorrow you have a physical and tests to perform. Good night, Shinji-kun."

"Right. Good night Misato!" he called after her as he turned off the lights.

_'Well I should be flash backing any second' _**yawn**_ 'now.' _And our hero fell asleep...and began to have the most informative dream left by Yui.

* * *

"Amazing, the angel hasn't landed a blow yet and the sync ratio hasn't dropped." Maya read off the display. 

"Wait! The pilot's brain activity is being over stressed somehow. Source unknown...Pilot is unconscious!" Makoto freaked out.

"Unit 01 is totally silent," Shigeru

"No, sync ratio has jumped to 200 and is holding steady. How's this possible?" Maya just stared before the answer came.

On screen, the Eva's eyes could be seen turning red and the mouth restraints snapped as it let out an unearthly roar. Translated into: "Your ass is mine! #$#$#!"

"Beserker..." Ritsuko stated, eyes in distress.

"We've won." Fuyutsuki in disbelief.

"Indeed." Bastard. Just simply Bastard.

Sachiel, being the intelligent creation it was, charged at full force, bent on destroying this abomination of Adam. Yui charged as well, screaming all the way, but stopped right before they met and did a bicycle kick backwards. Her foot move upwards as she coated it with a bladed AT field and it tore thru the pseudo-crouch of Sachiel, flinging it into the sky.

"OW!" Shigeru, Fuyutsuki, and Makoto in unison.

With a completely sadistic smile, Yui waited below Sachiel and upercutted into its torso and pulled hard. The complete structual system that resembled bones was ripped out thru its stomach and landed in Unit 01's teeth, where they were ground together and spit back on to the angel's mask. The now quadriplegic angel cried out in what one could only guess was pain as it cast an AT field toward Yui.

_'Like that's gonna stop me you crybaby,' _the Eva laughed out and tore apart the field.

The audience was already in awe and had stopped monitoring the equipment when Yui pulled out all the angel's bones and it literally rained blood.

_'Time to end this and desecrate your body!' _

Unit 01 ripped off and arm and rib-like object and started beating the crap out of Sachiel, blood was flying everywhere while it tried to regenerate. After a minute or so, Yui jumped up as far as the cable could reach and laid an AT axe kick straight through the core and the angel went silent. That was not enough.

"Cut the power. Now!" Gendo surprisingly yelled, snapping everyone out of their stupor as they complied.

"5 minutes left and counting..." Shigeru shakily stated.

"All signals are being refused, pilot status: unconscious and body functions are healthy."

"Oh my GOD!" Maya and Misato screamed at the same time.

Turns out to Yui, 5 minutes was plenty o' time to have some fun creating a mess. It wasn't like she got out very often and Sachiel's body was completely destroyed the first time, so she had to at least try.

Picking up the corpse, she used Unit 01's mouth to tear off chunks and created an awful slurry of flesh, organs, and who knows what. As time was running out, she feverishly used both arms enhanced with a white-hot AT field to massacre what was left. No mass with a volume bigger than a small car would be found in the morning. In her last seconds of freedom, Unit 01 stood up on an elevator and let off a massive roaring, recognizable laughter and an AT spike strait into space, destroying a Seele satellite. The light could be seen around the world.

Silence reined throughout Tokyo-3.

Ritsuko spoke warily, "Body recovery group, move."

Misato swallowed and shouted, "The pilot's protection is top priority!"

NERV started back up and Gendo could be seen closing his eyes, _'Seele is not going to like this,' _before trudging up to his office to start on the report.

* * *

A/N: Way the hell too long, this took me at least 12 hours to write/research! How do other authors do this? Oh yeah, from now on: expect a chapter once or twice a week. I'm starting my next semester at college so wish me luck. 


	4. Chapter 3: Beer Battered Shrimp

A/N: Wow...it's another chapter. As I've researched the next couple of chapters, I've realized that so much of the original plot was how Shinji was a wimp and a lot of psychology. This chapter and the next were originally about how Shinji didn't want to pilot, tried to move away, made no friends, got yelled at for defeating the angel, and was pretty sappy overall. In other words, I'm sad because I have to make up most, if not all, ofthe plot. So I'm inserting my own episode now and taking out the running away after the fourth angel episode. (my own episode, then episode 03, and then episode 05 if you're anal retentive)

One person pointed out Unit 01 was made from Lilith, not Adam. I point out Sachiel is stupid and it took Kawrou (last angel) within 100 yards of Lilith to tell the difference for some reason...didn't he meet Gendo at some time?

Cheap advertising time! LegendarySuperNamek is the friend who I promised to write this for and he's happy (but not completely) that I out review any of his stories on my first try. I like only one of his stories (I've only read one as well) and it's called Neon Genesis Humangelion. Basically the main characters, Eva, and Angels switch places, meaning that a giant PenPen attacks Unit Asuka with Sachiel and Ariel retaliating on Over the Rainbow. It's a parody and some parts make no sense/suck, but there's a couple of lol moments. So, as a thanks to him for guilting me into this and forcing me to update, read his story if you're bored. Or flame me for advertising and I'll claim the review count. Either way, I don't care! .

I don't own Evangelion, if I did, I dub over the word "Gendo" and "Commander" with "bastard." Imagine, "This is my Bastard's work?" "Correct." or anytime Rei refers to him. Heehee. In fact, I'll try that this entire chapter.

_Italics: Thoughts/Yui_

**Bold: Sound**

* * *

"Okay Mr. Ikari, we'll just send these samples for analysis," the pilot's doctor told Shinji and left. This was the most annoying part of the job. Considering he was a pilot for a top secret military organization, he was inclined to give blood, saliva, tears, hair, semen and all other sorts of bodily indicators to allow him to pilot. He was sadly used to this monthly treatment. 

_"This is so stupid. I've already piloted once and even if something was wrong, the bastard would intervene... speaking of him' _Shinji knew that he had a while before Ritsuko came in with the results and started prodding him for plug suit measurements. Walking over to the phone, he set up his iPod, took out an envelope, and made some important calls.

* * *

Bastard was heading from his office towards terminal dogma, scaring his underlings along the way. The Bastard was having a good day. His days were never enjoyable anymore, Bastard blamed it on Yui's death, and little, unexplainable things always happened to him. For example: losing pens, broken chairs, light fixtures burning out, shocks of static electricity, and other acts of God always seemed to happen to him several times a day. But once the angels started attacking, the random events stopped. It was a good omen, his luck must be changing, only the third child and Eva Unit 01 had caused any annoyances. But he would have taken care of one of those by mid-afternoon, checking on the Reiquarium (kudos to whoever came up with that) was top priority compared to his son, he had already sent those payroll forms.

* * *

"No, thank you" Shinji hung up the phone. He hoped this would work, but there were a lot of things that could go wrong. _'I hope to God that he still ignores me with a passion and that next angel better be on time...ok, need to spend more time not plotting, I'm definitely messed up if I want to fight one'_ Shinji realized. 

"Hello, Ikari-san. I'm here for a pickup." A heavy built, black-haired security officer with the traditional shades and earpiece came in.

"Hi, the instructions are on the outside, apparently the Bastard wanted it done immediately and it was left behind." Shinji smiled in a confused fashion.

"Yes sir." the officer wasn't going to complain about being sent as a mailboy to the Bastard's son. He read the label and left at a brisk walk, passing Ritsuko on her way in.

_'Hm, that's the top Section 4 agent, must have been checking on Shinji...'_

"Hello Shinji, we have the results of your tests," Ritsuko put on the most comforting, thus out of character, smile on, "everything's going to be ok." in a slow manner.

_'Ok, what's up? I've never heard Ritsuko like this... maybe something's wrong because of third impact...' _Shinji was quite honestly nervous, he had a second chance and didn't want anything to go wrong. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing's wrong... just r e l a x. Stand up and don't move too much, I'll take your measurements." with a concerned face.

"Okay..." '_What the hell is with her?' _Shinji stood up and Ritsuko took the measurements and entered them into the computer.

"Your plug suit will be done for tomorrow, Misato will be teaching you about procedures around here so you can leave. Be careful..." Shinji, picked up his bag, left the room, and Ritsuko broke into a spiteful grin, _'Ahh, now were even. Shouldn't have made me fall in the LCL Shinji-kun.' _She looked at the display on the computer._ 'Time to meet Bastard near terminal dogma.'_

Shinji, who had never expected this, was confused of course. _'Maybe I'm turning part angel or maybe the results were simply messed up.' _He continued on to bump straight into Misato.

"Hey there, you were zombified for a minute. Walked straight into me," Misato noticed his expression, "What's wrong?"

"I honestly don't know..." _"Should I tell her?...maybe she knows,' _"do you think something's wrong with me? Ritsuko was being weird after seeing my results."

"Weird as in how?" _'I should at least try this guardian bit,' _

"She smiled and spoke slowly, like you would to someone who couldn't understand your language. She told me to relax and to be careful."

_'Ok, that is weird,' _"Listen, I'll check on it tomorrow. No offense, but if it was anything wrong, someone besides Ritsuko would be there. She's not a medical doctor. Now come on! We can go home early and study up there!"

"Fine, I think I did everything I had to...last one to the car makes snacks!" and Shinji took off in a dead sprint, shutting the elevator doors and pushing the parking garage floor's button. Shinji knew Misato couldn't cook and he was being immature, but snacks were easy enough as long as she didn't experiment or combine them and he needed to get his mind off of things.

. Misato stood still for a few minutes, thinking if it was worth the effort, until the thoughts that beer battered shrimp and a Yebisu constituted a snack for her and Shinji could cook!

**cell phone dialing **"Hello, this is Captain Katsuragi. Shut down elevator...M-3. I don't care. Just for 5 minutes, NOW!" **click.**

_'Shit, still have to run to the next elevator and to the car!' _and Misato was off, heading in the opposite direction.

* * *

Meanwhile... 

"I am such a baka..." Shinji was stuck a half of a floor above where he wanted to be, maybe 20 actual yards from the Renault.

Misato was currently on the elevator on the way down, 100 yards from the Renault, who would win? _'Maybe I should shoot a few warning shots if Shinji gets out of the elevator a little early...'_

_'Finally,' _the elevator opened and Shinji ran out. Misato was opposite of him in the garage and sprinting for the car at 30 yards. Shinji was almost there and Misato, well what do you expect? She was a meter away. Military training and being half a foot or so taller than Shinji meant she was going to win.

Misato ran past the car, tapping it with her right hand, and shouted out in victory "Yes!"

Shinji was dejected with losing and then realized _'Stupid first law of motion' _as they, being two different objects in motion, collided. Shinji tossed his bag to the side as he was tackled chest first and had the air knocked out of him. He decided not moving felt like a good thing to do.

_'Oh my God, I killed Shinji!' _irrational thought.

**wheeze! **Shinji wishing he could breathe.

_'Or just knocked him a meter or two backwards and forced all the air out of his lungs.' _rational thought. Currently, Misato was inadvertently breathing heavily, straddling Shinji, and waiting for him to say something so she could stop worrying.

"Misato...as much as I enjoy this...please get off me." looking up to her face, conflicted, he had chosen self-preservation rather than temporary pleasure.

"I'm sorry Shinji-kun," Misato had lifted him up and gave him a tight hug and smile, "I still won though so..."

"Hai, hai, what do you want?" _'At least she's honest, she's only been my guardian for a day and she already treats me like family... Oh man, mom's gonna have a field day with all of this tommorow.'_

"I want beer battered shrimp, a lot of them! And Yebisu of course!" Misato sat down in the car and was looking for the keys.

"Sure, just drive by the store and I'll buy some." Shinji had buckled in and was tightening the strap for maximum restraint.

"I thought it was Friday at the earliest. I also thought you didn't have any money on you?" the car started and the digital clock read out 1:59 and then 2:00.

"I do now." Shinji replied with a cheshire grin.

* * *

The sign on the door before us says 'Payroll & Employee Benefits' and as we pass through it we see a heavy built, black-haired security officer with the traditional shades and earpiece dropping off an official looking envelope at the department head's desk. 

_'What's this...oh shit, the Bastard wants this done at 2:00...that's 10 minutes!' _Mrs. Money (for simplicity) panicked. _'What is this?'_

She picked up the SDAT and looked at the forms inside again. She read as quickly as possible and recognized the forms. The Bastard wanted to deposit one Ikari Shinji's wages and bonus into his account, but what were they? All he wrote was to follow the directions that he had included. There was one filled out for establishing the account, and one for his wages, but the bonus was missing. Where was that paper? Wait... She hit the play button and sat at the computer, ready to type.

* * *

"You will pilot it." 

"Okay, for the same amount Ritsuko makes in cash each paycheck I will pilot it once, but why should I?"

"You have to."

"Well technically I don't, I could choose to walk away."

"Humanity depends on it."

"Is humanity not worth a few yen?"

"Fuyutsuki. Bring in Rei. The spare's unusable."

"Come on Shinji, will you pilot for us?"

**loud explosion and rubble**

"Rei seems to be incapable of even walking right now. Do you honestly think she can pilot this against that monster?"

"She will if she has to."

"Kuso...you do know you're running out of time?"

"You will be paid, but it will be in a fund for when you turn 18 and not in the amount you specified."

**louder explosion**

"No. You don't have another choice but to use me, do you?"

"Katsuragi's pay."

"Agreed. Show me what to do."

_

* * *

'Okay, so it's a bonus worth Katsuragi, Misato's pay to his account...' the tape continued.

* * *

"I trust you remember our agreement father." _

"Katsuragi's pay...Katsuragi's pay...Katsuragi's pay..."

"I trust you will take care of it, I have sent a copy to payroll and I expect my payment by Friday. I expect my regular wages to be in cash as well"

_

* * *

'Okay, the forms told me put the bonus and his newly established wages into his account no matter what, the bonus was the amount on the SDAT, and it needs to be done in...one minute!' Mrs. Money typed furiously and hit the enter key in one, almost, decisive stroke to transfer it all into Ikari, Shinji's account. _

Mrs. Money typed furiously and hit the enter key in one, decisive stroke to transfer it all into Ikari, Shinji's account.

Not one minute later, her phone rang.

"Hello, this is Money speaking, may I ask who's calling?" with the fake cheerful tone all office workers are entitled to learn.

"This is Bastard, have you done as I've instructed?"

"Yes Bastard, I did it personally."

"Destroy the requests."

"Yes, Bastard." _'Phew that was close, I really hope I got everything or my ass is fired...'_

On the other end, Bastard turned off his cell phone as he entered the Reiquarium. His son would have no proof that he had even touched his account and no one would be able to touch it for a year. As Bastard watched the Rei's float by and Ritsuko walk in, he knew it was a good day and proceeded with the dummy plug experiments.

* * *

Shinji was at the checkout in a grocery store a couple of blocks from the apartment. It was the moment of truth to see if his plan worked, he had selected some other food as well and picked up a lighter as his last item. 

"Bill it to my account please," as Shinji handed the cashier his NERV id. _'Come on...'_

The cashier slid the card through the register and pulled the receipt. "Sign here please."

Shinji signed it and started to leave..."WAIT! you forgot your lighter."

"Thanks, I need this." And Shinji exited through the sliding door towards an awaiting Misato.

"I can't wait! Are you sure you can make those?" _'Should have asked this sooner'_

"Yea, I'm sure." '_I remember the first time I made them, it's how I ended up cooking full-time, you bowed down to me and declared me the cooking god.' _"Can we stop by the ATM? I want to check what's exactly in my account."

"Ok, as long as you make them, I don't care what you do." Misato didn't mean that exactly, but she has a way with words.

_'Sigh, I wish that were true. It would make life a lot simpler and much more fun.' _A particular M-rated fantasy floated to the surface of his thoughts. Shaking his head to kill the brain cells holding that image, Shinji jumped out of the car and inserted his card into the machine.

* * *

Ikari, Shinji 

Account Balance: 41,000,033 Yen or 343,211.39 U.S. dollars or 294,466.43 Euros (A/N: see end)

Do you wish to make a withdrawal? Y or N?

* * *

By now, Shinji was just staring. '_Misato makes no where near that, right? I just know she makes less than Ritsuko.' _Shinji hit the print receipt after taking out a couple thousand yen. He walked back to the car slowly, expecting Murphy's law to set in any time now and Section 4 agents to swoop down in helicopters and arrest him, claiming he was an angel. 

He took out of his bag the rest of Bastard's paperwork. He had swiped it originally from payroll's mail before inter-office mail restarted in the morning under 'permission from the Bastard.' The only thingsthe forms Shinji hadsaid were to lock the account and the bonus would be only be 10,000 yen.

"Hey Misato, the only thing I have in my account is my bonus," he showed her the slip, "you don't make that much do you?" Shinji was still confused, but had to smile at the look on Misato's face.

"No, no I don't. I make 410,000 every week. I wish I made that amount..." Misato tried to maintain her calm. _'It's no fair! Shinji-kun has more money than I do!'_

"I wonder why there's that much then?" _'I was able to use my money, so my plan worked, butthe bonus is no where near 410,000...who #$#$ed up in my favor?'_

* * *

"Ah-choo!" Mrs. Money sneezed. If one could go back in time, one would see that her index finger slipped twice onto the number three on the numpad before it touched the enter button due to jitters. However, Mrs. Money wasn't thinking that: _'Shit. Maybe I caught something from the Bastard's paperwork... I really hope not. My kids would plot against me if I became as big of bastard as the Bastard...'_

* * *

"Oh well, it's not my fault! Here's what I owe you for groceries yesterday," Shinji handed her some of the bills, "Hey, as long as I have it, I'm going to use it. Bank error in my favor as they say." 

Misato was not happy, not angry with Shinji of course, _'It's not his fault, maybe he used all his bad luck up in deciding the chores? When do I get my break?...' _Misato slowly drove off with a disappointed look. Shinji noticed.

"Don't forget that I'm paying off the rest of this car" _'I can actually afford it! I was just lying to get her to teach me...I won't take no for an answer.' _"and you're teaching me to drive."

"Shinji, it's your money and I don" Misato started.

"Exactly, it's my money and I want to. Besides, someone along the way messed up for me to have this much. So consider it a gift from NERV. Think about all the crap you've had to do. You deserve this."

"..." _'I do, but I shouldn't...' _Regardless, she smiled at Shinji's thoughtfulness and kept driving, now at a slightly faster pace.

"Okay, by the smile on your face I think you agree in some way," Misato opened her mouth to refute this, "and if you don't let me, I'll see if Ritsuko or Maya needs a roommate..."

"Fine. You win, but no flaunting your money about NERV and I'll teach you when you're sixteen, that's when I learned how and you're not learning any sooner."

"But I'm going to pilot a giant, multi-trillion times over yen robot. Why can't I learn now?"

"Because when you pilot Eva Unit 01, we evacuate the entire city to get out of your way." A pedestrian jumped out of the way of Misato as she looked at Shinji.

* * *

The rest of the day was much more normal, for Tokyo-3 at least. Misato had declared Shinji a cooking god along with PenPen this time and she started her lecture on the procedures of NERV that lasted until a quick dinner and sleep. Shinji was bothered about learning this all over again, but it wasn't as if he systematically memorized it the first time. Before sleep, he burned the paperwork up and thanked whomever wanted to bash the Bastard as much as he did. Tomorrow was the first sync test with mother...

* * *

"Injecting the plug with LCL..." "Connect to main power supply..." "Transmit power to all circuits..." "A-10 connection established..." "Critical Borderline passed...Evangelion Unit 01 is activated." The bridge crew and several technicians started up the Eva. 

_'Jeeze, the same thing over and over. You there mom?' _Shinji could be seen without the yellow haze once the LCL was electrolyzed in his new plug suit. He had not chosen the color, but he was happy with blue/white and the skin tightness felt slightly erotic...as he got a headache.

_'Mom, get out of my head. What were you doing?' _Shinji closed his eyes and pretended to be focusing on syncing.

_'Just experimenting, apparently it's easier to imprint feelings and memories than retrieve them. I always loved the feel of leather...'_

_'Eww...nice job with the third angel, I think you freaked everyone out more than last time...'_

_'Relax, oh. There's nothing wrong with you by the way, Ritsuko just wanted to mess with your head after she fell of the walkway. The Akagi women always get revenge after they realized they've been had. I'm slowly bringing your sync up, so we have some time to talk...'_

"What's taking him so long?" Misato asked Ritsuko after ten minutes.

"I don't know, is one of the connections disconnected?" she asked Shigeru.

"No, all physical connections are at 100, the cause is most likely in the Eva or pilot."

"Maybe he thinks the Eva is doing something to him, is it Ritsuko? He said you were 'weird' when you saw his results" Misato asked.

_'Crap, it's a good thing Bastard is not here,'_ "Oh that. Don't worry it was nothing. I just glanced at it and misread T-cell count in the blood composition."

Misato didn't know what exactly that was, but walked up to the intercom and pressed it down, "Shinji, if it's bothering you, Ritsuko just informed me that the results from yesterday had nothing wrong with them."

_'Okay Shinji-kun, that's my cue to stop restraining your ratio, it will return to whatever it should be'_

"Really Misato? Thanks, I worried all this time for nothing." _'Grrrr...'_

_'You partially deserved it. Ritsuko's happy now and could help you if she feels indebted later on. Plus taking two older women under the belt would be good for you!'_

_'MOM! She's almost twice my age!' Shinji was struggling to keep a collected face._

_'I'm sorry...there's 3 older women. I forgot about Maya! What? She's 24, come on!'_

_'God...I barely even know her and Ritsuko.'_

_'That's not my fault, you can't just limit yourself to Asuka, Rei, Hikari, and Mana._

_'Mom! You can't expect me to go up to someone I barely, supposedly, know and start making out...who the hell is Mana?'_

_'Forget that part, time's almost up. For the next two weeks when you come and sync test with me, I'll be teaching you how to manipulate the Eva's AT fields. I'll see you later Shinji-kun.'_

"Okay Shinji, great job. You're holding steady at an 88. We're shutting down Unit 01 now and removing the plug. Remember the procedure."

Shinji waited for the LCL level to drop and opened his mouth wide. It was the first 'supposed' time he was conscious and had LCL in his lungs. Interestingly enough, LCL seemed to evaporate after the electrolysis stopped and Shinji forced a breath in and out to expel the rest of the vapor. (A/N: my story, hopefully it hasn't been used)

_'Let's see... the rest of today and tomorrow I will be taught more about procedures, NERV, and angels. Then Sunday, I get to go shopping for school on Monday. Joy.'_

* * *

Sunday came and passed, Shinji had fun shopping with Misato and got a few things for himself: a new tape player, some lazy clothes (sweatpants, slippers, etc. you know), the latest gaming system, and a good digital camera. Misato bought him a cell phone and the school uniforms as per se her guardian duties. On the way back to the apartment, they drove by the school so Shinji could 'learn' the way to it from home. 

Shinji was standing in front of his desk, having just finished packing for tomorrow morning. _'Okay, relax. You already know their names and they're all still alive and fully intact. Oh, have to warn them not take a piloting position because of the 13th later or get a better weapon to immobilize it.' _The toll of being able to change the future sometimes got to Shinji, especially before bed. He had so much he wanted to change, but PenPen offered the best advice.

"OW! Damn bird, I get the point!" PenPen had taken to pecking Shinji whenever he spaced off for more than two minutes starting Friday night. Misato thought it was funny and Shinji just interpreted it as to stop worrying. PenPen thought's were more along the line of: _'Damn, my cooking human keeps freezing up on me. It's worse than trying to run Internet Explorer!'_

Shinji shooed PenPen out and finally just laid there, waiting for sleep to come...

* * *

The birds chirping, light sounds of engines passing below on the road, Shinji woke up after a peaceful sleep and rubbed his eyes. It seemed as if slept better now that everything was cool, like in that alternate reality in third impact. He stumbled his way to the shower and let the hot water restart his brain, soaking the stiff joints and muscles. A few minutes later, Shinji, now wide awake and dressed, walked to the kitchen and started breakfast. 

_'Hm, what should I make? I'm in the mood for pancakes, I wonder if we still have flour...' _

Shinji looked in the cupboards to no avail and heard the stirring of Misato... "HOLY CRAP! I'M GOINNA BE LATE!"

Shinji paled at her exclamation and looked at the microwave and saw it was 7:00 A.M. already. Scrapping the start from fresh idea, he nuked some leftovers, toasted bread, and tossed Misato her beer has she half-dressed, half-walked to the table. _'I blame all hentai thoughts on mom now...'_ They both wolfed down the food and Misato ran back to her room to get her hat, while Shinji grabbed his bag and placed newly nuked anchovies in PenPen's dish.

"Bye!" "I'll pick you up for NERV after school!" Shinji and Misato shouted as he ran off in the direction of Tokyo-3 1st Junior High and she peeled off to NERV.

* * *

After deciding he was out of shape and still a block or two from school, Shinji gave up on the whole running into the room at the last minute bit. _'I'm the 'new' student, I was lost, makes sense to me.' _Shinji walked into the guidance office and got his schedule and laptop without any trouble, a warning not to be chronically late, but no real trouble. 

As he approached his homeroom, Shinji listened for a moment to the history teacher, Boring-sensei, ramble on about Second Impact and pre-Second Impact experiences. _'I could wait 'til next class, but it's my duty to save these poor students from the lecture of the living death, even if only for a minute or two.' _

* * *

Hikari had spent all of last year getting Toji to try and notice her, but all that fool did was play sports and hang out with Aida and she still liked him. Hikari paid attention to the lesson and was appalled with the sleeping students, she had the utmost respect for her senseis, but Boring-sensei pushed it. The door slid open and Hikari looked to her right to see a brown-haired, dark blue-eyed boy with an easygoing look on his face. Secretly, anything was welcome to stop his speech to her. 

_'Thank goodness, who is he?' _as Shinji talked to the professor and handed him some papers.

"Attention class, there will be a change in plans temporarily," all the students looked up with hope in their eyes, "a new student has moved here and is going to introduce himself. Then we will be returning to...to...what was it?" the class was horrified. A collective _'NOT AGAIN!' _rang thru the heads of everyone there. "oh I remember now..." and the sensei sat down in his chair.

"Well that was close, right?" **snickers** "My name is Ikari, Shinji. I just moved here last Tuesday from living with my uncle in **Snore**" The sensei had fallen asleep. Shinji spoke softer, "I play the cello, I like to cook for people, and one of my roommates is a domestic penguin named PenPen." Shinji held up the test photo from his camera of him and PenPen. **awww** "I moved here to work for NERV and I look forward to learning more about all of you." Shinji clapped his hands, forgetting about the teacher. _'Damn it!...wait, he's still asleep...he needs a bib...'_

"I guess I can answer any questions if you have them now if the class representative approves?" Shinji looked at Hikari and wasn't alone. Everyone stared at her, almost daring her to say otherwise.

_'There just going to do it anyways at lunch...' _she had a responsibility to hold up. "I'm sorry, but could you wake Boring-sensei?" The class groaned.

Shinji frowned and then smiled at her. "Of course." He went over to the man and tapped his shoulder repeatedly.

"hmph...impact...back in my day...**snore**... 3.14159265358979323846...wha? What is it?"

"There's only five minutes left in class, may I answer questions that the other students have? The class representative wanted me to wake you and now I have."

"Sure." Boring-sensei always agreed with Horaki because she knew the rules more than him. Of course Shinji said nothing about Hikari approving, but no one really cared anymore, 'cept Hikari a little bit.

"Okay, who's first? Tell me your name before responding." Shinji pointed to Kensuke.

_'So many questions! Weapons, procedures, capabilities, technology...maybe he knows someone who can get me in? Wait...Ikari?' _"Aida Kensuke. Is your father the Bastard of NERV!"

"Yes, my father is the one, the only Bastard. Next." Shinji pointed to a girl with glasses and curly brown hair.

"Junko Iwao. Do you know Ayanami-san?" She was one of the rare people at school who noticed Rei existed. Junko was simply curious about Rei like a lab experiment, not friendly at all.

"Yes, she's my co-worker and is currently hospitalized due to a test experiment. Next." Shinji moved on to a spiky, black-haired guy.

"Tetsuya Iwanaga. What do you do at NERV?" 'past' Shinji had learned his father worked on the Eva's umbilical cable and had saw Shinji being recovered after the third angel. The kid then told some girls to ask Shinji online about it. Tetsuya didn't like Shinji.

"Your father works with us, right?" Tetsuya nodded, "I don't see the harm in telling you since you already have disclosed parts of it to others." Tetsuya seized up. "I pilot a device called an Evangelion, it's basically a giant rock 'em, sock 'em robot."

The class broke out in discussion and a succession of questions no one could understand. Hikari was trying to get things under control and failing, so she resorted to staring at Shinji.

"Ah, quiet please. I think miss, well I don't know, has a question." they kept talking and arguing over him.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" everybody turned to see Boring-sensei sit back down. "Continue, this should be the last question and you can leave for lunch." No one dared mentioned that lunch was not next.

_'That was new...' _"Thank you sensei, now miss...?" Shinji asked Hikari, enjoying his little charade.

"Horaki Hikari. um..." _'what should I ask?' _"how do you like things here?"

"I'm having the best time of my life in Tokyo-3. My guardian's awesome, the city has everything, and it's a blank slate for me to start anew." Shinji smiled at the double meanings as the bell ended class and began lunch...early.

* * *

A/N: yay, another chapter. they're killing me, I swear. Explanations: 

I based the money as of Dec. 2005, Let's just say a lot of the money was destroyed in 2nd impact and the exchange rates have finally deflated back to what they were now. The prices of goods, I guess, are higher.

I think I got the days right, but I don't care again really. 7:00 was just a random time for being late.

Shinji has mellowed a little bit after some sleep and long thought processes you haven't seen. He's much smarter since he's not committing his brain to worrying to why he sucks anymore. So he's a little less sarcastic...plus I had to make this up completely.

Remember, any differences in character could potentially be a butterfly effect of Shinji and that's not a convenient excuse. Or is it?Also, my goal is to have the fic be canon, but effected by Shinji and Yui in little ways that build up. For instance, as much as I would love Shinji to tell Gendo Yui hates his guts, Gendo would realistically throw a little muscle around, capture Shinji, and torture him until he knows how Shinji knows out of him. Gendo and Seele simply have too much power to go directly thru. Shinji's been using his 'supposed' influence as Gendo's son to get little things done, but nothing like "Start Eva 01 and operate the elevator so I can chase down the bastard's car. The Commander said to do so."

Review if you want about anything (except advertising space). 


	5. Chapter 4: The One that Talks

A/N: Don't own it, wish I did, leave me alone.

_Italics: Thoughts/Yui_

**Bold: sound**

**

* * *

**

"Good morning Shinji-kun. How are you?" Ritsuko asked inside the control room.

Shinji was inside Eva Unit 01, looking at Ritsuko on the HUD. It was his second lesson on the Evangelion itself. "I'm good. PenPen stopped pecking me after I let Misato make his breakfast. It was brutal for a bit, but we've come to a truce. How are you doing? You look like shit... sorry. You need a break..."

Seele had given permission to unfreeze Unit 00 since Rei was released yesterday and Ritsuko had not received any sleep for 2 days. She looked slightly worse for wear, "Yes, I do. Don't worry about it, let's focus on today's lesson..."

"Okay, do you mind if I just review what I know from my research and yesterday?"

_'I was just going to ask that...' _"Go ahead." Ritsuko picked up her coffee and let the caffeine rush to her senses. She then picked up a notepad a prepared for his lecture, several times yesterday and during after-school sync tests he offered unique advice and insight to what it felt like to pilot.

Shinji listed all of the appearance positions, emergency power sources, locations of weapon depots and recovery spots exactly from memory. He then started with the Eva itself.

"The Evas usually run on electric power supplied with the umbilical cord. The Eva also has internal batteries that allow it to act independently for one minute at full power, five minutes at basic capabilities, and life-support mode for sixteen hours. The primary weapon on the Eva is called the progressive knife, it holds a charge for around 10 minutes if released when the cord is connected and 5 otherwise. I think it's a too small and a larger weapon, say a sword of some sort, needs to be developed." _'It would also be cool and I would have killed for one last time, maybe mom can summon the lance?' _

"Also, the Evas have a variety of long range weapons that are basically the larger counterparts of contemporary weaponry. They are useless unless the pilot negates the AT field of the angel absolutely and I believe that an AT piercing weapon should be made." _'Too bad the only model's at the South Pole currently.'_

"Movement and operation of an Eva is based off the brain waves of its pilot, thus it's called 'syncing' because the pilot must 'feel' the movements of the Eva. The controls are used to allow precise movements of the fingers, weapons, and other variables such as energy control, forced expulsion, AT field, and displays."

Shinji then did something odd. He reached under his seat and knocked on the metal. "I'm guessing there's something that goes here because of the hollow sound. What is it?"

_'How the hell did he discover the cavity for the dummy plug?' _"It's just space to expand for future hardware. Very good Shinji, we can move straight on to the 'Induction mode' lesson from last time." She saw the look on Shinji's face. "I know, but...**yawn**...practice is important. I'll have something new for next time." Ritsuko hit a few keys.

The simulation program ran and a model of Sachiel appeared. _'God is this #$#$ing stupid! When a real angel comes, I can't ask: "Excuse me Mr. Angel-san? Could you please stand still and completely lower your AT field so I can shoot you pretty little core out? It will only sting a little because this gun's #$#$ing useless!"'_

_'I know Shinji-kun. Try for one hit kills to stay awake or think about "morning" Misato.'_

_'Mom! She hasn't gotten used to living with me this time...'_

_'And think, maybe she won't. You don't seem to mind...now only the only thing left is to invite Maya and Ritsuko over and show them a good ol' time'_

_'Mom! I don't...I'm trying...It would never work, I need to start this exercise now.'_

_'I never said they'd be sober, but moving on. I'm going to give you some more tips on how it feels to manipulate AT fields...'_

_

* * *

_

The giant purple and green machine can be seen with the umbilical cord and other diagnostic cables connected to its back as Maya walks into the room. Ritsuko was staring at the console, looking at the results of Unit 00 testing, struggling to stay awake.

"Sempai! That's amazing!" Maya was in awe.

"Wha?" Ritsuko looked at her and slowly followed the line of sight to Shinji.

"Aim at the target in the center, switch... 47. Aim at the target in the center, switch... 48. Aim at the target in the center, switch... 49.Aim at the target in the center, switch... 50.

Aim at the target in the center..." Eva Unit 01 was holding the pallet rifle in one hand sideways, with the sight up to its eyes. One shot each pierced the simulations through the core two seconds after they regenerated. Sometimes a high sync and computer guided aiming just got boring. The lecture from his mom on concentrating on a void or a solid depending on the polarity of an AT field was much more interesting. He noticed Maya in the control box.

"Hey Maya, would you take over for Ritsuko? I think I have this down and I'll start with the prog knife after I hit 200. Try to knock her out or something, she's walking dead right now"

"I can hear you Shinji. But, yea Ibuki? Would you take over for me? Try to think of some new variables for Unit 01 to test and record the results." The coffee was already wearing off and she was starting to see cats and slur words. "I'll be over here reviewing some ideas Shinji had with the Magi."

"Um Ikari, when does sempai end your testing?"

"You can call me Shinji if you want. Around 1 for lunch, so another 4 hours. Then we go over different operations and she tests my retention of the knowledge of everything overall..."

* * *

Training for the next two weeks went in this pattern: Shinji gives a lecture, Ritsuko gives a lecture, Shinji performs the tasks specified (always perfecting them by the fourth trial with Yui's help), and Maya comes in to take over as Ritsuko uses the newfound time to catch up on other work. 

Misato and the occasional bridge bunny usually joined them for lunch (instead of Shinji's prior practice of find a corner to hide in and eat his bento) and Shinji hinted at AT field practicing and kept slipping in the fact he wanted a sword while they ate. Afterwards, Shinji was lectured some more and answered questions to the best of his ability.

_'Maybe Asuka's so bitchy because she had to put up with years of testing Unit 02...' _Shinji was taking things moderately well, he had finally convinced Ritsuko to arrange someway for real time input by a human for the simulation Sachiel. Allowing him to actually fight an intelligent opponent when it was ready. It would actually be developed later, but sooner was better.

His AT lessons were, well...crappy. Shinji was struggling to understand the concepts of his Genius/Perverted mother, apparently she thought mental images were key to relating certain ideas to memory. _'AT wave fluctuation theory is paired up with "morning Misato" not "accident Rei" Shinji!_

_'I'm not learning it that way Mom! Just teach it the normal way and I'll use the patented 'beat the crap out of them' method on the angels until I get it.'_

_'But Shinji-kun, this is the normal way... I wonder how ol' Kouzou-chan is doing? He always did love my presentations..."_

_

* * *

_

Fuyutsuki was thinking if it was really worth continuing to follow Gendo, why had he joined him in the first place? He remembered the scholarly interest in the Angels, but **sneeze**..._'ah, I remember now... chapter 13 karma sutra is anti-AT field theory...good times. If only I had met her sooner, damn.' _He continued on reading the financial reports, inadvertently throwing away a snot covered notification report on Shinji Ikari's new account.

* * *

It's morning again and Shinji turns off his alarm clock before rising from his futon. After being late five times for school the last two weeks, Shinji opted out for an alarm rather than the _'Breakfast please!' _peck in the face from PenPen. 

After preparing PenPen's morning tribute, Shinji picked up a bowl and filled it with ice. He walked past the penguin food disposal system, beak currently in the inhale position, and slid the fusuma (papered door) of Misato's room open.

Misato had just gotten home while Shinji was in the bathroom and wanted nothing more than sleep. The night shift at NERV had been a #$#$#! (rhymes with itch) She heard the fusuma slide open and shoved her head further into the futon, filtering out the last rays of light from her eyes. _'What does Shinji need? I just want to sleep...'_

The fusuma slid closed again and Misato heard the main door shut as Shinji left for school. Misato forgot about it as her operating system shut down.

...for 2 minutes. In the mess that is Misato's room. A small, yet incredibly annoying, device was ringing, rousing her from her futon. _'No...' _She reached for where the phone was last, but it wasn't there. She peeked out from the covers and saw a beautiful sight. A Yebisu in a bowl of ice with the phone next to it.

She reached out, undecided what she should grab first. It was the eighth ring and the machine would pick it up, so she grabbed the phone, hit talk, and then grabbed the beer.

"Hello? Hello? Misato! Helloooo?" Ritsuko was left unanswered as Misato suckled her beer, as to not spill a golden drop. With a quiet, "Ah. Good Stuff." she picked up the phone and pulled it into the covers.

"Moshi Moshi. Who is it?" Misato sank back into the covers.

"What are you doing? I thought PenPen had answered again. Nevermind, how have you been? How are things with him?"

"PenPen?"

"No, the one that talks."

"Hm. Ah, Shinji-kun, great. He's my cooking god and likes to fool around. (A/N: unfortunately for Yui, it's not what you think.) He's surprisingly not a bastard, his mom must have been a saint."

A giant sneeze could be heard on Ritsuko's side of the phone.

"What the hell was that?" Misato asked.

"I don't know...it appears Unit 01's head restraints snapped under enormous force paired with a subtle AT spike...oh well, it's my break and I've barricaded myself in here. So he likes to fool around?" lecherous Ritsuko popped her head out for an unknown reason.

"Not like that. I swear you're either obsessed with him or egging me towards him, he's just a kid. I meant he likes to be sarcastic and spend time with his friends. But he cooks like a god and can read your mind! He brought me beer in bed with a bowl of ice this morning. I had to choose between picking up or drinking first."

"I'm so sorry for you, that must have been so hard." Ritsuko was staring at the biomatrix of the Evangelions she updated this week. "How are things going for Shinji?"

"Good I guess. If he's not at NERV, he's either here, spending time with those two, or at school. Normal teenager."

* * *

Shinji could be seen walking to school the long way around so he could meet up with Kensuke and Toji. They greeted each other and Kensuke showed them some stuff he had found online. They had a good laugh and headed off.

* * *

"Interesting..." 

"What?"

"Well Rei and Asuka both have severe personality disorders and Shinji's just fine. He has a near 90 sync ratio, instantly learns all procedures and techniques, and has ideas to improve the Evas flying out of his mouth. Some of them are actually being considered."

"That's my Shinji!"

"Your Shinji?"

"You know his test scores and personality tests before he arrived here. It's clearly my influence that has brought him into excellence."

Ritsuko searched her mind for an answer that would make logical sense...could Misato suck the 'dumb' from people? _'I did live with her in college and I passed with flying colors...' _or maybe it was just the Eva? Both Asuka and Rei were intelligent. Maybe...

"It's more likely he thinks this is a new place to start anew. A second chance. I have to go now."

"Okay. I'll invite you over when you get a break."

"Great...Ja ne." **click**

Misato sank further into the futon and fell asleep.

* * *

Shinji had arrived early and decided to flashback randomly throughout the day until the angel attack..._'Crap, there's an angel today! Must warn Hikari about Kensuke and Toji...' _he thought before the flashback attack caught up to him. 

666666666666Back to lunch on Shinji's first day66666666666666666

Shinji walked up to Toji's and Kensuke's table, Kensuke was pulling up a file of questions he wanted answered and Toji was too focused on eating. "Hello, can I sit here?"

"Mphm."

"He says yes. I have so many questions..." Kensuke began to rattle off inquires and Shinji answered them, well most of them. He didn't want Kensuke to be hunted down and 'whacked'...even though knowing Kensuke he'd enjoy the adventure for a little bit. Toji continued to focus on his food and didn't look up.

The bell rang and lunch ended, Shinji got up to leave but Toji stopped him.

"Thanks." Yep, that's it. Toji walked to class.

"You saved his sister, she didn't evacuate in time. So he's grateful... Are you sure you can't tell me what the Eva's are made of?"

"Trust me, you're better off not knowing."

* * *

The rest of Shinji's day was mediocre, people bugging him about piloting and a few more classes that were all review. He had Kensuke download an e-mail filter and instant messenger to his computer. 

BastardSlayer: Hey Kensuke, invite Toji in

MilitaryMage: K

Jockw/skillz: Yo

BastardSlayer: Can you two meet me after school. Trust me, you won't regret it.

Jockw/skillz: Why?

BastardSlayer: It's just in front of the school, it will only be a minute. Come on Kensuke, it could be a chance to get into NERV.

MilitaryMage: SW33T!

Jockw/skillz: No thanks dude

BastardSlayer: Arcade of your choice, my treat. I swear it's nothing bad, you'll probably be out there leaving anyways...

Jockw/skillz: That's nice, so?

BastardSlayer: Hey, by the way...it wasn't exactly me that saved your sister, the Eva went beserk and I was unconscious in the cockpit.

Jockw/skillz: WHAT!

MilitaryMage: How does that work?

BastardSlayer: I think the Eva has a mind of its own, besides that I can't tell you. Hey Toji, just act normal around me, you remind me of Rei

BastardSlayer logged off

MilitaryMage: Ha! Toji, he's just a little strange and deserves a chance. Let's do it

Jockw/skillz: Fine

* * *

The end of school came abruptly and the two were following Shinji to the parking lot. Toji was still being weird and Kensuke was talking NERV, until the sounds of screeching tires and a blue car slid to the curb. 

"Misato, come on out and meet my friends." Shinji called to the car.

Toji's and Kensuke's jaws dropped. The hot, military tactician fit into most of Kensuke's fantasies and Toji would never lose his newfound love of babes with sports cars. Shinji was silently amused at the antics.

"Misato, this is Suzuhara Toji," pointing to the giant drooling jaw to his left, "and this is Aida Kensuke," pointing to the other jaw, "They're pretty nice." The two continued to stare and Misato chuckled.

"Well it's nice to meet you too. Come on Shinji-kun, we have to go to NERV." Misato headed back around the car. _'Hm typical teens, I've still got it though.'_

"Do you think they could come over tomorrow? I need caught up on some of the schoolwork." Shinji secured himself to the seat with a little extra duct tape in addition to the seat belt.

"Sure," Misato sat in the driver's seat and started the car.

"I'll give you my number tomorrow, Bye!" Shinji leaned his head out of the window and shouted. Kensuke was in awe and Toji was too, but this shock to his system set him back to his old/future self.

666666666666666End Flashback6666666666666

Since then the stooges were reinstituted and they had all got together at Shinji's twice, "reviewing" their school work while gathering around the brand new Playcube X. Kensuke had frequently been shot down for asking to pilot, Misato just told him it wasn't NERV's decision. Toji constantly slipped the topic off onto Misato, until Shinji blackmailed him with Hikari. Everybody laughed. PenPen and Kensuke then co-judged the fight. Everything was back to normal for Shinji, well it was finally when Rei came back.

999999999999Flashback Rei's Back99999999999999

The stooges walked into the class, talking about the same random stupid stuff that the majority of conversations are made up of. Only noticed by Shinji, Rei was back and seemingly healthy, staring out the window.

"Hello Ayanami, how are you feeling today?" sitting down in the desk next to her.

"I am acceptable," Rei answered without turning towards him.

"That's good. If you need anything, just ask. I'll talk to you later," Shinji stood up and took his seat by the stooges as Boring-sensei came in. Both Kensuke and Toji looked as if they were going to give him the whole 'Ayanami and Ikari' treatment the first chance possible.

999999999999999999End Flashback999999999999999

Shinji kept up with the hit and runs on Rei and it didn't seem to be working.

_'I guess if she's been like this for years, it's going to take more than a week. I really don't want to have to pull her out of a super-heated entry plug again...' _Shinji's friends teased him over it and weren't quite sure if she'd ever change.

Well the day of flashbacks had almost ended when Shinji's pocket started buzzing. He stood up in the middle of lecture and walked into the hall despite the sensei's protests.

Answering the call, "Shinji, report to NERV for standby. An angel has been sited. Bring Rei and hurry. Bye." Misato was her professional self at the moment.

"Rei," actually getting her attention as he entered the room, she had an almost stoic expression, "We need to leave sensei." Shinji grabbed his books _'what am I forgetting?' _and followed Rei as they left the building. In unison, they started sprinting to the nearest elevator and pulling out their ID's. Rei got there with the head start and Shinji pressed the locker room level.

"Unit 00 is not ready, correct?" Shinji was out of breath.

"Yes," Rei responded, catching her own breath calmly as possible.

"I guess this one's mine. I'll see you afterwards, wish me luck," The door slid open and Shinji sprinted to the male locker room.

"..." Rei headed to the female's, in case she needed to be ready. _'Pilot Ikari is...different.'_

_

* * *

_

"Entry has commenced, inject the LCL and then release the departure lock," Maya was in charge of the start up procedure this time.

Misato and Makoto enter the room escorting Ritsuko, "So the fourth angel is here and Commander Ikari is absent. Just great, a month break and this happens."

"Yea, 15 years for the last one and now this." Makoto tried to suck up.

"It's strange...I feel as if we're perfectly safe despite the ever occurring .009 (A/N: just guessing) percent chance of success. I will run a tune-up on the Magi after this." Cat-woman.

"Shinji-kun get set, Eva Unit 01 launch!"

"Aieee! No! The Eva's still in its restraints!" courtesy of Shigeru.

"Oops. My mistake," Misato walked up to the control panel.

* * *

_'So...it's time' _

_'Yep, don't worry about it too much, even if we die, Adam's still in Germany. Just everyone else here will die."_

_'Great, thanks.'_

_'I'm a helper! Just remember: Victoria's Secret, Morning Misato and let's kick some ass!'_

_

* * *

_

"Sync ratio has leveled out at 91. That's incredible! At this rate he'll fully sync in when Unit 02 arrives! We may not even need it!" Maya was rambling in bubblehead mode before returning to professionalism.

"Okay Shinji. Are you ready?" Misato asked on the intercom.

"Does it matter?" _'Oops, didn't mean to say that.'_

"Not really, does it? Eva Unit 01 Launch!" Misato knew he was ready...we think.

"Develop an AT field according to plan and attack at long range," Ritsuko, a doctorate in biotechnology instead of the operations/strategician of NERV #cough# Misato #cough#, told Shinji.

* * *

On the surface, Shamshel was almost to Tokyo-3 when it uprighted and began to power up its whips. It resembled as giant dark pink slug with cross arms that had whips, don't forget the core below the presumable head. There was a light breeze but it didn't effect anything but the trees. Unit 01 immerged from the elevator and calmly walked to the weapons cache to pick up a pallet rifle. They then made there way to hide behind a skyscraper on the outskirts. 

_'Why am I hiding? Can it really not see the giant power cord or the massive AT field radiating of us? Hmm, a cloaking device would be so cool! Bad Shinji, focus!'_

Misato gave the signal and Evangelion Unit 01 jumped out from behind the building and aimed at the angel.

"There's a massive AT field surge coming from Unit 01. It's totally negated the angel's AT field."

"Just die," Shinji/Yui voiced in unison. The giant purple/green behemoth pulled the trigger...

One shot rang out and the angel shut down, its core pierced by a bullet hole.

_'Holy shit! This piece of crap can actually do something!' _this was Yui's opinion.

_'Thanks for the confidence mom,' _"Well, that was kind of boring. Returning to the holding bay unless there is anything else?" The angel had not entered the city and now served as the world's largest garden gnome on the hills on the outskirts.

"No, there isn't Shinji. Come on back." Misato confirmed.

Shinji had a nice parting chat with Yui, _'Shinji-kun, you did great. Best AT field you've ever produced...see IT works! The system works! I'll start thinking about the next angel and keep it up player!'_

With a fleeting hentai fantasy Yui left and Shinji held his nose shut, _'there's no way those were real...' _"Gah!" Shinji forced the image back.

"Is everything okay Shinji!" Misato could be seen in the HUD.

"Yea, yea..."

* * *

Shinji made his way to the bridge, where the bridge bunnies and the usual crowd were reviewing the battle. Spirits were up and Misato was recording her own copy of the battle. 

"Shinji-kun, that was so cool!" Maya's kid side popped out before she blushed and turned back to the computer terminal.

"Hell yea," Misato raised her fist in the air and Ritsuko sweat dropped. _'The commander wasn't even here and I kicked ass in charge!' _She calmed down a bit and remembered, "Actually, you should have fired more than one shot to ensure success of the plan."

"I know, but I didn't know if the pallet rifle would even work, it's kind of puny."

"That's not an excuse, just don't do it again."

"Actually, I'm glad that we have such a perfect specimen. The prog knife would have disrupted the core on a molecular level. I think that we won't have such a chance in the future as the angels adapt." Ritsuko inserted her opinion.

Shinji outbursted at this, "#$#$! Could you check on the hillside next to the school's evacuation shelter?" Ohhh, that's what he forgot.

Misato shrugged, "Makato, would you please?"

"Hai Misato-sama," Misato's fanboy took the battle footage off the screen and brought up the camera.

Toji was holding a rabid Kensuke back from examining the single shell that Unit 01 had used. They both had stains on their crouches, it looked like the shell missed them by 2 meters.

**sigh **Shinji placed his face in his hands before heading off to try to converse with Rei.

"Get Section 4 to retrieve them now!" Thank god Misato was present instead of the bastard, can you say 'witness removal'?

OMAKE FURTHER DOWN

* * *

A/N: this is kind of a shorter chapter since it's originally half of the real 3rd episode, so I'm adding three omakes that popped up, one's an idea that was scrapped and may be modified for future use. 

Anything else or comments? I read them all and use them to gloat over LegendarySuperNamek. If you don't like his stories and like mine, contribute to my review count to piss him off. No offense to LSN if you're reading this, it's their right to an opinion and you may even get more reviews this way.

* * *

The Alternative

_'Bad Shinji, just use the system. It works!' _Yui was not happy with her son, he was just refusing her scenario.

_'I do not need to picture hentai just to remember a concept mother. It's just not right or fair to them!'_

_'Grrrr... Shinji...My sweet son Shinji...' _She saccharinely started, _'you have the opportunity to have hundreds of women with your newfound personality and status as the world's savior. Do not waste it! Do you want to be like your father?'_

Shinji froze.

_'Yes, that's right. He was a violent person, but completely impotent when it came to women until Kyoko bet me I couldn't make him into my obedient slave. It worked too well, but back to the point...do you want to be like this!'_

A mental image was forcing its way into Shinji's mind despite his effort to fight it. It was a picture of Gendo lying in the corner in the fetal position. He was naked and Yui had a whip and leather dom outfit.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Nooooooooo! Just kill me now...an angel! Please God! Send an angel now!" Shinji was frantically ramming his head into the butterfly controls as the mental scene continued.

"Shinji! What's wrong!" Misato had charged the control panel, knocking out Aoba by mistake on her way.

_'Now for the switch...'_

Shinji's head filled with beautiful hentai, it turns out there were cameras recording the females' locker room and Eva 01 had recorded images prior to 3rd impact. Coupled with Yui's imagination and the sync ratio, she easily simulated shower scenes for her son.

Shinji embraced the scenes with every fiber of his being and the sync shot up to 399.9999999 percent. Just shy of being absorbed into the Eva; a strong AT field was radiating off of Shinji.

"I just remembered the day um"

_'I died' _supplied Yui.

"my mom died...I'm ejecting now."

The control box was solemn in thought. "Hey Rits, Maya, let's see what's bothering him...Rei you can come if you want." Unaware of the drool dribbling from her own chin as well as Akagi's and Ibuki's.

Rei's eyes were glassed over, _'that was a most impressive AT field _"I will," as she followed her superiors to his locker room, with a slight sway of the hips that wasn't there before.

(A/N: the rest is left up to your imagination, trust in Yui is my only advice.)

Crossover Gone Wrong

Eva Unit 01 jumped out from behind the building...pallet rifle missing.

"Shinji, I'm sending you another rifle, sue it!" Misato shouted.

Shinji's eyes had turned red, "No! Taju Kage Bushin no Jutsu!" The behemoth formed the appropriate symbol and was surrounded by smoke. As the dust cleared, 400 physical replicas surrounded the 4th angel and beat the utter shit out of it.

"What the hell!" "Oh my #$#ing GOD!" "Oh my..." "Oro?"

"Haremu no Jutsu!" The 400 Unit 01's transformed into various Yui's, Misato's, Rei's, Maya's, Asuka's, Kyoko's, Ristuko's, Hikari's, and Naoko's...all either naked with endowments of various proportions or in revealing outfits.

"Yui!" Gendo shouted out, remembering her favorite fictional move ever invented.

"Who else?" as Shinji's body shifted into Yui's, "I'm back Gendo-kun."

**Bang! **Gendo looked down at his chest and then to Rei standing in front of him with a shotgun, a sadistic smile on her face. Oh, this was not a dream, he really died. Too bad, everyone ended up worshipping Yui and all was right with the world. The End of the Omake.

Please Don't Sue Me, I Have Nothing

I do not own the following, but I doubt the creators owned the characters mentioned either. Just don't sue, and if you don't get it, look for a flash movie called the Ultimate Showdown at newgrounds.

"and then Gandolf the Grey and Gandolf the White, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight, Benito Mussolini and the Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis and Jean B the Genie, Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, the Rock, Doc Ock and Hulk Hogan came out of nowhere lightening fast and kicked Gendo and his bastard ass, it was the bloodiest battle you ever saw and citizens watched on in total awe..."

I had a whole ending as well but it's almost 1am...review if you want.


	6. Chapter 5: Can I borrow your gun?

A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone. Also, it's not often mentioned, but remember everyone who was 20 and younger is now a year older. Shinji, Asuka, Rei ect. are 15 turning 16 sometime in the nearer future, but people like Maya and older are still 24 and older.

Oh, standard boilerplate. Everything's different because Shinji's different and Yui's advice.

Yay, people like Omake (humorous outtakes and plot bunnies, not different endings to those who may have been confused) Submit some and I'll refine it a bit, from any chapter if you want, the earlier ones need some.

_Italics: Thoughts/Yui_

#Text#: #Shinji's Lovely Suite#, ect.

**Bold: Sounds**

---------------------------------------------

#Nerv Headquarters: Experiment Station-02#

"2 ummm, how many is it now? I'll make it 28 days previous" (A/n: yay for author powers! Making stuff up is considered an art)

-----------flashback-----------

The orange Unit 00 is hooked up to the diagnostic cables and Rei is calmly sitting in the pilot's seat, the same void expression on her face as always. Shigeru and Maya are at the controls starting up the program for the activation test. Gendo, Fuyutsuki, and Ritsuko were standing in the control room as well, their eyes looking at the various screens and out the reinforced observation window.

Gendo looks at Unit 00, "Activate."

Ritsuko walks over to the Aoba-less bridge bunnies and begins, "Connect the main power supply and all circuits together."

Maya hit a few keys, "The main power supply connected. Starting the activation system... Voltage increasing to the critical point: 0.5, 0.2, rising!" So far everything was successful.

"Start the second phase of the activation system," Ritsuko stated.

"The pilot has commenced the joining," Shigeru checking the display monitor to his right.

"Start System Phase II," Ritsuko was pleased so far, what could go wrong?

On a large overhead display we see the thousands of circuits and an absolute neural borderline chart. The circuit count begins to rise.

"Synapses inserted. Junction started," Shigeru.

"Pulses transmitted," Maya initiated.

The chart of circuits had completely filled out. "All circuits are operational," Shigeru.

Ritsuko walked back to the Vice-commander and commander, looking out the window.

"The initial contact has no problems." Maya.

"Power has been transmitted up to the brachial muscle in both arms. There are no problems with the nerve links." Shigeru monitored the nerves.

"Checked. Up to 2550 on the list satisfied," Maya.

"Arrange for the third connection," Ritsuko stared ahead.

"Up to 2580 satisfied. Until the absolute borderline, 0.9, 0.7,

0.5, 0.4, 0.3, pulses are beginning to flow back!" _'Crap!' _Maya started frantically typing.

"Problems encountered on the third stage. Rejection is setting in on the nerve center elements." _Crap!' _Shigeru joined her in the digital workout.

"Stop the contacts. Break the circuits up to 6th." Ritsuko said, voice growing louder. _'Crap!'_

"Negative. The signal is not being received!" Maya "Unit Zero is out of control!"

"Stop the experiment. Shut off the power supply." Gendo '_This was unexpected...'_

"Yes, sir," Ritsuko jumped in the chair and was the late start in the digital race, "Unit Zero's power supply has been switched to standby."

"35 seconds until complete standstill," Shigeru's thought's _'Holy #$#$ I wish I were Hyuuga now!'_

"It's dangerous--step back!" Ritsuko shouted as the beserker slammed against the window where Gendo was in front of her, _'Is it after me?' _Dumb fake blonde moment as the glass bent in towards to the stoic Gendo.

_'Such a temper, we will try again next week.' _Gendo was confident of the inability of the Eva to mess up his scenario.

_'Uh oh' _Maya stated in disbelief, "Auto ejection system engaging..."

The commander eloquently realized, "Damn it!"

"Time until the complete standstill: 10, 8, 7... " Maya _'Poor Rei...' _The entry plug slammed against the ground.

"Special Bakelite. Hurry up!" _'I do not look forward to next time with Gendo,'_

"Rei!" Oh my God! He has a heart...a sick bastardly heart...

"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0." Maya finished.

Gendo was out of the room and on his way to the experiment bay. Little weak man legs pumping as fast as possible. He finally made it to the superheated hatch and placed his hands on the manual hatch. **Psssssh! **If only he had used his face to open it...

"Rei, are you all right? Rei!" Rei opened her eyes and stared at him, suppressing her pain.

"OK," Gendo stated, his scenario was not ruined, the dummy plug system was being rebooted and should have finished now... a sick bastardly heart that needed to be crushed into pulp.

---------------------end flashback------------------

Shinji, Ritsuko, and Misato were at the angel site following Ritsuko's lead. She was just about to answer a question Shinji asked as they approached a lab room. The question was "Have you seen Rei?"

"Ayanami Rei, 14 years old. 'First Children,' the first testee found by Marduk Report. The exclusive pilot of Evangelion Prototype Unit Zero. Her personal history was started afresh. All her records have been erased," she stated with eyes glassed over.

_'I didn't ask who she was, jeeze!' _"Not who? Where?"

"Well why did the activation mess up last time?" Misato inquired. _'Hasn't she been doing it for months?'_

"We still don't know for sure. We think it was mental instability in Rei."

"Mental instability? In REI?" _'And PenPen is God...'_

"Yes. She was much more disturbed than we expected." _'Unless...'_

"You know, this is real interesting debating Rei's level of insanity, but where is she!"

"Oh, hi Shinji. She's at NERV for special testing before the re-activation." _'Inside of a giant tube nonetheless so we're prepared to make a new Rei.'_

_'Oh, she's inside the giant tube in the Reiquarium, why didn't she just say so?' _Don't worry he's not stupid, just sarcastic.

An announcement was heard: "Demolition of Block-D3 has finished. Please submit all data to the Analysis Group of the 1st Division of Engineering Bureau." An open passageway to the left revealed the core of the fourth angel, bullet hole as big as a small car.

"So that's the enemy," Shinji was happy with the last battle results. The other stooges weren't, they had their asses handed to them as much as possible. There weren't any laws per se that they violated but they got chewed out by a lot of people. "Why the hell do we call them angels? And what happened to the first two?" Shinji stood in front of Ritsuko with a curious expression.

"Erm...That's the name that was agreed upon by NERV, Marduk, and other world organizations. The other information is classified." _'Shinji-kun has quite the mind.'_

_'Wait...what did happen to the second? I know the first blew up and caused Second Impact,' _Misato wondered.

"OK Ritsuko, at least they're dead. I mean only someone completely messed up would keep them alive."

"Right. Well, thank you again for the sample. All the parts are intact except the core," she answered truthfully.

"Do you know anything new?" Misato decided to ask her other question later.

Ritsuko walked to the computer and pointed to the inanalyzable screen. "Nope, not really. We just confirmed some old hypothesis though. We know the Angel is composed of matter which has the properties of both particles and waves, just like light."

"Wait," Shinji spoke up, "that's BS! All matter as a wave-particle duality nature. You might as well be saying it's organic styrofoam."

"Ignore the plothole Shinji-kun, did you find anything out about it's power system?" Misato was interested in knowing if a self-powered Angel killer could be made.

**sigh **"No..." Ritsuko wasn't feeling well about the recent developments, time to show them something that would make her feel smart again. "Look at the inherent wave pattern..."

Misato looked as well as Shinji, both had no clue what it meant, even with Shinji's future knowledge. Then Ritsuko hit a key to compare it to a human's DNA.

"Pretty graphics..." Ritsuko and Misato stared at him. "Erm, what? They're very similar."

"That's what I'm getting out of it too," Misato spoke.

"Right. Although the constituent elements are different from humanity's, the arrangement and coordinates of the signals are extremely like humanity's genes: 99.89 comparison," Ritsuko felt better now.

"That means..." Misato began.

"Yep, it looks like we know barely anything," Shinji was comparing and uncomparing the strands of data to observe the pretty graphics. Ritsuko had wanted to say that.

"OK. All right. Stop it," The engineering supervisor was talking to a worker across the hall from Shinji's group. Gendo and Fuyutsuki had arrived and were looking at the angel.

"This is the core... How is the rest?" the vice commander addressed the supervisor.

"The degradation is very serious. It isn't suitable for a sample."

Gendo butted in, "No problem. Discard all other parts."

Misato looked at Shinji, "Hey, something the matter?"

_'Besides the fact I can't shove the bastard over the railing to his death?' _"I do not like being near him, he doesn't care about anyone but himself unless it furthers his $#$#ing scenarios. Can I borrow you gun Misato? Just turn the other way and give me a minute."

"Haha Shinji," _'Definitely issues there' _"Hey Ritsuko, do you want to come over for dinner? You have to try Shinji's cooking!"

"I love how you didn't ask me, but sure. What do you want to eat Ritsuko?" Shinji didn't really care much anymore.

"Sorry, but I can't today. Is tomorrow alright?"

"Sure." "Fine with me."

-----------------------Outside at PE the next day--------------------

The girls were swimming or sitting against the fence and most of the non-spectator guys were playing basketball. The stooges were sitting on the hill for their rotation out of the game.

Toji was bluntly staring at the girls, if you listened you can hear one girl say, "Suzuhara has a weird look in his eyes!" (A/N: Really, it's in the series)

"All the girls have great bodies," Toji stared on despite hearing the comment before noticing Shinji was looking as well. _'Why don't they ever say anything about him looking?' _as a few girls waved and Shinji waved back before turning back to the game.

"Hey, who were you checking out?" Kensuke piped in.

"No one in particular..."

"My guess is Ayanami," Toji retorted.

Before Kensuke jumped in, Shinji's bastard side acted up before he could suppress it, "Hikari is just as good, she's the most developed for are age with Rei not far behind," _'Unitl Asuka comes.' _"Do you think she'd like a bento from me Toji?"

"No! err...I don't think so." Toji was pissed and embarrassed at Shinji.

"Oh, so that's who you keep staring at...what do you like? Horaki's breasts, Horaki's lips, and Horaki's..."

"thighs!" Shinji and Kensuke finished. Toji was denying it vehemently. Kensuke liked the turn of tables after Shinji arrived, less of him being an Otaku and more of the other two arguing while he sells admission.

"Sorry Toji, couldn't help myself. I know you don't like her," Shinji tried to appease the jock. "I was really watching Rei, she's always alone and I can't seem to get a conversation out of her."

"Yea, she hasn't made any friends, well maybe that tree outside the window..., since first grade when she arrived," Toji calmed down, he didn't know that Hikari was paying slightly less attention to him lately. It didn't occur to him that she was originally attracted to his outgoing personality and body... and now there were two available on the market.

"She just looks unfriendly, I don't know why," Kensuke mentioned while thinking, _'Blood red eyes, blue hair, and white skin...she must be an alien escaped from a military facility.'_

"I think I'll start making her some bentos, maybe she'll warm up to everyone once she has a friend."

"Why are you so concerned? You like her right?" either stooge, take your pick.

"I guess, I don't really know honestly, maybe I'll just ask Hikari out for simplicity," Shinji said as he jumped up and they rotated into the game, enjoying the fuming Toji and laughing Kensuke.

-----------------------Dinner at Misato's with Ritsuko------------------------

Shinji was serving the meal as PenPen, Misato, and Ritsuko stared at him. He finished by placing some shark fin soup he made for PenPen and sake in the water-fowl's dishes.

_'How PenPen has a high enough tolerance just to get a buzz from that amount amazes me that he hasn't died.' _

Finally Shinji sat down at the table, Ristuko had not had Italian in a while, but still knew this was going to be the good stuff. He slid Misato her Yebisu and said, "Itadakimasu. Eat up."

PenPen dived into his dish and the other parties present ignored the slurps of pleasure. "This is great, I haven't had this in years!" Ritsuko was shivering with delight as she was sorely attempted to follow PenPen's example...Misato wasn't.

"See, he's the cooking god!" Misato spoke up from her plate and held her hand in the air as another Yebisu flew into it courtesy of Shinji.

"Shinji-kun, you'd better move out. You'd better not let your ill-behaved roommate ruin your life." this was ruined as her own belch that rattled the silverware. "Excuse-me..." Ritsuko was red and Shinji/Misato were laughing there asses off.

"That's okay, at least I know you like my food. Maybe you'd like to have me be your roommate?"

"Sure." "NOOOOOOOOO!" "WAAAAAAAAAAARK! (I'LL KILL YOU!)"

Misato was frantic, PenPen was going for his sword collection to start the cat hunt, Shinji and Ritsuko were smiling evily. Ritsuko sadly realized something.

"Damn! I can't! He'd have to cut through an incredible amount of red tape. Shinji-kun just received his formal security card, you know," as she handed the card to him. _'Damn, we could have had so much fun...Bad Ritsuko! What the hell? Where did that come from!'_

Shinji noticed the range of emotions on Ritsuko's face, of course he had to ignore the **clank** of PenPen dropping a katana and beginning to celebrate with Misato, "Is there anything else I can do for you Ritsuko?"

"There is actually, Ayanami Rei's renewal card--I never got the chance to give it to her. I'm sorry, but would you please deliver it to her home on your way to Headquarters?" She handed the card over before getting the response, doesn't it feel great when that happens?

Shinji looked at the card for a moment and set it on the counter as Misato began to say something.

"You were staring at the picture, eh Shinji?" Misato started to tease him.

"What was that Misato? You're cleaning up the dishes or I'll sic PenPen on you?" Shinji placed his hands in front of his face, assuming bastard-no-glasses form.

"Uhhhh"

_'That's scary,' _Ritsuko's thoughts, "Stop that, I'll help Misato even."

"Thank you," Shinji returned to normal, "is there anything in Rei's past that has made her almost mute?"

This hit a little home with Misato as she filled the sink with water. Ritsuko next to her answered, "I'm not sure, I just believe she's not very good at living."

"I'm going to try to change that, it would be great if I got some help."

Misato answered immediately that she would help when it was possible and Ritsuko agreed. Misato added though, "you have my full permission to ask her out Shinji-kun, I can afford to let her have my cooking god for a night or two."

Shinji headed off to his computer to order some things, _'Rei won't know what happened, mom will be proud of me.' _ He sat down and counseled with PenPen for each of the purchases.

----------------------Outside Rei's complex the next day-------------------

In an alternate universe, one would know that Rei lived in a run down complex, which makes no sense since the city's new. I errr...we see Ayanami's building, it was one of the newer buildings as her old place was condemned after it collapsed. Her neighbors had moved away after the angel attacks, but the other floors were half-filled. A truck pulls away and Shinji waves good bye. It was earlier in the morning than last time and Ayanami's alarm was about to go off.

**Beep Beep Beep click **Rei turned off the alarm and rose from the bed. Avoiding the bandages that were on the hardwood floor she headed to the kitchenette to prepare her breakfast,

**Ding Dong **_'No one was scheduled to be here. Who is it?'_

"Excuse me Ayanami, it's Ikari. May I open the door?" _'Why she doesn't lock it I never know.'_

"Come in," Rei started preparing her meal.

"You heard her let's move it in!" Rei heard pilot Ikari say and paused.

Shinji met her in the kitchen and she looked back at the noise. She was only wearing a white shirt and white panties. "Hey, I made you breakfast. Let's eat it on the balcony," Shinji pointed to the table and chairs that were not there before. He handed her the breakfast bento and shooed her as best as possible to the balcony.

Rei was confused, she didn't show it well as she opened the boxed breakfast. It was an acceptable alternative to her schedule and saved her time so she started to eat with Shinji.

"I hope you like it, I don't get an opportunity to cook vegetarian often. I made sure it was acceptable with your nutritionist so dig in." Shinji had learned that meat posed an unacceptable chance of contamination to Gendo's plan to unite her with Lillith, who cares if it was only a .00000000000000001 percent chance, the bastard wanted all variables to a minimum. _'At least I know Rei isn't allergic to it...maybe I'll sneak her some for fun later.'_

Rei was eating away, slightly faster than normal, but, _'This tastes...good. Pilot Ikari is a good cook.' _She looked back to her apartment and then to Shinji as she finished off her water. "What is occurring in my residence Ikari-san?"

"I decided to surprise you with a gift, I came the other day, but apparently you were in special testing at NERV for preparation for re-activation. I saw your apartment wasn't furnished completely, so I decided to buy you some stuff. I hope you like it." Shinji watched as the moving supervisor opened the sliding door.

"We're all done Mr. Ikari, thank you for your business."

"No, thank you. Here's a tip for all your men," Shinji handed a large wad of cash to him and waved good bye. The men all smiled back and left, what a nice kid to furnish his apparent girlfriend's apartment and leave them a huge tip.

Shinji picked up the remains of the meal and placed them in the empty trashcan. Rei had followed him. "Why did you purchase these items Ikari-san?"

"I did it because I believe you deserved it for everything you've done and call me Shinji, not Ikari or Ikari-san or pilot Ikari. Now let's look around!" Shinji dragged the even more confused Rei into her room, he was glad he took caffeine pills that seemed to counteract the dreariness Rei broadcasted.

They walked on the soft rug to her closet and he showed her a few extra outfits she could wear to NERV or on days off. Then he showed the new dresser still had the commander's glasses and now a picture of himself, PenPen, and Misato smiling. The desk was no longer littered with bandages and her bed had large fluffy pillows and a comforter. There was a mirror and few pictures of nature hung on the walls, blending nicely with the new curtains.

Her room was nice, different than what she was used to, but nice. Every time she tried to say something, Shinji pointed out something else new and dragged her to a different part of the apartment, ending with a bathrobe in the bathroom. _'Why? I do not understand.' _

"Thank you Ika..." Shinji stared at her motioned for her to sit next to him on the bed.

_'This is very soft but,' _"Thank you Shinji. However, I do not comprehend why? I should not accept this..." Rei looked at her new surroundings, she felt a little more full for some reason.

"You're my friend Rei, even if I'm not your's. This is a lot more than any gift between friends is normally. I just want you to enjoy life, have friends, and realize there's an infinite amount of possibilities of anything happening. There is no one set path, so I figure I'd start with your home so you can choose your life."

"..." _'I am Ikari's friend? He wants me to live the way I want. What do I want? Why is this happening?''_

"Heh, you look confused Rei," _'That's new,' _"don't worry about it, I'll be waiting outside when you're finished with your shower and dressed. Wear one of your new outfits, I have your new security card when you're finished." Shinji left the apartment and slumped against the wall, it was tough stating things as friendly commands and keeping up a happy attitude knowing a giant angel that was almost impossible to beat was coming that afternoon.

Rei, on the otherhand, tried to continue her usual routine but was constantly reminded of Ikari's generosity. New soap, new shampoo, little shower flowers on the floor, a fluffy robe, a new outfit. _'Which one should I wear?' _She noticed a sticky-note on something that resembled her uniform, except a few color differences and a long sleeved light coat. #Wear this if you're confused Rei, Shinji#

Shinji finally stood up as Rei came out, she had chosen his outfit. Eh, it wasn't bad, nice and not too different. He handed her the updated security card, "You know Rei, you should've smiled in the picture. I bet you're cute when you smile." _'Come on...'_

The edges of Rei's lips turned up for a split second, resulting in a small smirk before she placed the card in her pocket._ 'I feel warmer, this coat must be wool' _"..."

_'So close, but what did I expect, oh well. She's better than last time,' _"Let's go Rei, you have a activation test to ace!" Shinji left and Rei followed, Shinji popped another caffeine pill and slid his card through the gate, parting ways with Rei as he headed to the control box.

-----------------------------------That was a long scene to type------------------------------

Rei was in the entry plug, mind focused on the present task despite the constant questions of this morning popping up. Everyone else was in the control room and Shinji complained that there was no popcorn.

Gendo was in charge and more active this time, "We're commencing Unit Zero's reactivation experiment now. Start the first connection."

Ritsuko was sitting down at the control next to Maya who didn't mind at all. "Connect the main power supply."

Maya replied, "Voltage has exceeded the critical point."

Ritsuko volleyed back, "Roger. Move the format to Phase II."

Shigeru not to be ignored, "Connecting the pilot with Unit Zero."

Maya rebounded with, "Opening the circuits...The conditions of the pulses and harmonics are good."

Shigeru fired his last shot, "There are no problems with synchronization. All nerve links are completed. Nerve center devices are operational."

"Checked. Up to 2590 on the list satisfied. Until the absolute critical line, 2.5, 1.0, 0.5, 0.1, and rising! Borderline cleared," Maya knew she had the better lines, "Unit Zero has activated. Whoah! Sync ratio's at 50 and climbing steadily."

"..." Rei was silent, Shinji and Misato were not: "Keep it up Rei!" "Way to go!"

Fuyutsuki had to ruin it, "Ikari, an unidentified object is approaching. I think it's the fifth Angel."

"Thanks, I'll get dressed. You should tell the commander now," Shinji sprinted out of the room as Gendo stared at Kouzou. He nodded back to the commander.

_'How dare Kouzou.' _"Interrupt the test. All hands on first class alert."

_'Please don't hurt me.' _"I was talking to you, not the third child and why not use Unit Zero?"

Gendo retorted, "It's not yet ready enough for battle. How is Unit One?" He directed towards Ristuko. _'That does make more sense, why would he tell the third child before me?'_

"It will take 380 seconds to prepare it." as she packed up to move to the main control room.

Gendo commanded, "Sortie! Rei, we've comleted the reactivation. Come back." Gendo took his personal elevator to the command deck, leaving Fuyutsuki to walk. Gendo sat back in the chair as he watched Unit 01 prep.

**Smack! **The back of his new chair fell off and his ass hit the floor. He had just got this damned chair this morning. He didn't notice the monitor of Shinji laughing at him.

_'HAHAHAHAHA! That was great Shinji-kun,' _the power had been connected and he was now syncing.

Shinji wiped a tear from his eye before responding to his mom, it was well worth the tip he gave the moving men. _'Yea, I'm worried about this angel, I didn't like being deep-fried in LCL before,'_

_'And I enjoyed a the massive case of heart burn and melting skin?'_

"Shinji, are you ready?"

"Hell no Misato, let's do this!"

"Eva Unit 01 Launch!"

Shigeru was monitoring the angel, it was a nice blue octahedral with no obvious core or head. It was slowly floating to the outskirts of Tokyo-3. The evacuation sirens were blaring and people disappeared off the streets as the elevator carrying Unit 01 neared the surface.

_'You know it's too bad I can't completely eliminate my AT field so it won't notice me...'_

_'Shit' _Shigeru shouted, "High-energy reaction detected inside the target!"

"What!" Misato hoped she didn't hear that. It was never a good sign.

Shigeru continued, "Its circumferential parts are increasing speed and concentrating!"

Ritsuko realized it, "That means..."

Remiel fired a shot from the equatorial corner pointed at where Unit 01 would pop up. The elevator hit the surface, the evil pretty beam of death on target, headed straight for the cliffhanger!

---------------------------OMAKES LATER-------------------------

A/N: Yep, an early update to surprise you. And an evil cliffhanger to enrage you.

No real explanations I can think of, any errors are because I rushed to put this out, oh most comments I've made have been deleted since most chapters are older now.

--------------------OMAKE (only 2 boring ones, it's what you get for a quick update)----------------------

What happens when you don't have thumbs...

Shinji noticed the range of emotions on Ritsuko's face, of course he had to ignore the celebrations of Misato, "Is there anything else I can do Ritsuko?"

"There is actually..." **Thwuck! **Ritsuko's eye's widened and looked down to the fallen form of PenPen. She was currently held to the wall by three katanas that he had been carrying. They had pierced her clothing and her feet were dangling above the floor as she couldn't pull out the swords. "Excuse me, but could you?..."

"Sure...umm, your stuck." Shinji and later Misato couldn't budge the swords.

"PenPen apologize to Ritsuko here," Misato scolded and he waddled up and warked a few bars. He then came running back with a knife.

"Noooooo!" Ritsuko screamed. Shinji grabbed the knife and cut Ritsuko's clothes off so she could leave. She didn't know PenPen had stolen Shinji's camera and taken a picture. It was time for him to report back to Yui.

Misunderstanding (Warning, highly perverted and upper teen rating)

...a new outfit. _'Which one should I wear?' _She noticed a sticky-note on something that resembled her uniform, except a few color differences and a long sleeved light coat. #Wear this if you're confused Rei, Shinji#

Shinji stood up as Rei came out. Shinji's jaw dropped and started to drool. Rei took some meanings too literally.

She was wearing only the sticky-note...well, she was a natural blue head for sure. "Do you have my security card Shinji?"

"Yea...where are you gonna put it?" She smirked for a second, took the card, and walked on to NERV empty handed, in a clear voice "Are you coming Shinji?" Shinji's mind couldn't take what happened and his nose exploded.

(If you don't know what happened, do not try to figure it out)

Review if you want


	7. Chapter 6: Jumpman Returns!

A/N: I don't even own an Evangelion, much less the series. If I did own an Eva...several annoying countries would be gone and there'd be a religion dedicated to me. Remember, I'm not blasphemous. Now on killing that damn Angel.

_Italics: Though/Yui_

**Bold: Sound**

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ **

_'You know it's too bad I can't completely eliminate my AT field so it won't notice me...'_

_'Shit' _Shigeru shouted, "High-energy reaction detected inside the target!"

"What!" Misato hoped she didn't hear that. It was never a good sign.

Shigeru continued, "Its circumferential parts are increasing speed and concentrating!"

Ritsuko realized it, "That means..."

Remiel fired a shot from the equatorial corner pointed at where Unit 01 would pop up. The elevator hit the surface, the evil pretty beam of death on target, headed straight for it.

"No, DODGE IT!" Misato screamed, eyes bugging out.

"AT FIELD MAX," Shinji belted out with his own AT Field (he decided that he should name his moves like most anime characters...makes no sense to me either)...**PSSHH! **The Eva was holding back the beam...but it's palms were melting quickly.

_'Not working Shinji! Move to 'Sleeping Asuka' scenario,' _Yui wasn't happy that her hands were melting off. The beam was steadily moving past the palms of the Eva's hands

"God damn it," Shinji quickly jumped over the rest of the beam while disabling the field, shaking his hands meaninglessly.

"Thank goodness," Misato slouched a little.

"Umm, another high-energy reaction detected inside the target, release in 3 seconds," Shigeru monitored the Magi output.

"Misato, tell me when to jump," Shinji was running up to the blue menace. _'Mom, what else have you thought of?'_

"Jump!" Unit 01 hurdled the beam as it took out a mountain.

_'You don't have enough control for an AT spike, even if you did, we'd need a 180 some sync to make one large enough...'_

"Sempai, Shinji's sync jumped to 99.8 and is approaching 100," Maya reported.

"Jump Shinji!" Misato told her cooking god as another beam came out of the fifth.

The beam destroyed yet another mountain, the mapmakers were rubbing their greedy hands together like in all giant robot battle anime. You'd be surprised how cool it's considered to have the up-to-date map.

_'Next idea mom,' _Shinji was nearing the edge of the city and the angel.

_'Ok, move to the pallet rifle and try to negate its field,'_

The Eva hefted a rifle in each hand and unloaded into the angel less than a block away now. Remiel's AT field blocked every shot and then the prog knife wasn't big enough to reach the core or split the AT field wide enough to go melee.

"What now Misato?" Shinji wanted a different opinion this time.

_'Hey, I can't help it that you're not good enough to sync more...nevermind, I'm not good enough either. Think perverted thoughts!'_

"Keep up the attacks, it's doesn't seem able to attack and defend at once," oops, she spoke too soon, "Jump!"

Unit 01 barely made it over the weaker beam, "What about the positron rifle Ritsuko?" _'Why do I get the feeling this will be the same as last time?'_

_'Sorry Shinji, we'll practice dual syncing after this. In the meantime try to negate it's AT field and keep moving, try to sync more with me than the eva.'_

"It's not strong enough to penetrate the AT field and there's not enough time if the angel decides to attack instead," Ritsuko chugged out the data.

"His Sync ratio has, what, it's 125 and slowly rising!" Maya announced to the shocked crowed.

"This is not working," everyone looked back to the commander with a common thought: _'Well duh retard,' _(A/N: No offense to those that feel offended) "Order a strategic withdrawal."

Shinji jumped another weak beam and noticed the angel's AT field was weaker than ever. _'We really need Rei's help with this one, oh well everything turned out last time. If anything we'll get the lance and stab the #$#$er,'_

_'True, but they're calling you now,' _Yui focused more on her syncing with the Eva, strengthening the anti-AT field.

"Hey Shinji, bring it in quickly. We're retreating. You'll need to dive down elevator 13," Misato relayed.

The commander's thoughts: _'This is not a retreat, it's a strategic withdrawal. It would not be necessary if the third child was not weak,' _he leaned back in the chair, forgetting it was broken. **Smack! **He fell again.

Unit 01 jumped down the elevator and landed on the platform halfway down. The platform returned to the holding bay where repairmen were on standby.

_'Shinji, here's the principle behind dual syncing, your sync's high enough to use it. Basically, each pilot normally syncs with the eva, up to 100. The dual part is that the eva can also sync back with the pilot once it reaches 100 and create a max ratio of 200. I am not the eva Shinji, I help you sync with it though. _

_When you're not conscious, I pilot and can easily reach 200. I help you control the eva, but it actually causes interference when you pilot past 100. When you reach 100, I need to sync with the eva to reach 200, then the eva can sync with both of us to produce a seemingly 400 ratio._

_In actuality, it's 600. You sync with the eva, with me, and the eva back to you. Also I sync with the you, the eva, and the eva back to me. The computers don't record the 200 between our two souls when you hit 100 and we have to sync so I can sync with the eva. Here's an example, when you piloted Unit 02 with Asuka, you could have achieved a 900 that would've been a 600.'_

_'Mom, STOP! Put it simply as possible.' _Shinji's swirly eyes kept spinning.

_'Fine. You need to sync to 100 and then sync with me to help me sync with the eva. We reach 200 and then become one with the eva to achieve maximum power, but you lose your body. We can stop it before that happens around 400 or I'll prevent my self from syncing fully to hover around 190. We then kick ass and I force you to watch Hentai'_

"Shinji! Snap out of it," a supersized image of Misato took up the HUD.

"Hey Misato, what are we going to do?" Shinji's voice had a fake worried tone to it. "This is why I need a sword Ritsuko."

"Complain later Shinji-kun and report to the bridge while repairs commence," Ritsuko ordered and the power shut off to the entry plug.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji was still in his plug suit as he entered the bridge, Misato was entering strategies into the Magi for probabilities. Ritsuko was analyzing the results from Unit 01 and the commander was calling to have his chair replaced.

_'Everyone's working but him and he'll get the credit, one more reason he's the uber-bastard. Geeze, Asuka's German still lingers around,' _Shinji walked to Maya and sat next to her.

"Hey Maya, what are you doing?"

"Hi Shinji, I'm checking the sync ratios currently. How did you go above the 100 mark?"

"I'm not sure, I think I felt the Eva move on it's own before the last jump. What do you think's gonna happen now?"

"I'm not sure, the eva feedback matches up with the readings." _'This is strange, it's like the results from Rei's first activation...'_

"Maybe it was trying to sync with me, I really think the eva's are alive too. Remember the third angel." _'Heh, mom was awesome!'_

_'That was horrible.' _"Yes, I do. Your ratio spiked last battle to 101 and reached 133 this time. The AT fields produced were stronger as well, I need to talk about this with sempai."

"Yea, hey. Could you mention to Misato about using JSSDF's positron rifle for a ranged attack? I'm going to talk to Ritsuko and then Rei. I'll be having lunch after that and I'll bring you some. Hey Aoba, Hyuga! You want in on lunch? I'm bringing some for Maya."

"Cool," "Sure," they affirmed his decision as he walked past them to Ritsuko.

"Hey Ritsuko, I'm reporting in. What do I do now?" Shinji said knowing there was nothing.

_'What can he do?' _"Nothing, just try to stay out of the way. Sorry Shinji-kun." Ritsuko returned to the keyboard and brought up some diagnostic screens from the repairmen.

_'Yep, ah. It feels good to not almost die. There's Rei, gah! keep eyes up...I think mom developed the plug suits for the bedroom.'_

Rei was standing in the corner out of the way, scarlet eyes looking at the various monitors. Misato was talking to Maya when she rushed out of the room and Ritsuko went to Cage 7. The Bridge bunnies stayed put and processed the incoming information. Gendo and Kouzou left for Gendo's office.

"Rei?"

She looked up, _'Shinji,' _"Yes Shinji?"

"Do you want to get something to eat? I said that I would bring back the techs their lunch while they work and I need some help." _'I can't believe she...well I can actually believe she waited here until Misato came back too retrieve the cannon.'_

"I will come to assist you," Rei followed Shinji out of the room as he began to ask her on how she likes her apartment.

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Outside, an inflatable drone of Unit 01 was vaporized as it floated above the railroad track.

"Damn, that's the 12th one, it didn't attack until it reached here," Misato pointed to a spot on the screen, "Next!"

A type-12 mortar cannon shot at the angel, the attack hitting the AT field meaninglessly. The angel then let the cannon join the 12 decoys in obliterated peace.

"I got it! It only attacks objects in a certain range or those that attack it. What's the AT field status?"

"It's strong enough to distort visual space, close combat is suicide. That sword the kid wanted isn't anywhere near complete and the weapons are not large enough," the supervisor of the research staff told her.

The blue angel had started to drill into the Geo-front through Tokyo-3 a few minutes ago.

"What about the drill?"

"It has a diameter of 17.5 meters and is positioned to attack NERV directly..."

"Well shit! When's that going to happen?"

"Our best estimate is at 12:06:54 A.M. tonight. It just hit the first layer of armor."

"What's the condition of Unit 01?"

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Ritsuko was currently with the repairmen, "Unit 01 has extensive damage to its hands, but that is the extent of the damage. All repairs will be completed in 2 hours."

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Somehow these conversations mixed together into a confusing to read text. Misato asked another question, "What about Unit 00?" She rushed to Cage 7 to find Ritsuko.

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"Unit 00 is ready for sortie, the slight feedback in the signal still remains. We don't know if it's normal for that eva."

"So an actual battle almost impossible," Misato realized something. "Damn, Maya's a genius!"

"What?" Ritsuko was surprised about her assistant's compliment.

"She recommended using the JSSDF's positron rifle for an attack and it looks like the best shot."

"You know that's insane, right? Is this what happens when you have to make your own breakfast without Shinji?"

"No, he left it in the oven to keep it warm. Err, anyways, it can be done in 9 hours and has a minimum reliance on Unit 00."

"I'll enter it in the Magi and let's pray that Shinji and Rei can pull it off."

"A long-distance direct firing from outside the target's range?" Fuyutsuki reviewed the potential plan.

"Yes. A single point attack with a high energy convergence unit, without first neutralizing the target's AT-field."

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Fuyutuki set down the folder, "And what do the Magi say?"

Misato grinned and pointed to the folder again, "All of the Magi confirm it can work."

Fuyutuki eyes bulged and voice shrunk, "The probability of success is 80.7...how?"

Misato continued her stupid grin, "That's the highest value out of any plan." _'My job is going to be so much easier since Ritsuko updated the Magi with Shinji's odds.'_

Gendo, not knowing why the odds were so high, confirmed it, "There's no reason to reject it. Proceed, Captain Katsuagi."

"Yes sir!" _'Bastard, sir!' _Misato left. She had to find Rei and borrow a huge-ass gun. Did I mention she likes guns after cars then beer?

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Shinji and Rei had lunch and returned to the bridge with the bunnies' orders. Rei wasn't sociable, but Shinji kept hinting future ideas to Maya while she took a break to eat. She eventually returned to work and Shinji asked Rei what she wanted to do. Rei replied that she would remain here and Shinji took a nap against the wall. There was nothing to hear but the clicking of computer keys and mice for an hour. **Swish! **Maya and Shinji both looked up to see Misato pulling Rei out of the room by an arm and commanding Unit 00 activation.

Rei's thoughts returned to, _'This is a confusing day,' _as she was lifted off the ground from centrifugal force as Misato pulled her around the corner towards the cage.

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_'Who the hell is this?' _one of the technicians of the JSSDF wondered.

Misato was showing the requisition order of the cannon to NERV's command and telling the same thing to another techie.

"You might want it, but that's insane!"

_'What the heck is with people calling me insane today?' _"We'll try to return this in the best condition possible, thank you for your cooperation. Rei!"

The supervisor was stomping his way to this intruder, bent on chewing her out when the roof lifted off the lab. He, of course, stopped seeing the giant orange cyclops reach for the cannon and, of course, waved goodbye as their guest left, telling Rei to be careful.

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I could enter a couple more scenes of preparation, but to sum it up:

Shinji, Rei, Gendo, Kouzou, Misato, Maya, Shigeru, Makoto and a few random people were in the debriefing room. Misato had been very busy.

_'It's amazing what you can do with Rei following you in a giant bio-mechanical robot, it's almost as if everyone concerned was afraid for their life and rushed the commands faster than humanly possible.' _Shinji was sorely tempted to take the Eva to the mall next week so he could be the only one in line for the new Halo and Final Fantasy coming out.

Misato had acquired all of Japan's electricity, created a nation-wide alert of the blackout, set-up the supply system relays, convinced the space program to give up a re-entry shield, surveyed the area surrounding Tokyo-3 for the best sniping spot, and named the operation: "I have just found my cooking god, I will kill to keep him!...err Operation Yashima."

"Okay, does everyone understand? Good. Pilots, prepare to leave in 60 minutes. The operation will commence at 11:30, the angel will have broken through the last shield by then." Everyone stood up to leave.

"Wait," they all turned back to Shinji, "Who's doing what?" _'How did we survive?'_

Everyone sweat dropped (sans Gendo) and turned to Misato and Ritsuko, thinking the same thing now. "Heh heh, of course. We were planning on moving to location first." _'Hopefully they believe that'_ Misato replied and thought. "Shinji, Ritsuko will explain the operation of the cannon to you and the shield to Rei. You're the gunner due to your higher sync and Rei will defend you."

Shinji didn't think so this time, "No. I will defend and Rei will take the shot."

"Pilot," the commander stepped in, '_Rei can and is ready to be replaced. Unit 01 cannot be risked yet.' _"You will follow orders from your superiors."

"Maybe I will, but only after my input," the rest of the crowd were excited at the site of another Ikari showdown. The were all rooting for Shinji of course, even Misato and Ritsuko who developed the plan earlier.

"Regardless, third child. This is the most probable set up for success. Consider it a direct order from your employer," _'he has too much confidence...'_

"Unit 01 is more suited to defend than Unit 00, its AT field has already shown it can hold the enemy's attacks back on its own. The only specifications for the sniper is pulling the trigger of a computer-guided shot. Unit 01 would have greater success for a first shot, only by 2 percent, but a less chance if a second shot is required because Unit 00 may not last long enough when the enemy retaliates. Your information is based on a primary shot being successful."

Gendo looked back at Ritsuko with a calm, yet you know he's gonna be pissed if that's true, expression. Ritsuko checked the folder containing the plan and nodded back. _'I am not going to leave myself alone with him for a while...'_

Shinji just had to ask of course, "Do you want to risk Rei's life when I am more likely to survive an attack?" _'Hell yea you want to.' _"I refuse to pilot otherwise, the only casualties would be the NERV facilities since we have prior notice to evacuate if necessary. There is no life on the line this time, **_father._**"

"Very well, you will be reprimanded for jeopardizing the operation later by withholding critical information," Gendo left the room.

"Ha! I guess I should have mentioned it earlier, I mean, I could've read your mind about the plan sometime prior to this meeting," Shinji was pissed. Everyone sympathized with him, well Rei was confused yet again.

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The time passed and Ritsuko and Misato finished giving the final briefing to Rei and Shinji. Everyone had stayed away from the Commander and were scared shitless around Shinji, he continued to mumble and squeeze his right hand. A rumor floated around that he had crushed a full juice can that Hyuga had handed him and another that he picked up the commander's car and hit the angel with it. The only one that stayed with Shinji was Rei, who was feeling put off herself. Finally, Misato had told him it was time.

"Shinji, I'm not going to blame you for how you feel, just put your anger aside and get the job done."

"I'm okay Misato, can I buy a punching bag tomorrow? I need to unload and I doubt you're gonna let me kill the bastard."

"Okay Shinji-kun. Just remember you're protecting us and that he can't punish you that badly. You're a minor and his case will be overturned by the Magi," Misato left him alone on the docking platform with Rei.

"Why do you question the commander?" Rei spoke up, "You don't not trust him?"

_'I thought I avoided this conversation today,' _"No Rei, I do not. I suggested a better plan and will be punished for it. Why would he risk your life?"

"I do not know Shinji," Rei knew she was replaceable, "The commander has his reasons."

"If he did, he did not use them to justify my pending punishment. He's upset that his way isn't the best way for everyone."

"..." Rei sat there silent, then turned to look at the scenery. _'I do not like being confused so often.'_

_'Hm, might as well see if we got any progress,' _Shinji pushed his anger aside, "Why do you pilot Rei? I would like to know."

"Because it is my...connection to life," _'Is it?'_

"Oh, that makes sense." _'It was to people before.'_

"..." _'Makes sense?' _

Shinji looked over and saw her confused face. He took a little pity on the confused girl, "It seems as if you're only purpose is to pilot eva, right now that's my purpose too." Rei looked at him. "I have to make my other connections to life in order to live more of it out. You need to do the same, the commander can only show you one possibility of the future, but you may create an infinite amount. Whether you know it or not, your life will always change. Think about this morning."

_'Does she only change when I perform these philosophical speeches?' _Shinji watched her return her gaze to a nearby treetop.

_'I understand...I think. I need to focus on the mission now and think later,' _Rei came to a pseudo decision as the signal light went off. "It's time, here we go. Good...luck."

She stepped towards the plug and Shinji went off in his direction, smiling at the results. His anger reappeared as he remembered why Rei was like that, then it led to more rage as he found more reasons to hate the commander. It looks like he never got a chance to work off all the anger towards the bastard.

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Unit 00 was crouched on the mountain top, its single eye looking past the barrel at Unit 01, which was holding the shuttle shield in one hand. The tension mounted as the clock neared 11:30, the crew was on the bridge waiting for Misato to give the final signal.

"Start Operation Yashima...now! Rei, you're using the energy from all of Japan. Kick some ass!"

"Yes."

Misato turned to the main electrician, "Start first connection."

(A/N: Random Names Ahead)

Cooler: "From first through 80th tank, start power supply."

Volto: "Voltage up. Powering up the water exchange unit."

Coolidge: "All cooling systems at full power."

Tempa: "Temperature stable. No problems."

Posita: "Positron charge is nominal."

Misato, sick of the author writing in script, "Second connection now."

Accelo: "Start all accelerators."

Convera: "Start the converger."

Substatoe: "All power supplies to the submission station on Mt. Futagoyama. No problems."

Misato was going to kill the author if he kept this up, "Release all final safety systems."

Rei focused on the aiming reticule provided by the computer support. Listening to the com for permission for the go ahead.

"Adjustment for the gravity field and revolution of the Earth is minus 0.0009. 0.2 to the critical voltage."

"All energy to the positron rifle," Misato commanded. The coolers could be seen spinning off the heat and the positron charge started to glow.

"8, 7, 6..."

_'Shit, not again,_' Shigeru didn't like this computer anymore, "High energy reaction detected in the target."

Ritsuko snapped sharply in his direction, "What!"

"3, 2, 1..."

"Fire!" Misato shouted as Rei pulled the trigger. The two beams of highly charged particle energy warped as the charges repelled and were deflected off course. Destroying another two mountains.

Shinji was currently the only one not worried, including Gendo. He, instead was raging with his mother over how much of a bastard the #$#$ing bastard of $#$#$#$#$#$# was gonna die.

"Cooling of the rifle has started. Another high energy reaction detected in the target," Shigeru wanted to swap places with Maya.

"This is bad!" Misato began. Another beam of death raced towards Rei as Shinji jumped out in front of it with the shield in reflex.

"Shinji-kun!" Misato, Ritsuko, and Maya shouted.

Rei simply opened her mouth and closed it. _'Shinji.'_

Unit 01 had dug into the ground and the shield was absorbing the damage. Yui came up with an idea.

_'I say we cut his balls off and make him eat them!'_

_'No mom, we shove them, still attached, in a blender and make him drink it mixed with Misato's cooking!' _The debate raged on and Gendo shifted uneasily in his seat.

"The shield cannot hold for...," Ritsuko was timing the degrading of the shield as Unit 01 dropped it. "#$#$! wait..."

The beam of death had slammed against Unit 01's AT Field and deflected skywards...destroying a Seele observation plane.

"His sync ratio's at 198 and steady!" Maya concluded and the already jawdropped audience fell over as the angel fired another shot, Rei had been waiting half a minute for the order to fire again.

The third shot hit Unit 01 directly in the head and deflected into a Seele satellite. Gendo gave up trying to comprehend what was happening, his pawn was confident, smart, was deflecting the most powerful beam attack to date into Seele property, and his manhood had completely retracted into his body. Tomorrow he would forget all about Shinji as he tried to explain this to his masters and got his bi-yearly CAT scan.

_'Okay, we will label this torture 'Fantasy' after the first image I sent you.'_

_'Agreed, hahaha! It felt good to get that off my chest, hey! When do you think they're going to start the operation?' _"Hey Misato! Tell Rei to fire already!" Shinji was oblivious to what had happened.

"Right, fire," Misato sat down and started to write up a request to bring alcohol onto the bridge during missions.

The positron cannon blasted through Remiel and blew it into the mountain. It was 11:05 now as the two evas headed back to NERV.

"Good job Rei, I thought this would be harder," Shinji communicated.

"Hai, I did as well. You did a good job also."

"Thanks. Hey, the shield melted..." _'Shit, how many times did I get hit?'_

_'Only twice...'_

_'Good to know,' _Shinji shrugged it off, not knowing he deflected the blasts, would it really matter tomorrow? "I guess I protected you."

"Yes, you did Shinji," Rei smiled and Shinji smiled back over the HUD's.

OMAKES LATER

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(A/N: Ah, another chapter. I felt like it was boring, but I didn't like the series episode of it either. I think I'll try for updates every Sunday starting March 11th.

OMAKES (no submissions yet, so this is all my own) SUBMIT SOME! I COMMAND YOU! (yea right...)

For the Naruto Lovers

"No, DODGE IT!" Misato screamed, eyes bugging out.

"KAITEN!" Eva Unit 01 spun like a top, creating a layer of AT field to deflect the attack. Unfortunately this created a whirlpool current within the entry plug and knocked Shinji out. Unit 01 fell over as another beam flew overhead.

**ROOOOAARRRR! **Yui was pissed again, why the hell can't these things learn? She lowered her left arm and grasp the wrist with her right.

"The pilot is unconscious, Unit 01 has gone berserker again!"

Gendo was smug as he knew Yui could not be beat, _'Some day you will be mine again.'_

**ROAAARRR! **(CHIDORI!) The eva's eyes turned blood red as it ejected the cable and ran past another death beam. An AT field was rapped around Yui's left hand as it thrust thru the angel's AT field, core, and body. The sprint didn't stop there as Yui past the city limits and spiked Remiel into the ground like a giant football.

"That was unique," Ritsuko was the first to say something as Unit 01 approached a NERV camera. The eyes of Unit 01 were swirling red as three commas appeared in each.

**Gasp! **Everyone turned back to Gendo convulsing on the floor, he was the only one that heard, "Hello Gendo-chan, for the next 720 hours you will be trapped, you'll be at my every command, and you will break!"

Gendo held the sides of his head as 720 hours passed in the blink of an eye, things were shoved where they could not fit, objects were mutilated and force fed, bones were broken, skin melted, genitalia set aflame, and worse. You think he would have known better as he regained control and looked into the monitor again.

This time he heard one word, "B4K4!" as he lost all bodily control and fell to the ground, mouth foaming.

"Crap, can we get a janitor up here?" Kozou asked as he stood on his chair and held his nose.

Can I borrow your gun? A first chapter plot bunny

"Misato, what type of gun is that?" Shinji pointed as they walked in circles around the bowels of NERV.

"I don't know, the author's too lazy to find out."

"Maybe I can tell you, I'll keep the safety on."

"Sure, who could it hurt?"

They finally found Ritsuko, "Is this the third child?"

"Yep, one Shinji Ikari meet Ritsuko Akagi."

The lights went out as they passed into the cage, "Whoah, is this what my father's been working on?" as the lights came on. Then, as softly as possible, "Say correct if you want to die."

"Correct." **Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! **

Gendo fell over the railing, riddled with bullet holes and dying. A loud explosion shook a support beam and it fell towards Shinji.

"OH MY GOD...unit 01 moved on its own, fascinating!" Ritsuko's eyes glowed at this new discovery.

The right arm of Unit 01 had caught the beam, but the mouth was pried open chewing something. Blood was leaking thru the mouthguards as a pair of broken glasses fell out.

"The commander, NO!" Ritsuko freaked, "Why! Now I have to run a contamination test on Unit 01 **Sigh** Let's hope for humanity Unit 01 can't get sick..."

What if Rei had her memories as well A chapter 2 omake Rei's PoV for you Rei fans

Rei was lying there, listlessly staring at the ceiling. The only signs of life were her gentle breathing movement, the occasional blinks that covered her red eyes, and the beeps of the heart monitor. She heard the door slide open and turned her head slightly.

_'Shinji-kun is here?'_ And she stared at him.

"Hello Ayanami-san." _'He does not remember.' _ How are you feeling?" Shinji assumed the bastard position and placed his hands in front of him, mirroring his father.

"I'm acceptable," She fought the incoming depression, _'Who will help me prevent third impact now?'_

"I just wanted to make sure you were feeling well, you were bleeding severely, right?"

"Correct," Rei tried putting her mask back on.

"Well I hope you recover soon. We have school together and I'd like to see you there. Are the other students nice?"

Rei took a split second longer to answer the question, _'This is too diferent, maybe he... what could it hurt, I'll just say it was the painkillers if he doesn't know_' "Shinji-kun, do you remember third impact?"

"WHAT!" _'Oh no, he doesn't...' _"You remembered? What the hell was becoming a giant all about?"

Rei leaped up, injuries vanished, and hugged him, "I'm sorry, I just got a little carried away with Lilith to reset history, but it worked!"

Shinji returned the hug, "Yea, we're back...wait, what about Asuka?"

Rei's eyebrow twitched, she really did not want to hear about this, it was enough that she got to live with him. Something snapped, she flipped Shinji over and yelled, "Shut up! I'm here, half naked, and horny as hell!"

"Wha..." Rei's lips crashed down on his as she started a one-sided makeout session. Shinji's newly incorporated hentai side, seeing as the logic circuit was blown, shrugged and went with the flow, returning the favors.

The guard burst in and Rei jumped out of the bed and charged him. She lifted him by the collar and threw him straight into the emergency room, then locked the door. Damn it! She was supposed to be one with him in third impact and no one would dare interrupt her nookie now!

Shinji smiled and only got a phrase out before everything resumed, "We shouldn't, but who cares?" Rei smiled brilliantly and licked her lips. All was right with the world.

Unfair, this chapter

Outside, an inflatable drone of Unit 01 was vaporized as it floated above the railroad track.

"Damn, that's the 12th one, it didn't attack until it reached here," Misato pointed to a spot on the screen, "Next!"

A type-12 mortar cannon shot at the angel, the attack hitting the AT field meaninglessly. The angel then let the cannon join the 12 decoys in obliterated peace.

"I got it! It only attacks objects in a certain range or those that attack it." _'What if...no, well they deserve it I guess.'_

"Use the special drones and charge the angel! Everyone turn away!"

A giant inflatable naked Gendo, hands open for a hug with a creepy smile, was driven toward the angel. The angel retracted its drill and started to move in the opposite direction, scared to even hit it with an AT field. When the angel was outside the city, dozens of Gendos covered in duct tape and super glue dropped from planes and adhered themselves to Remiel.

Misato peeked at her watch, not looking at the screens due to the danger of permanent blindness, and told the technicians to just look for energy reactions and nothing else.

"Holy Shit, the enemy's core is expanding exponentially!"

A huge explosion occurred and all of humanity thanked the angels for removing those drones from existence. Gendo was banned by Seele and the UN to ever procreate again to prevent another being of such stature. Shinji tested out to be an anomaly due to Yui, they would not chance it again.

It's time to DuDuDDDDDDuel!

"Regardless, third child. This is the most probable set up for success. Consider it a direct order from your employer," _'he has too much confidence...'_

"That's it! I'm fed up with you! I challenge you to a duel!" Everyone gasped, it was well known that Gendo was the best strategist, dueler, cheater, and bastard in the world. He took the title with great pride.

"Fine, you will lose." Gendo shuffled a deck of cards and slammed them against the holo-projector in the room. Shinji did the same.

"You go first," and Shinji drew his cards.

"Agreed. I summon my best card "Gendo, the Unstoppable Bastard". It can control any and all monsters on your side of the field. It also prevents summoned monsters for attacking for one turn. I then play "Reiquarium" to produce "Rei Ayanami" she cannot be destroyed no matter what and prevents any magic and traps from affecting my side of the field so long as I discard one card per my standby phase. I then play one card face down."

"That's it?" Shinji stared at the field.

"Correct."

_'Damn I need to draw the right card...' _"Look, it's Yui!" Shinji pointed behind Gendo and his head whipped around while Shinji pulled the card he needed out of his deck. (How do you think Yugi wins?) "Nevermind. I play the five pieces of Unit 01 and combine it with "Shinji, the Time Traveling Pilot"."

"What!" Gendo screamed, "No one's every pulled off the Berserked Soul Summoning!"

"Then feel proud, because I special summon "Perfectly Ultimate Berserk Unit 01"! It has infinite attack power, can attack the opponent directly, is not affected by magic and traps, and is allowed to attack whenever the hell it pleases! I attack "Gendo, the Ultimate Bastard" and send you to the Shadow Realm!"

"NOOOOOooooo!" Gendo tries in vane to escape the portal that consumes his soul.

Phew, that's it for now. Review if you want. Save an author, submit an omake.  



	8. Chapter 7: Thermonuclear Capabilities

A/N: Hey, I had the last two weekends taken over by policy debate at states, be thankful I didn't catch one of the mysterious file deleting viruses that most authors magically get when they update late, I'm just lazy! Also, I've trimmed all the previous chapters of the majority of their Author Notes if you crunch the word count for some weird reason. Besides that, remember this is the last chapter you can have input on the ships, so review. Oh, quite a few Omake this time, surprising when you consider it's the JA episode.

**Bold: Sound**

_Italics: 'Thoughts/Yui'_

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"I owe you again," Gendo spoke into the receiver, the rest of his office was dark as normal... you must admit, he has good eyesight or some sort of night-vision because it's always dark and he wears crappy sunglasses. He was on the phone with a spy for governmental intelligence gathering.

"Of course you do, but you'll never repay me," Gendo didn't flich at all, "As for the material requested under the information publicity law, I provided some believable crap. The administration's preparation of the lawsuit should be dismissed. And what about you-know-what? I'm this close to giving up trying to cover all the evidence up!"

The destruction of satellites, a lightshow seen around the world with the third angel, and massive budget costs made keeping secrets one mother ...

"No need. Your information does not suggest many problems," Gendo peered down at his desk to the Seele reports.

"All right, I'll continue with the plan... don't be surprised to see liquor on my expense account. I mean: could you make any more of a scene? Next thing you know you'll be fighting other giant robots with thermonuclear capabilities..." **click** Gendo hung up the phone quickly. It was a shame alcohol could interfere with his upcoming operation.

-------------------------------------Cue the nifty music, seriously!----------------------------------

In Misato's apartment, we see Shinji preparing breakfast in the kitchen and PenPen next to his fridge. PenPen just finishes lighting some candles on his cooking god's shrine before bowing and then heading to the kitchen. (In all reality it was just a picture of Shinji with a super-imposed "Cooking God" apron, a few birthday candles, and a tip jar.)

"Wark war?" PenPen looked ready to peck Shinji for not being done.

"Hey PenPen, wait just a minute or Misato will feed you again," _'Things are definitely different than before, or maybe just more extreme...' _Shinji stared at the impressive rendition of crouching tiger attack performed by a wailing penguin.

Finally awakened from her slumber, Misato slides her door open, "G'morning kami-sama."

"Great to know you remember my name, catch," Shinji sarcastically replied and lobbed a Yebisu away from his guardian and into the living room. Misato's eyes opened immediately as she made the 2 meter running jump to save her precious gold.

**flumph! **She landed on the couch face-first. A few moments later she glared at Shinji before slamming the beer down. "Ahhhhhh! This is how a morning starts!" Misato sat down at the table smiley-eyed while Shinji finished serving, "Don't threaten the beer Shinji-kun, it has feelings too."

"You just killed it then, let's eat." "WARK! (FOOD!)"

"Ha Ha Shinji," Misato ate the food sloppily, _'I need another...'_ A beer flew onto the table, knocking the recently devoured one into the trash. _'How does he do that?' _It was a common occurrence for Shinji to display seemingly sixth-sense abilities

"Misato, left shoulder." Shinji stood up with the plates a while later, _'Yep, things are only worse here, albeit more fun.' _The apartment on the whole was a lot more messy, they were at least twice as obsessive over his cooking, and Misato didn't look about to change her mannerisms to appropriate ones.

"Hm? Do I have to Shinji-kun?" Misato tried to tease the kid.

"I wonder if Hyuuga would like a photo or two?..." Shinji finished cleaning the table and concealed a faint nose bleed.

"Fine," Misato hoisted up the left strap on her top so it would actually serve some purpose. She wanted to tease Shinji, but she didn't need Hyuga to be anymore stalker-like than he was.

"Well, I'm done. Don't forget about teacher-parent meetings today. You got the day off so..."

"Don't worry about it. It's my responsibility,"

"Better you than the commander at least, do you know what car is his?"

"Wha? Oh, I don't know actually. I think he has an apartment in NERV."

"Damn, another plan's worthless..." Misato was about to ask him what he meant when the door bell rang "grab the camera and drop the left shoulder."

Misato giggled and followed Shinji to the door.

Toji and Kensuke were outside the door waiting, more for the chance to see Misato than Shinji. It was their first time picking him up for school, "Good morning Shinji. Good Morning Misato-san!" They shouted into the apartment so she could hopefully hear.

Shinji smiled and turned back to the apartment, "We're off!"

Misato stepped out in her semi-glory, wearing only her underwear that was loosely attached. "WoW!" the stooges performed a particularly wonderful jaw drop, coupled with nose bleed, and Shinji saving them from falling off the railing; however, they still fainted.

Several bright flashes, clicks, and compromising positions later, a smiling Shinji and Misato had some photos for the wall of stooge antics in the hallway and Shinji was dragging the two off. Toji and Kensuke were blissfully unaware.

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Misato was talking to herself after hanging up the new photos, "Phew, this guardian bit isn't that hard. He's pretty...hm... I guess cool for his age. I couldn't stand it if he was another Rei or Pen-Pen," She dialed the phone.

"Hello?"

"He just left. Section 4 please."

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The school day passes by, for a generic purposes and my awesome author powers, parents visited the building throughout the day and the students spent the time in their homerooms doing whatever so long as they didn't disturb the meetings. Shinji and Co. spent the time on a mass Halo 4 tournament with the rest of the school thru the LAN connection for the most part. Kensuke won, Shinji was second, and Toji was last out of 101 players.

After lunch they just hung out in the room playing cards, talking, surfing the web, and whatever. Until Hikari came over...

"You! Why did you not turn in your last assignment? As representative of our class, I'm obligated to tell you to finish it now. You have the time to do it instead of goofing off."

"Relax class rep," Kensuke started, "we still have time and it's just a short multiple choice thing."

"Yea," Toji entered, "we have Shinji to rely on to help us with his, right Shin-man?"

"Actually, Shinji already turned his in," Hikari looked with approval towards Shinji as he stepped back from the two other stooges.

"Yea, sorry. Misato's coming in for a meeting and I need to keep up with my work,"

"That makes sense, damn. You can still help us right?" Toji's grades had improved a lot since Shinji started helping them at his place.

"Sure I wi..." "No!" The trio looked to Horaki, "You should finish it yourselves!" If this was a martial arts anime, you could have seen the red battle aura radiating from the rep's body and a mallet appearing.

"Err..." "Right." "Sorry guys, I'll err... just hang out with her a bit until you're done." The stooges all thought: _'Why is she such a itch today?' _Hikari looked a little taken back with Shinji's response, but headed to her desk.

"Hey, how's life?" this is a common icebreaker that one uses when he or she can't think of anything else, but he said it in a confused tone. Shinji had sat down on top of the desk in front of Hikari, facing her. If you're wondering where Rei is, I'm saying she's at NERV for no reason what-so-ever and was exempt from school today.

**sigh** "It's okay. You?"

Shinji didn't spend much time getting to know Hikari in his former life, but he knew her enough that it was first name basis now. "It's great, do you want to see some incriminating pictures of Toji and Kensuke? It will cheer you up and could explain some things."

"Huh? I guess..." _'Hmm I wonder what they want?' _Hikari was staring at the Shinji Ikari Fanclub staring at her, she liked Shinji as much as the next girl did, but to make a fanclub was a little much.

"Come on, sit here," Shinji patted the spot next to him on the desk, he had to make sure the screen wasn't facing his friends. (A/N: I'm trying a little too hard to have every one have a shot at him, aren't I? Oh well...)

Hikari hesitantly sat down as the slide show began, "I'll show you just a few":

1st picture: "This is the first time Toji and Kensuke came over, as you can see Toji has, well had, a morbid fear of domesticated penguins. It took us fifteen minutes to talk him off the top of the couch, ignore the fact that PenPen is waving "Slice-y" the katana around." Hikari let out a little laugh.

2nd picture: "This one is almost self-explanatory. Kensuke asked if he could work at NERV one too many times and Misato snapped. She slammed him to the floor and ground her heel into his spine...look at his face Haha! He never asked again after that."

3rd picture: "Ah, this was taken this morning when they picked me up, but after they fainted. Don't ask why they did. As you see Toji's head is on a peculiar spot on Kensuke and Kensuke thinks his glasses look better on Toji. I'm not commenting on how we placed the rest their parts, but it was too cruel to wake them up like this..."

4th picture: "This is how we woke them up." Hikari fought the urge to laugh as her eyes bulged out. "PenPen is truly the master..."

Unfortunately the sounds of screeching tires and Toji and Kensuke overturning desks to get to the window interrupted the rest of the show. The rest of the students lined up at the windows as well.

"Wow, she's beautiful!" Toji restated the obvious as Misato stepped out of her car and waved to the class.

"Cool woman, who is she?" a knuckle-dragger asked.

"She's Ikari's guardian," Kensuke enlightened the students.

"You mean he lives with someone that gorgeous!" the rumors started.

"Yea, she's very, very nice," Touji drooled out the window.

"She's also in charge of operations at NERV," Kensuke leaned out the window as well.

Shinji walked up behind the two and dragged them by the back of their shirts back into the room. The girls in the class were relieved Shinji was not staring at his guardian like the rest of the male population...and a few girls.

"Unfortunately, Kensuke, Shinji has the advantage. We must increase our tutoring sessions!"

"Guys, you don't have a chance in hell. I'll have fun laughing at you until you realize that. All you know is that you can't seem to find her face despite the time searching for it."

"You don't know. You can guard the Earth and we'll guard Misato," they simultaneously responded as they returned to their assignment.

"Haha," Shinji walked back to Hikari, "they never change. It's good to laugh though. Do you have anything you want to do?"

-----------------------------------------------------Later------------------------------------------------

After school, Misato and Shinji left for NERV. Shinji's guardian did not have any positive comments, "And then Mr. Boring and I discussed the difference between Classic Yebisu and this new Yebisu Lite. I didn't even realize they reduced the hops by 3 percent! Oh yea, you're doing great in all your classes. And Yebisu Lite is produced in Okinawa instead if Atsugi like Classic is."

As the Renault pulled into its spot and Ritsuko finally heard reason number 98 why Classic was better when she met them at the elevator, Shinji had thanked God profusely for wireless earpieces for his iPod. _'There's only so much I can take... Let's see, today I have another lecture from Misato, Ritsuko, and...Maya? Whatever.' _Looking around the conference room he saw Rei sitting in one of the chairs and an engineer walking up to Ritsuko and Misato, so Shinji sat down next to Rei and Maya while overhearing the conversation.

"How are the Eva's auxiliary weapons progressing?" Shinji mentally cheered, knowing Ritsuko was asking about his new sword and another suprise.

"Extremely well, it appears a co-effort by some previous engineers had already started on the idea. It's all a matter of budget..."

Ritsuko sighed, "We should be happy there has been minimal damage to the units so far, but the collateral damage is off the chart," _'Thank God they are not charging for those satellites and planes Shinji destroys.'_

The random engineer agreed, "It could be worse, but disposing of Angel corpses costs a lot, right?"

_'It's just money,' _Misato thought as the engineer left, "So, should we complain about the budget – Humanity depends on us."

"True, but people need more than bio-mechanical robots to protect them, they need money to survive for food, shelter, etc."

"Okay, Okay! Anyways, the commander is at the conference? Does anyone mind me bringing some brewskis for our presentation?"

"First, yes. Commander Ikari is there. Second, only if you have enough for me and Maya as well. Shinji has too many God damn questions for his own good," Ritsuko was looking over at the imposing screen of contradictions and plot holes Shinji brought up on his notebook (computer, not paper).

-----------------------------------------At said budget conference-----------------------------------

Currently, some unlucky bastard was looking for a place to sit. "Excuse me..." The figure at the corner of the table next to the only empty chair looked up at the speaker. _'Shit, it's Ikari. I thought I could just brief him and choose somewhere else to sit,' _"Do you mind if I sit here?" _'Please say yes...'_

Gendo shook his head in the negative.

_'Damn, let's get this over with. Only 2 hours left...why me?' _"The draft amendment to the budget for the sampling has gone through."

Gendo decided he needed to make conversation only to torment this man, "The Committee thinks their survival is the highest priority so they'd agree to any budget to keep their skins whole. They'll pay any amount to continue living."

"They thought Angels would never appear again...And there's more good news--except for the States, all member countries of the council have approved the budget for Eva Unit Six and it's only a matter of time until the States approves it as well. That country's problem is an allergy to unemployment..." _'If only they could accept Swift's Modest Proposal' _(A/N: If you know what I'm talking about, good for you. It's a poor joke)

"And what of your country?"

"We will participate in the construction plan from Unit Eight onward. The plan for the second installation is still valid. However... the problem remains that the pilot has not yet been found."

"Angels have come again. We have no choice but to defeat them."

"The world doesn't want another Second Impact." _'However, I'm wishing for one now,'_ the pour soul looked down and saw had another 1 hours 51 minutes and 6 seconds left. (6666 seconds and I know that it's one six too many)

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An interesting sight to behold, Ritsuko was on her third beer and buzzed, coffee was only great to keep you awake, not remove frustration.

"So you're saying the Second Impact that vaporized Antarctica was caused by our meddling by my father and stabbing the first angel with a giant fork?" Shinji asked.

"Yes, Yes! History covers up the truth by claming a meteorite hit the earth..." _'Wait, how did he know about the lance?'_

"About that... why did none of the physicists or anyone with a basic sense of how improbable is was for a meteorite to strike the south pole with enough force when it was supposedly pulled in by earth's gravity... In other words, if it was traveling fast enough to enough damage, but somehow be large enough to melt an ice cap when it would not have generated enough heat when passing thru the thinner atmosphere at the pole, even assuming it came from another star system and had enough speed not to be attracted to the sun's gravity (but somehow earth's), why didn't anyone point out it was impossible?"

"People are stupid Shinji-kun, could you please be quiet Shinji so sempai can finish?" Maya answered in hopes of shutting him up and passed Ritsuko another can. Misato was glad she brought a lot. Shinji seemed to point out every flaw and ask every classified, but not officially, question during the last two hours. Rei was confused and curious, so many of the logical responses she'd been taught had been obliterated in a couple of question. Maya, Misato, and Ritsuko couldn't blame Shinji for being curious and knowledgeable, but some things just can't be explained, that's life. However, there would not be another history lesson ever again.

"Okay Maya, I'm sorry and I'll shut up, but there's too many secrets. I'm not going to be a pawn without the bigger picture," _'Thankfully I already know what I need to. Go mom!'_

"Thank you, 15 years ago, mankind discovered the first humanoid creature, called an Angel in Antarctica and it lead to 2nd Impact..." Ritsuko had sat down and continued a monotone speech realizing, _'Wait, how can it be the first humanoid creature if humans are inherently humanoid...I'm taking the rest of the day off, now.'   
_

Ritsuko finished quickly, "So basically, now were trying to prevent Third Impact and secure our own future, thank you. Misato...Thank you and don't forget about tomorrow."

Ritsuko stood up quickly to leave when Rei asked a question on a whim, everybody stared, "Why do we attack the angels if we caused 2nd Impact and we are creating our future?" (A/N: ooc, deal with it.)

Ritsuko clenched her fist over and over, Misato tried her best to divert the meltdown, "Because now we have no choice but to defend and of course we're creating our future, after the angels stop, I plan to take a long vacation. Now let's go."

Shinji thoughts: _'Why is everything going so conveniently? Must be because the bastard isn't here.' _Shinji left with Rei and Misato, leaving behind Maya downing her own can of the good stuff.

_­_----------------------------------------------Next Morning---------------------------------------------

After listening to the nifty background music and preparing breakfast, Shinji tells PenPen to go ahead and start eating without them.

"Puwa!" Our favorite character dove into his food dish.

"What kind of noise was that? Whatever... Good morning Misato, the businesswoman look doesn't suit you." _'Too much coverage...gah! Bad Shinji!"_

"Good morning to you too, thanks," Misato was dressed professionally this day and accepted the bento Shinji held out, "I'm going to Ex-Tokyo with Ritsuko for work. I'll be back late so order in or something."

"Okay, be sure to call when any giant robots go berserk!" Shinji shouted as Misato left the apartment, _'Maybe I'll skip school and wait at NERV today, no can't do that..._

Misato chuckled and sped away in her blue baby, _'Shinji-kun has a weird sense of humor, it suits him.'_

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Now normally, I would continue by the script with a boring conversation where Misato, Ritsuko, and the chairperson of Jet Alone argue about whose giant toys were cooler, but this chapter took for forever and I'm lazy...(shifty eyes) so let's skip straight to the point where the shit hits the fan...how that analogy came into being, I'll never know...I semi-promise I won't do this again...

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"It's out of control!" a techie scrambling at his computer shouted, JA, the giant nuclear-powered prototype robot for the Strategic Defense Force that was being shown at this event, kept walking their direction.

"What the hell?" the once confident chairman pulled his hair out. A giant foot fell and caused the ceiling to collapse on the people.

A purple-haired captain stood up from the rubble, cursed at the chairman, and pulled out a rectangular cell phone, "Hello Shinji. Get your ass to NERV, bring Rei, and suit up. Makato will fill you in."

In the background, the surviving staff told the chairman that melt-downs were bad and would probably occur in the near future. "This can't happen!"

_'Well it is. And to think, a combat robot with a nuclear engine, I still can't get over it. What would the chances of something like this happening when...oh, let's say an angel blows a hole thru its torso? It's better that it goes crazy now,' _Ritsuko may have had a concussion, as she didn't realize Misato was talking about the technicalities of passwords and nuclear threats.

"Then get the clearance! NOW!" Misato raged, it was just a password to stop a robot!

The chairman contacted the minister of the interior, who contacted the minister of information, who dutifully informed an official diploma would be needed to avoid the impending doom of the city of Atsugi.

"Damn! I'll do it myself!" subconsciously Misato realized the Yebisu brewery would be destroyed and she went into overdrive. Misato hit the speed dial for NERV, "Hyuuga-kun...yes. How did you know? Shinji? Giant berserk robot, well...yea. Um, thanks...Bye." _'I didn't get to even boss Hyuuga around...'_

"What's going on?" Ritsuko was finally back and asked her non-feline friend.

"Oh...I'm going to shut it down manually!" She smiled.

Ritsuko stared in disbelief, "Impossible, there's radiation...it's movin...no knowledge of the operating sy..." Ritsuko gave up once she saw Misato had changed into a radiation suit, Eva Unit 00 and Unit 01 were behind her, and she held a programming for dummies book.

"The password's KIBOU (HOPE)!" the chairman shouted as Rei carried Misato away.

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"Hey Shinji-kun, Rei." Misato was riding Unit 00 towards JA. The scenery of old-Tokyo passing by in the breeze.

"Hi Misato, thanks for getting me out of pre-calc..." "Hello Captain Katsuragi..."

"Rei, run with the target, and then put me on the backpack. Shinji, hold the target motionless."

"Confirmed," Rei began to move into position.

"Will cutting the legs and arms off damage anything?" Shinji asked the technicians thru the radio link.

"Umm, no, but JA is a meticulously crafted machine and..." a junior techie started before the chairman jumped him and held his mouth shut.

"Thanks, hold back for a second Misato," Shinji popped out the progressive knife and stepped in front of the walking behemoth, all the while with a demented grin on his face. **Skrrrt! **Left leg gone, the robot leaned to step forward and kept falling. **Skrrrt! **The right leg was gone and Unit 01 held JA in the air menacingly. **Double Skrrrt! **Both arms were severed from the body and Shinji set it on the ground for Rei to place Misato on.

Shinji relaxed, _'Happy mom? A fine tribute to Monty Python's Black Knight'_

_'Very, not as good as de-limbing your father would have been...but I concede acts of violence can act as indicators for actions, but they're not as good as sexual inspirations. I'll permit violence against Gendo as the mental images for some of your sword training, but the rest shall remain the same.'_

_'OK, wait a sec,' _"Hey Misato, just do it manually and push the control rod in."

The sounds of heavy labor could be heard over the radio as Misato agreed and tackled the cylinder. Shinji wasn't worried because they still had 20 minutes left, still he had to ask, "Are you okay Misato?"

"Just peachy, one last push..."

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The staff of the strategic defense force watched the interior pressure drop and readings return to normal. "Woohoo, she did it! Our asses are only going to be moderately chewed out now!"

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"Great job Misato!" "...Good work Captain" Misato was back on Unit 00's shoulder as they headed to the air carriers.

"Call me Misato like Shinji does Rei," Misato was set down on the ground.

"Okay...Misato." Rei's face flickered off the HUD as Shinji helped place Unit 00 into the aircraft and Misato went to the decontamination team.

_'Well mom, Asuka's coming in a little bit, any opinions?'_

_'Of course, she has a great body for a fifteen year old, take advantage of that when you get invited to the entry plug, I'm going download my fluent skill in German next sync test so you can impress her. Also, keep up the physical training. Remember, protection now, grandbabies later.' _Unit 01's eyes glowed for a second before she shut down.

_'Gah! I didn't mean that. Kuso, she's gone,' _ Shinji closed his eyes and leaned back, _'Come on, get me out of here. Without the pretty graphics, it's just a fancy blood filled tube.'_

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Ritsuko was giving the report to Gendo as they returned to NERV, "The Eva retrievals are complete. No fear of radioactivity except for Katsuragi, but that's not probable. Everything was done according to plan, except Unit 01 removed Jet Alone from current timetables by severely damaging it. I believe that is better than expected."

"Yes, you did well," Gendo turned away from Ritsuko in his swivel chair.

_'That's all the credit we get? Jeeze...' _Ritsuko left the office.

---------------------------------------------Next Morning----------------------------------------------

Living with constant threats often makes people to live their life out to the fullest...or to forget the threats ever happened and continue on as normal, they build a tolerance to it you can say. The second case applies to the resident's of Misato's apartment, including PenPen. We can see Shinji cooking breakfast and Pen-Pen staring at him, Shinji's wearing his iPod this morning and is listening to the nifty music he pirated...err downloaded with force.

"Uki?" the warm-watered penguin tilted his head.

"PenPen, that was a few and far between occurrence yesterday. You're not eating as soon as it's done, peck me and I'll lock your freezer...after hiding your lock picking kit."

"War..." PenPen was annoyed and walked back to his dish, reluctantly knowing that he shouldn't have pushed the kami.

**Yawn** "G'mornin' Shinji-kun!" Misato was stumbling to the table as she raised her hand in the air. The merciful Cooking God sent the drink of the gods her way and she was revitalized, slamming the can on the table. "Good Stuff!"

"Yea, Good morning Misato, both shoulders this time," a blushing Shinji looked away slightly, _'Maybe I'll ask if I can start hitting the booze. It's something new at least. Wait...ahh! Mom's corrupted me, no nosebleed!' _he thought before a trickle appeared.

"Whoops, at least I know you're still male, I was worried for a bit,"

"Thanks, I can think of better ways to determine that though,"

"Me too," Misato agreed with a lecherous grin.

"Ah, I walked straight into that one. I think I'm building a tolerance though, it's very nice"

"That's just a sign you're growing up... just think, in a couple of years you'll be going off to college and I'll be all alone." **fake sniff**

"What about PenPen?"

"OW! I'm sorry! Ow!" "WaRk! (Traitor!)" Misato finally fended the penguin off, "Now, for a shower...where's a bra?...and pants?"

**Sigh** "I shouldn't tell you because you'll find them quickly enough, but think laundry room," Shinji sniggered as he heard the door bell ring. The guys were here.

"G'morning Shinji! Misato-san!" Kensuke and Toji greeted.

"Good morning guys! I'm off!" Shinji called back to the apartment.

"Have fun!" Misato leaned around the corner and winked, somehow giving the two foreigners nosebleeds. The trio left the apartment and they began their favorite conversation.

"Phew, Misato-san is so nice!" Touji wiped his nose with a Kleenex while commemorating the picture to memory.

"Hmm, really? I hadn't noticed," Shinji decided today would be a sarcastic day.

"I really envy you!" Kensuke meant for piloting NERV and being Misato's ward.

"It's not that great, she just inadvertently flashes you sometimes. I'm getting used to it," Shinji gave into his Ikari heritage and smiled. (Remember: Yui Ikari , Gendo Rokubungi(sp?))

"Whoah, you are our god!" the two bowed down to Shinji.

**sigh** _'I hope they don't continue this... though it's rather soothing to be worshipped as a god'_

-----------------------------------------------Omakes Later--------------------------------------------

A/N: Hi, was it worth the wait? Flame me a review if it wasn't and I'll thankyou for the review count. Thanks to D-Wrecked for reminding me about this story and beta-reading this time. Sorry SuperLegendayNamek, but you just finish reading those DeathNotes.

Ship center: LAST CHANCE FOR INPUT! Every female character is in the running, I've heard complaints about incest or not deserving a chance since she was a -itch, but I don't care. Every character has been voted for in some way, Rei and Asuka are the frontrunners for some reason, followed by Maya and Hikari then Misato and Ritsuko. Then there is the ever popular harem or manage a trois, quatre, cinq... not realistic, but either is my story.

Omake suggestions, do you have any? Only a request for Naruto's so far.

Other things you want to suggest? I'm using up a lot of ideas on the early chapters. Review if you want.

------------------------------------------------OMAKES-----------------------------------------------

The Fifth Picture Shinji Would've Shown Hikari

Fifth picture: "Here's a picture of Pen-Pen stabbing Toji...he has blue blood you know...note to self, get third RaXephon Manga."

Fifth picture: "OMG! MOM!" Hikari looked on in a glazed awe, the pervert in her awakened...

Fifth picture: "This is your room and Toji's playing with your Sega...don't think about how we got in to your house..."

Fifth picture: "Olivanders, the only place to get your wand...why the hell am I talking about Harry Potter? They're blasphemous! I hope I can kill another angel soon..."

Fifth picture: "And this is me playing tennis with my sensei, Ryoma Echizen. He keeps telling me lies about how he was only 12 when he went to the US Open or how his own racket rebounded off of a net post and made a cut above his left eye. It's hard enough believing 15 year olds pilot mechas..."

T3H L33T M45T3R!

"It's out of control!" a techie scrambling at his computer shouted, JA, the giant nuclear-powered prototype robot for the Strategic Defense Force that was being shown at this event, kept walking their direction. "Call the specialist!"

Ritsuko's eye's widened, _'What! Gendo didn't inform me that they had a specialist...'_

"He's done it, he has control over Jet Alone! Conditions have returned to normal."

"Bwhahahahaha!" The JA was reaching into the air and laughing manically, "4H! W47 4 ph33LING! I7 I5 73H L337!"

"What's happening? I thought you said it was back to normal?" Misato was ready to kill the chairperson.

"Uh oh, send a team out to stop the specialist. Only his input is working!" the techie screamed as JA started to play 'destroy the abandoned buildings of Old-Tokyo!'

A few hours later...

Misato saw several intelligence agents walking into the room carrying a strait jacketed Kensuke who foamed at the mouth. Screaming how it was a crime to remove his L337N355.

Another Crossover?

"Rei, run with the target, and then put me on the backpack. Shinji, hold the target motionless."

"Confirmed," Rei began to move into position.

Thru the radio link, Shinji heard the technicians speak, "Are you sure they can do this, I heard those things are piloted by little kids..."

That was enough for Shinji as the sync ratio spiked. "Who are you calling a shrimp? little person? midget? can't even see me can you!" Eva Unit 01's hands clapped together and a trace a lighting flickered between them. Both palms slammed into JA, the color of the giant nuclear robot started to change.

"What the hell is he doing?" The chair person screeched. The robot changed into solid gold, no not just the color, but an actual transmutation!

Unit 01 used unfound strength to pick up the JA and started to run off towards Tokyo-3, screaming: "I'm Rich! I'm Rich! Can you see me now!"

Another Crossover? Again?

Shinji wasn't worried because they still had 20 minutes left, still he had to ask, "Are you okay Misato?"

"Just peachy, one last push...it's not working!"

Shinji was shocked, "Mother #$#$#$!" He watched the countdown reach 30 seconds and Misato was freaking out.

"Help me! What do I do?"

Shinji was struck by genius, "Misato do it for the Yebisu! The brewery's downwind of the radiation cloud!"

**drip...drip...drip** Misato sweated, "That will nOT HAPPEN! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Looking at Misato, he radiation suit burst off in a giant aura flare then... "AHHHHHHHH!" **Boom **Misato's once violet hair re-arranged itself into long spikes and quickly changed to a bright golden shine!

To the outside viewer, we see a glowing figure still screaming and aura increasing as it burst from the top of JA holding the nuclear core. "AHHHHHHHHHH!" Another flare later and Misato's hair burst forth into an even larger stature, muscles bulging beyond belief.

Knowing instinctively what to do, she flung the core straight into space, thru 2 SEELE satellites, and cupped her hands on her right side.

"KA ME HA ME HAAAAAAA!" The giant beam of death dwarfed that of the fifth angel and blasted thru the core. The beam split into 3 parts after that, one killing Gendo Ikari, another killing all of the SEELE members, and the last obliterating the first angel, Adam.

Misato fell down into the hands of Eva 01, saying one last thing before fell asleep, "Why the hell do I have a tail?"

Yet Another Crossover

"Yes, you did well," Gendo turned away from Ritsuko in his swivel chair.

_'That's all the credit we get? Jeeze...' _Ritsuko almost left the office, before realizing something: _'I'm fed up with it!'_

Gendo barely heard the footsteps of someone running up behind him as he stood to look out the window.

"You Bastard! Sennen Gurushi: One Thousand Years Of PAIN!" Ritsuko shoved her two index, middle fingers, and a ball-point pen up the bastard's rectum. One chakra surge later and Gendo was flying thru the glass and fell to the ground 5 stories below, thankful for a quick splattered death instead of this pin stuck up his ass.

A week later Ritsuko was declared innocent and given the Nobel Peace Prize for killing Hitler's long long lost grandson. Shinji was thankfully found to be the son of one of his mother's experiments with the son of one Umino Iruka.

Future Ideas

Gundam Wing AC and Seed Destiny, Escaflowne, Ranma .5, Ravemaster, Prince of Tennis (I will bash this heehee), One Piece, Yu-Gi-Oh, YuYu Hakusho, Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, Dragonball Z (I'm clueless here except the generalized humor of length of time to power up), and maybe some Clamp stuff. Opinions please.


	9. Chapter 8: Free Willy

A/N: And the winner of the ship is... I'll tell you after some background. In the beginning, Rei was the most popular, but then the Asuka fans attacked. So Rei fell out of first very quickly, but surprisingly didn't win second either. Misato was the most popular individual besides Asuka...now you notice why I said individual. That's because second place goes to a massive Harem (Maya, Ritsuko, Misato, Asuka, Hikari, and Rei...six is a good number, maybe Shinji will get to rest on Mondays).

This current storyline is Shinji/Harem…yes, it didn't win, but I want it, I have the power! Actually, I can work more with a semi-serious harem than a serious Shinji/Asuka relationship. If you're lucky, I'll make a S/A fic later. This is the reason it took so long for an update, but in the end, my happiness is more important :)

**Bold: Sounds**

_'Italics': 'Thoughts/Yui/Kyoko?(maybe later...)'_

"/Words/": "/German/" (I'm lazy, I don't want to translate)

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"Yes, I have made the arrangements with the committee about the problems," Gendo typed a command into his computer, "The cargo left Sarebo yesterday and is on the Pacific," Gendo hung up the phone a few seconds later and closed his eyes in thought.

_'Let us see if the third child will withstand the second, hopefully he will submit to her personality,' _Gendo shivered all of a sudden, he put it off as the air conditioning.

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Over the ocean adjacent to Japan in a transport copter Shinji snorted, he was looking forward to meeting the 'Devil' again, both for good and bad reasons. Coincidently, on board of an aircraft carrier a redhead vixen shivered, trying to shake off the feeling something was going to happen as she leaned over the railing and spotted a helicopter headed their way.

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Kensuke was having a great time, _'ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod!'_

Being Ikari's friend was the best thing to ever happen to him, even though he wasn't the most shy individual, Kensuke was more eccentric than he ever before with the introduction of an outgoing Shinji. "OMG! This R0X0R5! A MIG SSN Transport copter! I never thought I'd live to fly on one! I'm so happy..."

Kensuke grabbed his glasses and wiped his eyes dramatically. Shinji rolled his eyes and stared out the window, mentally preparing for their arrival. Misato remembered her first time on a copter, _'but he's a little too much,'_ and spoke up, "It's too stuffy being cooped up in Tokyo-3 everyday, and I'm pretty sure Mr. Aida would have killed Shinji-kun if I didn't take you guys out on this date."

"A date? With Misato-san! I bought this hat just for today too..." Touji had developed an unhealthy obsession with Misato...no, not like that. Misato would kill him if he became a stalker or anything of the sort. It was just too physically tasking on his mind and nose...

"Calm down Toji, don't faint on us again," Shinji said and Misato and Kensuke sniggered.

--------------------------------------------Flashback---------------------------------------------------

"Hey guys, do you want to go with Misato and me on a trip?" Shinji was walking next to them on the way back from school, "just finding out" about this unscheduled trip.

"Misato?" **clang! **Touji's vision had unfocused as he walked headfirst into the traffic pole, an arm sticking out on either side as he slid back to the ground.

-----------------------------------------End Flashback-------------------------------------------------

Now normally, this could have simply been attributed to inattention concerning what someone was addressing you with, but after 13 basketballs to the face after saying "Misato" during a game let Touji know he had a problem, "I DON'T FAINT, I JUST RUN INTO THINGS! err, say...where are we headed?"

Misato checked her watch and nudged Shinji away from the window and pointed, "Ah, we're here! We'll be cruising the pacific on the carrier over there." On the ocean below, 5 carriers and 4 battleships traveled towards Japan. The largest ship is an air carrier spanning the length of several American football fields.

"That's 'Over the Rainbow', the pride of the UN navy and it's huge!" Kensuke checked off an item off of his mental list of military vehicles and locations to see.

Shinji remembered something from the past, "Hey Misato or Kensuke I guess, it's pre-Second Impact ne?"

"Yep, I wonder why such a relic is still afloat?" Misato replied and Kensuke looked severely affronted and opened his mouth slightly.

**Hissssss!**

Everyone stared at Kensuke in shock, what was wrong with him? "Sorry, I shouldn't have opened my drink yet," Kensuke was holding a carbonated beverage that was leaking. "And that ship's just vintage..."

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On the bridge of Over the Rainbow, Captain Dumbass was thrilled at having a little field trip attend his ship, "What the hell is that woman thinking? Bringing a power socket for the brat's toy!" His appreciative commentary continued until he saw the transport from NERV land on the flight deck. He growled in gleeful anticipation when he saw the glint of glasses and a camera fly out of the copter and head for the on-deck vehicles. He remembered his cousin Boring-sensei had warned him about that kid...

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"Wow! Great Great Great Great Great! This is too good to be true! This is truly a sight that will bring tears to anyone's eyes!" Kensuke had jumped from the helicopter and ran around taking pictures.

"Hey! Wait a sec' Kensuke!" Toji ran out and shoved his hat on his head.

Shinji realized something as he exited as well, _'Maybe Kensuke wants to pilot to avenge and protect military equipment...'_

"Ahhhh...I haven't been on the ocean for years!" Misato was stretching as she noticed someone standing on the deck. At the same time, Shinji caught Toji's hat as it blew off his head. Toji thanked him quickly.

"Hello Misato. How are you?" Asuka, our favorite redhead asked as she was poised with her hands on her hips.

"Better than ever. You've grown taller, haven't you?" Misato replied, not noticing Shinji dragging his friends to a safe spot next to her and setting up camera equipment. It appears Shinji was really putting his genes to work this morning.

"Yeah! And not just taller—my figure has filled out too," Asuka handled her chest for emphasis, feeling smug of herself and all her accomplishments so far in life.

_'Showtime...' _Shinji smirked and felt a strong breeze pass him and the stooges stopped struggling as they looked up at this new girl. The wind lifted her sundress past her waist before she shoved it back into place, showing off her panties and embarrassing her. Asuka decided to storm the perverts at fault, they shouldn't have been staring.

"Let me introduce you—this is the pilot of Evangelion Unit 02, the second child, Soryu Asuka Langley," Misato said as Asuka walked up to the guys.

**Slap! Slap! Whoosh... **"Huh?" **WhooshWhooshWhoosh **"Stand still baka!" Asuka had successfully slapped the two lesser idiots and was swinging after the greater one, "Get over here!"

"What did you hit us for?" Kensuke and Toji shouted together, they were ignored as Misato looked thoughtfully at the camera set-up, a twinge of jealousy over Shinji's expense account was squashed when she looked back to the fight.

Shinji had thought of several ways of how he should meet Asuka, he finally decided to go with one of the more spiteful ways. Now imagine for me, Asuka in her glory, swinging (fists now) away at one Shinji Ikari, who simply proceeds to lean and walk backwards with the occasional side steps. Asuka's face is matching her hair by now and the stooges have started bets with the crew members in deck. Finally, Asuka throws a violent right hook at Shinji's head. Shinji ducks underneath and steps up so he's face-to-face with her, placing two fingers on her forehead he pushes the off balance girl onto her ass.

"Hello Asuka, do you need some help up?" Shinji held his hand out, which was promptly pulled back to safety, "Okay, well… it's obvious then that you want me to introduce everyone!" Shinji smily-eyed, pissing Asuka off more than before.

Shinji jogged over to the dispersing crowd of crew members and his friends, smiling all the way, "Now, this is Aida Kensuke, master of L337 and military otaku extraordinaire. This is Suzuhara Toji, athlete, big brother, and all around average Japanese male, so watch out. You know Misato, who could ever forget her? And finally, I am the third child, Ikari Shinji, appointed pilot of Unit 01, honorary cooking god (please don't ask), and a perfect person in every way." Shinji took a bow and stood behind Misato.

"Shinji-kun, what do you mean 'who could forget me?'" Misato was the last line of defense for Shinji now, she was ignoring Asuka.

"Who wants to forget you? And you're very special compared to most people, do you need anything Asuka?" Shinji stepped towards her again, "We're going to be working together for a while, so let's be friends!" Kensuke and Toji joined Asuka in looking at Shinji as if he should be submitted to electroshock therapy with complementary straight jacket.

Misato was about to crack before she saw Asuka about to kill her source of edible food, "Asuka, forget about killing Shinji-kun for now. Could you please show us to the bridge?"

"Sure," **Slap! **Asuka led the way, feeling unsatisfied.

'_Ow, oh well. I guess it was a little…over the top…crap. Moral Dilemna!' _Shinji realized, _'I can't get revenge for things she hasn't done, can I?' _Shinji followed the group in further thought.

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Tojji's newly appointed job was to remain with Kensuke at all times and to subdue him if necessary. He was currently keeping Kensuke near the windows and away from the controls of this nuclear powered ship.

Misato was conversing with Captain Dumbass, who was delighted to hold discourse over authority at sea.

"Guarding a toy! What a grand assignment for the entire Pacific fleet!" Yep, he was thrilled.

"I know, you should feel honored. I don't suppose you'll sign the release forms now?" Misato smiled, looks like a little Shinji's rubbing off.

"NO! We have command over Unit 02 and its pilot until we unload at Shin-Yokosuka."

"Okay, but do remember that in an emergency we outrank you with NERV's backing. And do remember to set up the power cable . . .or else I could forget to restrain Kensuke from exploring the control rooms…"

Dumbass paled, the glasses kid was bouncing around the windows with his camera screaming in ecstasy. It was just too creepy. He shuddered a nod out before hearing the bridge door open again.

"You're gallant as always…" Misato's head whipped around in terror at the speaker's voice.

"Kaji-senpai!" Asuka squealed and looked to the unshaven man.

"Hi Katsuragi!" Kaji grinned.

"You! I er dffe a igo…" Misato broke down as Captain Dumbass spoke up, "I don't remember inviting you here Ryouji!" _'I don't remember inviting anyone here…'_

"Sorry about that," Kaji apologized half-heartedly. Misato stayed a bit and talked more with the crew about the transport. The Captain and first officer discussed the saviors of the earth being kids as Kaji suggested they get something to eat.

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"What are you doing here!" Misato stepped in front of the elevator, blocking it.

"I'm accompanying the second child. I'm also on a business trip," Kaji stepped around her and hit the down arrow.

"I knew this was too good to be true. Ritsuko should have done this," Misato had entered the elevator and was pressed against the back as Kensuke hit the button for the mess hall.

'_What the..' _"Don't touch me!" Asuka and Misato yelled at the guilty Kaji and barely offending Toji. "We can't help it…hey, where's Shinji?" **ding** the door opened and Asuka caused a wipeout on to the floor.

Shinji shook his head as he exited the elevator next to the others, "Hey guys…what? You didn't see the other door?"

The group glared at him, sans Kensuke who was already exploring.

"Just another reason not to follow Mr. Ryouji here…"

"Hey!..." Misato and Kaji argued in sync as they headed towards the buffet line. Kensuke was being reminded by Touji that it was time to eat and they had plenty of time, if he rushed he may miss something. Asuka was walking off behind Kaji until Shinji caught up.

"Hey, don't try to understand them. They used to date in college and it didn't end too well," Shinji walked along side her.

"Really? That's too bad…" _'Not. Kaji-kun's all mine!'_

"You don't look too sad," she glared, "Err, what's Germany like?" _'Might as well be nice now, I can have my fun when she takes her ego trips. Hehe!' _

"What do you mean? Be specific," Asuka was a little harsh.

"I've never been outside of Japan and I'm curious. I have my reasons so humor me, please?"

Asuka stared at him before relenting as they stood in line, she might as well. She began to tell him what the surroundings were like, how she had gone to college, how their stuff was great…not too much before they had gotten their food, sat down, and paused as the Kaji-senpai talked.

"So, are you seeing anyone?" Kaji was very smooth, like jagged glass and gravel.

"Why, that actually have something to do with you?"

"Ouch, that hurts you know," Kaji looked to the third child.

"I'm single, but I'm not into old guys Mr. Kaji," Shinji plainly stated and Misato giggled.

"Me neither, but are you living with Katsuragi?" Kaji, like Misato, had a certain tolerance to embarrassment.

"Yes, me and another guy are."

"Is she still wild in…huh? Other guy?..."

"Yea, he's been there, what 2 years Misato, oh well. He's letting me use one of his swords for Eva practice."

Kaji looked to Misato in confusion and she smiled, he was sure there was no one else living there, right?

"He really scared me when he joined me in the bath when I moved in. But PenPen's all right."

"PenPen? Bath?"

Touji decided to speak up, "Yea, her evil warm-watered penguin. Get back here Kensuke!" Kensuke had been twitching the whole time and bolted with Touji in chase.

Kaji chuckled to himself, _'The Ikari kid's okay, let's see…'_ "Tell me, is she still so wild in bed 'Shinji-kun'?"

"Wh Wh What are you implying?" Misato's innocent response would have looked better without the faint blush. Asuka was…ignoring the conversation once it started on Kaji's relationship, she didn't want to hear it.

"She doesn't have a bed, it's a futon…I am confused by your question," the writer's block pushed Shinji into 'Stereotypical Rei mode.'

'_Maybe not,' _"I mean, does she still like to rock the floors?"

"I am unaware of any preference of throwing rocks at the floor that she has."

"No," Kaji was later torn between frustrated and amused, Misato as well, finally: "Has she broken you in yet Shinji?"

Shinji smirked and returned to normal, "Not really, and are you a stalker? I know your name and that Misato is arming herself with a knife," **clink** she dropped it, "and doesn't like you."

"In my line of business, you're famous—the third child who piloted without any training." Asuka's eye's widened at Kaji's words.

"It was cake."

"I guess it's your talent. Well, see you later. Bye Misato!" and Kaji left.

"I can't go on…" Misato slumped in her chair, "Kensuke-kun, tell me about the stuff on this ship."

Kensuke perked at this inquiry and ran over to Misato, or tried. Kensuke was tackled by Shinji and Touji. Asuka looked on in amazement as the Otaku was subdued and Shinji pulled out a can of Misato's liquid medicine to make the sobbing women see life was still worth living.

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Kaji waited on the stairs for Asuka to show up, _'Ah, what I would do to be in Shinji's shoes…and closer to Misato's bed.' _A drop of drool dropped over the railing and the impact shook him out of his thoughts. Asuka showed up at the same time.

"So what do you think of Ikari Shinji-kun?"

Asuka changed colors, and not the happy fluffy ones, "What a baka! He's still in junior high and didn't know a thing about Germany! Why do I have to work with him?" She wasn't going to say she was bested in a fight earlier in front of Kaji.

"Because, without training he piloted an Eva and beat an angel. Also, back then and currently his ratio is hovering around 100, even exceeding it…" Kaji prepared for the shouts.

"WHAT! That can't be true! It's #$#$ing impossible! That little motha #$#$#$ing #$#muncher…" plus more. Asuka stormed off while Kaji's eyes were still wide at her choice of words.

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Meanwhile, the field trip had passed a muttering captain on way to the deck. Touji said, "That Captain Dumbass is a dumbass."

"He's too proud. He can't believe naval warfare is basically useless, no offence Kensuke."

"None taken Misato-san…can we go to the bridge again?"

"Nah," Shinji walked along, "let's see the fighters. What's up with Kaji, Misato?"

"That man's always been like that, the iiiiidiot!" Misato stumbled as the second child pushed her to the side.

"Third Child!" Asuka was a little PO'ed.

"Please, call me Shinji," he was ignored.

"Grrr, Come with me!" Shinji was dragged to a different ship…somehow the plothole must be explained. Let's say in her misplaced rage, Asuka threatened a crewmate into piloting a copter.

Underneath the giant tarp aboard the cruiser, Shinji was holding his bag protectively. The camera pans out so we can see the object of attraction, a giant red and yellow-orange Evangelion Unit 02 was strapped down. Asuka was tapping her foot impatiently, waiting for the third child's opinion.

"Well that's Unit 02. Awesome…it matches you." _'Large, scary, homicidal killing machine that supposedly better than her peers.'_

"Thanks for the compliment, that makes sense after all. Unit 00 and 01 are prototypes. Test models in the engineering process. The fact it synchronized with you is proof of that. However, Unit 02 is not the same. This is a true Evangelion, for actual combat," Asuka placed her hand on the robot, smiling at the brief euphoria of superiority before the explosion came.

**boom**

'_Smaller than I remember it,' _Shinji thought before the floor suddenly threw him and Asuka off balance. "Ah, shit…might as well."

"What's going on?"Asuka righted herself up.

Shinji ran over to the tent opening and looked thru the slit, "Hey Asuka, you wanna kill something?" He pulled back a side of the opening to reveal Gaghiel, sixth angel, imitating 'Free Willy'…except not quite making it over the battle ship.

"Th-That's a real angel…yes! It's my turn now!" Asuka punched the air.

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"Damn it, what's going on!" Captain Dumbass exclaimed as the 6th angel destroyed the fleet. Alarms were blaring on the bridge, panic ensued, and people were running everywhere.

"Helloooo? Special Delivery, one I-told-you-so and if you're nice, some intel for battling the angel that just sat on _Titus Andronicus_," the captain ignored our purple haired friend.

"All ships, fire at will!" Millions of dollars of munitions were wasted in a couple seconds and did nothing.

Well, they did shake the ship, "You God damn idiot, take some advice before we all die Dumbass!"

Kaji, because cutting scenes for a single line is stupid, was watching the battle as he waited for his copter. Once Eva 02 was running, it meant the UN relinquished the 2nd child and he was free to leave and do other business, "Those attacks won't work."

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Shinji was running after Asuka to the storage lockers as he opened his bag, _'ah, I couldn't feel myself for half an hour afterwards last time,' _and looked at his plug suit. Think about it, Asuka grabbed two suits from her locker and ran towards the stairwell.

"Peep and DIE!" Asuka growled as twisted down another flight of stairs.

**sigh** _'I still have to decide whether or not to have sync training...' _Shinji debated a bit, before another explosion reminded him that angels were killing people right now, and took out his suit.

Asuka had pressurized her suit with the button on the left wrist and noticed she still had the plug suit for the baka. _'/Have to hurry/' _Asuka thought in German. Rounding the stairwell back up, she stopped, facing the baka's back. Shinji's plug suit was pooled around his feet as he placed his second foot into the plug suit. Pulling the suit up to his shoulders, he placed his arms in and secured the opening for the neck. **Pssssh.** Asuka turned back down around the corner to try this again, shaking a mental picture out of her head..

'_/Ok, I have another second or two if I remember right,' _Shinji practiced thinking in German.

"Hey, let's go! …Why do you have a plugsuit?" Asuka rounded the stairwell again holding her spare one.

"I'm backup in case you were sick or died, and seeing you grab two suits I assumed you wanted me to wear that…not gonna happen," Shinji pointed at the red suit.

"Fine," Asuka climbed another staircase headed towards the entry plug, "I'm going to beat that thing with Unit 02 and you're coming too."

"Let me guess, "Act now, Permission later"?"

"Of course, after I win I'll get it," Asuka manually opened the plug, "Get in."

"Yay, backseat piloting!"

"Shut up third child, now you'll see how skillful my piloting is."

"Hm?" Shinji pulled a Kakashi.

"Just watch and don't disturb me!" Asuka sat down.

"/Okay, let's get this over with," Shinji said behind the seat when the LCL filled the chamber.

"/You speak German/"

"/No, I don't know a single word," Shinji sarcastically replied. It was time to search for Kyoko.

**Grrrr** "/Initiating the OS, mechanical servos online, nerv connections established, power up sequence complete. Evangelion Unit 02, start/"

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On the bridge of _Over the Rainbow_, Misato was dialing Shinji's cell phone to order Asuka to get to _Othero_ and Unit 02. It wasn't necessary.

First Officer reported, "Message received from Othero: Evangelion Unit 02 is starting."

"Nice Asuka!" Misato looked to the brown tarp on the cruiser.

"No, halt the start sequence. Reset it! I won't relinquish command to you!" Captain Dumbass fumed into the console.

"I don't care! Asuka, launch!" Misato shouted, "Kensuke, Launch!"

"Noooo…" the techies, captain, and first officer were flung back from the controls as Kensuke examined the monitors, computers, guidance systems, and more.

"Thank you Misato! I can die happy now! What does this button do?" Kensuke said as he pressed it. It apparently displayed the condition of Unit 02, "Sweet…uh, Misato? Is B-equipment meant for underwater battles? Hey Shinji, can you hear me?"

"Oro?" Misato tilted her head.

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Unit 02 stood up, tearing the tarp and donning it as a cape. Asuka realized something as she saw the ocean: Falling would be bad!

"Hey Shinji, can you hear me?" "Oro?"

"/Yes, put Misato on," Of course Kensuke only understood "yes" and "Misato", but Misato heard it as well.

"/Asuka, Shinji, take off as soon as possible. We're preparing the cord on _Over the Rainbow_," Misato took Kensuke's place, "/When did you learn German/"

"/I'll tell you later, we have 58 seconds of power left/"

"/I know! Misato, just make sure the socket is ready," Asuka said and communications ended, "/Here we go, jump/"

Eva Unit 02, jumped from ship to ship, killing dozens of people (sorry if you think everyone avoided the shrapnel caused by giant feet), the cloak fell off and, "/Eva Unit 02, landiiing/" Asuka warned the crew. As it landed, you could hear the sobs of Kensuke as his precious planes were destroyed.

**Wheeeee!** "/…what? It was fun…fine./" Shinji was being glared at by Asuka, "/The angel's coming at 9 o'clock./"

"/Transfer to external power complete," Asuka had the Eva hook up and look to the left. A giant wake of water was headed there way.

Shinji decided on focusing on synching and asking Kyoko for any help possible, maybe she'd hear him, "/Deploy an AT field/"

"/The prog knife will do./" "/You sure, look at it. You can do both./"

"…" Asuka deployed an AT field and took out the knife as Gaghiel jumped up on deck. Shinji tried mimicking Asuka's movements in his mind, thanking mom for the crash course the week before. Eva Unit 02 balanced on deck, readying her blade…the impact never came. The angel hit the AT wall, like a bird hitting a window, and bounced back into the water. During this time Kaji escaped.

"/Shit, how do you kill it/ Asuka asked Misato while admiring her AT field.

"/Um…insufficient data? Sorry," Misato looked at the Eva's data output, "/It appears the core is in its mouth, so go for that./"

Gaghiel came back around and jumped again, Eva Unit 02 turned off its AT field and slashed at contact. Unfortunately, a lift on the deck broke and threw both of them into the ocean.

"/Asuka, underwater combat is not possible with B-Equipment," Misato was out of ideas to combat an angel four times as large as the carrier.

Asuka tried moving the controls underwater, they were sluggish, but not unworkable, "/You never know until you try…Whoa!" The angel charged underwater and opened its mouth, showing off several rows of teeth and a red core on the roof. The Eva avoided it again as the cord ran out. Asuka was trying to swim or move position, but the weight and density was too great. "/What? It's not working! What can we do/"

"/Why should I know/"

"/Because you're the famous third child, aren't you/"

"/True/" Shinji watched the angel turn around and head back their way, "/How 'bout we let it eat us so we can destroy its core/"

"/That's so stupid idiot/" "/We could always use an AT field in its jaw so it couldn't bite down./" "/Okay, but if we die, I'm going to haunt you for all of the afterlife./"

Gaghiel opened its mouth again and tried to bite down, but the AT field just let the Eva slide into its mouth. Currently, on _Over the Rainbow_, Misato just got the fishing idea from Touji.

"_/Kyoko? A little help? I guess not…/' _"/Well this isn't that bad," Shinji laid back in the plug.

"/Are you insane? I'm going to kill you/" Asuka rounded the pilot seat with a fist raised.

"/Shut up," Shinji jumped to the butterfly controls as Misato told the two to stay there and sat down against the second child. "/Let's move the prog knife into the core overhead and get out of here./"

"/Get off of me jerk and don't operate my Unit 02 without my permission/" "/I'll get it later, have to act now./" Shinji smiled as he forced Asuka's hands to help his with the controls.

During this time, Misato had explained the plan in the background, "/Do you two understand the operation/"

"/Yeah, I know it./" Shinji flipped the prog switch on and communications off.

"/What plan/" Asuka was lost as she helped move the knife from the shoulder compartment to both hands of the Eva.

Inside of the sixth angel, Unit 02 was using an AT field to prevent Gaghiel from chewing and thrust the prog knife slowly into the core. There wasn't enough force to destroy the core.

"/Asuka, do you think if we cut the AT field, it will close its jaw and force the knife into the core/" "/Idiot, you're still touching my…Move/" Asuka inadvertently dropped the AT field, Unit 02 locked its arms and legs, and the sixth angel stabbed itself to death. At the same time, _Over the Rainbow_ started to reel in Unit 02 out of Gaghiel's mouth and the two battle ships entered. Shinji flicked the communications back on, "/Could we deploy a full power AT field now/" Asuka looked at him and set it up.

"Fire!" Misato shouted over the radio. The two ships exploded in the carcass and blew Shinji and Asuka back up onto the deck. Cord destroyed and power used up for the AT field, the unit slumped down.

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Now, an hour later, Ritsuko arrived by boat to help with the docking procedure. They had seen the battle relayed by video stream, "That was quite some show! The people in Germany's branch have declared Shinji a battle god. The angel fight was good too."

"I improvised the underwater combat…but apparently they killed it before the blast threw them to the surface," Misato was upset communications were cut, but it was only for 50 seconds and they followed the plan, except for killing the angel themselves.

"True, but we collected some precious data. Come on, let's see if the children are okay. Maybe Shinji can explain some things."

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"Good job Shinji!" Touji clapped as Shinji and Asuka were let out of the plug and walked towards the group.

"Yea, you did it again, you saved so much, yet so much was lost," Kensuke looked as if he had been restrained to remove him from the bridge.

Asuka was not too happy, it was her Eva and she did most of the work.

"I barely did anything guys, it's her Evangelion and she has synch priority," Ritsuko looked at Shinji as she and Misato arrived. "It means I can boost her AT field and raise the synch, but she's in control. When I mimicked her, everything moved faster. I think I'll enjoy working with you Asuka," Shinji smiled evilly.

**Slap** "Baka, you ruined my debut. How could you raise my synch anyways? And how the hell is your synch over a hundred?" Asuka finally remembered why she dragged Shinji away, "And where's Kaji-senpai?"

"/I'll tell you later," Shinji replied.

"That jerk escaped earlier and must already be in Tokyo-3. That…" _'bastard doesn't feel right for Kaji, I guess Shinji's prolific use of it has rubbed off' _"weasel!" Misato growled.

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Kaji had just arrived at the commander's office with his briefcase. He walked over to the commander, slightly put off by the bastard position and began his presentation, "Well, that was an eventful journey! Was it caused by this I wonder?"

Kaji opened the case to reveal the embryonic form of the first angel, "Even incased in bakelite I'm sure it's alive. I guess this is the key to the Instrumental Project of Mankind?"

Ikari answered, "Yes, this is the first angel: Adam." _'The scenario is going according to plan.'_

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The next school day, the stooges were waiting in homeroom for Boring-sensei to arrive. Hikari had left earlier to the main office for something.

"Really, great body, but she'll kill you if you annoy her in any way, including imaginary," Touji wasn't fond of the redhead after being slapped 4 times total.

"Don't worry Toji, we'll never see her again," Kensuke was looking at his film from the trip.

"Yea, but Shinji isn't so lucky. I pity you…what?" Touji said as Shinji smiled.

"I know something you don't know…" Shinji sat down as Hikari entered the room.

Boring-sensei came into the room wearing dark shades, _'That is the last time I'm letting cousin Dumbass take me out for drinks, you'd think he was trying to forget something.'_ "Hello class. We have a new student today. Miss Horaki, please let her know she can come in and introduce herself."

Touji's and Kensuke's faceplanted into their desks as Hikari let Asuka in, "Greetings. I am Soryu Asuka Langley."

-----------------------------------------OMAKES… Later--------------------------------------------

A/N: That took three weeks of intermittent writing, scrapping it once. I chose harem just because it was second and Shinji deserves it. Comments and Omake Ideas are appreciated, but I don't care anymore about ships.

------------------------------------------------Omakes--------------------------------------------------

_Undercover Penguin inspired by someone-------------------------------------------_

PenPen was huddled at the wall next to his fridge in Misato's living room; he had just hung up the phone from speaking with the mother of god herself.

Flashback.

"I trust you remember the plan. This is highest priority, but you can not kill, that is the kami's right..."

"Wark War Uwai!" PenPen was glad to be back in active service as he headed towards his collection.

End Flashback.

PenPen slipped "slice-y" the katana into place and applied his war paint; it was time to begin the hunt. With a "WARK!" our noble soldier left the household...only to rush back in and grab a small keg of Yebisu and leave again.

Currently Gendo Ikari was staring at his picture of Yui when a shiver ran down his back. His head whipped around, 'I must be lacking sufficient sleep...'

Suddenly, PenPen burst from the shadow only to be shot. Gendo walked smugly to the dying penguin, "Whoever sent you should have sent some one better...wha?" PenPen's body "poofed" as the bottom drawer of the desk shot open and our hero sliced Gendo's right hand, including Adam, off.

While Gendo was writhing in pain like a little wuss, PenPen knocked him out with the hilt of his blade. Then, carefully, PenPen picked up the squirming hand and screwed open the small keg of Yebisu. "Psssshhhhh!" The angel dissolved and PenPen was off! The mission was complete as he entered Misato's apartment at 3am and hung up his equipment.

The phone rang and PenPen answered, "Good job PenSquared, now..."

Later that morning, Shinji was throwing away the garbage when he noticed something. His father was bound and gagged inside the dumpster with a tag and a taser. "A gift to my

son for all the years I couldn't help you, mom."

PenPen relished the feeling when the kami ran into the apartment 2 hours later, he smelt like burnt hair, but the grin on his face couldn't be any wider. The warm-watered penguin turned around and headed to his new fridge that connected with the apartment nextdoor, his employer came thru with her promise of a penguin bachelor pad and developing him some female penguin "friends".

--------------------------Slapping scenes-------------------------------------

"Hentai!" **Slap Slap Whoosh** "Huh?" **Whoosh whoosh whoosh. **"Stand still, you looked!"

Shinji ducked out of the way, "Yea, who cares? You don't have anything on Misato here."

"Hentai," Asuka screamed. "And proud of it!" Shinji slapped her ass when she missed again.

-------------------------

**Whoosh! **"Hey Asuka, did you know you mom's in Unit 02?" Shinji asked.

Asuka stopped, "What?"

"Yep, and that Kaji's banging Misato, you don't have a chance."

"I do too!"

"And that you can never beat my record with the amount of angels left!" Asuka was turning redder.

"The college you went to has revoked your diploma, something about threatening manhoods"

"I've synched at over 200, you're only at 70!"

"I tricked the commander to giving me 300,000 yen! I'm rich!"

"The ship with your luggage just exploded!"

"And you have a heart condition, don't get angry or frustrated," Asuka had stopped breathing a while ago and had died, but rigor mortis and the passing breeze gave the illusion she was still alive.

--------------------------------

**Slap! Slap! Slorp! **"Ew!"

Shinji was holding a paint brush and stepped back, her hand was covered in the liquid, "What is this stuff you $#$hole?"

Asuka looked for someplace to wipe her hands off, but decided to slap that idiot first.

"Shit!" **Slap OW!** "Damnit!" "What did you do baka?"

Asuka stood next to Shinji, hand superglued to his face. She pulled back and he screamed at Misato to grab the solvent out of his bag.

-----------------------------------Kaji sequences-----------------------------------

"Is she still so wild in bed, Shinji-kun?"

The stooges stopped what they were doing and started bowing.

"We heard about you, we thought it was legend…all hail the thirty second man!"

------------

"So I hear you're living with Misato?"

Shinji put his arm around her, "Hell yea! It's #$#$ing Awesome!"

Misato giggled like a school girl, "He's my god! There isn't a thing he can't do!"

------------

"So I hear you're living with Misato?"

"It's shagedelic baby! She completely exhausts me of my mojo every bleeding night!" Shinji did a crappy Austin Powers impression…unfortunately it turned Misato on and she tackled him to the floor.

Kaji made a note for later.

---------

"Is she still so wild in bed Shinji-kun?"

"Yea, I walked in one night to find her moaning and thrashing about, mumbling something about: "Damn Kaji gets off and falls asleep every time. Thank God I have you vibroman, from Ikari/Zeppling incorporated!" and she starts buzzing her lips.

Kaji finally understood why all those mosquitoes buzzed in his ears after sex.

-----------------------Another Version of the Attack-----------------------

Shinji had Asuka in his lap and they were in Unit 02. Technicolor scenes passed by as the power turned on. Shinji focused on trying not to focus on Asuka's ass on his crotch.

_'Thank God mom isn't here…I wonder if Kyoko is here?' _

"Baka, think in German!"

"Baka, language on affects the HUD. Dragging me in here just screwed your sync," Shinji retaliated, "Now shut up and think about your mom!"

"What! You bastard," Asuka turned around and straddled Shinji; With a fist drawn back.

_'Mrs. Sorhyu, could you please rape Asuka's mind?' _Shinji heard a faint response, _'Sure.' _

Asuka clenched her head and Shinji turned her around so she was at the controls again.

"See, my mom is in my Eva and your mom is in yours, now I really like sitting like this, but get a move on!"

Asuka was still in shock and talking to Kyoko, _'mom? Mom!' _

_'Yes? Do you need something leichben?' _

_'You're alive!' _

_'I know I am. We have a lot to talk about.' _

_'Okay, go ahead.' _

Shinji, during this entire time, was shaking Asuka violently to un-shock her. He wanted to choke her, but the LCL oxygenated her blood directly. Wait, how did he talk in this liquid?

Ignoring the plot hole for now, he did something he knew he would regret.

**Grope! Pinch! Twist! **

"Ow, HENTAI!" Shinji flinched and hid behind the chair now, "What the #$#$ing hell was that for third child!"

"Focus on the mission! We have a minute to get to the cord!"

"Aieiii!" Asuka focused on getting to the cable and plugged it in.

In the meantime, Kyoko was talking to Shinji:

_'So you're Yui's boy. You're going to be very talented one day. You did that with no practice and Asuka can't stop thinking about it.' _

_'I'm so dead…' _

_'Acutally, she's confused. She's gone on a couple of friendly dates, but the college restricted her sexual knowledge to nil. I give you my permission to unite the Schools of Erotica. I'll teach Asuka the Soryu branch and Yui will proceed with the Ikari branch. Together, you shall revolutionize the adult world!' _

Shinji was so screwed. In the cage of Unit 01, Yui was preparing a virtual shogi board and virtual sake for her friend's arrival.

-----------------------------For you pissed S/A fans------------------------------------------

What if Asuka had her memories as well and both loved each other earnestly?

Shinji frowned, he missed the old Asuka so much and he was finally strong enough to tell her how he felt…but only he remembered third impact. This Asuka would not be his. The others had noticed his mood on the transport over, but he said he was just depressed today for some reason.

A short time later, Shinji stepped off of the copter and saw her. She didn't have the bandages, scars, or sunken eyes.

Asuka was having a similar time, she had a tough time being strong and bossy when she returned to the beginning. Her mother said that Shinji would not have remembered, Unit 01 was orbiting the planet, dead to the world in Third impact.

"Hello Misato," Asuka reinforced her mask several times over.

"Well haven't you grown tall?"

"Yes, I've grown up a lot," Asuka didn't feel the need to feel herself up this time. She didn't want to intimidate Shinji too much.

However, Shinji's eyes widened at the alternation, _'maybe…'_ "Hey! Um…" Asuka stared, Shinji wasn't outgoing… "I don't suppose you remember sync training?"

Asuka's eyes lit up, "Baka, I bet PenPen is bowing down to you already." They both smiled and blushed, _'Did she/he just blush?' _

Shinji, the crap that he has been through and the radical changes…

Asuka, her depression and superiority disorder…

Both thought $#$# it! Who cares!"

They ran to each other, Asuka deciding to jump him knocked him on his back while hugging her head to his chest. Then, she sobbed as he stroked her hair, a muffled admittance of her love into his chest. Shinji took a hand a lifted her chin up, "I love you too," and captured her lips in a sweet kiss…that progressed from innocent to open mouth in a matter of minutes.

All the time Kaji had come out to the deck and stood next to Misato, both of them saying: "Damn they move fast!" The Stooges were confused, but cheered their friend on, she seemed like a nice girl…


	10. Chapter 9: Spearmint for Asuka

A/N: Hi, OMAKES updated in last chapter if you haven't checked since 4/23/06. And for you S/A fans, I made sure to have an alternate universe fluff, happy? Sheesh, review ideas in for reviews, help with a Hellsing Omake would be appreciated…I can't decide to make Shinji Alucard or Rei Seras or both or something else. I can't make it funny…maybe Misato as Integra releasing the control art restriction system on Shinji?

For those of you who complained about Asuka not being the sole pairing read the Omake last chapter and enjoy this chapter as much as possible, please.

**Bold: Sound**

'_Italics': 'Thoughts/Yui/maybeKyokolater'_

/Words/German speech/ (If you don't get it, suggest a different format)

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The first day of school for Asuka was okay, she was the talk of the school. _'Who the hell moves here from a safe country?' _was some of the more intelligent students' opinion, but the majority was interested in the new kid/foreign factor.

Several times throughout the day, Shinji's fanclub and other people asked Shinji what he thought about the new girl; he just replied that she was okay. Most people (excluding his admirers) had realized by now that he was normal and didn't associate too much out of his niche. The smarter ones knew he hated the fangirls with a passion, but couldn't do anything at the moment.

Back to Asuka, the rumor mill started and she became a "heartbroken, cute, foreign princess returning to her homeland to start over" and etc. This didn't bother Asuka as she enjoyed the attention and had made a friend in Hikari already. Hikari enjoyed being with someone who didn't acknowledge her as the class rep besides Shinji.

The stooges, though not the smartest individuals, were amazed at the sycophants and attention the rose up…and decided to capitalize on it.

--------------------------------------------Later on at Shinji's-----------------------------------------

Three guys were sitting around the computer and camera equipment in "Kami-Sama's Lovely Suite" (a gift from PenPen and Misato) and talking animatedly. Several individual proofs were on the desk separated into two piles.

Kensuke finally summed it up, "Okay, we agree that the video footage and some of the breeze shots will be blackmail. The cute shots we'll use to take advantage of her popularity and we'll stop in 3 days. That way we can charge extra due to limited quantity when people approach us for more."

"Sounds good, we can always start up again or something depending on what happens," Shinji mentioned to Toji.

Toji, while sitting there, came up with a brilliant plan. It was like rolling a natural 20, practically impossible for Toji because that could only happen if he knocked a D&D display off the shelf on the way to the sports magazines. "Hey Shinji, where's Misato?"

Shinji sighed _'every time,' _"She's in the spare room looking for a book for Maya."

Toji leaped over PenPen and turned the corner. Five minutes later there was a **thump!** of fainting and Misato was seen dragging him into the living room, "Shinji-kun!"

"Hai, come on Kensuke," Shinji led the way to the Toji, who was recovering on the couch. Shinji looked at him sternly, "Toji, we all know Misato's hot, but you need help."

Kensuke nodded and pushed his glasses back up, _'Wasn't he getting better?'_

"Actually, this time he got hit by one of my old college books," Misato came back with a bag of ice from the kitchen, a memory card, and a few bills.

"Oh…were those the ones still plastic wrapped?" Shinji grinned.

"Hey, only two of them I never opened. Who needs economics or calculus when there's mixology? Anyways, I see you're going to make some copies, so you can develop these why you're at it." Misato set the money and memory card on the table and tossed the ice to Toji.

"Thanks, I'll do it! Shinji, give me our shots and I'll have it done for tomorrow," Toji received the prints and sped off, ice bag strapped to his forehead. A second later PenPen came in, wearing a gi, with two bamboo practice swords and hit Shinji in the head with one.

**Whap! **"Ow! Shit, it's 7 already? **WHAP! **OW! Ok Ok. Kensuke, set up the table tomorrow please?"

"Sure thing," Kensuke left the apartment, hearing the muffled sound of Shinji getting beat up by "PenPen-sensei". Shinji had a while to go before he was proficient enough to yield an energy enhanced katana the size of several buses.

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At school the next morning, Kensuke has set up the table in front of a hedge and is waiting for the jock. The talk of Asuka is still buzzing around as the first students came,

"Hey Kensuke, prepare to be rich!" Touji walked up to him with two folders of photos, grinning like a jackass holding back maniacal laughter. The donkey or human, take your pick…donkeys are evil.

"You okay? Just sit down and help me set up," Kensuke stared at his friend and grabbed a folder, "…what are these? I thought we…were…selling…Oh God…" He stared in bewilderment at Toji. "…You're a $#$#ing genius…"

"HAHA, I know. It just came to me. Good, ne?"

"We'll need bigger wallets!" Kensuke's and Toji's eyes transformed into to yen signs as they finished setting up the merchandise, _'How the hell did I/he come up with this? Oh well…money money!'_

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Shinji arrived to school fifteen minutes later, a hung over Misato (She finally could drink last night seeing as she had to report the night they got back, it was very entertaining watching a penguin beat up a teenager when you added Yebisu), being sore from said beating, and no friends to picking him up made him later than normal. Not going into further detail, he had a very crappy morning that didn't make him late that involved clothing, burns, and hygiene-related difficulties.

The scene as Shinji saw it: a dozen and a half girls had swarmed the table and were throwing money. A lot of guys and a few girls had money out, but were staying away from the mob. Another girl exited the mess with a few papers clutched to her chest, a small blush visible as she entered the school.

'_I never imagined we had so many lesbians, it's kind of disappointing and exciting at the same time…DAMN MOM!'_ Shinji thought as another image from his German lessons popped up. Shinji's sexual mindset now was: why should I care if they like one over the other? It's their choice, as long as they know I'm strictly straight.

A voice boomed down from the heavens: **_"ONLY IN THIS FANFICTION MR. IKARI!"_** Everyone blinked, and instantly forgot about it.

"Hey, I didn't!" **Zap!** Everyone also forgot about the pile of ash formerly known as Mr…ahscrewit, I hate these stupid omniscient jokes anyways. Forgive me.

Shinji neared the crowd as they started screaming or leaving disappointedly, most of them blushed as they... _'Wait a sec…isn't she…and she…and she…no…' _Shinji gaped.

Meanwhile, Toji shouted, "Sold Out! Come back tomorrow!" The guys and few girls that were waiting went over to Kensuke and started purchasing their photos from him.

However, as Toji tried to fit all the money into his wallet, the crowd parted as Shinji came thru, "Why was the entirety of the demented fangirl club here!"

Shinji was shocked/confused as he realized who the buyers were, he was angered as he saw a group of girls with slight nosebleeds head for the bathroom, he was pissed when he caught a glimpse of their photo: a shirtless Shinji, half-asleep cooking in the kitchen without his apron. No one could deny that he'd been working out as the faint outline of his abs and pecs could be seen above his boxers. Now he had activated his "bastard anger power" and wanted explanations and he knew Toji had them.

Toji repeated his newfound mantra sweating _'Think of the money, Shinji is err maybe is your friend, I think I can outrun him…hopefully'_ , "Well, you see…I asked Misato for some pictures of you to sell and mentioned we were selling Asuka's as well. She agreed and then I got hit by that calculus book...Ikari-san?"

Shinji couldn't believe it, Toji had inadvertently gotten his guardian's and commanding officer's permission to sell the pilots' photos, took advantage of a rich source of clientele, and made a shit load of money. It was so out of character.

Kensuke had the best advice, "Hey Toji."

"Y-y-y-yy-yea?"

"Run."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A pale Toji ran towards homeroom, hopefully Ayanami could stop him long enough to escape. Shinji followed him, kicking up a giant dust cloud as he turned the corner and screaming obscenities.

Kensuke kept selling the Asuka shots and realized something, _'hm, none of the pictures we sold show what their personalities are really like…'_

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Asuka was waiting in homeroom for the baka to arrive; she didn't know what the first child looked like. She wasn't the first one there; a group of girls was hovered around a desk, some guys around the windows, and one girl sitting down as Hikari came in the room a little later.

"What's going on with them?" Asuka pointed to the girls.

"Oh, they're Shinji's fanclub they"

"PREPARE TO DIE! FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, YOU SHALL SEE HELL!" Toji ran into the doorway and searched for Rei, his adrenaline and stamina had saved him. The class had all stared at him as they felt the rumbling near. "Please talk some sense into Shinji, anyone?"

Hikari sighed as she took residence infront of the door, she really should let them deal with it, but it was her duty to make sure the guys didn't damage those beautiful bodies…Hikari shook her head, _'Not now, damn libido…It's my duty as class representative.'_

Shinji appeared, sliding infront of the door only to pause as Hikari and now Asuka stood in his way.

"Hey, could you move please?" Shinji asked innocently.

"Shinji, is there any reason you need to kill Mr. Suzuhara?" Hikari asked innocently as well.

"Yes," Shinji tried sidestepping, but Hikari mimed him and Asuka stepped back to intercept in case he sprinted through.

"Stop and think," Hikari put the mandatory representative negotiation training to use, "whatever he did, is it enough to warrant his death?"

For some reason, Shinji did stop and think about it. _'Let's see, he's selling half-naked pictures of me to a fangirl base, thus creating more stalkers…um, besides that…he didn't stand still and let me beat him?' _**sigh** "It's been a bad morning Hikari, will you let me hurt him at least?"

"You should let him…what did he do third child?" Asuka approved of violence before any justification to her knowledge.

"He sold half-naked pictures of me he got from Misato to the stalker legions of our school! That picture's gonna be everywhere now!"

Asuka looked at him, _'Pictures? Of him? These girls are seriously deprived of men like Kaji since Shinji's their best.'_

At the same time of Asuka's internal monologue, Rei had come over with Toji keeping her between him and Shinji. Rei decided to ease Shinji's worry, "Shinji-" almost forgetting to drop the honorific, "when Suzuhara started selling your pictures, there were only 8 of the pictures in question. The obsessive nature of your admirers dictate they will not make copies for their acquaintances. So only a few individuals will even know of that photograph. The rest of your extensive selection was acceptable in relation to social standards."

Everyone blinked, a few brief thoughts flew around:

'_Thank God! Rei saved me!' _Touji celebrated.

'_I guess that's good, but I'm still going to…yes. Bwhahaha!' _Shinji smiled and nodded in thanks to Rei.

'_So the albino's name is Rei, she's so monotone,' _Asuka thought, not knowing this was the most social some people have ever seen her.

'…_I am glad I did not purchase any photos, it appears it would have angered Shinji,' _Rei thought.

'_All those girls and just 8 copies…I'm really glad I got mine when Toji was on a bathroom break,' _Hikari turned to the door as if she had heard someone to hide her blush.

"Sorry Toji, I had a really bad morning and you can just keep selling those "special" photos," Toji's eyes widened, flashing to Yen signs, "but for each of those special photos I want 75 percent of the profit and each "special" photo you have sold or will sell, is a step pushing me towards the most embarrassing moment in your life."

"Heh heh, rigight! Got it! So I can keep selling those?..."

"Yes, but at sometime, when a certain number are sold, who knows when, maybe just one more… revenge will be mine. Don't worry, we're still friends." Shinji grinned, turning to Asuka and Hikari, "Good morning Hikari/Good morning Asuka, have you met the first child yet? Rei, this is Soryu Asuka Langely, she's the second. Asuka, Ayanami Rei's the first."

Asuka reassessed the albino girl, "Hello! You're the pilot of the first prototype. As the third said, I pilot Unit 02. Let's be friends!" A few more students had entered by now to hear the new girl was a pilot.

Rei looked at her strangely, _'She wishes to be like Shinji?' _"Why?"

"Because it'd be convenient for various reasons."

Rei wondered what she should do, she decided that she didn't like most people's company in the last few weeks except Shinji and maybe the commander.

Shinji was curious, he had no clue what would happen for once.

"I do not know what the future will hold," Rei headed to her seat next to the window.

"Strange girl," Asuka said as Kensuke walked in.

"/She's had a very strange life and I think the commander brainwashed her. It's very hard to be her friend since she doesn't think she needs more than the bare necessities/" Shinji commented.

Asuka noted that as Hikari left to start class as the final bell sounded.

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(Srry, I can't remember the actions of this scene and my script is just text, also I like Kaji's character, but it's just too easy to make fun of if you twist it)

Kaji was becoming acquainted with the layout of NERV when he saw Ritsuko working on the set-up for Unit 02. Deciding to be the God's gift to women that he is, Kaji sneaks up and covers her eyes.

"Hmm…?" Ritsuko mentally sighed as well.

"You've become thinner?" Smoothness…not.

"Is that right?" Ritsuko knew it was Kaji and had been expecting this.

"You're in a sad sort of love," Kaji removed his hands and Ritsuko stood up.

"And why would you think that?"

"Because those with a mole along the path of tears are destined to live a life full of them," Ah, proverb 121LL in the pick up lines of Kaji.

"Are you trying to seduce me? It won't work—that horrible lady is staring…" Ritsuko looked towards Misato, who had made disgusted/angry face against the glass and left. "Long time no see, Ryouji."

"Yeah, long time no see." '_What's with the lack of enthusiasm for me lately'_

"You're being a bit of an ass," Ritsuko knew Kaji was like that, but she wasn't in the mood for some reason.

Misato smiled as she entered though, _'Nice Ritsuko!' _"He's always been an ass. Now Unit 02 is here, so go back to Germany already."

Kaji grinned and Misato's expression turned to 'impending doom', "Actually, I received my official notice of transfer this morning, so actually I have to stay here. I'm lucky that we can be as we once were."

"Who'd want to be with you?" Misato left the room, and couldn't wait to get home. Shinji would have to make a batch of shrimp and let her borrow some of his more violent videogames before she returned to normal.

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W00T! Summary of the next few weeks: With Shinji, Toji became slightly paranoid as he sold more pictures of Shinji, fortunately it didn't last long. Only one more "special" photo was sold before divine retribution came. All around the school, the picture that PenPen had set up when the guys saw Misato that morning appeared everywhere and I mean everywhere. In projector screens, as a virus changing all backdrops connected to the network, inside every locker, on every bulletin board, on the aprons of the cafteria's workers, ceiling tiles, a mosaic on the bathroom floors, several desks, the basketballs, and more. Now Shinji knew this was a waste of money, but the indescribable picture horrified, haunted, and humiliated Toji for the next three weeks and offhand comments for life. Besides Toji's punishments, the photo business went away after a week, with Kensuke and Toji deciding they made enough for spending money for a while.

Shinji kept up talking to Rei and tried to bring Asuka (and thus Hikari) into the conversations as well. Most of the time Rei was silent as the stooges, the class rep, and the devil talked about the future or whatever popped up. Shinji had saved his friends from unfair punishment several times; however, when they just screwed up, he let it go. The result was the two stooges got hit a lot. Rei was getting better quickly, considering her past disposition, but it only had a minor effect to any of her behaviors.

Misato was harassed by Kaji by day, and relieved by Shinji and PenPen by night. Shinji had sufficiently trained with PenPen (1 win and 231 losses) and was overjoyed when he heard that his Magoroku Exterminate Sword was complete and ready for testing. At synch testing, there was one before the angel would attack; Asuka was astounded by the third's ratio. At the same time Misato remembered her question:

------------------------------------Flashback-----------------------------------------------------------

"So Shinji, how did you learn German?" Misato asked over Asuka's loud questioning of Shinji.

Shinji flicked the com off from Asuka and replied, "I took a course online on my computer, **flick**/What was that Asuka/"

"/107 percent, what the #$#$ are you? What's the damn secret/"

"/Let's talk in Japanese so Rei can understand/"

"Fine baka, now spill."

'_Uh, mom…help.'_

'_Fine fine, still can't find Kyoko. Just give her the basic techniques for improving your sync for now.'_

'_Hello, how would I explain in terms like 'Accident Rei' and 'Morning Misato'?'_

'_Fine, repeat after me...and it's nice to know you're beginning to accept my methods.'_

'_Yea, yea. It's the only way you know how.'_

"Hello? Earth to baka!"

"Huh, oh. I was just trying to think of how to explain it. This will take a while. OK, Asuka and Rei. Project yourself and focus on moving your Eva's toes without any control input. Do not move your toes until you can feel the Eva move its."

Ritsuko watched Rei's synch climb steadily (my explanation is that she simply willed it to move as it was her job before and now she's trying to work with it) and Asuka's improve by 4 points, "That helped Rei Shinji, but Asuka's only moved up a little."

"Okay try this: remember, the Eva is not a tool, it's a companion. To synch means to become one, so really try to imagine what your Eva would be thinking, since we all have training to feel the external physical sensors. Also try to feel the muscles in your toes without movement."

"What's with you and feet?" Asuka asked.

"The toes are the hardest part to utilize compared to other muscles when we're in the entry plugs, so by synching there, we'll be able to synch other areas easier."

Misato and Ritsuko watched the monitors again, "Rei has increased greatly and finally broke 50, Asuka has increased to 84…85."

"Okay, there's a final trick to it, but I'll tell you later. Just focus on what you think the Eva is thinking, feeling, etc. and you should start to figure it out. I don't know how to explain it."

The test lasted another couple of hours, Asuka only reached 87, but Rei improved by leaps and reached 72. Gendo was very intrigued when he got the results from Ritsuko, but it didn't harm the scenario and his computer kept crashing and it was run by the freaking MAGI! Every time anyone looked at it, it ran fine. He was seriously considering what affect having Adam in his hand did to his computer. In reality, Yui got along very well with Caspar, Naoko Akagi as a woman.

--------------------------------------------End Flashback----------------------------------------------

Currently, Shigeru was playing with his hair when a pop-up appeared, "Report from Cruiser Aurion on watch: "Gigantic underwater object discovered off Kii Peninsula. Sending data."

Makato looked at the data and ran it thru the MAGI, "The received data has been analyzed, Wavelength patter, blue, It's been identified as an Angel."

Ten minutes later, Shinji, Asuka, and Rei were being briefed by Misato, "The interception of Tokyo-3 is at 96 percent capacity, but the effectiveness in battle against the angels is only a deterrent for them. So we must destroy the target before it lands on the waterfront in case we need to deploy N2 mines. Unit 00, Unit 01, Unit 02 will engage in close combat. Close-quarter combat with Rei using positron rifles and pallet rifles, Asuka with the battle axe, and Shinji with his new sword. Move out!

Shinji, Asuka, & Rei: Roger!

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Flying above the ground in the Eva carriers (or is it another equipment type? Shinji didn't care, he was talking to his mom about what to do) were all three units waiting for arrival.

''_Kay Shinji, you could somehow throw two progressive knives to puncture the cores simultaneously, but that would shorten this chapter too much.'_

'_Right, and we know that someone has to live with me so I can keep to the same plot synopsis…are there any SEELE satellites or planes to destroy?'_

'_Hmm, we'll see when we get there, do you want to just let it play out?'_

'_No, I want to try out my sword…'_

'_Then go ahead, no one's stopping you,'_

'_Yay, thanks mom!'_

'_You're welcome, I need to talk to you after you're done'_

'_Sure'_

"Since this is my first battle in Japan, why aren't I allowed to fight it alone?" Asuka complained, she really wanted to show that she was more skilled.

"Rei, could you answer please," Shinji didn't want to start something.

"We are to follow the plan supplied to us. This is not a simulation; we need all advantages to destroy our target. A single unit is less advantageous than three," Rei replied over the communicator.

"I know that! Just don't get in my way!" Asuka huffed.

"No, we will follow the plan second child. If you don't, I will not share the blame," Shinji tried to squash this as the pilot of the carrier told them to prepare to descend.

"It's not my preference to attack in a group, it's not honorable," Asuka said as they plugged in their cords.

Misato had had enough, "We don't have the intel or room to care Soryu! Our goal is to survive!"

Now for some imagery, the still orange Unit 00, purple Unit 01, and red Unit 02 had plugged in their plugs from the holders and were heading to the weapons carrier. Eva 00 picked up two positron rifles and attached them two the shoulder mounts, then it picked up two pallet rifles and took a position on a hill in from the beach. Unit 01 and 02 grabbed their respective blades and stood side-by-side on the beach.

"Hey Misato, I'm picking up a signal and the beginning of a visual," Shinji said as the seventh angel, Israfel, carried its blueish-gray body out of the water and onto the docks.

"Start the attack!" Misato said, hoping to have another good performance in Ikari's absence.

"Okay, here I go! Cover me!" Asuka ran towards the angel with the axe raised overhead.

'_I'm not even going to say anything, apparently Rei's waiting as well.'_

"YES! Did you see that third child? Combat must always be elegant and without waste," Asuka started to walk away from the angel that had split in half.

"I killed an angel with a single bullet, and the AT readings say it's still alive,"

Israfel's two halves moved away from each other, forming miniature forms of the larger body. Misato had some input, "No fair!"

"Nani?" Asuka turned around to get hit by one of the smaller forms, the orange one, not the silver. Eva Unit 02 flew into a nearby hill and got back up.

Meanwhile, Rei started to open fire as Shinji spread his AT field to nullify the angel's out. A soul split between two bodies made for a weaker AT field as Unit 00's shots embedded themselves in the orange half's torso, slowing it down. Shinji was ducking and parrying blows, until he lobbed off the silver half's left arm. Unit 02 attacked the orange half while Rei reloaded, lobbing off the right arm.

Rei switched to positron and aimed for the core of the silver Israfel, "Shinji, slow down your target."

"Hai," Shinji backflipped away and used a long swipe to lob of its left leg, the regeneration was incredible, having all previous damage erased. He then used his strongest AT field around the core as the beam struck it, knocking the angel on its back an immobile.

That didn't last, the core regenerated 5 seconds later and Shinji just went on a limb hacking spree, telling Rei to help Asuka. Shinji had all four limbs hacked off and was standing over the silver body chopping off the growing stubs. "Hey Misato, how do we kill it, it regenerates completely and I don't have the firepower to nuke its entire mass."

Misato was watching Rei pull the pellet rifles out again, there was no need to watch Shinji's battle anymore. She was proud of Shinji's ability, but he did have PenPen as a teacher. Anyways, _'How the hell do we kill these things?'_ "The MAGI haven't finished processing the data. Try seeing where the regeneration's origin is."

Misato assessed Asuka's and Rei's battle: Asuka got thrown away, Rei attacked, Asuka attacked, and Asuka got thrown away. The orange angel couldn't focus on a single target and was slowed down, but there was no progress. She needed a Yebisu sooo badly right now.

Shinji had finally chopped thru the torso horizontally, only to have the half with more core grow back. Shinji was getting fed up, he had an angel with no arms and nothing from the waist down now. "Gals, this ain't working. Misato, I think we may need to fall back and analyze out data. I can chuck this body on top of the other one and you can nuke it while I hold an AT field."

"Baka, you want to get hit bye a N2 mine?"

"I can deflect a positron blast into space, how 'bout you? Just focus on attacking,"

Fifteen minutes later, the UN forces had been called in with the bombers. "Rei, Asuka lure it over to me," Shinji had reduced the silver angel into a triangle of flesh containing a circular core touching the edges.

The orange half noticed its targets were moving to the purple beast with the glowing sword, which was standing while slashing the ground over and over. It was surrounded by decomposing angel parts.

Shinji watched Unit 02 and 00 pass it and an orange angel charge. Eva Unit 01 picked up the regenerating triangle and threw it at the chest of the orange angel. The chunk of flesh collided with the orange Israfel, knocking it over. Three N2 mines dropped, _'Mom, sync up to 199.'_

'_Already on it, this is going to drain the batteries and the cord will be gone. But I don't think my armor will melt. I wish I could simulate the S2 organ already,'_

'_Yea, but infinite power equals jail time for me with likely occurrences of torture and dissection, sorry mom'_

'_Yeah, well remember protection when you sleep with the lucky lady during training…'_

'_MOM!' _**Reaaaally Big BOOM! **The explosion destroyed the beach and warehouses, but it did stay confined infront of the Eva's AT field, which an orange angel just had reached

-------------------------------------------One recovery team later-----------------------------------

Maya had the honor of reading the battle report in the conference room, all the normal staff were there except Gendo, he had an acute case of "Bastard-Constipation", which is when an author inadvertently gave him Adam in his hand earlier than normal and there's no reason he couldn't be at this briefing, so the author gave a random chip-and-seal plot hole treatment. So in my story, his own digestive system acted up against his bastardness and kept him on the toilet for 3 days, the toilet refused to flush due to his bastardness as well.

Maya continued her report, "At 11:30:01 A.M. today Unit 01 threw half B of the separated target at half A, knocking it over. The Eva then deployed an AT field and control was handed over to the UN Second Division. Now for the comments by the people responsible for the operation."

Ritsuko spoke up with a damage summary before the pilots began, "It was a bad situation that resulted in moderate damage to Unit 02 and minor repairs for Units 00 and 01,"

"It's not my fault, nothing we did worked!" Asuka exclaimed.

"I'm going to agree with Asuka on this, no further comment," Shinji decided that things were much better than last time, he was still trying to get Yui's comments and images out of his head.

"I have no input on this matter at the current time, I will do better in the future," Rei said.

Maya nodded and continued, "At 11:31:00 A.M., three N2 bombs dropped on the target. Eva Unit 01's battery was drained and cord destroyed."

"Now we have to update the map again," Fuyutsuki had walked in for Gendo, _'I wonder why "SEELE's emergency meeting" yesterday is taking so long, Section 4 says he's been holed up in his office for two days now.'_

"They succeeded in destroying 45 percent of the component substances of half A, and half B has been reduced to its core, but it's still producing a blue wave pattern."

"They finished it off?" Asuka asked, frustrated she didn't win.

Fuyutsuki informed her, "The UN just kept it from immediately walking to NERV HQ. It's only a matter of time until the next attack."

"Well, we've earned time to prepare. That's good…" Kaji was at the meeting as well.

Fuyutsuki sighed; he had to play the bastard role today, "Listen to me! Do you know what your job is?"

"To pilot Eva," Asuka answered. "To destroy angels," Shinji and Rei answered.

"Pilot Ikari and Ayanami are correct Pilot Soryu, you charged into battle and worked alone. Ayanami only got shots in when you were thrown away. Remember that you need to co-operate with them."

"They'll only hold me back!" Asuka channeled the spirit of a particular Uchiha in an alternate universe far, far away.

"Shut up! Today we failed, we are fortunate to have another chance, but that won't always be the case," Fuyutsuki left the room.

Shinji was talking to Maya in the corner before she took off. Smiling he walked over to Rei and began to talk. Asuka was currently put off and walked over to Kaji, "Why was he getting so upset?"

"Because he had to be the spokesman for NERV asking help, and adults don't like being humiliated. Don't worry, you did very well for the situation."

Asuka was about to glomp Kaji for the compliment, but Shinji interrupted, "Hey Kaji, where's Misato? And why wasn't the bast- err, commander here?"

"Hi Shinji, she's settling things as the officer for the mission. Commander Ikari is MIA," Kaji's contacts knew there was no emergency meeting with SEELE.

"Thanks, I'm going to the lounge to teach Rei how to play cards after changing, do you wanna come Asuka?"

"Fine, we have a while before we're cleared to go. But be prepared to lose!" Asuka responded, she was pissed that Shinji was better than her, but at least it wasn't like he's a wimpy wuss who just gets a high synch. They both would learn that Rei had an unbeatable poker face and inane talent for counting cards soon enough.

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(God, this is a beast of a chapter. Be thankful I write long chapters, I just passed the 5000 word mark for this one.)

Ritsuko traveled to Misato's office, yes she has one, "These papers are protests and reports of damage from the ministries concerned. And this is the claimed payment from the UN. And these are complaints from the publicity section."

"Hmmm," Misato was staring into space.

"Misato, you have to read these."

"I can guess what they say, "Fight in Tokyo-3, nowhere else" and "Shame on you for destroying property,"

Ritsuko sweatdropped, "Good guess."

"After this angel, I'll do my fighting here, orders or not. I will kill this angel!" _'For giving me this damn paperwork and more!'_

Ritsuko shook her head, "The vice-commander is angry, you are lucky Shinji deflected some damage and took care of half B. The AT field contained the blast to a smaller area, and almost doubled the expected damage expected."

"Yea go Shinji! But I can't humiliate Fuyutsuki again and I'm glad the commander wasn't here, or I'd be transferred," Misato slumped.

"You would be fired before he even read these," Ritsuko held up some angry red papers.

"But you're kind enough to bring me some clever idea to save me from being fired…"

"I don't know, if you were gone, I could get guardianship over Shinji…" Ritsuko grinned as Misato was shocked, "but apparently there's one idea to save you."

"You're wonderful! Ritsuko-chan, you're my bestest friend ever! I was worried that you would keep a plan to yourself to steal Shinji-kun."

'_I was just kidding…' _"Getting attached are we? Well, it's not me helping an old friend out, this idea is Maya's. She rushed right into me and gave me her disk. I also got one from Kaji a little later that would work, but his has a slightly lower chance of success."

"Thank God, Maya also helped with the fifth right? If she gets bored being a techie, I could always use an assistant if you want to let her go…"

Ritsuko paled, "No, Maya's mine, you have Shinji for home and Maya helps me at work…"

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Several hours later the pilots were released home and Misato was still at work. When she did get home, she was beat and went straight to sleep (right after dinner and a few drinks). The next morning Shinji was excused from school and Misato told him to go shopping for groceries while she cleaned.

'_I should have at least guessed something was going to happen last time, Misato never cleans willingly,' _Shinji thought as he returned. He opened the doors to see moving boxes, "Hey, I'm back…" Shinji walked into the kitchen and set the food on the table.

"Hello Shinji," Rei walked out of the spare room and picked up another box to put away.

'_I guess that means both of them are going to stay, though I only mentioned a basic coordinated plan to Maya…' _ "Hey Rei," Shinji walked back to the table as he heard the screeching of tires. It was weird that neither of them acted like this was out of the normal, "Let's greet Misato."

Misato came off the elevator with Asuka, hoping to have some fun with the pilots' minds, "Here it is Asuka I have to get a key from the super,"

The door opened from the inside to reveal Shinji standing there, "Hey, what's all the luggage for?"

"What? Why are you still here?"

"Because I live here," Shinji spoke plainly.

"Not anymore, you've been kicked out," Asuka smiled.

Shinji pretended to be shocked, "WHAT!"

"Misato is going to be living with me. It's the natural choice considering who has more skills. I wanted to live with Kaji…so these Japanese rooms are tiny, not even large enough for half my baggage."

"I guess I should pack. I never noticed though, the rooms here are pretty large. Misato got used to western sizes in college, but it's pretty traditional still."

"Hm, that's good, but you Japanese are so reckless. How can you live in a room without a lock?"

Misato had walked up to see Asuka complaining, but not fighting, a good sign, "The Japanese way is kindness and guessing other's wishes."

"Misato-san," Asuka recognized her.

"Hi Misato, I'm packed up and ready to move into Maya's, there's no spare room, but she said she didn't mind and Ritsuko approved."

"What!" Misato face changed from anticipation to terror as she thought of how many ways to skin Ritsuko's cats and gag that techie whore.

"Just kidding, what's going on? Rei, you can stop for a minute!" Shinji shouted into the apartment and Rei appeared a second later.

"Why's she here?" Asuka asked Misato, who had recovered.

"Hello Rei, I hope you all get along well."

"What?" Asuka was confused.

"It's preparation for the next operation."

"Why?..." Asuka had a bad feeling. Shinji tilted his head comically, "Oro?" Rei was silent, but was internally curious.

"Let's talk inside," Misato led them to the living room and motioned for them to sit, "The seventh angel has only one weakness: a concentrated, two-point attack to the core during separation. That's the only way to defeat it besides point-blank annihilation, which would need a sacrifice of an Eva to hold an AT field. In other words, an attack by two Evas with completely synchronized timing, set-up by a short synchronized melee by all three units."

"Ok…" Asuka and Shinji said. "That is reasonable," Rei inserted as well.

Misato motioned for PenPen to focus in on Asuka (the penguin had been standing in the corner with a camera), "So, you three are going to live together from now on to promote teamwork!"

"What, no! I won't accept that. You know that men and women must not live together after the age of seven. That's the proverb," Asuka wasn't taking it too well.

"The angel is proceeding with self-restoration. The second attack is in 9 days. We don't have the time."

"This is insane!" not well at all.

"The only way to accomplish this insanity is to master an attack pattern harmonized to this music, as soon as possible within 9 days! Understood?" Misato told Asuka, _'This is fun, Shinji isn't reacting too much and Rei…whoah, she actually looked surprised for a second. Asuka is going to have a heart attack.'_

"Ok, I'm glad I bought a lot of food now," Shinji smiled at Misato and she grinned back.

"I have never lived with someone before, but I will do as I'm ordered," Rei replied, she was overwhelmed and she showed it a little. She was just ordered to move boxes into a room and now she had roommates. Misato looked at her comfortingly and moved to Asuka with a grin.

"Hell. No."

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After the commercials, Toji and Kensuke can be seen walking to Misato's apartment building, talking about their MIA friend. Touji said, "I'm worried about how Shinji is doing…"

Kensuke nodded, "Yea, four days of school he hasn't shown up."

As they headed to the elevator, they bumped into Hikari, "Two of the stooges…"

"Why is the class rep here?"

'_sigh, Toji still can't call me by my name and we've known each other for a while' _"I'm checking up on Asuka, you?"

"We're checking up on Shinji," Kensuke looked at her warily as they walked to the same door and Hikari knocked on it.

In unpracticed synchronization, ironic considering the pilots condition, Hikari, Kensuke and Toji all shouted, "What are you doing here?" at each other.

The door opened and the normal students saw Rei, Shinji, and Asuka all dressed in 80's work out clothing, "Hi!"

"Whoa, way to go Shin-man!" Toji whooped.

"The three of them look like they're involved. I must need new glasses…" Kensuke took his glasses off for emphasis.

"This is Misato's idea, who insists that Japanese should begin with pattern," the trio answered, Asuka looked like she was holding back words.

"Gah! You three are being impure!" _'Asuka better tell me how Shinji is…BAD Hikari! You need to stop reading those Yui-fic books.'_

"That's a misunderstanding!" Rei and Shinji were forced to exclaim as Asuka started.

Hikari wasn't believing, "From my view, it's neither a mis-under-standing nor a mis-over-standing!"

I have no clue what that meant…hey look, Misato came to the door, "Ah, welcome!"

"Hey Misato, you turned us away during the school week. So please, tell us what's going on here!" Toji was Misato-deprived.

------------------------------------------------------Flashback-----------------------------------------

Here's a basic summary of what happened so far. Misato directly ordered Asuka to get over it and that it was time to divide chores.

"You three will help each other out with you chores until this threat passes. Now let's begin the sacred rite of Janken." (Rock/Paper/Scissors)

"Actually, since I know Misato can't cook, Rei has basic skills, and I don't know about Asuka," Shinji began.

"I know a few German dishes…"

"That's good, maybe you can teach me. Anyways, I'll take all the cooking for exemption from anything else," Shinji finished.

"Is the baka any good?" Asuka questioned Misato and Rei. Misato started to drool and Rei remembered the best meal she had Shinji made, so she replied, "Hai." PenPen, on the other hand, restrained himself from grabbing 'ol stabby to make up for the implied insult to the Kami.

"Remember, I'm the appointed cooking god, I told you on _Over the Rainbow_. Misato, snap out of it!" Shinji shook Misato out of her stupor.

"Agreed." "Hell Yea!." "Wark War…(long live Kami-sama)" "Housetrained already? Fine."

"Okay, three affirmatives and one 'Please spit in my meals' from Asuka," Shinji erased his other jobs from the chore calendar.

The result of the Janken was as follows: Misato reined champion, with only about of the quarter of the remaining jobs. Rei was new to the game, but in the end went on a spree that forced Misato into a few of her jobs. Asuka faired pretty well, she got the same amount of work as Rei.

The more memorable moments were the training outfits, sleeping in the same room, PenPen, and trying to help each other with chores. Asuka was reluctant to mention it, but Shinji was the best chef she ever knew. She still would not refer to him as a god, which infuriated our favorite penguin. Asuka didn't abuse him as much as she did in the past reality, but she couldn't get over his high sync ratio and occasional sarcasm, despite his cooking and kindness that appeared often.

Rei was another change, not having to talk much and now being required was strange. She had a ton of questions for the first day which Misato was happy to answer and couldn't really sync properly verbally until the fourth day. When they had time to "bond", Rei actually asked to try out his Playcube X. She had an affinity towards the RPG's and PenPen.

Shinji marveled in what tampering with the future could bring. His demons had been obliterated from his last life and he knew that third-impact was history. His current plan to #$#$ up the scenario was to inform Asuka and Rei about the Evas' souls and how to synch better. He could regret it, but if it came up, it came up. He enjoyed annoying Asuka a bit and cooking with Rei. Misato teased him even more, but a "coordinated" prank from a vengeful Asuka, Shinji, and a slightly reluctant Rei shut her up…for 3 hours.

--------------------------------------------End Flashback----------------------------------------------

Hikari, Toji, and Kensuke laughed hard. Misato had insinuated a pilot breeding program, but just finished explaining they needed to act the same to save the world.

"You should have said that in the first place!" Toji informed the pilots.

"And how's the attempt at the choreography going?" Hikari wanted to watch Shinji dance in his spandex suit, especially since Shinji's finally starting to show more results of his physical training.

"Just you watch, go ahead," Misato smily-eyed at the pilots.

"Okay," the trio replied as they set up the DDR like contraption. The routine played out; however, unlike the series, the pilots switched mats every so often. Shinji messed up one out of every 150 steps, Asuka one out of 180, and Rei led the pack at one every 200. Of course this wasn't too accurate, as it was determined when one or all three pilots were not in sync. They were much better than when they started.

"Hmm…" Toji, Hikari, and Kensuke stared.

"It's good, but not good enough to save the world. You have time though, so I'm not worried," Kensuke decided and Toji agreed. Hikari was still looking over them, _'I wasn't paying attention, crap…Shinji...crap'_, She winged it, "I agree with Kensuke."

"Thank you," the children accepted they needed to get better. Misato let them have two hours off to spend with their friends. They discovered in a Halo 4 tournament never to have guys vs. girls in a point match (Shinji asked Rei and Hikari, then mentioned Asuka was afraid of losing to the guys). The guys were creamed in ten minutes, Hikari, Asuka, and Rei all had snipes and Toji spawned in the worst locations… Kensuke almost saved the guys, but the girls assigned Hikari to hunt him. Hikari was scary in any video game, only to be matched by Kensuke. Shinji and Toji's rush in and guns blaring contributed to 28 of the 35 kills, remember: in ten minutes. The girls died 13 times. Afterwards they played another game and then split into gender specific groups in their respective rooms for the rest of the time.

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Four more days passed, the battle choreography progressed better than planned. They completed a day early, but still practiced the last to keep sharp. The trio didn't talk a lot because of Reir but Shinji managed not to piss Asuka off the last two days. Rei's views on life had changed a bit, she no longer felt fulfilled by her future of causing third impact, but didn't know if she could change it. Maybe she would talk to the commander…after the next memory imprint for the dummy plug. Asuka could consider Rei as a very weird friend and Shinji tolerable, but was chewed out by Shinji when she mentioned her being a wonderdoll...not that it was scary or anything…right?...Asuka did realize not to do that again and called her Rei from then on. Rei in turn dropped the honorfics and called the residents of the apartment by their first names as well.

Now it was the day before deployment and Misato had left for preparations already. They would see her tomorrow for briefing and another two run thrus. It was time for the three to go to bed when Shinji spoke up, "Hey Asuka, Rei?"

The two looked at him, wearing identical tang tops and shorts, and blinked at the same time making a plopping sound, "Yes?"

"I really hope this synch stuff doesn't last forever, because that was kinda creepy, anyways…do you want a hint on how to sync better? I don't know if I want to tamper with it now before the operation and it sounds crazy."

Rei and Asuka looked at each other and fell out of sync and back to him, "Tell me!" "I don't know…"

"I think it will help if I start with my past and explanation, but don't judge me until I'm finished. It may not work for you. Should I continue?"

'_Yes, I'll know how to beat him later!' _Asuka replied, "Go ahead, we're professionals. We won't fail tomorrow."

'_I will learn more about Shinji, maybe this has to do when I first met him after activation of Unit 01?' _Rei considered it and replied as well, "We won't fail. It is your decision."

(A/N: my events are different then the manga, but it may have worked in the anime, plus this is AU and fiction, so if you flame me, bring marshmallows. Also, try to keep in mind Shinji is trying to edge Asuka in the right direction as well as Rei.)

'_Well, here goes…' _"When I was four my mother died," Asuka sat down on her futon with a startled expression while Rei slowly moved down as well, "I was there and it was at NERV base she died. She was the test pilot for Unit 01 and something happened. The sync ratio jumped, I think it did but it's hard to remember, and they ejected the plug. When they pulled the body out, I don't know what happened. It looked like she tried biting a techie, but dad back then took me away. Two weeks later I learned she died in the hospital, and my father ceased to exist.

"I can honestly say I was a wreck before my first time in Unit 01, the only reason I did that was to piss the bastard, the commander, off and so Rei didn't have to." Asuka snorted at the commander part and Rei hung her head down. "Basically, I was knocked out in the plug, happy Asuka? I wasn't in control of my Eva when it beat the third angel."

Asuka's jaw dropped, "Really?"

"Yea, I wouldn't have said it otherwise. When I went to sleep, I remembered what happened, weird huh? The next sync test was when things got interesting and I found the shortcut to hovering around 100 percent. It turns out my mom's soul is in Unit 01 and likes to talk to me, (insert facefaults, even Rei almost) it makes it easier to sync because apparently she helped to develop the Evas' neural interface. By having her sync with me as well, I can exceed and control my sync at will. I hovered around 199 for that AT field and I stay around 95 for testing on purpose. It really hurts when you do get hit though, but no physical hsrm still and you can focus some of that pain away by talking to the soul of your Eva."

"You're kidding, right?" Asuka looked at him, his story was so similar to hers, but she snuck into the hospital two weeks after her mom's testing.

"No, it sounds weird, but it's true. My mom's soul was absorbed and I think it would explain why both of your syncs improved so much when I told you to try to think and feel as an Eva would, normally you just think it's a machine with mental controls. The answer is that there are souls that help you move your Eva and use AT fields. So what do you think? Have you ever felt anything weird in the plug? Besides that smell of blood."

Rei was silent and spoke a minute later, "The activation test of Unit 00. The Evangelion wanted to kill the Commander and me."

"Ok…" Asuka started, but Shinji and Rei looked at her in creepy sync, "…I guess anytime I'm in Unit 02 I feel needed, but I always thought it was because of my duty."

"I don't feel so insane now, thanks. We can always try this out later now that I know I won't be put in a psych ward for suggesting it. Now let's try to get to sleep,"

"How the hell are we going to do that now third child! Misato's not here, so I'm gonna set up over there. Don't bother me."

"Let us rest," Rei stated, _'What could Shinji's mother know about third impact? Why must life be so confusing now? I wish to blow up some pixilated opponents…"_

Shinji sighed, _'That could have gone better, but I can check off another of my to-do's. Oh well, I have the power to protect my friends. If anything, I'll let mom go berserker and blow both cores out simultaneously. Life's so much easier when your robot's nigh invincible. Wasn't something supposed to happen tonight? Can't…rem…em…er' _And Shinji was gone.

Fifteen minutes later, Shinji shifted in his sleep to a pondering Rei. She noticed and turned her head from her normal flat back sleeping position. _'My life is so different, Asuka, Misato, and Shinji are taking care of me like the commander used to. I am enjoying myself and the amenities of life, especially music. How can it be so different if the future is set? I will wait further to consider my future, as it is: I do not know what else I can do.'_

'_Didn't Shinji say, "Many things are not necessary Ayanami-san, but people do them anyways. If people only did what was necessary, they'd die. Because people have and do things they want, they feel the need to live," I wish to continue life as it is now…'_

Rei looked at Shinji's sleeping face, _'I feel…compelled to touch him,' _She raised pale hand to his face, he had changed her life. Moving her body closer to his, she could feel the warmth radiate off and a responding heat come from her, especially her face. Shinji took this opportune moment to roll over in his sleep, and Rei for some reason pressed against his back and fell asleep.

Another fifteen minutes later, Asuka gave up, "Why do Japanese sleep on the floor? Unbelievable!" _'Damn Shinji, I can't fall asleep! Might as well follow orders, maybe it's a guilty conscience as well.' _

Asuka picked up her bedding and moved it back to the group, feeling her way on the ground. Rei kept sleeping; but, unfortunately, her little outburst had woken Shinji up, _'oh yea, well that's not happening this time…is Rei pressed against my back? I can't move…must…fake…sleep.'_

As the fluffiness continued, Asuka laid down and stared at the ceiling, _'Mother, she's not important, right? Sigh It's too similar: "She was the test pilot for Unit 01 and something happened…_ _Two weeks later I learned she died in the hospital, and my father ceased to exist." I will find out tomorrow, why is it bugging me? Damn Shinji.'_

She looked over to the "sleeping" boy. Sure, he was keeping her up now, but he wasn't that bad. He was a hell of a cook, had a solid spine, helped her sync better, spoke German, and was a friend. He didn't have anything compared to Kaji in the looks department, although he was probably the best out of his age group. _'Looks so peaceful, I guess he isn't concerned if he can stop three N2 mines, show off. But he needs us for tomorrow and I'll pass his sync record yet." _

'_Sigh, life is confusing…I wonder if I could kiss him? Huh, where did that come from?' _Asuka shook her head looking for the culprit. "Ah…" _'He's asleep; I can't see much but his face and chest. Rei falls asleep in ten seconds flat as well.'_

'_Oh God, why won't Asuka fall asleep yet?' _Shinji wondered.

"Um…" _'Who would it hurt? I'd be doing the dork a favor honestly,' _Asuka inched closer to her goal.

Shinji felt a reaction to the girl attached to his back and the one nearing his face, _'I should try to enjoy this, or would that be wrong? Wait, don't I no longer care…my personality changes by the chapter…'_

Asuka slowed as she saw his brow furrow and relax, and was a half-centimeter away. _'I can smell spearmint toothpaste…' _By whatever force of nature wants to be held accountable, Rei leaned into Shinji's back and closed the gap. It wasn't by any means a deep kiss, but Asuka leaned forward slightly and held her position nervously for what seemed like an eternity.

'_Oh, that feels weird,' _Asuka felt as if her chest was being filled from the inside as she backed away from his moist lips. She then realized what she had done and blushed to meet her hair. _'God, why did I choose this baka for my first kiss? I'm never going to fall asleep.'_

Shinji was thinking of the kiss too, it was the most enjoyable one he had had. But now he just kept his hands at his sides and felt the slump of Asuka falling asleep into his chest. He didn't think much after that, just a _'damn penguin' _as a bright flash went off followed by a low warking back to the living room. Shinji forgot soon after as he joined the girls in sleep.

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Basically Misato went to work at NERV and Kaji hit on her, this time she threatens to knee him in the balls and that she doesn't like him that way anymore. No kissing on their part and Misato is visited later by Ritsuko, who can't quite believe Misato's over Kaji, but her actions dictate that she no longer feels the need to be with him, but enjoys his company. Hmm, this scene sucked, but I'm tired, so let's finally get to the next day.

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Shinji was lucky this morning, Rei had woken up first and slid out of the futon conglomerate, allowing him to slide away from Asuka backwards. It was one thing to have morning wood in a possible alternate universe with Asuka; in this universe, it guaranteed pain and a desperate escape plan.

"Good morning Shinji," Rei was waiting in the living room with PenPen with wet hair. "Wark"

"G' morning Rei, PenPen." **Yawn** "We have to get out in 65 minutes. Let's start breakfast. PenPen, you know what to do."

A minute later a shriek emanated from Shinji's room and a running PenPen dove for his fridge, catching some anchovies that Shinji opened up for breakfast. The disheveled redhead stomped out holding Shinji's practice sword and glared towards the fridge, before heading to the bathroom.

Shinji switched places with Asuka twenty minutes later and she helped Rei finish breakfast. When Shinji finally finished in the shower, the meal was ready and the other pilots were waiting. "So, today's the day…How you two feeling?"

"I am acceptable," Rei. "I'm fine, I just want to kick some angel ass now," Asuka didn't meet Shinji's eyes.

"Cool, let's eat," Shinji said.

The morning passed by in silence, driving Shinji insane, but finally they were suited up and in their Evas. The choreography was still perfect despite the busy minds of the pilots.

The Evangelions were standing in formation just out of the city on the hills, waiting for the angel to arrive. It was taking too long.

Asuka was in the plug being haunted by last night, _'I can't believe I'm doing this…Anybody here? Helloooo? See, there. Shinji's just insane.'_

'_Hello liechben.'_

"WHAT!"

"Asuka are you alright? Your sync spiked for a second," Ritsuko was looking at the data.

"Um, yeah, heh heh," Asuka tried to laugh it off as she tried not to breakdown, "I just realized something." _'You better not be #$#$ing with me, who is this!'_

'_It's good to see you again too Asuka.' _The voice thought sarcastically, _'I'm your mother, ooh that's a horrible memory…I'm sorry that you had to see the shell of my body. I'm sorry for not being there for you, but let's not worry about that now. I have to help my little girl kick some ass.'_

Just then Shigeru chimed in, "Um, congratulations Shinji. It looks like you did slightly more damage than anticipated, there's going to be a half an hour delay."

Asuka struggled to keep a straight face, "Hey Shinji, thank you for the tip."

"Ah, I knew something happened, Asuka," Maya looked at the display, "you're balancing out at 96 while Shinji's at 95…97 now. Rei, you're steady at 78." Ritsuko and the staff were amazed at what the pilots were now at.

'_Come on, Yui told us to beat that,' _Kyoko informed Asuka.

'_I have to get used to this you know, I feel that you're my mother, but this is weird. Who's Yui?' _Asuka asked, her professionalism shining thru.

'_Yui is Shinji's mom. Oh, I can see that you're going to have a lot of competition. Who'd a thought that Gendo would actually pass on some good genes?'_

'_Would you please be serious? And how do you know?'_

"_Oh no! My daughter's a prude, gah. The shame…You just need the right motivation, but I don't want to distract you now.'_

Asuka didn't feel too well, her mom was prying into her mind. Also, her mom was strange and it was nice/sad to know she existed. _'Thanks I guess'._

'_You're welcome, just focus on syncing to 100 and we're practically invincible. I won't bother you once the angel arrives. Hmm? Yui's sending me some memories as well. I'll talk to you again later, I love you,'_

'_Thanks mama…now I have to focus on the mission.'_

Meanwhile in Unit 00, Rei chose not to converse with her Eva, she was a little afraid it would go berserk and try to kill her again.

Shinji, on the other hand, was talking to Yui, _'So you can speak to Asuka's mom?'_

'_Yep, time to give her the lowdown on what happened with third impact.'_

'_Wait, will she tell Asuka?'_

'_Aw, my little boy's worrying about the girl who stole his first kiss,'_

'_I thought I suppressed that memory!'_

'_You can't hide anything from your mother as Asuka is finding out, but don't worry. Kyoko and I were faithful friends, she needs to know more about the bastard's plan,'_

'_Fine,'_

'_Good to know you enjoyed sleeping together by the way, Ja,'_

Back on the control bridge, the spectators watched Asuka and Shinji's sync level out a 100. "Way to go Asuka, you just hit the 100 mark," Maya informed her.

"Target has broken through the final defensive line at Gora," Makoto read the relay.

Misato stood up, "The angel is approaching! We won't fail this time. When the music starts, expand your AT fields and then just follow the plan. You three ready?"

"Hai!" All three pilots prepared to move.

"MAGI report the target the target invading the mountain region," Makoto continued.

"You two ready? Full power from the start!"

"I know that Shinji, everything will be done in 53 seconds," Asuka replied.

"Agreed," Rei affirmed.

The target, the seventh angel Israfel approached in singular form. Splitting into its halves as it encountered the Eva's.

"External power release…now!" Misato shouted as the music began.

The three units in a blur of purple, red, and orange charged the angel halves. Unit 01 and 02 kicked both angels and ducked, letting Rei blast both in their pseudo-heads. The orange and silver monsters lashed out, but shield plating shot up from the ground in front of Shinji and Asuka. Rei circled right, Shinji left, and Asuka stayed in place providing cover fire. A bunch of acrobats and positioning later, Rei stepped out of battle while Units 01 and 02 finished up. The angels had stopped to regenerate their legs and Asuka and Shinji jump thru the air to deliver a kick to the cores of both halves, crushing them.

Both units had enough power to roll away from the crater before shutting off. Unit 00 had plugged back in and carried two connectors to the fall out site. After plugging them in, the communications went back on.

"Great job you three! I'm not gonna be fired!" Misato shouted over the connection.

"You're welcome. So Asuka, enjoying your high sync rate now?" Shinji grinned over the HUD.

"It has its downs and is going to take a long time to get used to," Asuka stared at the controls.

Rei watched the two on the screen as they walked to the service elevator, _'Asuka has been abnormal today, maybe it was stress. She seems to have discovered the soul of Unit 02.'_

'_Hey Shinji, one down, five to go, eh?' _Yui spoke up.

'_She was probably just curious, it's not like she wanted to last time,'_

'_You have much to learn still, you should try my book series…'_

"Shinji's sync just dropped to 33 percent as he docked. Is there something wrong?" Ritsuko asked.

"I have to go back to school tomorrow…" _'Honestly, it's not like I'm blocking mom out on purpose.'_

"Yes you do, remind Misato that Rei has a sync test tomorrow. We have to take some final measurements before we upgrade Unit 00. You three can eject the plugs now."

---------------------------------------OMAKES LATER----------------------------------------------

A/N: My word count says the main part of the chapter is 10000 words. This could be a goddamn one-shot on its own! I'm tired, ask questions on my reasoning if you want to review.

Remember I need help with a Helsing omake. Also any other ideas would be nice.

Guess what movie I've been watching…. 

Kensuke left the apartment, hearing the muffled sound of Shinji getting beat up by "PenPen-sensei". Shinji had a while to go before he was proficient enough to yield an energy enhanced katana the size of several buses.

Meanwhile, inside…

"OW god damn it! What the #$#$ is this for!" Shinji held the offending object in the air.

"War Wkk Wark WARK Urk ark wark" (If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!) PenPen was wearing a white scarf and lifted a monkey wrench off of the nearby pile.

"That makes no OWWW! bloody $#$#ing OW!" Shinji lay on the ground holding his bits as the wrenches kept coming. Needless to say, he learned to dodge and PenPen would be the last of his species.

Technically not bad, it's your imagination's fault if you take it the wrong way… 

"Hey Rei," Shinji walked back to the table as he heard the screeching of tires. It was weird that neither of them acted like this was out of the normal, "Let's greet Misato."

Misato came off the elevator with Asuka, hoping to have some fun with the pilots' minds, "Here it is Asuka I have to get a key from the super,"

The door opened slightly and revealed Shinji's head, "Hey, heard you were moving in, why do you have so much luggage?"

"Baka, I have a lot of my clothes with me…" Asuka stood there.

"You do not require clothes Soryu-chan," Rei had come from behind Shinji and opened the door.

Asuka gawked, Rei was wearing, if you could call it that, a two-size-too small black latex leotard that was shredded all over so that it covered only the necessities. Her forearms were covered in black latex bandages with steel studs and she wore a black leather coat that was hanging off her shoulders open. The black kneel high stilettos finished off her look.

Shinji was wearing tight black leather pants that had studs traveling up the sides. He'd forgone the shirt and was wearing a biker jacket similar to Rei's so that his chest was in clear view. Spiked black knuckle gloves and several chains and rope, that were not part of the clothing, hung over his shoulders. He wore a studded choker with the work "Kami-Sama" that matched Rei's nameless choker that Asuka had glanced over.

Asuka wasn't stupid, so she made a break for it. Unfortunately, she tried to take her luggage with her…that would be a mistake she learned to love having made.

Three days later…

Kensuke looked at Hikari warily as they walked to the same door and Hikari knocked on it.

"Oh" Kensuke…

"My" Toji…

"GOD!" Hikari stared at the in the door way. Asuka had a devious smile while she wore her tight leather pants and a small, shredded latex tube top that squished her twins thru the gaps. She opted for a studded leather jacket, stilettos, and a choker with red studs. Her hair had been laced with black strips of studded latex.

"Misato said we have to dress alike, act the same, and even sleep together…you'd be surprised how enjoyable having roommates is…"

"I know, hi everyone!" Misato had come to the door as well. Being the social individual she was, two tight, thin straps of spiked leather traveled over her shoulders, covered her nipples, and converged as it reached the southern extremities. Strappy stilettos, knuckle gloves, and a choker were the only other articles of clothing.

The four smirked as their visitors released some surplus blood thru the nasal cavity. Toji and Kensuke had traveled over forty feet while Hikari had been chained up and thrown inside…by herself. A decision she wouldn't come to regret.

Please, no flames… ;) 

"The seventh angel has only one weakness: a concentrated, two-point attack to the core during separation. That's the only way to defeat it besides point-blank annihilation, which would need a sacrifice of an Eva to hold an AT field. In other words, an attack by two Evas with completely synchronized timing, set-up by a short synchronized melee by all three units."

"Ok…" Asuka and Shinji said. "That is reasonable," Rei inserted as well.

Misato motioned for PenPen to focus in on herself (the penguin had been standing in the corner with a camera), "YOSH! YOU THREE ARE GOING TO LIVE TOGTHER FROM NOW ON TO PROMOTE TEAMWORK AND THE FLAMES OF YOUTH!" Misato flashed a smile so bright that it blinded the youths. When they could finally see, their guardian was no longer wearing normal clothes, but a green spandex suit with a tan pocketed vest and orange leg warmers and bracers.

Less than fifteen minutes later, even Rei was wishing for the Goddamn angel to show up already and kill them all. Those suits they had to wear itched, their training regimen was past the borderline of insane, and Gendo 'bastard' Ikari had shown up with the training equipment while wearing a bright pink spandex suit. He had declared that he would be living with their "FIERY YOUTH 'TIL WE EXTINGUISH THE FLAMES OF OUR ETERNAL FOES!"

PenPen killed him five minutes later and things were finally borderline bearable.

What if?…. 

"Okay," the trio replied as they set up the DDR like contraption. The routine played out; however, unlike the series, the pilots switched mats every so often. Shinji messed up 100 out of every 150 steps, Asuka 100 out of 180, and Rei led the pack at 100 every 200. Of course this wasn't too accurate, as it was determined when one or all three pilots were not in sync. They were much better than when they started…

"Hmm…" Toji, Hikari, and Kensuke stared and said in perfect unison, "YOU GUYS SUCK!"

Asuka wouldn't take that lying down, "Why don't you three try it BAKAS!"

Moments later, "Perfect score," the machine displayed and played the battle victory music. Toji, Kensuke, and Hikari were jumping around in a circle while the pilots sulked.

Misato had a brainspark, "Well, there's only one thing to do now." Kensuke's eyes glowed; he was going to be a pilot! "As director of operations for NERV in Tokyo-3, I demand that you live here now: eating, doing chores, and sleeping with the pilots until they get it!"

Sorry, running out of ideas…falling back to the standard 

_'I have to get used to this you know, I feel that you're my mother, but this is weird. Who's Yui?' _Asuka asked, her professionalism shining thru.

_'Yui is Shinji's mom. Oh, I can see that you're going to have a lot of competition. Who'd a thought that Gendo would actually pass on some good genes?' _

_'Would you please be serious?' _

_"Oh no! My daughter's a prude, gah. The shame…The schools of erotica will never be joined! You just need the right motivation! I need to talk with Yui, later!' _

After the battle, Shinji's and Asuka's minds were forcibly implanted with several chapters from Yui's and Kyoko's book series. Consequently, that night Asuka sleep walked into Shinji's room naked and kept him warm (sorry, no nooky). The next morning it took five very revealing minutes before the two realized what had happened. They had to find a way to get revenge…

The moms surrendered after the fourth day of Barney dancing with a naked Gendo running thru the hardline interface. Yui and Kyoko discovered Gendo wasn't the specimen he used to be after an unfortunate, undocumented electric stapler/paper shredder accident. (that hurt to type…)

Violence IS the answer 

The target, the seventh angel Israfel approached in singular form. Splitting into its halves as it encountered the Eva's.

"External power release…now!" Misato shouted as the music began.

In the heat of battle in the past and the future to come, sometimes orders are forgotten, plans thrown out the window, and people turn to their primal instincts.

The Angel was almost done splitting in half when all three units pounced: fists clawed, buildings demolished, and teeth tearing the flesh away as the Evas abandoned the week of training in favor of just beating the hell out of this freaky invading mother #$#$er!

Asuka, Rei, and Shinji stood back up covered in blood, waiting for confirmation after a minute of carnage.

"Whoa…um…great job! Just like I plan heh heh," Misato sweated as the rest of the bridge stared and wondered what the hell she taught those kids.

Too much of a good thing if Rei remembered… 

From chapter 2 I think (Inspired by Ari phoenix… I can't believe I didn't think of it)

It was the day after Sachiel, the third angel, attacked. Rei was lying there in her hospital room, listlessly staring at the ceiling. The only signs of life were her gentle breathing movement, the occasional blinks that covered her red eyes, and the beeps of the heart monitor. She heard the door slide open and turned her head slightly.

'Shinji-kun is here?' And she stared at him.

"Hello Ayanami-san." _'He does not remember.'_ "How are you feeling?" Shinji assumed the bastard position and placed his hands in front of him, mirroring his father.

"I'm acceptable," She fought the incoming depression, _'Who will help me prevent third impact now? It seems as if only I remember…wait…'_

"Well I hope you recover soon. We have school together and I'd like to see you there. Are the other students nice?"

_'Shinji-kun is too different,' _"Shinji-kun, do you remember third impact?"

"What? You remember it too, this is so great. I really missed you Rei-chan," Shinji went to hug her when the door busted in.

Standing there, 33 naked clones of Rei Ayanami had a Cheshire grin on their faces, "We wish to become one with you Shinji-kuuuuun!"

Shinji only got to glance back at Rei II before she had stripped out of her hospital gown and tackled him as well. Several hours later (it seems that one of the Rei's knew how to hook an IV up to Shinji with a buttload of aphrodisiacs and fluids to prevent dehydration), the Reis were satisfied and Ikari Shinji firmly believed that every male (except his father) should have his own harem of clones.

And in an alternate universe, Rei Ayanami was thinking the same thing about her harem of Shinji clones.

And in yet another alternate universe, Ikari Shinji was thinking the same thing about his harem of Kawrou clones.

And finally, in yet another alternate universe, Soryu Asuka Langley was thinking the same thing about her harem of Rei clones.

REVIEW IF YOU WANT TO.


	11. Chapter 10: He who must be slaughtered

A/N: Ah, no school is refreshing :) It's complicated when you take PSEO, but I'm valedictorian since my school weights it. That only leads to the stupid interviews and speech writing. Why can't they accept that I'm lazy! Whatever, it's about time I wrote another chapter. Thanks for waiting.

_Italics: 'Thoughts/Yui/Kyoko'_

**Bold: Sounds**

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When we last left our heroes, they had kicked the crap out of Israfel and were back at NERV docking their respective Evangelions.

Asuka mindlessly ejected from her mother's vessel and headed to the locker rooms looking shaken, all mission protocol no longer in effect. Shinji was happy with what happened, sans the ever prying eye of big mother and her love of perverted gossip. Rei was Rei, a little bit more curious about the soul of Unit 00, Unit 02, and why would Shinji keep blushing and gasping when piloting Unit 01?

A little while later Shinji entered the debriefing room, _'Mom is gonna be pissed next sync test for cutting her off, she's probably thought of a way to bypass dropping my sync already. There's Maya.' _"Congratulations Maya, your plan saved us!"

Maya stood up from the rest of the techies preparing the battle schematics and hugged the pilot, _'I don't know why Shinji-kun keeps giving me ideas for plans... or why he doesn't want to take credit?' _Letting him go, she said, "Thanks, but you kno…"

Kaji had just showed up beside Shinji, "Hey, my plan would've worked too."

"Yes, but your plan didn't get used Kaji-san, Maya's did," Shinji stated with a smile.

"I know, I know. Anyways, congratulations Ms. Ibuki, would you like to go out for dinner to celebrate?" Kaji grinned.

"Um," Maya looked around for an escape, but couldn't find one, "No thank you Kaji-san, why…why don't you ask Misato over there?" She felt a little bad for Shinji's guardian as she entered the room, and she might as well send him towards his next direction anyways… "Thank you Shinji-kun, I'm getting a raise for my contributions… if you want anything, just ask and I'll see what I can do."

As Maya turned her attention back to the post-battle report, Rei was taking the long way to the meeting as per se her orders. "Commander?"

Commander Ikari stepped out of the shadows like a child predator, he was concerned over Rei's living arrangements, "I am concerned over your living arrangements report on your status."

"I am fine. Shinji is a good cook and is aware of my dietary requirements, nutrition is no concern. I am sharing a room with Asuka and she does not interfere with sleep nor hygiene. Misato enjoys her alcoholic beverages, as does PenPen, but she is always armed and trained to protect us. Continuing to live at the Major's apartment would be preferable," Rei stated in the way the commander had become accustomed to.

'_Yes, Katsuragi has always been reported to enjoy her beer…and this way I cut costs of security and rent. Well worth the small stipend Katsuragi will receive.' _"Very well, you shall remain at the Katsuragi residence," Gendo adjusted his cheap bastard glasses and left to the meeting.

The presentation went like normal, except at the end Ritsuko came forward. "Now, after this last battle, we have decided to upgrade Unit-00. The operation will take several weeks and we will also be developing an extended battery attachment. Rei, you have a sync test tomorrow."

Everyone in the room scuffled about and the pilots waited for Misato in the lounge. "I am staying at Misato's."

"That's great, right Asuka?" Shinji looked to the zombie-Asuka.

"Huh? Yeah, you need someone to control PenPen…" Asuka referred to the penguin's affinity towards Rei.

"Hai, I will do my best, but no guarantees. Are you alright Asuka?" Rei joined Shinji in staring at the redhead.

"I guess…"

"Don't worry about it, just forget what you thought happened and be thankful for what happened," Shinji counseled Asuka, glancing at the security camera. _'Wait, do I really care if the bastard figures it out? He can't do a bloody thing. He knew what would happen when mom disappeared and still let Kyoko pilot. Maybe Asuka and I can chop his hand off together? Nah,…'_

While Shinji was pondering and sniggering every so often, which may be the reason people were taking a step away, Misato had returned and was leading them to the garage. Rei spoke up after turning her attention away from the plotting third child, "Misato, could we visit the storage lockers? I require the rest of my belongings?"

"You mean you had more than what you brought? I thought you were just plain," Asuka said as the group entered an elevator. Shinji mindlessly pressed the button while thinking.

"Yes, I did not know if the housing situation was temporary or not. So I brought what was necessary. There are some…nice things and clothing I want."

Unkowingly to Rei, Asuka's eyes lit up. She was interested in what Rei had and if she liked shopping. Despite the week or so together, they had mostly trained, played games, and did school work. Rei was still irrational to her.

"Great! We'll need a proper party to welcome our new room mates!" Misato cheered, disturbing Shinji from happy-go-torture-Gendo land.

"What!" _'Not again.'_

"Yes, Shinji. You're in charge of the food of course! Rei and Asuka can do the partying, since they're the new guests!" Misato sprouted a chesire grin, Asuka laughed at his misfortune.

"You're right Misato," Shinji hung his head down smiling, Rei was confused again.

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A couple hours later, Rei knew why Shinji was smiling. Misato's definition of 'partying' was cleaning the house, moving boxes in, and unpacking. She felt the urge to knit her brows and stick out her tongue as she moved the last box into Asuka and her's room.

Asuka was much more verbal, "Why isn't the baka helping?"

"Because I don't have any chores dealing with cleaning or garbage. I only know how to cook," Shinji grinned and Misato lifted her hand in the air. A second later an airborne Yebisu flew into her hand from twenty feet away.

"Wark!" "Damn right!" PenPen and Misato agreed.

Asuka grumbled, and she would normally fight back, but she was tired from a day of fighting and finding her mother. Also, the logic of not wanting to piss off the hand that feeds you would fit in quite nicely.

Rei slumped down on the couch in an uncharacteristic fashion. She had a long day coming up tomorrow with imprinting the dummy plugs and several synch tests, _'Ok, this will be one of the last imprints. Just get thru it, maybe Shinji will make me some vegetarian pizza and I can finish Final Fantasy _(Don't Own) _tomorrow.' _Rei smirked and decided to try something out of pure curiosity and tiredness as Shinji turned back to making snacks: she raised her hand in the air.

A second later a water bottle flew into her hand and she blinked, "Shinji, how did you know I wasn't Misato or that I wanted water?"

Shinji turned around and just realized he had thrown a bottle of water. _'Okay, that was weird' _"I'd have to guess my instincts as a Kami did it." He grinned and turned back around.

"Yeah right Shinji, you're good, but not a god," Asuka snorted as sat besides Rei, who in another experiment lifted Asuka's right hand into the air for her. A Heineken flew thru the air and into her hand a second later.

"SHINJI! No giving out the private stash!"

"What?" Shinji turned around and looked at Misato, "That wasn't you? OH, sorry Asuka."

The second child stared at the can in her hand, since she attended college, she had tried the stuff before. She was more stunned that she had been thinking: _'I need a drink after today.' _

"Um, that's alright, catch," the can never made it back as PenPen jumped five feet in the air (he is a swordsmaster in my story) and bolted towards his fridge, closely followed by a pop and fizzing sound.

Asuka walked to the fridge and grabbed a water herself before Rei could raise her hand for her again. _'I really don't want to know how he does that.'_

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Later, Rei was finishing up unpacking as Asuka lay down on a futon. Their room was a clash of colors, but not a violent eye-gouging kind. Rei had kept most of the blues and greens that Shinji had bought for her with some of the nature posters, rugs, and her bedding. Whereas Asuka loved red and yellow, with posters of her next to her eva and some German band she liked. The room looked much better than when it was filled with garbage and Misato's old college stuff.

"Hey Rei, who do you think is in your eva?" Asuka asked looking at the ceiling.

"Somebody who didn't like me or the commander. I don't know if I want to find out," Rei replied.

'_Hm, maybe she's the commander's ex,' _Asuka wondered.

"So, I assume your mother is in Unit 02 Asuka?"

"Yea, maybe yours is in Unit 00? It would make a nice pattern,"

"I don't have a mother, I never have," _'The commander made me, does that make him my mother? He is not female though, or is he?' _Rei was confused and silent.

Asuka felt like she hit an awkward spot, "Um, good night." She'd had enough of today by now and fell into the bliss of sleep.

Rei went to sleep and grabbed an extra blanket, it was cold sleeping without Shinji and Asuka.

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(Argh, what happened to the days of slapstick and no plot development?)

The next morning Rei left with Misato for NERV and Asuka and Shinji finally returned to school after their training break. The fangirls of Shinji cheered as he showed up with Asuka, _'You know, there's something wrong here. Maybe mom did something to my pheromones?' _Toji and Kensuke had arrived as well, "Hey guys, I'm afraid to go inside without my two women repellers."

"Ha Ha Shinji, so I guess you didn't screw up since we're still alive," Kensuke said as he entered the building.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Women love my bod," Toji motioned to himself for emphasis. He did have some admirers, he just wasn't too sharp in how to relate to them.

"Yeah, we kicked ass and I'd gladly give you my fanclub if you want Toji. Why's everyone actually headed to class?" Shinji motioned to the emptying hallways.

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Asuka had met up with Hikari in home room, "I'm so glad to get out of the apartment and talk to some normal people!"

"It can't be that bad Asuka."

"I didn't say it was bad, it was just getting old seeing the same people day after day in the same training routine."

"Ah, the same thing happens sometimes with my sisters and me in the summer. I hear that Shinji's a good cook."

"That's all he does! He doesn't help out with anything else, Rei does more stuff than he does…but he is a good cook. Why's everybody here?" Asuka motioned to the kids actually in their seats.

"Boring-sensei has an announcement that concerns the school trip, and with attendance lately, he threatened that if we didn't show up for the next two weeks, we couldn't go. Looks like the stooges and sensei showed up," Hikari said as she left to perform her class representative duties.

"Good morning everyone, I might as well tell you where we are headed and what the itinerary is. After a short lecture on Second Impact" **Collective Groan** _'I wonder why they always do that?'_

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The rest of the day and week went on like normal, except for the constant buzz about the school trip. They were going to Okinawa to spend the week. There was a monument to second impact, 3 sessions of scuba diving, hot springs, and a co-ed hotel (Not rooms you hentai, just floors…yea, that's not much better with teenagers).

Rei came back the next day and was being told the glorious wonders that they would experience by Hikari and Asuka at lunch, who were very excited about the trip. It was quite amusing for Rei to sit there with a blank expression and the other two would just keep talking. _'I don't know why Asuka is so excited…maybe she is encouraging Hikari to have fun. She couldn't have forgotten that we have standby duty.'_

"Hey Rei, you only have the school bathing suit. Let's you, me, and Hikari go shopping two weeks Saturday. I have a sync test this Saturday unfortunately."

"That's a great idea. Maybe you can make some more friends on this trip as well."

"I don't think that is possible, I …"

"Nonsense, you're just a little stranger than most. You just need a tan and a smaller suit will make people forget your social grace," Asuka examined her.

"I don't know about that Asuka, but it can't hurt," Hikari responded. **Class Bell** "Let's plan the details later."

And so Rei would be dragged to the mall two weeks later. Shinji simply waved goodbye as Hikari and Asuka left shoulder to shoulder with Rei in the middle. Why should he care? His week was like a normal teenager's and he wasn't going to chance it by taking an initiative in anything right now.

-----------------------------Finally, there's script I can use again----------------------------------

"We're so lucky Kaji-san! We get to shop with you!" Asuka cheered from beside Hikari and Rei.

'_Why the hell am I chaperoning this?' _Kaji thought with a straight face, _'at least she doesn't hang on me anymore. Those stares were awful from all the 'date-able' women. I can't believe that one slapped me and called the police.' _

"Well girls, we are we headed first?" Kaji sighed as he resigned to his fate. _'Now I remember, Misato bribed me with beer battered shrimp. Damn my weakness. Hey, pretty lady.' _Kaji turned his head at a passing blonde, missing Asuka's response completely.

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"What the…? This's the swimsuit section," Kaji stood on the aisle and the three girls walked past him. Kaji found a conveniently place bench and sat back staring at the ceiling, _'1, 2, 3…'_

Filing thru the racks of bikinis, we see…er, we observe…, um…whatever I type sounds bad. The XX chromosome trio tried on different suits. Asuka found a red and white striped two piece that zipped up the middle. Hikari was more daring and grabbed a string bikini that was green (Asuka: "I'm sure you can get the stooge's and the rest of the male population's attention with that"). And Rei finally found a white one-piece, although the sides were cut out with blue trim (Hikari: "Not bad, I guess it's a matter of comfort zone").

After collecting Kaji and making their purchases, the chaperone offered to buy them lunch at an outdoor café. "Where are you going on your school trip?"

"O-ki-na-wa" Asuka chimed as Hikari ate her meal. Rei was disappointed in the lack of suitable foods, but Kaji assured her that 'ice cream' would be fine for her. So she currently was poking it absentmindedly with her spoon before trying it.

"It's going to be so fun Ryouji-san, we get to go scuba diving," Hikari spoke up. Rei had finally started eating. She decided that she really like the strawberry and chocolate, but vanilla was ok.

"Don't call me 'Ryouji-san', it makes me feel old," Kaji told the girl, "Hm, scuba diving. I haven't done that in three years."

"Hey, where'd you go on your school trip?" Asuka asked.

"What school trip? We were a little preoccupied with Second Impact at the time," Kaji was still a little disgruntled about that, _'Damn angels, I hope Shinji kicks your asses.'_

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PenPen was glad that the pale one would be staying with them: he had Kami-sama for food, Misato for beer, Asuka for tormenting, and Rei for back rubs. The penguin couldn't be much happier with his life, it was busier, but the rewards were worth the work. At the moment, he was lying back in a bath of warm water floating alongside a can of beer with a straw. _'Long live Kami-sama, the pale one, beer-bringer, and play-toy.'_

**Crash! **"What do you mean we can't go on the school trip!" PenPen was startled and he barely managed to save his beer. _'Forget about the play-toy. Why the hell is she upset? The pale one knew.' _"Wark!"

Outside the bathroom door, Misato was trying a Kurishio Bussa BOA beer at the table as she informed Asuka of the situation, "Right." _'Jeeze, Shinji and Rei knew about it.'_

"Why not?" Asuka demanded. Shinji had brought back a tray of tea and one lemonade and set it on the table.

"You have to wait here in case of an angel attack," Misato replied. Rei had left to put her shopping bags in her and Asuka's room.

"I didn't hear about that!" Shinji was quietly sipping on tea now.

"You just did now," Misato smily-eyed and looked to Shinji.

"Who decided this!" Asuka tried to stare Misato down.

"I did of course, I'm the Operations Planning Manager you know," Misato continue to drink.

"Hey stop drinking tea you," Asuka scolded Shinji, "Say something to her. You're a man, aren't you?"

"Hm, am I a man Misato?"

"Of course you are, remember when I forgot to do laundry and you got out of the shower without a towel."

"How can I forget? You got a shower afterwards and walked around, claiming you needed to 'air dry'"

"What!" Asuka screeched.

"That's right, you don't know. The longer you live with Misato, the more comfortable she feels around you. We're lucky the guys haven't died from blood loss."

"Too true. I am amazed that you haven't as well, am I losing my touch?" Misato pouted.

Asuka was varying from shock, to disgust, to rage, and to slight jealousy in a kaleidoscope of emotions.

"Of course not. It's all I can do not to stare, take pictures, and tackle you to the floor. But I don't think that would be right and the commander jackass would split us up anyways."

"Damn him. Heehee," **Click Click Click **"Got it," Misato celebrated as she put down the camera. _'I can't wait to develop these. I didn't know Asuka could change to that color.'_

"You're welcome," Shinji said as Rei sat down and thanked him for the tea, "How was your shopping trip?"

"It was fun, do we have any strawberry ice cream?" Rei inquired.

"No, most of the freezer space is used by PenPen, TV dinners, and some different meats. I'll buy some next time out."

"Thank you," Rei smiled.

Asuka's mind had finally caught up to real time, "Rei, what about you? Did you hear about this?"

"Hai, I could hear your conversation from our room," Rei took a sip of tea.

"I know you want to go Asuka. But there's nothing you can do. It's likely that an angel would attack when you were gone," Misato sighed.

"We always have to wait, wait, wait, wait! We're always waiting for an enemy whose appearances we can't predict! Can't you figure out where they are and attack them first?"

"If we could, we would. Well, I guess you must think that this will be a good chance-- after all, while the others are away, you can get some studying done. Did you think I didn't know about that?" Misato held up a single memory stick to Asuka, who recoiled slightly, "You do realize that I know everything even without you telling me. I can easily access any information on your exam results. Good job Shinji, Rei."

"What's the point? I already have a freaking diploma! Who cares about the system?"

"You shouldn't have a problem then, but you do. As long as you're here and working for us, you'll do things like we want you to."

"Here's some lemonade Asuka, just don't go ballistic and spill it. If anything, we could try to scuba at NERV and you'll do better next grading period."

Asuka slumped down in the chair and took the drink, "It's not fair…"

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Monday morning, the three pilots said farewell to their friends. Hikari said she'd bring Rei and Asuka a souvenir. Kensuke and Toji were cruel with "I feel sorry for you guys" and "We'll have fun for you, hahaha!"

Later in the week, Asuka had raided NERV for a set of scuba gear and was on her way to the pool. She had to wear her new bathing suit and convinced Rei to as well. As she walked past the glass doors, she saw Rei and Shinji in their swim suits…typing away on their laptops. _'Jeeze, they can't be working ahead. Thank God I don't need to.'_

-----------------------------Flashback to Last Saturday's Sync Test-------------------------------

"Borderline passed. Eva Units 01 and 02 are online," Maya was in charge today, Ritsuko was busy upgrading Unit 00. "Okay Shinji-kun, Asuka. You know what to do. We will have simulator mission in twenty minutes. I have to run some paperwork to sempai, so I'll be right back."

Shinji sat back in the seat, _'Hey mom, I'm really sorry for cutting you off last time.'_

'_It's okay Shinji, I've already thought of a way around that trick. How's everything with Asuka? Have you let Rei into the mix? How 'bout Hikari? I remember her mom was one of my literary correspondents…'_

'_The answer is no to all of the above, actually I need you to send a message to Asuka…'_

Asuka was nervous until she heard her mom, _'Relax, I'm still here. I'll let you begin, what do you want to talk about?'_

'_Wh-what happened?' _Asuka was not in her element.

'_Same thing that happened to Yui apparently. I tested the eva, my mind was absorbed, and my shell decided to destroy itself. I can't begin to tell you how much I missed you. My turn, what's up between my little girl and Shinji?'_

'_I-' _

'_Sorry, but Yui's telling me to relay a message: 'Hey Asuka, I've noticed you're having some problem with the Kanji. My mom implanted German into my head, so ask yours to implant the Kanji. A warning though, it will hurt like a bitch. Oh, and Mrs. Soryu, you could take the opportunity to get to know your daughter better if you know what I mean.' I wonder what he…oh, yeah that would be painful.'_

'_You can do that? Would you? I can't stand not being able to read the questions when I know the damn answers!' _It was painful to her pride in class when she couldn't just ask for help. She was supposedly a genius and everyone else knew the kanji already.

'_Ok, but it will hurt. Turn off communications, I'll handle the data being recorded, and then hang on to something,' Kyoko said in a concerned tone._

Asuka turned off the controls and braced herself. After three minutes of uber-migraines, Asuka leaned back, panting slightly and sweating. _'That was bad…'_

'_I'm sorry, but it could have been worse. Turn the com back on.'_

'_Worse?' _ Asuka switched it back on. _'Ask Shinji if he has a method for removing headaches.'_

'_He relays a no Asuka. Sorry, but I also took the liberty of looking thru your memories.'_

'_Okay, I guess. You are my mother, so I'll trust you on this.'_

'_And don't forget it! By the way, Shinji had all his memories ripped from his mind in an instant, so consider yourself lucky. So, what's up with you and him?'_

'_Argh.'_

'_Nope, I didn't forget about it, although I'm pretty sure I know how you feel from your memories. You can just take your turn and I'll assume what I want to,' _Kyoko would have smirked if she could. She was a closet pervert, but if she got started openly, she could compete with Yui easily. Maybe she would hack into the government records and marry them. Nah, Shinji just had too much potential to be tied down and Yui would kill her.

'_No, he's just a close friend. He's a little arrogant at times and seems to do no wrong, but he can be really nice. I just like him as a friend.'_

'_Ah, okay. But here's a warning: he has many admirers, you may end up having to share, not that that would be a bad thing, haha'_

'_Mom! Ew!' _The conversation would go on, Kyoko told her daughter more about herself and how to manipulate her sync. The whole time there was an extended Kodak moment.

'_Whatever, here's my next question: why did you want to pilot after what happened to Mrs. Ikari?' _Asuka had thought about that after she discovered her mom was friends with 'Yui.'

**GRRRRRR! **The eva rumbled and Asuka felt a surge of hatred. _'Have you notice how Shinji calls his father bastard, commander jackass, he-who-must-be-slaughtered, and never father or dad? That's because he is. He knew that more pilots were needed and that you were the right age, so he held back all information of Yui's demise until I performed the contact experiments. Why were you chosen to pilot only after my shell killed itself? All the crap we will put up with is his fault because he's trying to resurrect his former wife with a Third Impact. Only a few…'_

Asuka listened on as her mother explained Second Impact, the Evas, LCL, and SEELE. Kyoko hadn't been informed about Rei yet. She was told to keep it a secret and Kyoko was pained not to tell her what the future would hold. One plotting 15-year was enough, but Shinji had an accomplice in the 'give Gendo migraines' task now.

----------------------------------------------------End Flashback--------------------------------------

Anyways, Asuka was proficient in Kanji thanks to Kyoko and she didn't feel the need to work ahead. Now it was time to scuba once she dragged the two other children from their computers.

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A/N: Damn, this chapter was taking longer than I expected. I think I'll split it here because I discovered you aren't alerted when I replace content. So I have to add a chapter to get everyone's attention. So don't review until the next half of this chapter comes out. Omakes will be there as well.


	12. Chapter 10 part 2: A Sumo Suit

A/N: This is the second half of chapter 10. Ah, it feels good to finish a chapter. Not spelled, grammar, or logic checked.

'_Italics' _: _'Thoughts/Yui/Kyoko'_

**Bold : Sounds**

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Now it was time to scuba once she dragged the two other children from their computers.

"What are you two doing?" Asuka asked Shinji and Rei. They were both sitting at opposite sides of the table with their laptops and appeared to be working.

"I am saving my Mechwarrior: Fifth Impact file before I begin swimming," Rei responded. After finishing her Final Fantasy, she was pushed towards this new game. The online players could be very…frustrating. Shinji had printed out an online speech dictionary for her.

Speaking of Shinji, he ignored Asuka and kept staring at the screen. Asuka called out for him again before moving right beside him to look at what was so interesting. She could see a bunch of text, diagrams, and numbers before he spoke up.

"Hey Asuka," Shinji wasn't working on physics because it made no sense that he would need help, so no thermal expansion until the omakes, "I'm working on a little something for Maya."

Asuka stared at the screen again and read aloud, "Inverted AT-field theory and Possible AT Field Manipulation thru Carbon Fiber-LCL Metals…What the hell is this?" She pointed to a complex blue-print and several unknown symbols.

"That? OH, that. It's something." Shinji answered and kept typing.

Rei was finished and was curious about what Shinji was talking about. She dragged her chair to Shinji's other side and looked in disbelief at the screen. "What about this?"

"Oh, thanks. I forgot to finish that," Shinji moved the mouse and started typing rapidly before pasting in a larger document.

Asuka continued to stare as the words flowed in from the other document. "So…" _'this is a little something? Is he a #$#$ing genius?' _"Slow down, what's an inverted AT-field and the other item?"

Shinji highlighted another item and re-wrote it. "Sigh, if an AT field is a manifestation of separation or blocking, the anti-AT field would absorb things in an infinite amount of space thru some very complicated equations. The 'other thing' would be a possible way to make AT-piercing weapons and possibly cages/containers without using the bio-components in the EVA."

"Oh," Rei and Asuka said in stereo. The both looked on in disbelief as Shinji finished and hit save. Rei, struggling, finally spoke up, "Did you go to college Shinji? Those were very confusing…things."

"What? It's easy," Shinji smiled as both girls sweatdropped."Actually, I'm just proofreading and editing it for her." _'The ideas and data is from mom. I hope Maya enjoys the surprise. Hm, I'll send it to Ritsuko as well…just less complete. She'll think Maya's a genius, lol.' _"Did you think I came up with that?"

"Haha, of course not," Asuka laughed it off. "I did," Rei answered as she got up and put the chair back.

"Well that's sweet Rei, but I'm not that smart yet," Shinji closed his laptop and stood up.

Without Shinji's work distracting them, they finally looked at each other. There were several traveling eyes until Rei got her mind back on track, _'That was weird, Shinji looks…something. I like it, hmm. What am I doing!' _ "I'm going for a swim, will you be joining me?"

"Um, yeah Rei. Shinji, do you want to scuba? I have another set of equipment," Asuka looked away from his developing body to the diving stuff. Shinji's sword practice and other training had finally produced a six-pack on his semi-scrawny frame with two decent pecs. By no means would he ever be a large man, more like a well-toned teenager.

"Thanks, but I brought my own equipment. I can't really swim that well. Would you mind if Rei tried it out?" Shinji pulled his own equipment out of his bag and some reflective goggles. Logically, after the destruction of Antarctica and rising sea-levels, jumps were made in personal scuba technology so people could search the wreckage. So everyone's equipment was much smaller than your normal scuba.

"Sure, it's NERV's! Let them pay for the ruining our trip," Asuka smirked, "Hey Rei, you're going scuba with us. Get suited up."

"Alright…" Rei pivoted directions straight to the pile of equipment. She had wanted to try it after the two weeks worth of hype.

True to his word, Shinji sunk straight to the bottom and it took fifteen minutes of coaching from the girls until he could move on his own. Eventually they swam around and had fun, including a race around the pool underwater and jumping from the diving board. Shinji sucked at both, but it was an enjoyable sight to watch each other compete.

'_I am not my mom, I am not my mom, I am not my mom,' _Shinji had enjoyed the sight of the other pilots immensely as well.

'_I'll ask Misato about this later,' _Rei thought as she blushed before entering the locker rooms.

'_Not Kaji, not Kaji, not Kaji,' _Guess who?

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Ritsuko was busy working on the upgrade on Unit 00 when she decided to check her e-mail. There were 27 unread messages. She just was busy the last couple of days. She saw one from Shinji labeled: "I thought you might enjoy this" with a paperclip next to it. So reluctantly she opened the attachment, _'Why the hell would Shinji-kun send me something?'_

"Inverted AT-field theory and Possible AT Field Manipulation thru Carbon Fiber-LCL Metals…What the hell is this?" cat-woman read-on and started to drool. According to Shinji, he had been shown this on his latest sync test. Something about being given a backdoor into the MAGI.

'_But, but, it's incomplete! The blueprints are missing descriptions, the theory is incomplete in a few places, and this equation isn't finished! NOOOOOOO! It would only take me a few days of non-stop work…' _Ritsuko slumped back and started to sob. She didn't have the time right now to work on it.

Suddenly Maya tore around the corner and vaulted a nearby computer terminal, "SEMPAI! YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!"

'_Sigh, I guess I have a minute or two,' _"What is it Maya?"

Maya pulled out a stack of papers from seemingly nowhere and set it down in front of her sempai. "I got an e-mail from Shinji-kun a few days ago and look what it had. I had to fix some things, but it's amazing!" _'I can't believe Shinji misspelled my name and his mom couldn't spell carbon.'_

Ritsuko pulled herself up and looked thru the stack, _'It's the same thing I ha…' _She looked back at the e-mail and to the papers rapidly. _'It's, it's, it's COMPLETE!'_

Ritsuko jumped up and kissed Maya on the lips hard before jumping around with the papers clutched to her chest, "Yatta! You're awesome! It's complete! We could use this for so much! It must have taken you forever!"

Maya was standing there stunned as Ritsuko kissed her again before sitting back down to look at the papers again. _'Why did Shinji send sempai an incomplete version? I really need to do something for that boy.'_

Ritsuko was just ecstatic. A few minutes later she looked up at the beet-red Maya staring into space. _'What's with her? Shoot, I have to get back to Unit 00. But I don't wanna, hm?...' _"Maya, could you do me a favor?"

Snapping out of it, Maya felt how hot her face was, "Su-sure. Just name it sempai."

"Here's a checklist of procedures Unit 00 is undergoing right now. Go to its cage and supervise construction for today. Call me if there's a serious problem. I'll take you out to dinner afterwards."

"Hai!" Maya left as fast as she could, not noticing Ritsuko's lingering eyes. Maybe she should just give on Gendo completely, it's not like he ever showed any promise. She'd find out tonight. (okay, my simplest explanation is Ritsuko experimented in college. So did Maya. My story, so there. I'm not delving too much into Ritsuko/Maya, just know it's a progressive relationship and will merge with harem)

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A couple of days passed until it was Thursday and some disturbing reports were coming in. Right now, Shigeru, Fuyutsuki, Ritsuko, and Maya were looking at blown up negatives projected onto the floor. Ritsuko and Maya had become closer friends and Maya was always smiling for some reason.

"These don't give us a clear image," Fuyutsuki observed.

Shigeru nodded, "but the thing that's disconcerting is how it's being reported by the Asamayama Earthquake Research Institute."

Fuyutsuki agreed," Indeed, we cannot ignore it."

"What did Magi judge Maya?" Ritsuko asked.

"Fifty-fifty sempai."

"Is someone there?" Fuyutsuki inquired.

Shigeru answered this time, "Captain Katsuragi and Makato have already arrived there."

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The head researcher of the Asamayama Earthquake Research Institute at Mt. Asamayama was having a good-turned-interesting-turned-bad week. First off, they had received Kermadec-3, their third high-pressure and temperature probe. "That's the limit!" he told this woman.

"No it isn't, 500 more please," she watched the probe sink deeper into the volcano on the monitor.

The probe worked great, with various sensors that could do various things sensors could do. The test runs were great…and then the earthquakes began.

"Depth 1200. Anti-pressure amour cracked," his assistant said. He pleaded with the woman, "Katsuragi-san!"

"If it's destroyed, we'll compensate you for it. 200 more, please," she flippantly said, not knowing how f#$#ing long it took to make one.

The earthquakes were suspicious, so the information was sent to the government, and then to NERV with their MAGI computers. Why didn't he keep it a secret!

"Signal on the monitor!" the NERV tech known as Makato said.

"Start analysis," the cruel woman said.

Maybe she would leave now and they could repair the probe. They had just showed up and decided to take a test spin of the probe that morning.

"Probe has been utterly crushed and destroyed. **BOOM…**It exploded as well," the researcher's assistant said in disbelief. He started to cry.

"Status of analysis?" the purple-haired demon asked her minion.

"We barely got it. Thank God…or not. Pattern Blue!" the minion said without any compassion to anything else.

"No doubt. That's an Angel," now his week had plummeted into the ground, "As of now, this lab is completely closed and under NERV's control. No entry to the room will be permitted, and all events from the past six hours are to be kept secret from the outside."

Now they couldn't even salvage any of the extra data recorded. His week just went under like his probe.

The researcher's assistant pulled the scissors out of his hands and the guards jumped on him. The demon walked out of the room in a rush, probably to celebrate ruining his week.

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Misato quickly called the bridge and got a hold of Shigeru. She asked for an A17 from the commander. Eventually, she got a secure line to the commander and explained everything. Now this lead to the meeting of some SEELE members at the moment.

"A17?" Mr. yellow-colored desk asked.

"A pre-emptive strike?" Mr. red-desk guessed.

"Yes," the ironically pure-white desk Gendo affirmed.

Mr. green-desk wasn't happy, "Not acceptable! It's too dangerous! You cannot say you have forgotten that case 15 years ago."

Gendo didn't stray from bastard position, "It's our chance. We've been doing nothing but defending, but we can go on the offensive if..."

"You risk too much!" Robo-bastard said.

'_Checkmate' _"But you know how important getting a sample of a living Angel is…" the original bastard responded.

Keel relented, "Failure will not be tolerated."

Fuyutsuki had noticed something when all of the colors disappeared, "Failure? If we fail, humanity will cease to exist!"

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In the same room that the negatives were shown on the floor, Maya, Ritsuko and the three children were assembled, looking at a picture of an angel embryo. It looked like a chicken egg with a fetus in it, very deceptive when you consider it must have been the size of a mid-size building.

Shinji spoke up, "I'm betting that's a chrysalis the angel is in and you want us to capture it alive and bring it in it's original condition as much as possible? And if we fail to destroy it?"

Ritsuko and Maya just nodded. They kept being surprised by the Ikari line (Gendo's not an Ikari). _'I'll have some fun with this,' _Ritsuko thought, "Who wants to take the mission?"

"I'll do it! I'll dive!" "Make Asuka do it." "I do not have an Eva even"

'_I thought they'd fight over it,' _"Fine. Asuka will do it with Unit 02."

"Wait," the red-head turned to Shinji, "Why were you so anxious not to?"

"Haha, you'll see. Two words though: sumo wrestler."

"Huh?"

Rei wondered something, "What will I do?"

Maya decided to answer, "Since Unit 00 is being upgraded and could be used even if we wanted to, you will accompany the other pilots as backup."

"Exactly," Ritsuko smiled to her pseudo-assistant.

"Isn't there hot springs near Mt. Asamayama, Asuka?" Rei asked.

"That's right, we'll get Misato to take us," Asuka replied and forgot all about Shinji's comment.

'_So easily distracted, Shinji's still paying attention,' _Ritsuko ahem-ed, "Excuse me, but this is an A17, we will leave as soon as possible. Be ready."

"Hai," Rei, Shinji, and Asuka said.

The two girls left as Shinji walked over to Ritsuko, "Could you take this for me? You'll know what to do," Shinji gave her an nondescript item and left.

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After a long night of preparations and jerry-rigging a cage for the angel, Ritsuko accompanied Asuka to the locker room. _'I still haven't figured out what Shinji wants me to do with this.'_

"Even though you said this was a heat resistant plug suit, there's nothing different," Asuka tried to figure out what was different with the skin tight suit.

Ritsuko then understood and lifted the nondescript item, "Press the switch on the right."

Asuka did so and was in for a surprise. The suit ballooned up and Asuka was wedged in between two lockers, "NOOOO!"

**Click Flash! Click Flash! Click Flash! **Ritsuko took three pictures with Shinji's camera and tucked it away in her bag.

"No complaining, Unit 02 is ready," Ritsuko said as she walked briskly away from the second child.

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Asuka walked into a special hangar to see Unit 02, "What did you do?"

Unit 02 was covered in a bulky white suit with a multitude of hoses and clamps. "Special anti-heat, pressure, and radiation suit. The Type-D equipment for extreme regions," Ritsuko replied.

"Oh my god, this is why you didn't want to do it baka!" Asuka pointed to Shinji.

"Yep, did you think they would let an Eva go down without protection? And I tried out my heat-suit by accident."

"Well forget it I refuse to do this."

"That's a shame. I was looking forward to your exploits Asuka," Kaji called down from the balcony.

"Oh no," Asuka just put her hands on her face and stood there.

'_Hm, this is different,' _Shinji thought, "Come on Asuka, I know you don't want me or Rei to pilot Unit 02 and we need to hurry."

"Yes, and you are the best scuba out of all of us," Rei added for some reason, she knew that it wasn't relevant.

"I'll go," Asuka said as she walked up to the bulky Unit 02 and addressed it, "I know it's ugly, just be patient." (That's what my sub says…)

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Rei accompanied Maya and Ritsuko as Shinji and Asuka were being flown in. Rei felt a little alone as she stood next to Misato. She was only comforted in that she would go to the hot springs and wasn't being left behind at NERV like when they retrieved Unit 02 at sea.

When Unit 02 passed borderline, she was bombarded by Kyoko's concern about going into a volcano…and their matching fashion statements. Yui's constant background laughter didn't help Kyoko any. Asuka did notice something, "Where's Kaji?"

Kaji sneezed as he discussed the A17 order with his SEELE informant.

"Why would that idiot come? He has no job here," Misato said over the com to an aggravated Asuka, _'"Looking forward to my exploits" my ass.'_

Shinji found the air force in the sky again, "The commander ordered those planes to nuke us if we failed, right?"

"Yes he did Shinji," Maya answered as Ritsuko was double checking the cage. They had enough time to inject LCL into the carbon-steel electromagnetic capture unit. Supposedly, all Asuka would have to do would focus on creating an AT field and the cage would bend it around with help from the EM field. Maya had been praised by Ritsuko several times, but she still didn't get the chance to thank Shinji.

A giant crane was position over the crevice on top of the mountain. After laser guiding the drop point to the target, Asuka was lowered into the lava, "Look Shinji, Giant Stroke Entry!"

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'_Well mom, do you think Asuka's cage will hold?' _Shinji leaned back and listened to the radio commentary.

'_Not a chance, it will hold longer than last time. Just drop your knife as soon as Misato says to abort and hope for the best. Say, did Rei have a cameltoe when you went scuba diving?'_

'_WHAT? Of course not! I'm sure of that.'_

'_How can you be so sure? Paying attention to something were we? She should be capable of having children, angels are 99.89 percent match to us and she's mostly me, so be careful.'_

'_You have to be kidding me…no, you don't need to explain more.' _Just then Shinji paled to a deathly white, _'Can Kyoko hear us?'_

'_yes'_

Shinji slumped forward, _'Could you tell her not to relay any of this conversation?'_

'_We won't relay anything unless you ask us to, but she says no prob and it sucks down here…and that she already warned Asuka that you have several admirers and sharing isn't a bad thing. Ahahahahaha, that's good 'ol Kyoko, I see why she didn't want to share Gendo now.'_

'_Could we please get off this topic? How about…'_

Shinji didn't get to finish as he heard the capture was a success and to bring Unit 02 back up.

"Asuka, are you alright?"

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Asuka's nerves were wobbly after the experience of going past the max limit for depth in the d-type equipment. Her mother had tried to keep things upbeat before the mission started and gave her some assurances as she passed the limits. But now, she felt great that she had done it.

"Of course I am. It was easy," Asuka said, "This suit is like a sauna, I'm gonna need a shower."

"There's a hot spring nearby, we can go there afterwards," Misato smiled over the HUD.

Unit 02 continued to ascend until the cage began to rumble. It was time for the 8th angel's, Sandalfon, birth.

The egg-like pupa contracted and expanded until it hit the electromagnetically guided AT cage, the cage held.

"AT field, full power," Asuka focused, _'Mama, you know what to do.'_

Maya stared at the read out, "Pilot's sync surpassing 100…110…120…140…160…172 and leveling out."

The crew watched on in amazement, only Shinji had passed the barrier and the cage was holding a squirming blob of mass that shifted from form to form, trying to escape.

'_Hm, I thought Kyoko wouldn't push it this much,' _Yui said, causing Shinji to gape, _'The cage isn't large enough to hold that much energy for too long. The angel will adapt too quickly and neutralize the weakest point.'_

The angel kept squirming and changing forms, but now Unit 02 was only 800 meters down._ 'But it looks like she's helping Asuka bend the AT field around the angel without the cage. It's a shame Kyoko doesn't know how to simulate an S2 engine or she could pull this off.'_

'_Why can't you tell her how?' _Shinji watched the HUD as Asuka's ascent slowed down at 700 meters.

'_It would take too long and she's too focused on the task at hand. She may pull it off as a desperation attempt, but she knows what happened last time. So she'll probably start to run out of power now and we may not have to enter the lava. She's so thoughtful.'_

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Asuka was sweating even more now, was this what Shinji went thru to summon his strength? The damn angel wouldn't stay still, and the cockpit started to flash. The battery life appeared on the HUD and was depleting faster than it should.

"Asuka, abort the capture and release the cage," Misato ordered. They had been so close to capturing it. "Change of operation. Annihilation of the angel is the number one priority. Unit Two, withdraw and prepare for battle."

"All right, time for payback for this damn suit," Asuka said as she released the cage and pushed it away with her AT field.

Sandalphon emerged from the cage, with a slightly different form than you remember. Basically think of what you thought the 8th angel looked like, and add a shark fin ;). Yay for author powers.

The angel charged Asuka, "Damn, I dropped the knife. Releasing the ballasts."

Unit 02 floated above the angel and it turned around, "Asuka, Shinji will send down his knife. Catch it!"

"I already dropped it, it should be there now," Shinji replied.

"I lost the target, there's the prog knife," Asuka maneuvered the claws on the D-type equipment to catch the handle with the right hand.

"The angel is approaching from the front," Makoto was finally picking up readings from the ground level computers.

"AHH!" The angel impacted with the Eva. The left claw of the angel impacted the Eva's right hand and the right claw tore at the units left leg. The mouth opened and tried to chew off the Eva's head. Asuka shook the right hand free and stabbed at the angel's eye. **Tink Tink **It didn't work and they had to jettison the left leg. _'Sorry mama!' 'Don't worry about me, think thermal expansion.'_

"The structure is incredible, to withstand the heat and pressure," Maya started.

"The prog knife won't work," Ritsuko finished. It was amazing that the angel had adapted from 1700 meters to a now 400.

Asuka understood her mother and cut coolant hose number 3. Then she shoved it in the damn angel's mouth, "Switch all pressure to hose 3!"

"Thermal expansion, do it!" Ritsuko yelled at Shigeru.

The difference in the contrasting temperatures caused cracks and slowed down the molecules so that the knife could cut into the angel's eye. The greatest damage was that the core was cracking itself and couldn't adapt. The angel tried for one last swipe at the main cables, but Unit 02 was jerked up in the lava 40 meters.

Above the volcanic crevice, Unit 01 was pulling the cable up on it's own and letting it loop back into the lava.

"Blue pattern gone, angel is destroyed," Makato reported to everyone else and a collective breath was released. Rei was relieved at the turn of events.

"Hey Shinji, what are you doing?" Misato demanded, noticing Unit 01 hanging off of the end of the crane.

"Hm, ask Asuka," Shinji replied as he let the slack be taken up by the crane and climbed back to the edge of the crevice.

"Well? Shinji usually has a good reason," Misato said.

"The angel was too close to Asuka's cables," Rei had noticed the right claw swipe as the view shifted upwards.

"I would have made it anyways. Don't worry about it, I believe you promised a trip to the hot springs Misato?"

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Asuka met up with Rei in one of the trailers set up for the workers at the mission site. The first thing she had done when she got out of her Eva was to deflate the damn sumo suit. She found out that was a mistake as all the sweat collected inside was squished around her body. Rei had led her to the temporary showers and waited as she decontaminated herself.

Stepping out of the shower and grabbing a towel, Asuka asked Rei, "So, was it exciting watching the battle from the sidelines?"

Rei looked at her with a little disbelief, "No it was not. It was uneventful and nerve racking watching your exploits. Is your Eva okay?"

"Yea, she says that: 'tis just a flesh wound, and started to laugh. I don't get it, but she said not to worry. But hey, at least you get to come to the hot springs with us."

"Yes, I hope that it's enjoyable," Rei said as the door opened.

"Okay girls, I got clearance to leave now, so let's go!" Misato shouted, "I think Shinji is waiting for us."

They found him a few minutes later looking at a phone book. _'Aha, take out,' _Shinji simply wanted something to eat. "Hi guys, I'm ordering food. Where are we staying Misato?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato had called in and gotten two rooms at a local inn, it was pretty easy despite the popularity of the hot springs. That may have been due to the mass evacuation of the area, just maybe. They had decided Shinji would room with Misato and Rei and Asuka would stick together. Anyways, the food had been good (not as good as Kami-sama's), and the group was getting ready for the hot springs when a delivery person arrived.

"Hello, is someone named "Kami-sama" here?" the man held a large box.

Shinji walked outside and signed for the package, "Thank you."

The label of the box read: TO: Kami-sama From: Lady Killer. And the letter that came with it explained that PenPen had somehow stolen a car and threatened Kaji at sword point. A bunch of "warking", a game of charades, bleeding, and tourniquets later, Kaji sent PenPen in a box to Shinji.

Hearing Shinji's voice, the box was cut open from the inside and our favorite penguin looked around frantically for the hot springs. "Wark Ke War e Ku" _'Kami-sama, tell me where the springs are!'_

'_I wonder if mom designed him to take "research" notes at hot springs. He is a warm-water penguin,' _Shinji thought as he pointed out the door to his right. "That way. Leave the sword here."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ah, this is heavenly, right PenPen?" Shinji laid back on the smooth, rocky edge of the spring. Said penguin was floating on his back and chirping as he went from side to side of the enclosure. "It's a shame that we can't stay longer." _'Misato should ask right about…'_

"Hey Shinji-kun!" Misato's voice carried over the bamboo barrier separating the men and women's baths.

"Yes?"

"Send over your body shampoo," Misato started. "We ran out of ours," Asuka finished.

"Hey PenPen, hold this will you? I'll make this up to you later," Shinji handed a confused PenPen the body shampoo, "Stay away from the barrier guys."

"Huh, why?" Asuka asked and looked to the top of the bamboo wall.

**WAAAAAAAAARRRK! ** Misato's and Asuka's eyes bugged out when they saw a flightless bird clear the wall. Diving to the side, they missed the huge wave that knocked Rei over.

"Are you all right PenPen," Rei asked as she uprighted her swirly-eyed avian friend and took the shampoo out of his flippers.

"SHINJI! Watch where you're throwing!" Asuka and Misato shouted with malice.

"Is that an invitation?" Shinji asked as he blushed at the thought.

"What? NO!" Asuka yelled and sunk underneath the surface of the water just in case.

"Sorry Shinji, but not today. Come here Rei, you haven't had a turn yet," Misato called out.

"What?" Rei said after she set PenPen on the rocks.

Misato applied the shampoo to Rei's back, "Hey! Rei's bubbly skin is funny!"

"Really? It is!" Asuka said loudly as she rubbed the soap in.

"Hihi. I think I'm ticklish there," Rei giggled as they reached her sides.

Asuka decided to have some fun, "How about here?"

Rei laughed out loud in an uncharacteristic fashion and Shinji sunk into the water on his side. This was cruel.

"How about here?" Misato said lecherously, take your pick on what happened.

"Oh…um, please do not um touch me there," Rei said in a quieter voice as her face flushed.

"Why? You lose nothing by that anyway..." Misato said loudly and was rewarded by a loud splash on the other side of the barrier.

Shinji decided to take an early leave to the showers for unknown reasons…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato sighed as she pulled herself onto a smooth rock, "PenPen, could you check on Shinji for me?" _'Asuka doesn't need to stare.' _"This scar is a teensy reminder from second impact, I did not have a tattoo removed."

"I didn't think that! It's just that I barely know anything about you and you probably know all about me. I was curious."

"How 'bout you Rei?"

"I am somewhat curious as well."

"Well, I went on the expedition to the first angel with my father. He was always rapped up in his work, but it turns out he had some redeeming qualities. The first angel attacked and second impact occurred. I spent the next couple of years at an institute for my…injuries. It took a lot of work, but eventually I met up with Kaji and Ritsuko in college. I dedicated the rest of my time to destroying the angels and here I am today. I know most of the stuff that happened in both of your lives, except Rei still has some classified information that I can't access."

The two turned to the albino girl who looked away, "My life is complicated, and the information you don't know I can't tell you. I don't think you would like it. Sorry."

It was quiet until Asuka thought of something, "What about Shinji? He's pretty weird sometimes. Switching back and forth from pervert to gentleman to prankster. Does multiple personality order or something?"

Misato thought about it, "I don't know really. He was reported to be introverted and depressed up to the day of the third's attack. Then he went 180 and became witty, sarcastic, and fun. He did manipulate the commander into paying him cash and has revolutionized some of the training we do as you've noticed."

"He also is very calm and confident when most of us freak out. Like when the 7th angel attacked or the 6th or the…anytime an angel attacks he's perfectly fine. Shinji also seems to have a plan or prepared: take out food tonight, cameras when he met Asuka, I heard he bought you a new apartment Rei, and GOD can he cook, drool. Ritsuko thinks it's something like having a second chance at life."

"A new apartment Rei?" Asuka was stunned.

"No, just the furnishings, decorations, and clothes. It was very plain and cold before," Rei saw Asuka's disbelief and explained, "I didn't have any clothing besides my school uniform and I only had four lights total. It was like that for 7 years."

Asuka sighed, "That is bad, I wouldn't have guessed he did something like that."

"Yep, Rei used to be quite the unemotional robot before Shinji-kun arrived," Misato smiled.

READ ON FOR OMAKES

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A/N: Ah, not too bad. It took a while though. I think I've decided to keep this fic T on paper, but not imagination.

OMAKES

What is it Rei?

It was they day back from Rei's sync test and Asuka and Hikari were excited over the school trip. Rei was interrupted during lunch, so she decided to tell Asuka after school.

"Asuka?"

"Yea Rei?"

"About the school trip we can'…"

"Hey Asuka, what do you want for dinner? Rei, you too." Shinji interrupted. Oh well, she'd have another chance later.

Later…

Rei was playing Asuka in Halo 4 when she remembered about the school trip.

"Asuka" **Cruel Angel Thesis Cell Phone Ring**

"Sorry Rei, I'll be done shortly…" Asuka replied as she answered her phone.

'_I still have time to tell her later.'_

Even later…

Rei was lying awake on her futon, she should try again, "Asuka?"

"Yea?" Asuka replied and unsuccessfully suppressed a yawn.

"We can't go on the trip, we have standby duty," There! She'd done it. Wait, why wasn't Asuka complaining? "Asuka?"

The redhead had fallen asleep.

Next morning…

Rei always enjoyed Shinji's breakfasts, and today was no exception, but she felt compelled to warn Asuka about the school trip. On their way to school, she started conversation with the second child, "Asuka. I have news."

"Ok?"

"We **BEEP! **go on the **CRASH! **tri**POLICE SIREN **wa because we **AMBULANCE SIREN**ty."

"What?"

Rei sighed and started again…only to be interrupted by Hikari: "Did you two see the accident? I never knew the fire hydrants could do that!"

It was then Rei gave up and decided this was fate's way of saying to forget about it.

"Nevermind."

Kaji's German Adventures

words is German

Kaji-san, I'm so lucky to go out with you! Asuka was ecstatic over going shopping with her one true love. Who cares that he was twice her age, she's a big girl since she turned 12 last week.

Yea Yea, just lead the way Kaji said while rubbing his cheek. _'Did that woman have to slap me? What's wrong with saying: would you like to join us?' _Unknown to him, he had a police officer tailing him.Does your dad know that you left?

Nope, it's just you and me

Great Kaji said sarcastically, the police officer didn't get the humor and kept following them.

Asuka led her love into the girls section and then put the nail in Kaji's coffin, You can help me choose underwear!

Two minutes later Kaji was facedown on the floor as Asuka tried desperately to explain everything. Linoleum did not taste good…was that a tooth?

Variations of "Thermal Expansion" (sorry I took it out)

**#1: No title**

"What are you doing Shinji?" Asuka asked the typing third child.

"Huh? Oh, I'm working on physics," Shinji barely acknowledged the bikini clad redhead.

"Hm, let me see," the second child leaned in to the computer screen, "Thermal expansion, that's easy!"

"I know, bu…" Shinji was interrupted.

"In my case, do you think my breasts might get bigger when they're warmed?" Asuka grinned as she held them.

"Not enough to make a difference apparently, might I suggest implants?"

**#2: This one sucks as well**

"In my case, do you think my breasts might get bigger when they're warmed?" Asuka grinned as she held them.

"I don't think they're warm enough, let me help you," Shinji stood up covered Asuka's hands with his. "I think they are…" **Slap!**

**#3: Damn, I guess I don't have anything**

"In my case, do you think my breasts might get bigger when they're warmed?" Asuka grinned as she held them.

"I don't know, I'm not about to get slapped finding out either."

Unfortunately Rei had been passing by, her perverted gene from Yui (much like Gendo's bastard gene) got its first activation, _'I wonder, the principle is correct, but nipples contrast that due to their expansion in the cold and excitement.'_

Asuka had lowered her hands and was about to retort when she felt Rei's hands snake up from behind and grab her breasts so they peeked out the gaps in her fingers. Embarrassed and not wanting to slap Rei and having her take it the wrong way, Asuka bolted for the pool.

Shinji stood in amazement as Rei reported her findings, "I noticed no difference Shinji, I believe further testing is in order."

Shinji waited for Rei to follow Asuka, but hitched his breath when she held her own, "Shinji, I think I need more heat, come over here…"

Nose bleeding, he walked over and helped Rei.

"No, I can't feel any difference. Though I believe the heat has expanded part of your anatomy."

**#4: The last one was technically T, right?**

What if Rei was working on Physics?

"It's a problem on thermal expansion, Shinji," Rei said as she stared at her laptop.

"I know Rei," Shinji replied as Asuka walked over, "For example, in small amounts, if I hold Asuka's breasts in my hands (he does so) they'll grow."

Asuka was glowing red and was about to slap the pervert.

Rei had other plans, "Oh, so when I hold her ass (does so) it grows?"

Asuka was unnerved by this and re-angered when Shinji shouted, "Exactly! See, you got it."

**SLAP SLAP** OW! Damnit!

Shinji facefaulted, "You don't need to spank her to deflate them Rei."

Asuka looked shocked and then pissed as Rei said, "Sorry!"

**If you have an idea for thermal expansion, or any chapter, review or PM it.**

What really happened on the school trip…

The plane landed and all the kids were excited about going to Okinawa. The busses arrived and everybody climbed on. The countryside was awesome and they arrived at a giant resort. There were waterfalls, lakes, hotsprings, and giant traditional style mansions.

Unfortunately they drove right past that and to a couple or run-down shacks. The kiddies were so confused and Boring-sensei stood up, "Okay everyone, off the bus. For the next week you will call me master and you will dismantle this camp. At the end of your enslavement, you will be brainwashed and put back on the planes."

One of the students spoke up in confusion and rage, "But the itinerary and brochures don't mention any of this. Our parents didn't pay for this. Everything was supposed to be…"

"Perfect?" Boring-sensei laughed evily, "Of course it was supposed to be irresistible. No one would rightly sign up to build and fund the teacher's retirement society. We decided to expand from the location down the road. So week after week a new school will be shipped here to work. You're about to get first-hand experience on demolition and how to lay foundations for an amusement park. You're doing great already because this amuses me!"

Shock control collars dropped from the ceiling and attached to every student, "What about scuba diving?"

"Somebody needs to plug and clean the latrines up," Boring sensei said offhandly.

This may happen, I don't know

Gendo didn't understand, he thought that the bitch was drawn to power, but she blew him off! He sulked on his way to a meeting with Fuyutsuki and scared his minions out of his way.

Fuyutsuki was chuckling to himself and reminded himself to pay Kaji 1000 yen for the bet. His grumpy student came thru the door and threw himself in the chair. "So I take it you heard the happy news?"

'_What now?' _Gendo stared at the old man, "No. I have not."

Fuyutsuki pulled up a security monitor on the computer to reveal Ritsuko trying to suck Maya's face off, "Akagi has declared herself a lesbian, she says that her last fling destroyed her taste for all men."

"But…" Gendo stared as the security pictures followed her.

"Yes, I know. Apparently she considers Shinji just a boy," Fuyutsuki pointed to how Ritsuko and Maya abducted Shinji into a car and drove off, "It must suck to be you."

The adventures of Super Shinji, I may continue the idea

You think Shinji's overpowered, hahahaha!

Shinji dove into the volcano, sync ratio at 399.999999999 percent. His AT field was so strong that the lava parted out of his way. Soon he passes Asuka on her way down at 1400 meters.

"There you are bitch!" Shinji yells as he finds the angel egg. He wraps his AT field around the bundle and spreads his new L33T AT wings. Flying pass Asuka on his way up, the crew of NERV thinks a collective WTF?

But Shinji is so fast that he's already reached the surface and the AT field is holding the squirming 8th angel, Sandalphon. Then using his expertology on angel anatomy, he presses a pressure point on the core that put the angel in a permanent coma.

The rest of the angels in there larva state start to shudder, they don't want to attack anymore. See? I want to do a Naruto parody where he mistakenly wears 6666 pounds of high-density weight and everyone thinks he's obese until he graduates. Then he's uber powerful, but still stupid. Srry, off subject.

Ranma syndrome

Shinji lay back in the hot springs, "This is heavenly, right PenPen?"

There was the sound of the door sliding open and Shinji saw Asuka approaching the spring.

"What are you doing? This is the guy's side!"

"I know Shinji, you see: I have this waterborne curse," Asuka said as she stepped into the water. Her breasts sunk into her chest and she started to grow in the pelvic regions. The transformation was quick, and finished with her hair turning black. "My name is really Asuma and I'm a guy. Don't worry about it."

Shinji was weirded out and then paralyzed as Asuma approached him, "I still love you" and his hands ventured down his abs and to his…

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Shinji woke up at the hot springs during the middle of the night and beat his heart back to life. Misato just stared at him with bloodshot eyes, _'I thought he was dying!'_

Hint: Ranma to Ranko and Asuka to Asuma .

Research (partial Naruto)

PenPen grinned as he sat on the rocks outside the women's baths. No one ever suspected the penguin of being able to "peek" and take notes. He chirped at the pure brilliance that Yui-sama or ero-sennin's (porno sage, roughly) next book would be. It had been too long since his master's confinement in Unit 01 and now it was time for the Yui-fic books to be republished.

"Wark! Warwarwarwarwark!" the penguin laughed as he memorized their every feature.

"Misato, what's wrong with PenPen?" Rei asked.

"Don't mind him; he's just happy to be next to a large body of water. He does that all the time at the beach."

PenPen quickly relayed the data to Yui-sama on his "air conditioner." He was a warm water penguin, why the hell didn't anyone suspect that it was a communicator?

A/N: That's enough for now, I'm tired. I ate chocolate ice cream out of the tub. Yum. Review if you want. Omake ideas are welcome.


	13. Chapter 11: The Bowels of NERV

A/N: Unsprisingly, most reviews revolve around my update timing. So I hope you're happy with the size of this at least. Hm, this episode originally revolves around NERV's staff more than the children getting to NERV. (This is the blackout episode) Also, my timeline is crap now, so be prepared for generic time skips. Whatever, most of you don't read this.

'_Italics' : 'Thoughts/Yui/Kyoko'_

**Bold : Sounds**

* * *

Where to start, where to start…hm, major case of writer's block.

Life was going well for Shinji. Heck, even the first time around at this time life was going well. You know, besides all of that Hedgehog's dilemma, trying to gain acceptance of his bastard father, weird slave relationship to Asuka, weird pseudo-friendship with Rei, and those general extremely introverted problems. Oops, forgot about those angels. Damn, they're just so easy to forget.

Well, it had been an incredible four weeks since the last angel attack. Not incredible in the sense of excitement, just that there's been no attacks for that period of time. In fact, all of Tokyo-3 was experiencing a period of heightened morale because there last attack in the city hadn't occurred in over two and a half months. (I'm saying the 7th was intercepted outside and defeated quickly, so everyone's happy!)

New businesses came in, trying to bank on the generous government loans and funds. A large population moved here, ignore the fact that they felt if for some reason the all important Tokyo-3 was taken, that the world would be destroyed. And if the world was gonna die, they might as well have the best damn seats in the house.

Things had settled down into a rhythm of sync tests, school, and home life for the three children; things at NERV had been great with new research and the completion of Unit 00's upgrade; and even the commander of NERV was having a nice time…just kidding. His life was a complete self-imposed hell. He had been a scum of a person, and now the universe was "crescendo"ing its revenge until the inevitable complete screwing over of his life and future. (Omake's on this later)

--------------------------------------Rei-centric portion of introduction------------------------------

Rei had enjoyed the hot springs and did not appreciate having to return to Tokyo-3 and thus school. Being friends with Hikari and Asuka meant you didn't have to talk much, but the majority of her peers didn't want to talk to her at all. The reasons were most of the girls were members of Shinji's fanclub (and saw her as the enemy), they remember her "rude" behavior, and the guys who hit on Asuka feared for their lives and spread that fear to their companions.

Still, life was looking up for Rei. She would wake up, take the early shower, and get dressed while not waking Asuka up. PenPen loved the mornings because Rei would read a little of the paper and pet him at the same time. After that, she would put out the garbage if it was her day to and return inside to find Shinji making breakfast with a groggy smile and wet hair.

One morning, Misato actually woke up from her drunken coma earlier to take Rei to the Re-activation of Unit 00.

------------------------------------------------Flash Back----------------------------------------------

Rei's eyes bugged out as she saw a slightly wet Misato walk out of the bathroom without a towel. _'Misato is awake? What is today?'_

Rei glanced out the window with a slightly confused expression (maybe she thought the world was ending, but we will never know), before she realized it was the day to re-activate Unit 00. She visibly relaxed and tensed (somehow) and returned to her morning routine.

"Rei, I guess we'll get **yawn** breakfast out today, Ritsuko and Maya should be run**yawn**ning the last preps soon," Misato informed one of her dependents. _'I guess Shinji-kun can have a little break this morning.'_

"Actually, Shinji told me that he had prepared something for us in the refrigerator yesterday," Rei walked over to the said appliance.

Misato was glad, no one's food was better than Kami-sama's. She caught the beer Rei tossed to her and slammed it down. "Good stuff," Misato said quietly. A lecture from Asuka and Shinji about yelling on the days they had wanted to sleep in had kicked the habit from Misato…in the mornings.

Rei put the food in to the microwave, amazed as always. "I do not comprehend how Shinji can make food that heats up without losing its appearance or flavor. Or why my meal is smaller than normal."

"The world will never know the will of the kami," Misato sagely said as she pulled out another beer and heated up some water for tea for Rei. Today the tea bags (Misato didn't use tea leaves like Shinji) had a note on them: "Misato, tell Rei there's a couple of pints of strawberry ice cream in the freezer and good luck with Unit 00."

Rei had finished heating up the meal when Misato held up the sticky note, "Shinji says good luck with Unit 00 and to check the freezer after your meal."

Misato watched on, extremely amused as the cute albino shoveled her food in an uncharacteristic fashion. Then, jumping from her seat and grabbing a spoon, she dashed towards the freezer and ripped the door off…er, just open.

Rei was still very stoic in some ways, but she had discovered the orgasmic sugar rush that was the anticipation of and eating of ice cream. _'Thank you Kami-sama!' _Rei thought with a bright smile and smiley eyes as she ripped the lid off of her favorite strawberry ice cream and dug in.

"Rei, that can't be healthy," Misato sighed as she took a drink of Yebisu, "Come on, let's go." **Grrrrrrr** _'Did she just growl at me?' _"You can eat on the rest on the way, I'm sure you won't spill anything."

Rei had the manners to look abashed before getting up and walking towards the door, eating at a slower pace and wishing she had gloves on.

----------------------------------------------End flashback and Misato-portion of intro-----------------------------------------

Misato had immensely enjoyed the hot springs, but did not appreciate having to return to Tokyo-3 and thus NERV. Sure, the pay was good and she had good friends in Ritsuko and now Maya (as she was often found by Ritsuko, Shinji, and the pilots), but the work was hard and it had a high stress environment (the commander, angels, and paperwork). Things were much harder than when they were waiting for the angels to arrive, but that was to be expected.

Ironically, the angels attacking were a mixed blessing. She didn't dare think what it would be like without Shinji: he was a great guy, he could be near indestructible in battle (making Misato's job easier), and he was a god in the kitchen! Her apartment was lively with three teens and it was confusing to who was really in charge.

Most of the time Shinji stayed on the sidelines with Rei and PenPen, while Misato and Asuka fought for superiority over TV, movies, and what they should ask Shinji to make; but Shinji held absolute power if he called in his "let Misato cook" card or blackmail pictures (Asuka in the fat, sumo plug suit is one example). It kept a unique sense of balance to everyone's lives because Shinji only acted when things couldn't be shrugged off, and the third child seem to be able to shrug almost everything off if given a moment (an example of unshruggable would be when Asuka called Rei wonderdoll in a previous chapter).

Anyways, with her skill in Janken, Misato had a comfy home with minimal upkeep and a nice stipend from NERV for being the children's guardian. It pained her that she had to be a little more neat and modest than when she was just with Shinji, but she'd be able adjust. It didn't hurt that she acted more like a teenager than a grown up most of the time, but she'd always have a little advice for the teens, not necessarily good advice, but still…

------------------------------A flashback continuation, confusing eh?-----------------------------

Misato sat down in her blue Renault and looked over at the passenger seat at Rei. The blue haired babe, as Misato sometimes dubbed her now, was finishing up the last of her strawberry ice cream on the day of her re-activation test. "So Rei, are you excited?"

Rei had finished the solid parts and was now trying to lick and spoon the sugary liquid out of the cardboard container. "Mphf Mmm"

"Could you say that again?" Misato smirked as she floored it and hit the streets. The residents around her had long since rigged the garage to warn them when the Katsuragi woman left the building. Slurping sounds continued from beside her until a particularly sharp left turn and Rei's ice cream tore out of her hands and out the window.

"NO!" Rei screamed, the area around her mouth covered in pink.

"Hold on harder next time," Misato said and flinched as she saw the expression on Rei's face. _'It's not my fault…sigh' _"There's a couple of napkins in the glove compartment. Sorry about that Rei."

Rei knew she should have held on, but her hands were cold and wet from the condensation. "It is alright Misato. I was almost finished," She longed for that last spoonful of sugar.

"Maybe you can convince Shinji-kun to let you have some more later…" Misato trailed off in a sing song voice and Rei brightened before staring off into space.

A/N: Sorry, the upcoming part sucks. If you think it's good…um, I meant to do that!

Rei had remembered something that she had wanted to ask Misato alone, "Misato, I am troubled with something."

"Yes?" Misato entered a semi-concerned mode.

"It's about when I went scuba diving with Shinji and Asuka at NERV. I…liked how Shinji looked without the majority of his clothes…to the point of no sense for me."

Misato swerved around another pedestrian, _'So Rei has the hots for Shinji, she has good taste, but what does she want?'_

"I know from overhearing Shinji's admirers that I was… "turned on", but I do not wish to be like them. What do you think I should do? I can't control this feeling like others."

'_Hm, she has it bad.' _"Well there's this thing you could do called masturbation…" _'I'll tell her about that later, I hope the readers realize I'm open about these things and that's my personality in this story,' _"but that's just temporary. The gist of your feeling if I'm right is more along the lines of a crush and lust. You like Shinji more than a friend, coworker, classmate, and etc. Basically, you may want to start hugging him and physical contact in general, become his girlfriend, get to know him better, kiss him, and hopefully you know the rest."

Rei had started to blush sometimes, but looked confused at the rest until she realized the sexual education and marriage class they held last year. She turned a whole new shade of red.

"Thank God I don't have to explain that while driving down the road without my props," Misato flew threw a red light, "Just continue talking to Shinji and be his friend. You can always take the initiative if you want to and ask him out. It looks like you're gonna have some competition, but Shinji doesn't seem to be in a rush to hook up with anyone." _'Maybe I'll break him in later, wait…gah! Bad Misato! You're almost twice is age and it would ruin the beautiful tease him until he explodes relationship. But still…'_

"Thank you," Rei muttered. The rest of the trip was occupied by Misato singing loudly to the radio while the first child couldn't believe she needed help to get a "just do what you've been doing and ask him out if you want to" piece of advice…but what was masturbation?

A/N: Oh PenPen that sucked, at least it's over.

----------------------------------Normal-mode, but still flashback----------------------------------

Ritsuko and Maya were in the command box of Unit 00's repair cage and they looked bad. They had pulled an all-nighter after discovering an error in circuit GTT11001 and re-tuning the calibrations afterwards, but hopefully it would be worth it. After this, the two had discussed about lining the evas' melee weapons with carbon-fiber LCL infused metals to allow them to break thru AT fields better to some extent. But right now, they needed to monitor the equipment for the re-activation.

Gendo sat back from the glass panel and oversaw the operation, "Activate."

Ritsuko talked to two engineers, "Connect the main power supply and all circuits together."

The lights in the test chamber turned on and the eva's single eye started to flicker on.

"Voltage has reached critical point," Maya observed the bar pass the border line.

"Start the second phase and then system phase II," Ritsuko commanded.

"Pulses transmitted, all circuits operational, initial contact shows no problems," Maya reported.

"Nerve links and centers are operational," Shigeru read the display off.

"Borderline?" Ritsuko looked over Maya's shoulder at the monitor and then back to the window.

"1.0 till… .4, .3, .2, point Abnormalities detected! Borderline cleared," Maya frantically tried to isolate the problem. The still orange (yep, I didn't want the blue) behemoth stayed still. The noticeable differences were shoulder wings and larger pieces of armor, but internally there were several upgrades to the servos and the neural pathways.

"Rei!" the commander pushed down the com and looked in the display to see the pilot, who had a twinge of red on her cheeks.

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Rei had been sitting in the entry plug like normal, her thoughts drifting from life, the scenario, school, and back to Shinji every so often. She vaguely noticed the kaleidoscope of colors begin as she approached the borderline, and was not even trying to control her bio-machine. You see, Rei always had to fight the soul of the first prototype for control. Sure, she used Shinji's techniques to feel the eva, but she could control it and didn't want to know what the unit truly wanted to due. It was a lack of understanding and the unit's unwillingness to help her that kept her sync ratio lower than her comrades. (phew, what a load of BS! ;)

So without trying to remain in control, due to her daydreaming, the soul of Unit 00 tried to take over. Rei thought this thought right as the anomaly occurred, _'but what is masturbation and why would it help me with Shinji?'_

The soul, for a lack of better terms, facefaulted and hiccupped at the same time, _'This can't be that little doll of Ikari's…but it feels like her.'_

Meanwhile, the crew searched for what went wrong, but couldn't find anything. Ritsuko spoke up, "Rei, are you alright?"

"Yes, is there something wrong?" Rei snapped out of her thoughts and entered her professional persona.

The crew still scrambled around, "There was abnormality, are you sure you're okay?"

"Repeat the procedure and make sure to monitor the pilot's vitals," Gendo directed at Ritsuko, clearly meaning to those that knew to check if Rei had been contaminated.

The soul of Unit 00, whose name has already been revealed earlier, but I won't mention it until it introduces itself, took the chance to reverse feed back into the MAGI. Previously, it was too subjugated and enraged to do this before. It virtually smacked itself for being so brash. The information it would find would astound it. (I hate being gender neutral)

---------------------------Imagine it as people sitting at kick ass computers----------------------

Yui was surfing the MAGI when she detected another user gliding thru the back doors. It had taken her a few minutes to set up her own connection, but damn this person was fast. Suddenly, she realized the person knew the access codes, but Ritsuko didn't know those yet. Didn't Rei have an activation today? Why wasn't she suppressing the soul now?

'_Might as well, Rei still has some loyalty to the bastard.' _And with that she used all the processing power of Unit 01 to force a tracer and IM connection to establish. _'I'm not taking any chances of her hacking around me,'_

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The soul of Unit 00 was about to upload security footage when the screen froze, _'WTF?' _The soul was about to hack the assaulter when:

"You have commenced an IM session with: "GENDOSHALLDIE…PAINFULLY!" what shall your screen name be?"

'_Hm, who the hell could have detected me? Nice screen name though…' _the soul thought as the other person began to type.

GENDOSHALLDIE…PAINFULLY: "Hello, the bastard let Kyoko be absorbed into an eva and abandoned my son. He plans to instigate third impact. My name is Yui Ikari, I'm contacting you from Eva Unit 01, help me kill the bastard."

L337Empresswhoagrees has entered : "I will be glad to help you, but I thought you were dead."

G : "And you're alive? You have sixth dibs by the way. It goes Shinji (my son, so manly), me, Asuka (the pilot of Unit-02), Kyoko (mother of Asuka and soul of Unit-02), Rei (we've convinced her to abandon third impact), and then you. I'm sure there's thousands of others, but that just means we'll need to take their share. But if you're nice, I'll let you watch mine."

The soul had figured out the chronological order (my version Shinji abandoned, Yui doesn't like, then Kyoko, Asuka, Rei is created, then the soul of Unit-00. My story).

L : "Alright, I guess I haven't properly introduced myself. My name is Naoko Akagi (my story) and what are we going to do?"

That was the beginning of a great friendship, seeing as the two had barely met before. They began to converse and share information as fast as the MAGI could process it. The two former bastard lovers agreed that Rei would be informed by Naoko about some of the finer points of her precious commander at a later date, contacted now, and Naoko realized the revenge would be better if she could get Rei to betray him. Gendo shivered elsewhere, what was with that lately?

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Back at the repair cage, Ritsuko had the circuits shut down and unknowingly cut her mother's connection to the MAGI after only 66 seconds of freedom. (Yep, fast computers and eva souls)

A few moments later Maya reported, "Point one, borderline cleared. Nope, I couldn't find a thing. Check the nerve centers again."

Gendo walked over to Ritsuko, "Continue with the procedures and let her try sync more. If you believe you have finished, call my office." And he left with Fuyutsuki following.

"Rei, it looks like you're going to be here a while," Ritsuko informed the blue haired girl, who kept her face while holding back a groan.

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An hour and a half later, Rei had finally created a comatose state where she stared ahead and just waited. She had wondered why she felt no conflict with the eva and was sorely tempted to make contact with it. For goodness sake, this was the 33rd time activating and they were just going to start the long syncing process, which was now going to be followed by a more activations, syncing, and then all of the upgrades.

She felt out to the eva and was stunned, not physically or visibly of course. There was a sense of understanding and no…assurance? Rei did not know what they had done to the eva, but it was an improvement.

Another hour later and she decided to chance it, _"Hello. Is there anyone there?"_

"_Finally! Is there a reason you took so long to contact me?" _Naoko responded.

"_You have fought for control of my body and have tried to kill me and the commander"_

"_I guess that would do it, don't worry about that anymore, it was a misunderstanding. You will always have primary control of the eva. My name is Naoko Akagi and I hope I can help you," _Naoko responded respectfully, the former hate being crushed by the resulting mental highs from talking with Yui and Kyoko. She could now access the MAGI without being activated.

"Rei, what ever you're doing keep it up, you're syncing at 84.5 percent," Maya cheered at something being different for once in the last three hours.

"_Thank you. But you created the MAGI, why are you in Unit 00?"_

"_GRRR…sigh, sorry. The commander relayed a message through your first body; yes, I know all about you from the MAGI. He insulted me for the last time, I killed you, chased after him, got knocked out, placed in an entry plug, and here I am now. I believe he made my shell kill itself."_

"_Then why are you helping me now, revenge?" _Rei did not appreciate being used for revenge on a man who did take some care of her. He warranted her respect at work, but she did not know how to break it to him that she didn't think he should continue with the scenario. She had learned there was more than one option for life.

"_No, I am helping out Kyoko, Yui, Asuka, Shinji, You and humanity. Yui convinced me that you did not feel the commander's future would suit you now. Besides, I heard this and it stopped me from fighting you: "but what is masturbation and why would it help me with Shinji?"_

Rei reddened in her seat, she was beginning to understand why Shinji would blush in his eva, _"You heard that?"_

"_Hahahahaha! I knew it! You really are diverging from the scenario with Shinji. Your surface thoughts are quite interesting, but you're very naïve. Tell me about your self and I'll tell you about me, we have the time. Oh, and since Misato apparently would tease you over this. Masturbation is…"_

Rei's eyes bugged out as "pleasure", "self", and other relative vocabulary were communicated to her. Maya asked her about it and Rei replied (with help from Naoko) that she'd finally figured out something Misato had told her.

---------------------------------------------End of flashback and Asuka's Intro----------------------------------------------

Asuka had enjoyed the hot springs and didn't appreciate having to go back to Tokyo-3 and thus school. It was just too boring and she spent the entire time on the internet or talking to Hikari and Rei during lunch and breaks. She was happier with her grades, much happier since she aced most of the work now. Asuka idly wondered what else momma could help her learn. Maybe she'd ask later.

Life was much easier than it was in Germany, sure the doors didn't have locks and she had to share a room, but it wasn't like the NERV branch's dormitories and her house where she had to be on a precise schedule in the early morning and eat cafeteria slop (and step-mother's cooking). She couldn't say she missed the woman that caught her father on the rebound, although she was more thankful after hearing Shinji's life. At least she had a father who wasn't a complete world destroying bastard, just neglectful with her away at school most of the time.

Here in Tokyo-3, she could sleep in until (plot hole: I'm making school start at 8:15 now…lucky bastards) 7:15, wake up to have the shower open up as Shinji got changed, and then got out of the shower to the aroma of breakfast. She still couldn't believe Shinji's skills in the kitchen; but she wasn't complaining since she got some awesome western breakfasts. She felt sorry that Rei couldn't partake in the carnivorous side of the five star meals.

Hm, Rei was interesting. After weeks of living with her, she finally began to loosen up the annoying robotic speech patterns. Asuka had talked to Misato about it and all she had to say was Rei had been worse and was solely "raised" by the commander. It wouldn't surprise her if the evil Ikari had brainwashed her. Shinji and Yui relayed through mama had explained what the commander was striving for (basically everyone to be meshed together) and she wanted to be independent, stronger, and better than the majority. She would just show the first child how she should live by leading a good example.

Hm, I don't really have much for Asuka this time, she had a good chapter last time, so it's okay…what? It's not? Fine.

One of the more interesting parts of the weeks was discussing the school trip with Hikari and Rei.

---------------------------------------------Flashback--------------------------------------------------

The three children were walking to school like normal, talking about Misato's and PenPen's antics, when they ran into the class rep. Asuka departed from Shinji with Rei and ran up to Hikari, who had three gift bags with her and a slight case of sunburn.

"Hi, I was hoping to catch the three of you before I got to school," Hikari smiled as the red and blue blur stopped in front of her.

"Hikari, why do you have several gift bags with you?" Rei asked curious and Asuka rolled her eyes as Hikari answered.

"They're souvenirs Rei, some people choose to give gifts to their friends from places they visit. So, did anything interesting happen here?"

"Yeah, I went diving in a volcano to kill an angel!" Asuka started to describe the experience when Shinji showed up besides Hikari (now they're walking to school side by side, but the stooges are wasted from the trip and skipped out meeting Shinji at Misato's in favor of the nice hard pillows…I mean, desks at school).

Shinji leaned over and whispered conspiratorially, "I have pictures of before and during the mission if you want blackmail material."

Hikari raised her eyebrows at this, unfortunately Asuka's hearing was better than he remembered as well, "NO, YOU BAKA! RUN!" Asuka raised a fist and Shinji left in a hurry. Unknowingly to Asuka, he slipped a picture into the class rep's school bag of the inflated plug suit stuck between the lockers.

"Sigh, ignore that. The important part is afterwards we went to a hot springs inn!"

"Oooh, Okinawa only had a bath house. But the coral reefs were incredible…" Hikari started on a twenty minute rant about how wonderful the trip was. Asuka listened patiently and ooh and ah'ed. Rei just listened quietly and tried to imagine it.

Finally, the three girls got to the classroom. Hikari had handed out the gifts to Asuka and Rei already. She had gotten Asuka a large red piece of coral (for some reason they thrived now) and a yellow tennis visor. Rei had gotten a smaller blue piece of coral and an underwater poster of the reef.

"Hey Asuka," Hikari glanced to the side at a group of girls huddling in the far corner, "could you give Shinji his gift while I set everything up for Boring-sensei?"

"Sure," Asuka walked over to the stooges and tossed Shinji his bag, "here, Hikari gives her regards."

Shinji barely caught it, "Hey! What if something broke?"

"Well, it didn't," Asuka was still a little upset over Shinji's supposed saving her from the volcano angel and the revealing of the blackmail photos. Remember, this is flashback.

"Fine, might as well see what I got," Shinji shrugged, it wasn't like he expected Asuka to like those photos. "Neat," Shinji said as he pulled out an orange piece of coral and a poster of the beach. _'Are those nude sunbathers in the background? Nah, why would Hikari buy that?'_

Meanwhile, the group of girls in the corner glared at Asuka.

Later at lunch, Asuka was sitting down and talking with Hikari and Rei about when they could go meet and look at the photos of the trip. The table darkened as they were surrounded by a familiar sight: Shinji's fanclub.

The lead girl, let's call her Ino (I'm a horrible person), started to speak, "Guess what we found out during this trip when we went to send post cards,"

"I don't know, that you should always use e-mail?" Asuka replied, she hated the girls with a passion because they were miniature versions of the pedophiles she avoided at college. Maybe it was because Shinji was her friend as well…

"No, how come you didn't tell us that you lived with Shinji-sama?" Sakura, the vice-president, demanded.

Asuka got an evil idea, "I did tell you…wait, you mean Ino didn't spread the word?"

The girls turned on the panicked girl, who adamantly denied the accusation. Rei had something to say, "I don't remember you telling Ino we lived with Shinji…oh…shoot."

Rei didn't realize what Asuka was doing until it was too late and felt her first need to swear as the bloodlust arose from the surrounding mob.

"You live with him too?" Ino and Sakura shouted together. This wasn't looking good as a girl was outraged enough to crush her bento.

"Nice going Rei. Might as well really piss them off by saying that he cooks all our meals and we went scuba diving at NERV last week with him. Maybe we should also show them the pictures Misato took during the sync training? Or that one PenPen took?" Asuka asked sarcastically.

Rei blushed slightly and Hikari giggled, "Asuka, those pictures aren't so bad. It was training for NERV, although I don't know about the PenPen picture. Is there something you need to tell me? In detail?"

The fangirls took a step forward as the bell rang for the next class. They reluctantly dissipated and went to PE.

Asuka was smiling as she enjoyed annoying the girls, but only if she could hurt them would she be truly happy.

Minutes later, Asuka grinned evilly as the PE teacher said they would be introducing a trial run of wrestling for the next week. The end result of this experiment was 17 dislocated joints inflicted upon the others by Asuka and the experiment being prematurely cancelled after two days. They couldn't pin anything on her since all she did was grab a limb and fall down awkwardly…too bad they didn't know it took most of her skill to do that.

The teacher also was inclined to look the other direction as she herself was hoping this would happen. Most of the time they didn't participate and talked about their crush. Now all she had to do was mention wrestling when they tried to petition for co-ed sports or only activities that were next to "Shinji-sama's" class or when they started to slack off.

---------------------------End Flashbacks, Onto the angel attack day, YAY--------------------

Shinji woke up to his alarm clock and stumbled out of bed to check his secret stash. _'That sounds bad, I need to think of a different name when I update it after the attack.'_

In his stash, he pulled out a calendar and clipboard, _'Let's see…yep, today is the power outage and angel attack. Hm, I forgot to buy glowsticks…guess I have to stick with flashlights.' _Shinji had decided earlier to not wait at Nerv because it was more likely he'd get trapped behind a hydraulic door or in an elevator. He didn't know exactly when the power was cut last time and he didn't want to wait in the cage with the commander and help manually deploy the eva's. He would just walk to the sync test with Asuka and Rei like last time.

The third child locked up and hid his secret stash and went to take his shower as Rei closed the door to Asuka and hers room to change. A short while later, Shinji entered the kitchen and started breakfast, "Good morning Rei."

"Good morning Shinji, may I have ice cream for breakfast?" Rei asked sweetly from petting PenPen on the couch.

**Sigh** "Rei, you have what we call an addiction. Ice cream isn't good to eat at every meal, heck, I hate to tell you this, but it's borderline unacceptable for your special diet because of the dairy fat content. I don't get why it's so strict in the first place." By now Rei was worrying as Shinji pulled out her dietary requirement report, "Have you ever had meat before and do you have any personal ethical issues against it?"

"No, why is that relevant?"

"I'm just wondering how you're a vegetarian and "allergic" to meat and fish if you've never had any before. And…" Shinji's eye's widened, _'Hm, I don't cook kosher…whoops!' _"Nevermind, it's not my place to ask."

Rei felt relieved and went back to petting the warm-water penguin.

"But if you ever want to skip out on it for a day, let me know and I'll make my best," Shinji told her as he finished making batter for the pancakes, rice, preparing the fish, peeling bacon from the package, and browning some tofu. I don't know how to cook really, so let's say kami-sama did his thing and Misato finally arose to the smell of food.

**Yawn **Misato stumbled towards the table and raised her hand in the air. **Whoosh click **"Ahhhh! Good stuff!" Misato said as her eyes finally opened. Asuka emerged from her room and sat down at the table, with slightly damp hair and rubbing her eyes.

"I see Rei isn't eating ice cream anymore, I thought you'd get sick of it Shinji," Misato mentioned as she crushed the can and readjusted her top. "I have to go in earlier than your tests today, so you three are going to have to walk unless you want to leave now."

"No thanks, I have to clean up this mess," Shinji gestured to the kitchen as the others ate, "and I think I'll have a spar with PenPen, right?"

"War" (Sure) PenPen lifted his head from the dish full of kami-sama's heavenly repast and made note to polish his "stabby" later.

Asuka declined the offer to go in early and looked at Misato as if she was insane, "I'll be in our room, come and get me when we need to leave."

Rei just went straight to her second home, the tv, to play some GTA: Mario Kingdom. Fan's around the world rejoiced when the merger produced a game where Mario had finally got fed up with using his fists and feet. The first half of the game was a beautiful massacre, but no bad words surprisingly, on the hero's behalf and then the enemy finally realized they needed armor and guns of their own. Rei was hoping to get to the climatic final battle by using a mega-mushroom to be able to lift up a missile silo, which she had to go back and save from the bullet bills, so she could blow up the magic barrier outpost.

Misato went back to her room, came out dressed, and was about to leave when Shinji stopped her, "Hey Misato. Take these in early for me will ya?" Shinji handed her a very large shopping bag, "There's also an extra special bento in there for your troubles."

"Sure! Bye everyone!" Misato took the bag and shouted back into the apartment. A few muffled partings could be heard from the door. "See you later Shinji-kun," Misato kissed the pilot on the cheek and left. Shinji smiled and went to pick up his boken (? I think it's a wooden sword) _'Time to get my ass handed to me by a meter tall bird. Wait, I have to call the bastard first.'_

Despite numerous reports that the commander would not come in for a career conference with the school for Shinji, the school still thought that the teenager should at least call and see. Picking up the phone Shinji sighed.

**Ring Ring Rin- **"What?" Gendo answered the phone, he was busy at the moment. The damn operator would be fired for patching this through.

"Hey commander," Shinji strained to say, "the school won't stop bugging me to call you."

"About what? Those are Katsuragi's concerns."

"I know, but for some reason they thought you'd be interested in my career conference. So call them and straighten it out.** Click**"Shinji hung up the phone on Gendo before he could respond. PenPen was waiting for him next to his fridge.

"Well, let's take this to the roof PenPen" "Wark"

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Earlier in the morning, the bridge bunnies and the cat lady minus Makoto were not at NERV working. With the recent lack in angel attacks, they had been granted a semblance to an actual life where they were still pressed for time. Currently at a cleaner, Maya lifted the lid of the automatic washer and pulled the pressed clothing out, "I'd at least like some more time to do some washing myself, don't you think sempai?"

"Yes, and cleaning doesn't come cheap…" Ritsuko agreed as she pulled out her clothes and paid the machine which thanked her for her patronage.

Shigeru nodded as well, "We're lucky that nothing's happened lately at least."

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Ritsuko entered the train station and pushed her NERV card in and out. The train finally arrived and she entered, _'Well look who it is.'_

"Good morning," Ritsuko said as she put her clothes on the overhead shelf.

"Good morning," Maya said as she sat by sempai.

"Good morning, Sir!" Shigeru mock saluted and opened up his guitar magazine as he sat down.

"Morning," Fuyutsuki replied to the three. _'I could've retired, but nooo. I had to see how the angel attacks would play out.'_

"You're early today, the committee meeting right?" Ritsuko asked her superior.

"Yes, I'm going to the upper city for a bit to represent NERV during the city council elections. Thank goodness for the MAGI or I'd be lost," the vice-commander sighed.

"I think it's interesting how the MAGI are actually in control of the city," Maya spoke up, remembering a recent lesson on the super computers and their functions.

"You mean the MAGI choose the council?" Shigeru looked up from his magazine, _'I guess I don't have to feel guilty I didn't vote.'_

"No, the computers simply make all the decisions for them and they follow that," Fuyutsuki elaborated, _'Damn, why didn't I run for a council seat?'_

"Oh"

"It makes sense they're starting to call this the city of science when the technology's omnipotent," Maya decided.

It was silent for a little bit, you know those silences where you wait for someone to say something, when the vice-commander remembered something, "You're running those tests on the carbon-fiber LCL weapons today, right?"

"Yes, whenever the pilots finish their syncs we can begin the tests."

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Misato had arrived later in the parking garage and was getting into the elevator when someone started screaming to wait. _'Not today, I'm not in the mood after hauling this giant bag,' _our favorite drunkard thought as she pressed the close door button and rubbed her sore shoulder. The man neared and she started pressing the button rapidly. Unfortunately, his hand hit the safety bar in the narrow opening, _'Damn!'_

Kaji hunched over puffing as he entered the elevator, "Phew, that was close."

"I know, so very close," Misato sighed at the lost opportunity, _'I should have just shot a few rounds in, I mean "at" him.'_

"I just kept running and running and I made it. It doesn't look you're in a good mood," he noticed.

"It's because I saw you, just don't try anything today," Misato fingered her gun.

"Relax, relax. What's the bag for?"

"It's lunch from kami-sama and some other things."

"Ah, Shinji's cooking is truly a gift from the heavens," Kaji's eyes closed in remembrance of he beer battered shrimp he got for taking the girls out shopping.

"I'll agree with you on that."

Suddenly the elevator stops and the emergency lighting is turned on. Kaji stared at the lights incredulously, "A power failure?"

"That's impossible. It can't happen," Misato shook her head, "Something's strange. An accident?"

Kaji grinned, "Maybe Ritsuko screwed up an experiment?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, in the laboratory, Ritsuko sneezed and the power shut down. She was currently at the power control panel for the armory test lab where they were testing the conductivity possibilities of the carbon-fiber lcl material. It held a good charge, but like normal LCL, disappeared after the electrolysis.

"The main power supply is non-operational. The voltage reads zero," Maya looked at her sempai and the rest of the crew stared expectantly.

"Stop looking at me like that, I didn't do it" _'This time…'_

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back in the elevator Kaji waited for Misato's opinion, "Well, what do you think?"

"At least, the power should be switched to the Standby supply soon," Misato said confidently.

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In the control room, Central Dogma I think, Fuyutsuki was bewildered by what was happening.

"No, sir. The Standby circuit isn't operating," Shigeru, the only bunny at the moment, informed him.

"That can't be. How are the operating circuits?" the vice-commander called down to a lower level of staff.

"1.2 percent in all. Only 9 circuits from No. 2567," random tech girl 66 replied.

The grey-haired man felt like pulling his hair out, _'Gendo's sitting behind me. But no, he doesn't care unless it's angel related.'_ "Use all operational power supplies to maintain MAGI and Central Dogma."

Shigeru realized something immediately, "But that will interfere with life-support in the entire building." _'No air conditioning! Why!'_

"That's fine. This is a top priority issue," Fuyutstuki returned to Gendo's side.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shortly before the power went out, Makoto was carrying a bag of laundry and waiting for the crosswalk light to change. In the background, a last minute propaganda van was driving around and promoting the citizens to vote Takahashi Nozumo for city council.

Makoto looked at his baggage oddly and spoke outloud, "Why the hell do I have Katsuragi's laundry? I thought this was one of the pilot's chores and if not, shouldn't Katsuragi do it?"

A little voice in his head tried to answer this for him: _'It's because changing the plot would make the author think harder. So you keep the same role of informing NERV when the angels arrive instead of having Shinji miraculously arrive early enough for the prepping of the Evas in time for the angel arrival. That would raise some questions for Shinji and don't you want to hijack a car?'_

"You're right mister mysterious voice! I've always wanted to hijack a car! And I've conveniently forgotten about everything else you mentioned," Makoto replied as he noticed the street lights went out, "Wha?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji had waited until five minutes before they had to leave to come down from the rooftop with PenPen. The power was still on, so it had to be soon that it would go out. Handing a yebisu to PenPen, he passed the video game entranced Rei and headed to his room. A minute or two later, he had to change shirts and re-deodorize, he banged on Asuka's door and shouted, "Time to go!"

The sound of shuffling passed thru the door and he made his way to the Playcube X, "Rei, save and we need to leave."

It was interesting whenever this happened. You see, Rei still had the duty as a pilot ingrained into her behavioral patterns, but every gamer worth his salt knows the pain of backtracking or speeding thru the level/area/countryside just to find a save point in a hurry. In this instance, Rei was prepared.

On the screen Mario pulled out a black and silver F.L.U.D.D. and poured a can of liquid in it. Changing from the main nozzle to hover, she pressed the R button down… Flames shot out of the device and the scenery flew by as the plumber used the makeshift jet pack! Mario landed with a tuck 'n roll and hit the save block at home base.

Of course this still took some time and the other pilots were waiting impatiently. "Gomen Shinji, Asuka."

"Whatever," the second and third said in sync.

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Sometime during the walk to NERV, the power had gone out. Asuka and Rei were ignorant of this as they tried to slide their NERV ID's thru the gate.

"Damn it. The door's busted!" Asuka shouted.

"We should try the other entrances," Rei suggested as she put her card away after checking it for flaws.

"I think the power's out," Shinji told them, _'Come on, what are the chances that every door here would be broke? Where did Asuka graduate from anyways?' _That was a valid point, there were at least eight doors and he showed them that they all didn't work.

"Baka, the power can't go out," Asuka said and Rei gave a slight nod in agreement.

"Let's ask Misato," Shinji took out his cell phone and dialed her number. "It say's there's no service, I'm gonna try her cell."

The trio walked to the next set of entrances as Shinji began the phone calls. It was a hot day out.

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Meanwhile in NERV, Ritsuko and Maya were using male slave labor to pry the doors open between them and Central Dogma. About 7 guys were using a piece of test metal to open the hydraulic doors.

The grunts chanted as they worked on another door, "Yo-heave -ho. Yo-heave -ho. Yo mamma yes!"

The door opened with a loud crunch and Maya and her sempai shook their heads at the embarrassing chant.

Ritsuko took a step thru the opening and down the barely lit corridor, "Anyways, let's hurry to the control center. I can't believe that the power supply hasn't been restored yet. Something's wrong if it's been off for seven minutes."

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By this time, Misato had figured out that something was wrong and was repeatedly pressing the emergency call button. "Why doesn't this button work? It's an emergency!"

"What's the power supply grid like for NERV?" Kaji wondered aloud.

Deciding to humor him, "There's three systems: Main, Sub, and Standby. I can't believe all three would fail at the same #$#$ing time!"

"Hmm, that would mean..."

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"We have to believe that the breakers were tripped by someone rather than a system failure," Gendo analyzed the situation in Central Dogma.

"No matter what caused it, we'll be in serious trouble if an angel appears at a time like this," Fuyutsuki watched as some of the remaining power was transferred to the MAGI below.

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In the Fuchu Overall Headquarter of UN and JASDForces three commanders watched the grid display map detect an unidentified object hit land in Japan. They started the "standard protocol", which was let it attack NERV and Tokyo-3, and were frustrated when those damn meat shields didn't respond. Eventually they figured out something was wrong and sent out an old bi-plane with some jerry-rigged speakers to the city to warn them.

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Scenes change again to show a dimly lit Central dogma and two figures climbing up the side of the tower. It appears that Akagi and her unofficial assistant have finally reached their destination.

"I thought that a ladder was simply an old-fashioned ornament," Ritsuko stated and realized how dependent on technology they were for the umpteenth time that day, "I never imagined that I would use one again."

"As they say, preparation is prevention," Maya demonstrated as she climbed up the ladder behind her and flicked her flashlight on and off. _'Agh! I forgot sempai was wearing a skirt.'_

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Asuka, Rei, and Shinji were walking thru a NERV owned pathway above ground and pressing the different buttons for doors. Asuka pressed her thumb against another button and stood back, confused, "Hmm... This doesn't work, either."

"Nothing works. This is strange," Rei said.

Shinji hung up the toll phone and smiled, "Yep, we're screwed if an angel attacks. The emergency line is out."

The girls just stared at him in as they thought about what would happen if an angel attacked. "Let's check our emergency manuals," Shinji said as he waved around an orange envelope.

Rei quickly found hers and Shinji let Asuka borrow his, saying "I'm gonna try something else."

"Aha, we'll have to find a manual entrance. Let's go to NERV," Rei said and put the manual away.

Asuka agreed, "Good idea. Well, let's elect a leader for our group before we do anything else." _'It's my time to take the spotlight!'_

The first child just stared at the redhead, "Um, why? Does it make a difference?"

Asuka sweatdropped and tried to continue, "Naturally, I must be the …what are you doing Shinji?"

Shinji was huddled over his bag, arms impossibly deep in the container looking for something, "Aha! Here it is."

**Thud** The third child set the object on a nearby bench. "It's a military grade satellite phone with walkie talkie capabilities. Misato has another one inside the bento she's carrying." _'Okay, that's a lie, it's beside the bento,' _"I was planning on a prank when she opened the box, but I guess I'll sacrifice my amusement to find out what's going on," he finished dramatically.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TRY THIS BEFORE!" Asuka screamed. _'Wait, aren't those really heavy? It didn't look like he noticed it at all.'_

"You may torture Shinji later," Rei tried to placate her friend, "go on Shinji. Turn it on and contact Misato."

'_Hm, maybe I should have kept things the same here' _Shinji mused as he flicked the switch on and pressed a button on the headset. _'If the battery's dead on her set by now, I'm going to demand a refund from Kensuke.'_

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"It's really hot," Misato complained as she took her red jacket off. Why did she have to be trapped in an elevator in the middle of a continuous summer?

Kaji, with his brilliant deductive skills, told his ex the reason why, "The air conditioners aren't working."

"**Well, duh. So the power's out there too?"**

"Did my bag start talking Kaji?" "Yes, yes it did."

"**Very funny, open the bag up and take the phone out or I'll make sure beer becomes extinct." Sniggering could be heard in the background as Misato gasped.**

The two took the surprisingly heavy phone out and set it on the floor. Misato picked up the receiver, "Hello Kami-sama. Would you like to explain how this phone is working even when everything else is dead?"

"**We're in the middle of a crisis and you ask me that? Fine, I'm using the walkie talkie option and the power's out, so the standard jammers on radio signals are dead. Now what the #$#$ is going on down there beer babe?"**

"The power's out and I'm trapped with lady's man in an elevator, kami-sama. It's freaking hot."

"**So you're as clueless as we are. Lady's man is there beer babe?"**

"Yeah, he's beginning to annoy me Kami-sama." "I take offense to that."

"**Lady's man, be kind and stop annoying beer babe and she'll share the bento I packed. I figured it was hot out today, so I made some beer cubes and made shaved ice. There's also some regular beer and special shrimp."**

"Roger that Kami-sama, I won't bother beer babe."

"**Shinji, give me that! You don't need to inflate your cooking ego. Now, do either of have any valuable input at all?"**

"Sorry red blitz. Just make your way to Central Dogma and inform them we're trapped in the elevator."

"**Ok, you had your fun. Give it back Asuka. Sigh. Turn your set off and then back on in ten minutes. I'll contact you then. Kami-sama over and out. Click."**

Misato turned the set off and turned to Kaji, "I guess I have to share my lunch. You better be grateful."

"I am, I am. But doesn't it seem strange that Shinji gave you a spare military phone?" Kaji was a little suspicious now.

"Yep. But Shinji does stuff like this and he's not the enemy at least. So don't complain or I'll tell him you started to bother me again," Misato replied and took out a cooler from the bag Shinji gave her.

Kaji wasn't easily convinced and decided to talk to Shinji later just to make sure. But right now, he'd lay his faith in the kid as Misato revealed two bowls of shaved beer ice.

"Ah, good stuff. It doesn't feel so hot anymore," Misato chirped and Kaji replied, "Yep."

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Ritsuko and Maya, unfortunately, did not have anything to take their minds off of the situation. The air was getting stuffy and hot and all they had were paper fans and heavy jackets that they continued to wear for some reason.

"Things are getting worse and the air is getting staler. These facilities are supposed to be the pinnacle of modern science and we're operating by candlelight," Ritsuko stood behind Maya and kept fanning.

"Why do we even have candles if we never thought that we'd need them, sempai?"

"Ignore the plot hole…I mean, the commander has thousands of candles in his office for unknown personal reasons," the fake blonde made sure to exaggerate the "personal". _'Why he used to enjoy being burnt and covered in hot wax, I will never know.'_

Maya heard someone sneeze and idly wondered how stuffy the air was.

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**Aachoo! **Gendo wiped his nose with a handkerchief, _'This is a waste of my candles, but it does bring back memories of sweet Yui...I still can't believe what that woman could make feel good.'_

In a moment of reminisce, the commander of NERV kicked his feet around in the bucket of water below the terminal he was at, making splashes that Fuyutsuki commented on, "The water's lukewarm."

Gendo stiffened and resumed the stick-up-ass position, "Yes."

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After the radio conversation, Asuka had vaguely tried to establish her position as leader when Shinji said, "So, we go to Route-07 right?"

Rei remembered the manual and replied, "Yes."

"Okay then, follow me," _'I'll take the lead now,' _Asuka started walking away from the group.

"Asuka, do a one-eighty," Shinji smiled and walked thru the opposite door with Rei in tow.

"Oh, right," Asuka said, scratching the back of her head before catching up, _'Damnit!'_

The group continued for a bit before they reached a door with "R-07" on the metal with a circular device to the right. Shinji had started lagging behind in hopes that Rei or Asuka would try to open it first.

That didn't happen, "Hey, Shinji, you can handle the manual doors, there can't be that many, can there?" Asuka finished with a grin.

"Why don't we flip a coin for it?" Shinji asked…unfortunately Asuka was admiring one of the walls and Rei was giving commentary on the beneficial properties of that particular wall. Shinji sighed and flipped the handle out of the crank. With a grunt he started it from the locked position, but finally the momentum picked up it wasn't as bad as last time when it took all his body weight to budge it.

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I'm sure you're all curious about what happened to Makoto…what? you're not? Well he is. _'Why the hell am I walking on the railroad tracks? If the power came back on, I could be fried by the rails,' _the techie thought as he walked along the train tracks to NERV with Misato's laundry in tow.

The JASDF airplane flew overhead at that precise moment with the message, "This is the Third District Japan Air Self-Defense Force. An unidentified object is now approaching this location. Residents, please go to your designated shelters as soon as possible."

Makoto jumps over the barrier to the people mover side walk and panics, "Big trouble! I must inform Headquarters. But how?"

As Makoto stares dramatically at the heavens, the propaganda van comes down the street again, "Remember Takahashi, Takahashi Nozomu, who isn't perturbed even in such an emergency."

Makoto stared in disbelief, "Ah, I'm lucky! I get to hijack a car!"

Minutes later, said car was occupied by a hyper Makoto, a crazed driver who had always wanted to speed thru the streets unimpaired, and the worried announcer who was trying to keep her calm while announcing: "Due to the state of special emergency in this district, an emergency vehicle is going... Hey, this is a dead end, you know."

Makoto shrugged, _'What does she mean? It's just a crossing arm, it doesn't even have those stop spikes'_ "No it's not. Drive into there!

"What!" the announcer girl screamed.

"It's an emergency, don't worry about her," Makoto told the driver, who looked like he was thoroughly enjoying himself with that crazed smile.

"Roger!" the driver crashed thru the arm and kept going, _'I feel just like my idol: Katsuragi-sama!'_

"Help! Stop!" the announcer, who probably was just doing volunteer work or getting minimum wage, screamed as she held onto the dashboard.

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Ritsuko, Fuyutsuki, and Gendo were now discussing the situation; it wasn't like they had much else to do. The grey haired senior of the group, Fuyutsuki, began, "This Geo-front was designed to be a self-sufficient colony if it was ever isolated from the outside. Theoretically, all the power supplies couldn't fail."

Ritsuko nodded, "We know and that means that someone did it intentionally."

"I would estimate that their purpose is to research this place," Gendo looked like a larger than normal object was stuck up his ass than there normally was. _'SEELE, maybe. But it doesn't seem like them to do something so brazen and unlikely.'_

"You mean that they want to guess the structures of Headquarters from the recovery procedures," Ritsuko mulled over the concept in her head.

"That's damn annoying," Fuyutsuki commented, this was turning out to be one of the worst days he's had in a while. It was hot, muggy, he had been Gendo's errand boy for the election, and now they were being freaking sabotaged.

Ritsuko sighed and started to leave, "I'll run some dummy programs on Magi to make it difficult for them to understand the whole."

Gendo agreed with her ideas, leaving him with his old sensei. Fuyutsuki voiced his frustrations, "To think that the first damage to headquarters should be caused by people. I can't believe it!"

"In the end, humanity is its own enemy," Gendo reassumes the almighty bastard position.

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Walking thru the concrete service tunnels with a couple of flashlights (courtesy of kami-sama), Shinji sings out loud due to boredom and unsuccessfully tries to get the girls to join him, "We're off to see the bastard, the despicable bastard of NERV, he is a ass if ever an ass if ever an ass there was, if ever if ever an ass there was, the bastard of NERV is one because, because because because because because...because of all of the horrible things he does, doodootdoodoodeeleedoo…Oh we're off to see the bastard, the despicable bastard of NERV. Now come on, let's sing together this time. Oh we're…"

Just kidding, he only hummed his rendition of the song that I don't own. The second and third children were walking side-by-side with Rei trailing behind. Asuka turned to the side and stared at him, wondering about his current mental state and her patience, "Stop that, a couple of more minutes and we'll be at the Geo-front hopefully."

Shinji stopped humming loudly long enough for a short reply, "I know, you keep repeating that as if your sanity depends on it." And then started up again.

Asuka's eyebrow twitched as her face twisted, she hated that $#$#ing movie! "It does, and in a few moments, so will your life!"

"Why's that?" Shinji smiled and hummed extremely loud, causing the song to magnify and echo throughout the tunnel ways.

Rei, who had remained silent and had never seen the movie or heard the song, found herself agreeing with Asuka as her left brow twitched. Something about it rubbed her the wrong way. Two minutes later she snapped, "Shinji, shut the hell up!"

Shinji and Asuka stopped and turned around to stare at the first child in disbelief. _'Did Rei just tell me to "shut the hell up"?' _Shinji tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come.

"Did Rei just do that? Go Rei!" Asuka punched the air and walked over to keep her new favorite person company.

Shinji remained still as the two walked past him, _'That's just so weird. Wait, isn't that…'_

Makoto Hyuuga's voice could be heard as the propaganda van passed over head on a causeway, "An Angel is coming, repeat an angel is coming now!"

Asuka starts to scream, "Hyuga-san! Hey!" even though no way he could ever hear it.

"An angel is coming, I repeat, an angel is coming now!" the light from the van fades as it enters another tunnel.

"Well, isn't this fun," Shinji smiles as Asuka realizes what Makoto said, **click** "Hey beer babe, an angel's on its way. We're about 15 or so minutes from headquarters."

"**What? Oh #$#$, isn't this just great? Hurry your ass up kami-sama!"**

"Hai, hai. No time to waste, so over and out." **Click. **Shinji turns his high-tech walkie-talkie off.

In the meantime, Rei was analyzing the situation and jogged up to an adjacent wall with a large air duct, "We can take a shortcut through the vents over here. Help me get the cover off."

"Come on baka, hurry up!" Asuka shouted as she knelt by Rei and started to work on kicking the grate in.

"Sigh, Move," Shinji placed the satellite phone into his bag and pulled out a crowbar. The two girls stepped to the side as he pried the grate off in one swift movement. They stared at him as he nonchalantly place the long piece of steel back in his pack. _'That saved some time.'_

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'_It's so quiet.' _"Damn it! This might be a shortcut, but we're getting filthy. I can't believe we breathe in this stuff," Asuka ranted as she looked at her grime covered hand. The group was crawling thru the air ducts and she finally broke the silence.

"I guess, at least asbestos was outlawed before this place was built," Shinji replied and somehow killed the newborn conversation as silence reined.

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A few minutes later, Shinji kicked the aluminum grate off the end of the duct and saw the infamous fork in the road.

Asuka crawled out of the vent and stood up, facing the branching pathways in confusion, "Well...let's go to the right."

"I think it's to the left," Rei voiced as she stood up as well.

Asuka tried to see the end of each pathway with her flashlight, but failed, "Hm, what do you think, Shinji?" She and Rei turned to face him.

'_We could get dangerously close to the angel by veering right and then have to turn back, or we could go left. Such a hard choice,' _Shinji thought with a finger on his chin, "Let's go left first. I wonder how they're going to prep the evas?"

Asuka wanted to refute his choice, but was taken back by the question and followed Shinji and Rei as the albino girl replied, "I remember they have an emergency generator and manual procedure…"

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Said procedure was underway after Makoto drove into central dogma and warned the staff of the incoming angel. The whole process involved a lot of manual labor, pulleys, hydraulic hoses being cut, and weird group work chants. Gendo actually helped as well, which only caused the lowly minions to freak out and work ten times as hard to avoid being fired. Eventually, everything was in position and ready, except they had no pilots.

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The silence was numbing, but the three teens continued on their way to NERV, encountered a blocked passage (in which Shinji pulled out the crowbar again and bashed in another goddamn grate), and was nearing their destination. Shinji appreciated the silence because they could hear the last of the preparations being made and that distracted Asuka from kicking him in the face this time for "looking forward".

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"Rei, what's below that grate?" Asuka asked as she crawled after the girl in the narrow air duct. _'I should tell Shinji not to look up my skirt…'_

"I'm not looking up your skirt Asuka, relax," Shinji startled the red head.

"Wha?"

"Be quiet you two, we're there," Rei said as she kicked out the grate in front of her. She jumped down and Asuka followed, conveniently forgetting about Shinji's comment.

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Maya and Ritsuko watched as all the random male mechanics and techies finished hanging the entry plugs by pulley system. They had just been talking about the pilots when the air duct started to rain teenagers.

"Hello," Rei greeted the scientific engineers and side-stepped to her left.

"Hiya," Asuka cheered, happy to be done with the adventure thru the bowels of NERV, and side-stepped to her right.

"Hi Ritsuko, Maya," Shinji dropped in-between the two and set his bag down, "Ah, that's better."

"Hey you guys, just in time," Ritsuko looked over the dirt covered individuals and then turned back to the evas to oversee the preparatory operations now.

"Come on, we have your plug suits in the cage control rooms," Maya leaded the threesome away and Shinji saw his chance to escape momentarily.

Shinji approached a group of men standing around a bunch of metal poles, _'Perfect.' _"You five, Ibuki-san has orders for you when she comes back, so stay right there."

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After changing in the dark with the aid of a flashlight, Asuka stepped out of the room and Rei walked in. Shinji was leaning against the wall, talking to Maya. "So we don't know anything but an angel is approaching."

"No, but we're confident you will defeat it,"

"Damn right we will!" Asuka stood beside Shinji and remembered something, "Say Shinji, didn't you forget someone?"

"That's right!" Shinji feigned surprise _'That's convenient…oh well, don't complain.' _"Maya, Misato's stuck in the elevator on the east side of the parking garage on central dogma's level. Could you get a group of men to open it? Oh I don't want to explain how I know because for some reason using military grade satellite phones seems to violate 2 international laws and 4 of NERV contract stipulations here." Shinji smiled as the two gaped.

"Baka! Why do you even have them here?" Asuka yelled.

"Because I almost have immunity from all punishment, NERV won't turn me in to the greater authorities and NERV needs pilots. I would get a week's detention at most and it would be worth it. All I was planning on was scaring Misato and setting up another prank on the commander."

Maya and Asuka's expression changed as if a prank on the commander explained and justified everything. Well, it did. Maya even said so, "Ok, then that's alright. I bet you would get most of NERV's support, wait. You're responsible for all those happenings? How?"

Shinji grinned and Rei came out of the room. Shinji grabbed a flashlight and his suit and replied as he went to change, "That's…a…secret!" _'Ah, that felt good. Now I know why people do that.'_

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After some unsuccessful prying, Maya told the group of men next to the pry bars to get Misato. Asuka, Rei, and Shinji were assisted into the plug and the prep procedures went underway under the command of the commander. One of the mechanics started the diesel generator and the final procedures started as the entry plugs twisted into the necks of the Eva's and started.

Ritsuko stood beside Maya and Gendo and relayed information, "All are ready for activation with the auxiliary power sources."

"Remove the first lock bolt," Gendo shouted and his little pawns skirted away and cut the hydraulic hoses holding the machinery in place.

A random operator shouts, "Release hydraulic locks 2 through 32" and moments later Maya relays the results, "The pressure is zero. They're situation free."

Gendo looks over things one final time, "All right. Everyone, remove the bindings by force."

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"_So Shinji, it looks like everything turned out alright, except you forgot to set up the night-vision camera in the cage control room_," Yui reported after a mild mind rape.

Shinji held onto the sides of his head and rolled his eyes, _"Yea, forgot…right. Ow."_

"_Oops, I guess I was in a rush, is it gone now?"_

"_Yes," _Shinji sat back in his seat and heard the command to push out the final restraints, _"So how's everything here?"_

"_Same as usual, I spend most of the time on the net, but Naoko is adjusting well and has been inducted into our group by Kyoko and me…"_

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Asuka watched the pretty syncing scenery disappear and the dimly lit cage come into focus.

"_Daughter," _Kyoko contacted Asuka in a sing song voice, _"Did you have much trouble getting here?"_

"_Gah, Yes! I need a shower so badly right now. But I'm on the job right now, we have work to do."_

"'_Relax, I finally got Yui's concept of an artificial S2 organ, so we're in no trouble of running out of power. It's amazing since it's based off of Katsuragi's work, I wonder what Misato would have come up with if she followed in his steps?"_

"_Probably an instant sobering pill and a way to power the Evas off alcohol," _Asuka guessed.

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"_Hello Rei." _

"_Hello Naoko," _Rei squirmed a bit in her seat.

"_So, did you try it yet?" _You could almost feel the grin from Naoko's mental voice.

"_No…"_

"_Well, no rush. I have some stuff to tell you later, and now onto a happier note…"_

Rei blushed faintly as the soul of Unit-00 planted some descript images into her naïve mind. She had gotten the idea from Yui and now was her test run. _"Wh-what are you doing?"_

"_Oops, sorry Rei. I hacked into the NERV cameras and found some pictures of Shinji. I thought you'd like them. Maybe you'd react better to some of Asuka."_

"_Please refrain from doing that in the future," _Rei shifted in her seat as she heard the command to push the restraints off.

"_Alright, but I know you're curious. I'll remember this as we continue your sync training later, but right now, let's begin our mission."_

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Makoto had just finished diverting some of the newly gained power to the sensors and relayed the bad news. "The target has halted just above us."

Ritsuko knew it was pointless to yell this but, _'Might as well' _"Hurry up the preparations!"

"The emergency batteries have been installed in them," Maya shouted out from an observation deck higher up and began running back to sempai's level. _'Kami, I'm going to be sore after this.'_

She rounded the corner to barely miss colliding with a rushing Misato and Kaji and chased after them.

"Hey, thanks for the help. It was unbearable in there," Misato called over her shoulder at the young technician. After climbing down another flight of stairs, they arrived in time to here Ritsuko take Misato's lines.

"Well. They're ready. Launch!" Ritsuko shouted and the bio-mechs began to head out, "Oh, hey Misato. Where have you been? I hope you and Kaji didn't do something improper."

Misato, red in the face from sprinting from the elevator, didn't get the chance to reply as Kaji answered, "Nah, I'm not that lucky. We got stuck in the elevator and I have to be nice to Misato because she shared Shinji's bento. Did you know he can make shaved ice beer?"

"Um…no," Ritsuko stared and shook her head. Normally Kaji would have jumped at the chance.

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Asuka took the point as the evas "launched" up an elevator shaft. Unfortunately, launching in this instance consisted of climbing, shimmying, and crawling and one mistake could make you fall and take everyone else out. The looming time limit on their battery supplies only concerned Rei, but Shinji and Asuka didn't want to explain what happened if they went over. It was one of the things Shinji had informed her that the commander would not appreciate and would earn them an all expense paid trip to the holding cells of Section 4. The only loopholes were falling unconscious and berserkers.

"I hate missions like this, I bet this looks ridiculous," Asuka talked over the com with a holo picture appearing on the others' HUD's.

"Hey, be thankful we don't have to wear stuff like the Type-D equipment," Shinji retorted and watched as Unit-00 stumbled in front of him, "Rei, is their something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong," Rei avoided the face of Shinji and Asuka on her HUD and stared at the layout of NERV, "we are nearing the pit and anticipated contact point."

Unit-02 stopped at the steel plating and kicked at it several times before hit blew off the frame and hit the opposite wall of the pit.

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Meanwhile on the surface, the ninth angel, Matariel had settled over the intersection of two streets above NERV. The angel, if you can imagine or just wiki it, looked like a four legged daddy long legs spider with multiple eyes all over the main body. The eye on the bottom started to secret an orange liquid that pooled and fell down onto the street below with interesting results. Meaning that it dissolved straight thru the pavement.

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"Wait a minute, Asuka, can you see what's going on up there?" Shinji asked the second child before she jumped into the pit.

'_Why?' _"Sure…there's a whole bunch of nothing, it's dark, and what the hell is that?" Asuka pointed to the liquid that narrowly missed the unit's head. The tunnel started to brighten up as the dissolved hole exposed it to the outside.

"Here Rei, pass this up to Asuka. Asuka, hold it out into the liquid," Eva unit-01 unclipped one of its battery packs and handed it to the still orange Unit-00 (remember, I kept it orange).

Unit-02 grabbed the battery from Unit-00 and held it out into the chasm. A second later the orange liquid hit the battery and a bit of the forearm of Asuka's evangelion. "Ow, it burns," Asuka hissed in pain as she shook some of the goo off.

Rei surmised the situation, "The target is trying to directly invade headquarters using a strong solvent liquid. We have four minutes thirty seconds remaining. Are you okay Asuka?"

"Yeah, but I'm gonna destroy that thing!" Asuka declared. _'Hm, that's it! Mama, could we use our AT fields from here?"_

"_I'd think so, but I'm not sure with all the interference. Let me ask Yui…yea, she says that this angel's a wimp anyways. She and Shinji can take care of it…Naoko and Rei will help out as well."_

"Pass me your rifle and let's neutralize its AT field. Rei hang onto my feet. I'll shoot it from the opening."

"Sounds good," Shinji passed up the gun. "I agree," Rei handed the pallet rifle off. "Alright, let's do this," Asuka mounted the gun in the unit's armpit and prepared to slide out by lying on her back.

"_Mom, let's go about 195 and not take any chances." "Alright Shinji."_

"_Naoko?" "Just focus on synching like normal and I'll help as best I can. We really need to work on the theory next sync test."_

"_Mama, sync us as high as possible," "Don't worry, you won't fail."_

"Now!" Rei held onto the feet of the red bio-mech as it slid into the opening and let off a burst of shots. The shots pierced the angel's body easily and it slumped to the side, vacant of life.

"Well, we kicked its ass. Kinda disappointing really. Pull me back Rei," Asuka exhaled and let herself relax, _"Another one down."_

"We should take the evas to the surface, it'll be easier for them to retrieve and we can wait outside," Shinji decided.

"Sure, here's your rifle. Let's go before the batteries run out," Asuka swung out into the pit and shimmied her way to the top.

"Alright, we have three minutes twenty seconds of battery left. We should be able to make it to the western hills overlooking the city that Misato showed us," Rei was next to exit into the pit and move up.

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A couple of hours later in the evening, Ritsuko was leading Maya, Makoto, Kaji, and Misato back to the elevator when the lights turned back on. Power had been restored earlier to the inner levels and was finally reaching the outer corridors. She noticed the bent metal edges of the doors and a large metal pry bar on the ground. "Hey, how did you two get out of there?"

"Maya sent us help after Shinji-kun arrived," Misato pushed the up button, hoping the device still worked. She had confirmed that the three units were outside and even used the exterior phone to talk to Asuka, Rei, and Shinji, but now she had to pick them up and bring them back since Section 4 was investigating the power grid.

"Yes, apparently Shinji-kun was going to use some military grade satellite phones in a prank, but he ended up not getting the chance," Maya informed them. "Did you hear about all the happenings around the commander?"

The five silently decided to forget all about the illegal transmitters. Well, maybe Kaji thought a little more into it. He was a spy on SEELE's behalf, and Shinji seemed to hate his father with utter passion. _'Maybe we can make a deal when we reach the later angels.'_

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For the last couple of hours, the three children had spent the time on the hillside talking to the evacuees from their school (my story, they're on the same hill as the shelter) until they had to return to their homes. Now they were waiting for Misato to show up and looking at the stars. Shinji had laid down and was soon sandwiched between the other two.

Shinji felt the need to repeat himself from before "It's ironic that without the artificial electric lights, the stars are very beautiful."

Asuka smirked a bit, "I guess it does, but it almost feels lonely without all the lights."

"I heard that 'We fear the darkness and, to survive, chase it away with flames' once," Rei mentioned as she sat up.

"That's philosophy," Asuka sat up and saw the lights turn on, "Ah that's better."

"Hm, but sometimes the dark is a good thing and it's just as necessary as light to maintain our lives," Shinji sat up, "I wish we had some glow sticks or maybe fireworks."

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A/N: 13,000 words. It took a while, but this chapter without the omake's was huge for me. It's about 15,600 with the omakes. Not too many crossovers though. If you have any suggestions, review. Such as, what should happen to Kaji? I'm not gonna kill him, but he doesn't get Misato either, ooh…maybe I should resurrect the souls and hook him up with Naoko? That just hit me. Oh my, so many ideas are popping up because I forgot about what would happen to the souls of the evas. I'll try to update more often, but you're better off putting my story on an alert or favorites.

**Omakes: Gendo's badluck**

It took a bit of snooping, but Shinji had found out what apartment complex Gendo lived in. It was showtime…

The commander of NERV unlocked his door and went straight to the kitchen. Despite popular opinion, he did go home every night if possible. Where else would his private Yui-shrine be? His treasured piece was the last picture taken of the former family, so what if he had pillaged his former son's belongings to get it before sending him away?

**Knock Knock Knock **Someone at the door? That was rare. Gendo set down his sandwich and went to the door. "Who is it?"

"It's the landlord, sir. I'm sorry, but there's been a reported bug infestation and we need all residents to evacuate. You may either stay at a shelter, provided hotel, or fend for yourself. Please be out of the building by noon tomorrow."

Gendo absorbed he information and returned to his sandwich. He would simply pack up his belongings and stay at NERV.

The next day, a moving van came and his belongings were placed inside except for his shrine, which he would bring in himself on the train. Secretly, Shinji started to go through his genetic relation's things in the back of the van and sabotage them. Just some subtle things such as loosening buttons, waxing bottoms of shoes, weakening the fabric in the backside of a few pants, and adding some insects of his own. Who knew the next time he would open some of these boxes with his busy schedule?

After a few weeks, Gendo had slipped and torn some of his clothing. But the de-bugging of his complex was taking forever. They kept finding new problems that, after investigated, were still legitimate. He had seen how bad the infestation was in some of his own boxes.

And what was worse was that SEELE kept pressuring him to follow their scenario, they were afraid of the power his piloting pawns held.

Sorry, I can't think of any more. I just got bored with specific details. For now, just imagine little things that Gendo can't trace back to Shinji. Or since this is an Omake, have a flaming candle shoved up his ass and explode. Whatever floats your boat. I like my other omakes more.

**The joys of cooking**

One day during the four weeks of angel absence, Misato, Rei, and Asuka decided to cook breakfast for Shinji for once. He had really gone all out last night, Rei had particularly liked the taste of this weird fruit Bos-taurus-angus. It was cut in slices like watermelon, could be browned like tofu or else it leaked the red juices like watermelon (except the browning part, but she wasn't sure), and tasted good with a little salt, again like watermelon. In reality, Shinji didn't have the heart to tell her it was angus beef when she devoured it and said it was her favorite next to strawberry ice cream. Misato and Asuka just grinned after being informed that it was perfectly healthy for her.

Anyways, they felt indebted and decided to make breakfast. Rei and Asuka started in the first step by throwing a case of Yebisu out of the apartment and locking their guardian out. They let her in after they finished and it was just in time to see Shinji stumble into the kitchen.

"Good morning Shinji-kun! We made breakfast for you," Misato, Rei, and Asuka cheered in different levels of enthusiasm.

"Thank you, it looks…great," Shinji said as they pushed in his chair and looked at the settings. There it was…evil.

"Um…could you get me something else to drink?"

"Huh, why?" Asuka glared at him.

"I hate milk," Shinji replied.

"Why? You use it all the time when you cook," Rei asked in confusion.

Shinji shivered as he started to reply and looked at them gravely, "Only when I heat it up past 100 degrees and can't recognize it."

"What about ice cream?" Misato asked gravely.

"Never had it, never will."

"Shinji, you didn't answer why, it is not supposed to harm you," Rei insisted.

"NO! I refuse! I'm not gonna drink some opaque white liquid the was secreted by the underside of a cow! Who the hell was the person who thought: Hm, I wonder if what that calf is drinking tastes good and let me go over to the cow and suck on it to find out!" Shinji clapped his hands together and hit the floor. Suddenly there was a bright light and a hole in the ground where he used to be.

The three females just stood there and thought: _'What the #$#$?'_

**Mel Brooks, don't sue me**

Sometime during the walk to NERV, the power had gone out. Asuka and Rei were ignorant of this as they tried to slide their NERV ID's thru the gate. Meanwhile Shinji was sliding his card through all of the doors.

"Damn it. The door's busted!" Asuka shouted as she banged the door.

Moments later, Asuka, Rei, and Shinji were walking thru another NERV owned pathway above ground and pressing the different buttons for doors. An impatient Asuka shoved her thumb against another button and stood back, pissed, "Crap, even in the future nothing works!"

**Damn Physics**

Shinji decided to keep everything exactly the same as last time in this omake. Asuka was shielding him from the acid and Rei had just thrown him the gun. "Asuka, clear the way!"

Eva Unit-02 gladly swung out of the way and Unit-01 pumped the angel full of lead, "Yes! We did it!"

Unfortunately, as Shinji and his fellow pilots celebrated, several of the bullets came straight back down and killed him. The end.

**An electrical error in your favor**

The city was recovering from the recent attack that had done minimal structure damage, but had screwed up its electrical grid and electronics so badly. Rei was counting her blessings as her game files were not corrupted, Shinji was glad his laptop with some of his plans was safe, Asuka was happy her stereo was alright, and Misato…well, that's a different omake in itself.

**Knock knock knock** "Coming!" Shinji ran to the door thinking it was a package, _'It's about time my itching powder, syringes, and ferret pheromones arrived.'_

Unfortunately, it was not the delivery man, but someone wearing a black suit, black sunglasses, and the typical security earpiece.

"Um, if this is about that order of plutonium, it was just a joke," Shinji laughed awkwardly.

"No, I am here to escort Councilman PenPen to work," the no neck man said in a deep voice.

Relieved that it didn't concern him, Shinji returned to normal, "Ok, I'll go get him."

Shinji walked to the fridge and it opened before he could say anything. The warm water penguin walked out of the fridge in a business suit and handed Shinji a piece of paper that said: "Congratulations Mr. PenPen, it is the first time in history that a write-in candidate has won a seat on city council, much less all the seats combined. But since we completely believe in the MAGI and their decisions, we will ignore the blatant impossibility of your victory. We will send some one to pick you up Monday morning for your first day of work. If you decline, the former council will remain in power and we will have another election."

"So you're in charge of the city now?" "Wark! War warkk wark wArk"

"Yeah, better you than the incompetent losers we had. Have fun!" Shinji congratulated PenPen as he walked out of the apartment.

Misato, having heard the conversation, stopped her smallest roommate and whispered in his ear, "Could you do something about my traffic tickets please?"

"Wark," PenPen nodded and started his first day of work.

Weeks later, the city had a budget surplus with all the salary saved, UN funding for being high risk and needing constant repairs (even though Kami-sama prevented all damage now), and a new campaign of decreasing living expenses. It was enough to hire assassins to kill Chairman Keel of SEELE after influencing them to have Gendo de-throned from NERV. Of course, PenPen stole Keel's fortune and used it to open an amusement park that featured the fastest rollercoaster designed after Misato's driving habits.

**Do you think I could use some of this in my story later on?**

Misato gave an exasperated sigh as she let her charges into the apartment after the long day. They began to check the electronics and luckily nothing was broken. She rose her hand into the air and kami-sama delivered a can of yebisu, but something felt wrong. **Click glug, glug, AcK! **"THE BEER! IT'S WARM! NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Shinji, Rei, and Asuka stared at the poor woman who was writhing on the ground. Eventually they comforted her with sweet nothings that the beer would cool back down and she cried herself to sleep. Why didn't they understand? She had wasted a can of alcohol!

That night, not being able to sleep herself. Rei walked out into the kitchen and stared at the half can of Yebisu. She wondered why the Major overreacted so and thought that consuming the liquid may help her understand. She finished and stared at the can, didn't Misato say it wasn't cold. Well then, what did a cold one taste like?

She finished the cold one and could understand it tasted better, but what was the big deal? Asuka, during the meantime, had noticed her roommate missing and found the blue haired girl in the kitchen putting a couple of cans of beer in a warm water bath.

"What are you doing?" Asuka mumbled as she took not of the empty cans on the table.

"I don't get why Misato freaked the hell out. So I decided to experiment with it."

'_I really should stop her, but it's a lesson she'll find out on her own. I wonder if she'll get a hangover,' _Asuka thought and then replied, "Sounds good to me, I'll get a piece of paper to record your findings each time. I'm not that thirsty."

Five cans of beer later, Asuka recorded her final findings with amusement, "So cold beer is good because it's cold and warm beer sucks because it's warm?"

"Hai," Rei didn't slur much for a drunk, but it definitely loosened her up and she couldn't seem to keep her thoughts to herself, "I wonder what Shinji-kun tastes like?"

"Wh-what?" Asuka stammered as she finished putting the beer away. She walked up to her friend who was beginning to make her way to Shinji's room. "You're drunk Rei, go to bed."

Rei resisted Asuka trying to push her into their room, "I am. Shinji's bed."

"Grrr. I hope you have a massive hangover," Asuka blocked Shinji's fusuma, "Go to sleep in your own bed."

"Hm, you're jealous," Rei grinned and placed a wobbly finger on the redhead's lips, "Don't be."

"Mphf," Asuka tried to speak but found her friend silencing her with her lips.

Rei pulled back and walked past the stunned girl into Shinji's room. She approached his bed and kneeled over his face.

Shinji's eyes shot open when he felt something on his face. _'Rei? Tongue? Dreaming?' _Shinji's thoughts rambled as he tried to wake up.

"Sorry Shinji, you have a hot bod, but Asuka kisses better than you."

I could go on, but I'm lazy and cruel.

**A unlikely possibility**

Gendo looked over the preparations one last time and nodded to Akagi to launch. He thought with a determined bastard look on his face, _'This turned out well, but I will not forget to pay the electric bill again. Thank Yui that they think it was sabotage.' _

**Looking forward**

Asuka was crawling in the air ducts towards NERV in-between Rei and Shinji when she realized something, "Shinji, you hentai. Don't you dare look forward."

Shinji, however, had already done so and couldn't keep his mouth shut, "So, you wear Hello Kitty panties, who cares?"

Asuka kicked him in the face repeatedly.

---------------------Again------------------

Asuka was crawling in the air ducts towards NERV in-between Rei and Shinji when she realized something, "Shinji, you hentai. Don't you dare look forward."

Shinji, however, did so that exact minute, "Nice thong."

Asuka kicked him in the face repeatedly.

---------------------Again--------------------

Asuka was crawling in the air ducts towards NERV in-between Rei and Shinji when she realized something and began to panic, "Shinji, you hentai. Don't you dare look forward."

Shinji wiped his nose clean, shrugged as best as he could in the confined space, but couldn't keep his mouth shut, "Why? It's not like you're even wearing a thong?"

That was the wrong answer, she had been in a rush that morning and her alone time was cut short, so she kicked him in the face and continued to ignore the draft beneath her skirt.

--------------------Last one--------------------

Asuka was crawling in the air ducts towards NERV in-between Rei and Shinji when she realized something, "Shinji, you hentai. Don't you dare look forward."

Shinji, however, had already done so and couldn't keep his mouth shut, "So, you wear Hello Kitty panties, who cares?"

Asuka kicked him in the face repeatedly.

Rei spoke up at the sound of carnage, "I do not understand the importance of seeing a girl's panties."

"See, it's not a big deal," Shinji tried to defend himself, but Rei wasn't finished.

"I don't even wear any."

"Um, Asuka. I don't suppose you'll trade places with me?"

**Crack** Asuka broke Shinji's nose with the heel of her foot.

**This is stupid**

What if Shinji was a wizard that was apprenticed and graduated early at fifteen, only to be called back home by his bastard of a father?

BlahBlahBlah Shinji has a happy childhood with harry, learns magic, harry leaves, Shinji tortures Gendo frequently while obliviating memories, Shinji pranks the heck out of everyone and they can't catch him, he resurrects the evas souls, and apparatus to SEELE and imperios them to obey his every command, and Shinji creates a massive harem with and philosopher's stone for all of eternity, the end.

Sorry for the last bit, review if you want.


	14. Chapter 12: A Swift Kick for Chips

A/N: Hey, thanks for waiting. I really slacked off, and I'm happy. It's kinda Rei fluffy at the end, I have to remember to include more of everyone else next time, but I figured Asuka has less barriers eventually and has the cannon kiss later. Meh, who cares, I updated! If this sucks, I blame it on anything but me :D

"_Italics" _: _"Yui/Kyoko/Naoko/mindspeak"_

'_Italics' _: _'Thoughts'_

**Bold : Sounds**

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The result of the blackout was to be expected; minor infrastructure damage and several heat-related health problems that killed a few elderly citizens. It seemed that, two weeks later, the weather was trying to make up for it with a series of showers with cooler temps.

Hikari, Toji, and Kensuke were knocking the door to Misato's apartment rapidly as they were caught in one of the downpours. As it opened up, Touji bolted in with his now damp clothing, "Thanks for letting us get out of the rain, Shinji."

"No problem, hi Kensuke, Hikari," Shinji beckoned them to the kitchen.

"So where's Misato?" Kensuke asked, pulling out his infamous camera.

Shinji thought about it and remembered why his guardian wasn't at her normal beer station, "She's probably asleep. She's been working all-night shifts lately."

Hikari stopped, "Are we allowed over then? Her work sounds very tiring after all."

"Her job would be easier if she didn't wait until the last minute to fill out paperwork. But it's ok, just try to keep it down."

Kensuke and Touji took this with utmost importance and Shhh'ed Shinji for no reason at all. It worked until Asuka walked up behind them with her hands on her damp clothes. Apparently she was outside looking for Hikari when it started to downpour and the dripping sound only increased the suspense in the silence.

"Hey, stooges, what are you doing here?" Asuka smirked as the two jumped into the air and she made her way to Hikari.

"You gave them a heart attack! Do you know how hard it is to come by minions like these?" Shinji replied as he checked on his friends. Toji and Kensuke' were hammering their hand against their chest and gasping. "Thankfully they're not broken, but they just came in out of the rain to relax. And you may want to change clothes, they're clingy. And no, we're not going to peep as we have a project to work on."

"We do?" the guys asked in stereo and Shinji grinned, "Yes, we do."

Asuka, despite the numerous occurrences, was momentarily speechless as Shinji finished reading her mind, "Whatever, come on Hikari, let's go to Rei's and my room and talk. I need to change out of these clothes anyways."

"Um? So what are we going to do?" Toji asked as the girls slid the door shut.

"Well, turn around and say "Hi Misato" and then I'll tell you in my room, we'll need my computer," Shinji eyes curved into upside down U's as the stooges turned around, tried to utter their greetings, and gaped. "Misato, be gentle on them, Asuka already almost killed them today."

"Hai, hai Shinji-kun, welcome you two," Misato mumbled as best she could as she headed to the refrigerator, actually clothed appropriately unfortunately for the stooge one and two. She had woken up early after a disturbing nightmare about second impact and gotten dressed. _'Sigh, and I still haven't escaped my father's work or angels after all these years' _she thought as she decided to tease the stooges. "Remind Asuka that we have a harmonics test this afternoon and to do the laundry already, I'm out bras."

'_And there goes Kensuke and Toji, they didn't even have time to comment on her promotion…wait, it's Rei's turn for laundry. She already did it too…' _"You didn't have to say that…damnit, you broke them!" Shinji stated and mumbled about why good minions are so hard to find as he dragged the two piles of goo, formerly known as his friends, to his room and explained Operation Promotion Celebration in thorough detail.

"Okay, basically I give you money, you two buy the supplies. And I guess we can make a sign and a sash for her. ne?"

"Brilliant!" "Perfect" "Wark!" Ok, maybe it wasn't that detailed of a plan…

"When did you come in here PenPen?" Shinji tilted his head to the side.

PenPen shrugged and then pointed a flipper to the third child's computer. Apparently the penguin had discovered online Go and had smeared some one named "Sai" in three games so far.

"Hm, well I'm going to log you off and send a text message to Asuka so we can get them to decorate.

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Now, I could just say: the scenery is the same as the series, but I guess I need to stretch my writing muscles. Later that day the three pilots were softly illuminated in the soft blue glow of the three mental contamination testing entry plugs. Their purpose was to see the extent that each pilot could be submitted to mental wave interference before contamination took place in almost pure LCL. It was one of the most trivial things that they were tested on because it only helped them to concentrate. So basically it was forced meditation and Shinji found out it helped control what sync they wanted to achieve, but without the Eva's it was kinda unrealistic. The only reason he kept at it was, well…to make it so I don't change the plot that much. In fact I think I won't have this type of test again.

Maya was at the controls and looked at the monitors:

Subject 00, 01, and 02. Three bar graphs, all labeled as the first, second, and third children with the giant header of mental toxicity levels, fluctuated back and forth. It was kinda hard to look at the contrast with the black background honestly and why it was set up that way, we'll never know.

"Sempai, they are all 4.8 meters in and haven't shown any changes."

"All right, these are great results. This should be enough for today," Ritsuko said as she printed out a piece of paper and put it into a folder.

Misato walked up to the console and hit the com, "Ok you three, we're finishing up for the day, report to the observation deck as usual."

The plugs were pulled out of the liquid and each of the pilots sighed in relief. One of the nameless techs chose this time to speak up, "These kids, were they born to do this? This test would be failed by most adults."

"They're good, but it's only because they have to be," Misato started, "we would all prefer that they didn't have to do this."

"That's right," Ritsuko left her spot from behind Maya and hit the clearance button besides the door to let the pilots in. "Very good results, each of you. Rei, you have to come in tomorrow for a check up and Shinji, you're appointment is in 10 min. Asuka, you're free to go."

Asuka smiled as Shinji groaned. Not one of his better accomplishments was asking: why doesn't he have all these check ups and physicals like Rei? Now, instead of the previous after mission check up that took care of things, they had bi-monthly physicals in addition to those. Asuka's was yesterday, hence her celebration.

"Misato, do you think you'll be done in time to give me a ride?" Shinji asked as Asuka dragged Rei off to the locker rooms while talking about the stuff they needed to pick up on the way back to the apartment.

"Hai," Misato said, "Now don't keep Dr. Coughpleeze waiting."

Shinji shivered, _'Why do Boring-sensei's relatives have the weirdest names?' _

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Hours later, Shinji and Misato were on their way back to the apartment in her blue Renault. Unfortunately they were a little early and Shinji had to stall for time.

"Can we go the scenic route?" Shinji asked as he patted his seatbelt, newly improved with duct tape, and checked his phone.

"Why?"

"We're throwing you a promotion party and the guys are running late. Oh, congratulations on your promotion."

"Er, thanks, but aren't you supposed to keep it a secret?" the major asked as she turned off the direct route back.

"Act surprised if you want, you would have figured it out with all your training anyways. So how are things today, you seem down?"

"Well I'm not exactly thrilled with this promotion, it made me think,"

"Yea, thinking sucks sometimes. Especially about NERV, ne?"

Misato sighed, "Yes, I just wonder about all that has happened so far."

"Hm? I'll be psychiatrist Ikari for the next few minutes…"

"Well, I never told you why I joined…My father buried himself in his research... it was his life. Apparently he got married, had me, and then decided to take a new opportunity. I couldn't forgive him. Or, rather, I hated him. He never took care of me, my mother or our family. People said that he was a brilliant theorist and researcher, but really he was only weak, always trying to escape reality, our family. He was just like a little kid."

"Since she had always been unhappy, I agreed with my mother when she divorced my father. My father seemed to have been shocked by this, and I just grinned at a man who was suffering the consequences of his own actions. He tried to make up for it by taking me to his latest expedition…and last: Second Impact"

"Then he sacrificed his life for mine, dying in the Second Impact, and then I couldn't tell if I loved him or hated him. The one thing that was clear was that I had to defeat the Angels that had caused the Second Impact and, to do that, I joined NERV. It might be that I was trying to avenge my father, so that I can be free of his spell. I don't know for sure."

"Wow…" Shinji remembered this from the first time and still wasn't prepared, "the commander makes it easy for me at least. I know I can hate him. But are things better now at least? Things are looking up, life isn't too bad, ne?"

"Sure they are. I enjoy living with everyone; I would have split a place with Ritsuko if our schedules and habits weren't so conflicting. And you and the girls make life easy at home, especially your cooking from the gods. I'm pretty happy now, you three have grown on me, especially you."

"Well that's good, let's have some fun at your party then. And remind me to tell PenPen that I'm the favorite," Shinji kidded.

"Favorite? Go ahead, he worships you more than me. And I'm sure we can have some _fun_," Misato lecherously chuckled. Shinji groaned in frustration.

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The apartment wasn't all done out, but the living room had the furniture moved to the sides and there were a lot ribbons and balloons. Shinji opened the door with scrawled out sign ("Congratulations for the Promotion, Celebration Hall, Reserved") for Misato and headed to the kitchen to get started on the food.

Misato continued towards her room after calling out, "Just need to get changed, I'll be out in a couple of minutes."

Moments later…

"Congratulations!" Kensuke, Touji, Hikari, Asuka, and Rei shouted to various extents…meaning the stooges sans Shinji dwarfed the girls. Rei had been more reserved after today's tests and seemed to have something heavy weighing on her mind.

Misato smiled and looked around, "Thank you everyone, I take it that the girls did all this?"

"Yep!" Asuka stated and sat back with her friends.

"It was not difficult and was enjoyable," Rei said and PenPen waddled over to her and Hikari after checking on Kami-sama.

"We helped too," Touji declared and Kensuke nodded in agreement.

"You two bought the food and that bag over there. Then you slacked off once you saw us come in with the decorations. And speaking of slacking off, why didn't you turn in your report on Friday? Boring-sensei told me and your performance hurts the class you know," Hikari interrogated.

"Huh? I thought we actually turned those in…" Kensuke thought aloud. "Touji?"

"Don't look at me, I can't remember"

"Well you better turn them in again or hope that sensei finds them."

During this time PenPen moved from "visiting closet pervert" (penguins just know what type of people you are instinctively) to "the quiet one." He idly wondered when kami-sama would bestow his bounty upon this gathering.

Misato just smirked and raised her hand in the air to receive an air beer via Shinji in the kitchen, "So did you invite anyone else or is my promotion just an excuse to throw a party? Not that I'm complaining so long as my beer supply remains untouched…"

Asuka looked at the clock and eyes glazed over, "Oh, Kaji-san hasn't arrived yet."

Hikari stopped talking to the guys, "He's that cool guy we went shopping with? Kaji-san...?"

"Yeah, against these two potato heaps, it's like comparing the moon to soft-shelled turtles…does that even make sense?" Asuka's eyes finally cleared up.

Everyone stared for a bit at the second child's weird metaphor until Rei spoke up, "It does not make a clear comparison. The sentiment is there I believe. You prefer him to Aida and Suzuhara." _'It sounded like a direct quote from a script in another language into a poor fanfiction story.'_

"Okay, as long as that's clear," Asuka said. Asuka still had a crush on her former supervisor and escort. Hikari was thinking, _'Hm, he was good looking, better if he shaved…I'd give him an 8.3 considering his age.'_

"Yo! Kensuke, Toji, get over here," Shinji came into the room and turned back, but not before saying, "No PenPen, last time you helped some of it fell on the floor by 'accident'."

**Buzz **"That must be Kaji-san, I'll get it," Asuka got up and opened the door to reveal Ritsuko, Maya, and Kaji.

"Konbanwa, I came directly from Headquarters. I met these two on the way," Kaji grinned as he slipped his shoes off.

Asuka looked suspicious, but Misato greeted them, "Kami-sama and his assistants have just finishe…Where'd they go?" One minute the three were standing in the entranceway and the next they had vanished.

"We're over here," Maya informed her from a spot across the table from her.

"Fortunately we didn't miss the unveiling of Kami-sama's food after waiting for Kaji to finish up," Ritsuko said oblivious to Kaji's glare.

"Anyways, congratulations on your promotion Major Katsuragi!" Kaji emphasized _'Kami-sama's food is just a plus'_, "Seems from now on I'm going to have to be polite to you and address you as a superior."

"What are you talking about you baka?!"

"Well, it's unprecedented that both the commander and vice-commander are out of Japan. Yes they've been away from NERV, but they're currently on the way to the South Pole."

"The further away the better," Shinji exclaimed while carrying in a trays of food with Touji and Kensuke in tow. Nodding at the lonesome bag, "Guys, you never gave out the party favors?"

"No, we figured the food was more important and we didn't want to make a mess yet," Kensuke said as he laid down the last tray.

"I guess," Shinji sat down and saw everyone looking at him. "What are you waiting for?"

"Itadakimasu!" Everyone dug in and tried not to pay attention to PenPen pole vaulting into the center of the table.

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Next day, in Antarctica with a fleet of ships surrounding a carrier with a completely inconspicuous rod shaped object wrapped in tarps.

"There's no allowance for the existence of living things in this world of death called Antarctica," Kouzou said from the observation deck of a UN carrier "Maybe we should just call it 'Hell'?"

Gendou remained emotionless, "Nevertheless, we human beings are standing here, existing as living things."

"Because we're protected by the power of science." _'All those poor penguins…'_

"Science is human power."

"It's that arrogance that caused the tragedy 15 years ago, the Second Impact. This scene is the result. It's too harsh a punishment for us, though, considering the crime. This is just like the Dead Sea!" _'And Matt020388's updating habits'_

"And yet this is a purified world, a world lacking the impurity of the original sin."

**Sigh** "I hope for a world where people can live, no matter how steeped in sin it may be."

Now as interesting as there conversation was or could be, angels don't care. One of the communication officers came in on the ships broadcasting system, "Situation report from Nerv headquarters, sir. An Angel has been discovered in orbit above the Indian Ocean."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato had gone in to work today much happier than the day before and still feeling slightly full from pigging out at her promotion party. It was just sooo good. So as she was rushed to one central dogma and was presented with live satellite feed of the next angel, she was justified in her thoughts : _'God $'ing damn it!'_

(A/N: I realized the male techs get confused) Makoto, the one with short hair and square glasses and has secret desires about Misato revealed in the movies, reported "The Angel abruptly appeared two minutes ago."

SatelliteReporter1, "Approaching the orbit of the sixth reconnaissance satellite."

Doesn'tEvenGetARelevantName, "Two minutes until contact."

Shigeru, long haired, guitar hero techie, brought the image onto the screen,"Target in sight. Ohh..."

Misato wasn't amused, "I can't believe my eyes... it's crazy!" _'It's orange, 3 eye spots with eyelashes of various bulbous shapes.'_

"Sixth satellite moving to near contact with the target…..Contact with target." Shigeru reported, _'looks like a booger to me.'_

SatelliteReporter 1: "Begin scan." _'Maybe one of those toy clappers that you shake…'_

Doesn'tEvenGetARelevantName: "Starting data transmission." _'Those ends look like the sticky hand toys that stretch and get all dusty.'_

-------------Needless to say, the satellite probe didn't last and everyone was called in------------------

"An AT-field did that," Misato guessed after reviewing the footage again.

Ritsuko nodded as she stood by Maya and the terminal, "A new usage, I think. Not an inverted field like the late Ikari's work suggests, maybe a restrictive outside field collapsing."

Maya switched to the next series of images that showed circular waves in the Indian Ocean, "It even uses the energy gained due to the fall from orbit after detaching its own matter. The Angel itself is akin to a bomber."

"Currently, the first shot impacted the Pacific Ocean, far off target. The second shot hit this point. After that, it has been steadily correcting its errors," Ritsuko began input to the Magi.

"Great, it's learning," Misato continued to look at the displays.

The next one was of dozens of pink explosions surround the thing with Makato relaying, "N2 bombing does not work…at all." _'Why do even let the UN participate anymore?'_

"After that, the angel went out of range and increased its jamming," Shigeru showed a blank screen with "Transmission interrupted" for some reason.

"And it will be coming here…" Misato.

"Perhaps next time it itself will fall…" Ritsuko surmised.

Misato was startled, "That would create a third Lake Ashinoko."

"Actually, the Five Lakes of Fuji would become one and be linked to the Pacific Ocean, including and destroying Headquarters."

"Well, what do the Magi suggest Maya?" Misato started considering her options.

"They unanimously recommend evacuation." _'After the other two denied Caspar's recommendation of a massive orgy with Shinji and telling the angel to leave them the $#$# alone.'_

Ritsuko's contrasting eyebrows disappeared into her hairline seeing Caspar's opinion _'Mom as a woman…'_ "What do you want to do? You are the only available command officer."

"Connect to the appropriate Japanese ministries--special declaration D17 under Nerv's authority. Evacuation of all citizens within a 50 kilometer radius. Request the backup of Magi to Matsushiro."

"We're abandoning headquarters?" Makato inquired.

"No, but it's not necessary to risk everything." Misato said as everyone scurried to obey the orders.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"That's your plan? You're serious?" Ritsuko raised her brow as waved her hand under the faucet in the women's restroom and washed her hands.

"Yes and I am," Misato replied from the sink beside her.

"The probability of winning is only 1 percent. And that's incredible considering the circumstances…are you sure?" Ritsuko asked, having slightly more confidence against the angels than last time.

"It's not zero…I'm betting on the Evas."

"Misato!"

"I am the commanding officer here and I will do everything that I must do for us to survive. There's no guarantee that the angel couldn't change course and attack our convoy getting out of here and for some reason I think that if we lose Tokyo-3, it would only be a matter of time before we lost."

Ritsuko thought about that, _'Lilith and our continuous LCL supply would be gone. Along with our research. But the other bases have a limited supply and more Evas are in production. What importance does Lilith and this GeoFront hold?' _"**Sigh **You're crazy, but you'll need all the help you can get. I'll be helping back everything up and Maya can check your plans with the MAGI."

"Thanks Rits-chan."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The three pilots were in the briefing room (one with the floor acting as a display screen) looking at an overhead schematic of Tokyo-3 and listening to their purple-haired guardian in disbelief.

"Let me make sure I'm getting this…you want us to catch that with our hands?" Asuka stared at her, _'Did she hit her booze extra-hard this morning?'_

"Exactly! Arrange the Evas at the estimated point of impact, and directly catch it with AT-fields at maximum," Misato said confidently.

"What if the Angel goes considerably off course?" Shinji asked already knowing the answer.

"We'd be screwed," she said with a smile.

Asuka facefaulted, "And if the Units cannot withstand the shock?"

"Not gonna happen, your AT fields should be strong enough. Well…unless only one unit catches it for too long."

"Let's continue the fun, the odds of winning are?" Shinji started to grin.

"Pretty unbelievable according to Ritsuko, 1 percent!"

"If we're successful, it'll be a miracle!" Asuka stated.

Misato's face straightened out, "Sorry, but there's no other way. This operation is—"

"You're saying this is an official operation? Is it?" Asuka inquired.

"Technically no, I cannot say that. If you're not willing, you can refuse. But keep in mind that humanity will be almost certainly screwed if you don't help…"

The three pilots sweatdropped.

"Officially you are required to write a will. You may want to update that now."

"Nah, my old one is fine" _'it allocates everything into a reward for the commander's death and a few of his associates SEELE and mom provided safe house locations and everything.' _"More importantly I'm not going to die," Shinji replied.

"Me neither," Asuka declared.

Rei automatically responded, "Neither am I." _'There is no need for a will.'_

Misato walked up to the three, "I'll make this up to you somehow, how 'bout I take you to a steak dinner?"

"Misato, please think that over," Rei said with a minute glare.

"Ah, forgot that you're a veggie person. Ano…"

"How about you take us to ramen and a movie? We'd do this without a bribe anyways," Shinji informed her.

Misato cheered and went on her way, "OK, You can look forward to it!"

Waiting until she left, Asuka turned to the others, "Baka, we could have gotten more of that."

"Nah, she splurged in paying off the last of her student loans, she's broke until payday," Shinji informed the redhead.

"How do you know?"

"PenPen told me, right Rei?" Shinji winked.

"Of course Shinji, right after he convinced you to buy more ice cream," Rei smirked.

Asuka didn't buy it, "Was this before or after he upgraded my wardrobe?"

"Before, but he didn't remember your sizes so he left to get you a gift card this morning on the way back from buying me a new boken," Shinji started, "Whatever. Come on, let's head to the lockers and get ready."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maya and Ritsuko had just finished backing up all system software and crucial files from the MAGI and were now in Central Dogma examining the incoming data. Maya started to type furiously before stopping and reporting back, "The target is lost from our sensors due to the Angel's ECM."

Ritsuko brought up an image on the large screen in front of the tower, "Although it's now impossible to calculate precisely, this is a map of the most likely collision points estimated by the MAGI from data obtained just before we lost the target."

Asuka looked at the satellite image of the entirety of Tokyo-3, its outskirts, and a little into the countryside covered in red, "The range is this wide?"

'_Is it me, or is that larger than last time?' _Shinji stared,_ 'Nah.'_

"And with its AT-field, the target can annihilate NERV headquarters completely, wherever it impacts within this range." Ritsuko finished her little lecture.

"Under these conditions, we'll be placing an Eva at each of these three points," Misato pointed to three spots and the radius they could cover. The three formed an equilateral triangle with the heart of Tokyo-3 at the center.

"What is this arrangement based on?" Rei inquired.

"My intuition," Misato declared.

Asuka, much more understanding than before still had trouble with this. Sure she could deal with diving into a volcano or being on limited power, but not knowing where the enemy would be and choosing points at random bothered her, "Intuition?!"

"Yes. Female intuition."

"What's that?" Rei asked, genuinely curious. _'A type of physics perhaps?'_

Everyone was silent until Shinji coughed…and then more silence. Misato finally thought of a response, "It's a rough estimate with a couple of instinctual considerations. Like…" More silence… "The fifth angel did start drilling where the three catch radii meet and some of it is luck. It's a feeling as well."

"Okay, thankyou" Rei answered. _'I do not feel as well about this mission as I did before I knew that.'_

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

After leaving the deathly silent room, the pilots were on the lift elevator to the cages and it was still silent. "So…"

"What?" Asuka asked as the legs of the Evas came into view.

"I don't know, this atmosphere is stifling. Just because we have a suicidal angel that we can't track and there's a one percent chance of victory," Shinji started.

"We will succeed because we must," Rei said coldly, staring out at Unit-00.

Asuka moved to beside Rei, "Don't worry, we'll just kick its ass before it can land, I have plans for next weekend and I'm not gonna let and this angel stop me."

"Jeeze, only you would say something like that. No greater goals like world peace and harmony?" Shinji asked in disbelief.

"What about you baka?"

"Well…there was this one glitch I wanted to try. Something about creating a black hole in the latest smash brothers' game."

"WHAT?! That's even worse!"

Rei smiled as she watched the two fight and sighed a little in relief.

"120 minutes until the estimated time of collision," the intercom relayed as the elevator door opened to the cages.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato turned back from the screen to the two male techies still there, "You can take shelter. I can handle the rest."

Shigeru shook his head, long hippie hair having a mind of its own," No. This is my job as well."

Makoto, quickly removing his eyes from the major's figure before she noticed, and agreed with a suck up reply, "I can't leave while those kids are out there."

Misato waved that off, "They'll be fine. Even if the Evas are damaged, the AT fields will protect them. The safest place right now is actually in the Evas."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unit 00 was kneeling down in the trees on the north outskirts of town, Unit 02 was standing beside the fields on the southwest side, and Unit 01 was waiting at a substation on the southeast side. Each of them resting in peace and building their nerves for this mission…or they would have been if they didn't have helpful voices in their heads.

Shinji was restraining himself from groaning. _'Mom, why won't you tell Mrs. Soryu and Dr. Akagi where it's going to land?'_

'_Silly, I want to see if the angels are getting stronger than last time and if you're keeping up to date in your studies'_

'_Damn…I forgot to study the flashcards' _Shinji thought and then paled.

'_I heard that! And you haven't even progressed any further in the main scheme of things?'_

'_Which would be?...'_

'_A massive harem of course, where have you been? Fortunately the ball seems to have already started to roll, bwahahaha!'_

'_Let me never say my life is boring…'_

Asuka was dealing with an increasingly perverted mother of her own now that Kyoko had deemed her "used to" her dead mother being inside a giant bio-mechanical robot.

'_Mama!'_

'_What? I'm just saying this is around the time I met your father, he had one fine body…'_

'_Ewww! Stop now!'_

'_Oh, that's right. You probably don't want to imagine anyone but Shinji, you did steal his first kiss.'_

'_It was a moment of weakness and morbid curiosity!'_

'_Curiosity…that can lead you many places you know. Should I be looking the opposite direction? Rei is…exotic...'_

'_AGGGH!' _Asuka barely kept from cracking, breaking the butterfly controls, and knocking herself unconscious.

'_Don't worry, I know I'm wrong and just teasing. You're definitely bi to some extent,' _Kyoko looped the video feed and sensor input while Asuka started swearing vehemently in German.

'_Mama, I have a #$#$ing mission now!'_

'_Actually that would look something like this,' _Kyoko projected a mental image that was mild compared to Shinji's treatments, _'But I'll let you regain your focus. I prevented NERV from seeing this, but I'm stopping in ten seconds.'_

Asuka took those ten seconds to bash her head into the wall and suppress her blush somewhat before the feed came back live. She felt less nervous about the mission at least, so Kyoko's goals were achieved.

Rei had it lucky, Naoko was counting on Rei to develop a Yui-like perverted side quick enough later. So at the moment she was slowly comparing what the bast…commander has done good and bad. She was on number 666 of his bad deeds…she had gone thru his twenty good deeds earlier.

'_I can stop for now if you want.'_

'_Please do. I understand he is not the best of men…'_

'_**snort**'_

'…_but if he changes, he could correct so many of his misdeeds and it would be much easier to save humanity.'_

Naoko didn't have much patience for Gendo…so only repeating the revenge Yui had in store in her mind kept her from snapping at Rei. _'That may be true, but he has no incentive to change. If you end up talking to him, please do this at least. Keep a diary telling yourself to trust me and let me absorb your current memories at the time. If he decides to replace you, the earliest memory implant a clone has goes back to when you failed the original activation and Gendo freaked out about losing your training. He would most likely try for either that to eliminate all variables or before the fifth angel since you were successful in reactivation, but not as involved other people.…'_

'…' Rei knew that Commander Ikari could replace her at a whim and remove her from the Katsuragi residence. It frightened her a lot, but she did owe him one chance.

'_I would suggest you act as you once did around the commander and not ask too many questions. A few maybe just because you are growing up.'_

'…_I do not know what to do…' _Rei was seriously conflicted.

'_sigh, I guess you should think later. It is nearing time to kick some ass. You don't need to do this alone you know. Talk to Shinji…here's a picture of him nude' _OK, Naoko wasn't as bad as the other two Eva souls, but Rei didn't know that as the mental image seduced and distracted her from her worries.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twenty minutes later Shigeru received the first sign: "Telescopes have confirmed the target at maximum visual range."

Makoto went thru the data, "Distance approximately 25,000 meters."

Misato took one last breath, "All Eva Units to starting positions!" The units assumed the track starting position and waited.

"The target's calculated trajectory is based solely on visual observation. The MAGI will instruct you until the range is 1000, after which you're on your own. I trust you all," Misato waited for the MAGI to finish calculating.

Shigeru stated, "Angel locked on. Distance approximately 20,000." And Misato shouted at the same time, "Launch…er, Start!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji wasn't ready because Yui was being perverted, oh snap! They all died. True story in an alternate universe. But in this one this is how it went down: All three Evas ejected their umbilical cords, took off and ran while following the MAGI approximations. Shinji and Unit 01 jumped a small hill and broke the pavement from the force of the takeoff. Unit 02 and Asuka jumped the high tension electrical wires after passing the outer water treatment plant and headed back into the city. Unit 00 and Rei jumped her own set of power lines and glanced at the falling ball of fiery AT Field. The tenth angel kept its course and lost its glow from reentry as it parts the skies and created an apocalyptic, darkening atmosphere.

Shigeru radioed over, "Distance 12,000!"

"Come on, come on. Let's go faster," Shinji urged as he re-entered the city district. _'Mom'_

'_Execute: found-out-peeping-at-bathhouse-run-for-your-life scenario'_

Unit 01's speed increased dramatically and became a blur as the angel approached. Multiple buildings were knocked to the side as Shinji made his way straight to a hill just outside of an industrial district and skid to a halt.

"AT field, maximum power!" Eva Unit 01 planted its feet a shoulder's width apart and shove both hands into the sky to direct the field. At this time, the angel impacted the field and the field appeared in the visible spectrum. The two forces struggled as the other pilots raced to the standstill.

'_Mom, is this full power?' _Shinji asked as he fought the force feedback and the ground started to crater underneath them.

'_It's a matter of physical strength too, the shield we're holding is strong enough, but an Eva's body can only take so much to hold up the force not covered by exuding our field. But now the wireless communication is down for outside your field.'_

'_That means?'_

'_No NERV monitoring, I can go S2 replication on this thing and jump to sync rate 299, let's focus on harem scene number two and your AT field to cover that freaking whatever.'_

The AT field between the two giants became more solid and focused, shining a bright orange. Shinji felt a twinge on his back, but thought nothing of it as the angel could only slowly push the unit into the ground. It was entirely hill's fault for being so weak and the momentum carried from space added to the angel AT field. The girls still rushed as they needed to destroy it before it exploded and took out the city not covered by the field. Banking on killing it would lessen the explosion.

"Asuka, I'll break through, go for the kill. Expanding field," Rei said as she joined Shinji on the hill and added her field to his.

"Got it," Asuka ran up and ejected her prog knife to get ready.

"I cannot get it through!" Rei distressed as her knife wouldn't pierce Shinji's existing field.

"I'll weaken it below the core, do it now," Shinji commanded as Rei sliced thru and stretched the opening as if it was a solid object.

Unit 02's knife pieced the angel's main eye and core, destroying it on a molecular level. It fell limp and covered the three units like a fallen tent before bubbling up and exploding. The crater appeared instantly as the force vaporized all but the evas on the hill.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later in the day, the three pilots were standing in front of Misato in Central Dogma as everyone else was busy with the angel aftermath and multitude of complications with the population of Tokyo-3 moving back in. Fortunately they were recovered by the recovery team and were spared a second conversation with their Eva souls. They had sufficiently suppressed the first to act normally in public.

"The satellite system is restored--connection requested by Commander Ikari in Antarctica," Shigeru smiled a bit now that those systems were restored.

"Quickly, connect him, please," Misato moved to the com station.

The connection was established and Misato reported in, "The angel was destroyed with minor stress fractions to Unit 01's back. There was some minor Eva caused damage to the city and there are numerous problems due to the mass evacuation."

Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki scoffed, "That's a given. The annihilation of Angels is the Eva's mission. It was fortunate there was little damage."

Gendo, as per se his plan of teh bastardness, congratulated them, hoping to create some more faith, building off of his manual prep procedure last time, "Yes. You've done it, Major Katsuragi."

"Thank you, sir," Misato thanked him and hoped he couldn't hear Shinji's gagging noises.

"By the way, is the pilot of Unit 01 there?"

"Hai." _'I just love how he uses "it" instead specifying things. He could mean anything.'_

"I've heard the story. You did it, Shinji."

"Thanks, all that vending machine took was a swift kick before that bag of chips dropped."

Silence.

"Oh, that angel thing. Whatever, couldn't let the end of humanity come about like Misato said."

Gendou, slightly annoyed with his rebellious son (but it didn't matter because he was powerless and fought as ordered), "Then, Major Katsuragi, I shall let you handle the aftermath."

"Yes, sir," our purple haired, soon to be busy working, vixen said as the line was disconnected.

"And the rest of us didn't help? Jeeze, why the hell was he taking a vacation to Antarctica anyways?" Asuka was a bit annoyed as well, even more so when no one could answer her question as they began to ponder. Rei had felt that the commander had meant well and that Shinji was congratulated for catching the angel. Maybe it was just an error in judgment.

Shinji couldn't help but smile at Asuka's hostility towards the commander, "Come on Asuka, Rei. Let's get changed and go home."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The weekend came and the four roommates were riding at breakneck speeds around Tokyo-3 with their duct-tape enhanced seatbelts. As Misato started to pass the train on the road beside the tracks, Asuka spoke up, "You've gotta keep your promise, Misato. What movie are we gonna see?"

"Relax, we're going to get something to eat first and then we'll let Rei choose when we get there."

"Ano, why me?" Rei asked.

"'cause I have a bet going with some friends about what you'd choose?" Misato said quickly as she screeched to a halt in front of the parking garage stop arm and grabbed a ticket.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

They walked up to Misato's favorite ramen stand, "Ichiraku's", in time to see an angry man with a scar across his nose drag a kid in an orange tracksuit away. Each of them took a seat on the stools and ordered. Rei had the garlic noodles (without pork), Asuka the shark fin with extra pork, Shinji the miso, and Misato had the beef.

(the crack begins…)

"Sorry for not updating regularly," Shinji said, turned towards the fourth wall.

"Yea, and it turns out we're not going to include the movie as part of the story, maybe some omakes, dattebayo!" Asuka said before plunging headfirst into her bowl.

"Please imagine your generic: "it was super predictable" movie and that even I enjoyed the peanut gallery more than the film." Rei said, before smiling and tackling a black-haired duck-tailed-hair boy with a scowl and fan symbol on his back to the ground. She started to beat the crap out of him, "Make some damn friends, learn to have fun, eat ice cream, and collaborate for revenge plans you dumbass!" Before snogging him, he was very confused.

"And there was some nice fluff between all of us, slightly perverse of course," Misato smiley-eyed before grinning lecherously and chasing Shinji in the direction of a motel, an orange book full of suggestions in her hand.

Chibi-Yui appeared on the fleeing Shinji's shoulder and shouted to the heavens, "Include the fluff you idiot!"

"Fine," I clapped my hands and scene changed.

----------------(Resume non-crack)----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"That movie…" Rei didn't have the correct word for it.

"Sucked?" Asuka, Shinji, and Misato suggested from their locations in the car.

"Yes. The commentary was good though," Rei smirked.

"The movie was just asking for it," Shinji blamed.

"'Oh no, I'm trapped. Wait, what is this? The hero's 'girl I just met is in danger' sense is tingling," Misato started to gag, why did almost all pink haired girls suck?

"Hahaha, yea. Did you see where the costume came off of the villain and he didn't notice?" Shinji asked.

They laughed and made comments about it until they arrived back at the apartment. Misato was smiling brightly as she neared her beer supply and kissed Shinji on the cheek as he held the door open, whispering, "I won the bet."

"Yea, yea, just tell me what you want made tomorrow," Shinji grumbled as Asuka looked ready to yell at the older woman. "Something wrong Asuka?"

"She, she…"

"Yes, we all know Misato's very affectionate. Especially when she wins and has her choice of food. I really thought we'd see something else…"

It clicked in Asuka's head about what happened, "Jeeze, what's with her luck?"

"I have no clue, now as much as I enjoy holding this door open…" Shinji stared expectantly.

"Such the gentleman," Asuka teased before finally moving past the entryway and calling back, "Sorry about the wait Rei."

"I am sorry about the movie choice Shinji," Rei looked down at her shoes as she took them off and he closed the door.

"Don't be, I had fun because I went with you guys. You did have fun right?" Shinji removed his shoes, standing next to her.

"I did. I believe for the same reasons as well," Rei smirked before returning to a pale stoic, "I think I am going to speak to Commander Ikari after the next sync test and…I don't know."

Shinji stopped, _'…there goes my mood…' _"…would you like to talk about it in my room?"

"…please."

-------------Bweep, Bweep… BS and OoC and fluff approaching…Do a barrel roll! Use the Boost to escape!------------

(A/N: after trying several times, this is crap…summary afterwards)

"I want to tell him that the way he sees my future is not what I want it to be and that he should be more accepting to other…scenarios," Rei started as she struggled to put her feelings into words and without revealing too much.

"I don't know what he has planned for you and I hate to do this to you Rei, but don't try to talk to him yet," Shinji pleaded as he closed the door and turned to her.

Rei looked back at him confusedly from her seat on his futon, "but…why? Commander Ikari raised me, even if he may have had ulterior motives, not that he did. And I like who I am now, he needs to know..."

Shinji sat down next to her, "Rei, he has failed the many chances he has been given to change and be accepting, but I am not telling you that you can't give him another one. Just do it discreetly, because if he changes with a prompt to, you will never know if he pretended to change to deceive people."

"Please explain."

Shinji paused, "If I told him that he was a bastard and that he abandoned me and I wanted to be compensated, and then he tried to make it up to me, it would be much different than if he came to the realization on his own (or from a few subtle clues) and changed. And he is the type of person who will only deal with something if it benefits him. Being the father I didn't have would not benefit what he wants from life."

"What do you believe he wants from life?" Rei asked, subtly wondering how accurate her friend's guess could be.

"I can't say I know absolutely. _'Actually I do, but…' _ But from what I've pieced together, he needs you after the only self-sacrificing act he's done, some things in NERV after congratulating Misato and I non-specifically for saving headquarters, for the angels to die, and to not piss off whoever his superiors are. Nothing much else matters to him."

Rei just nodded, Shinji didn't know exactly what the Commander was planning, _'but refelecting on his goal, it seems farfetched and impossible to imagine,' _but he had a good clue to as to what was necessary.

"So I must give the Commander a chance to change his path without him knowing. How?" Rei tilted her head to the side, reminiscent to a curious PenPen.

"Heh," Shinji smiled, "…I'm sorry, it's just that was a cute expression. Oh, I believe it's simple, don't talk to him unless asked to and live out life like you want away from him. Something's bound to happen that will test him and solidify your uncertainty. _'Dummy plug, cross testing, angel attacks…' _ Oh, and this is all a suggestion slash request, do what **you** want to ultimately. I'm not right all the time and I don't have the best answers. Talking to Ritsuko could help as well."

Rei stared at Shinji and sighed, "Shinji-kun, you make my life more confusing and better than I believed it could be." _'Why is there rarely a straight answer for what to do from anyone? I thought I was receiving one for a moment and then he tells me not to listen to him unless I think it's right, argh!'_

"Um, thanks?" Shinji replied.

Rei continued, "I think it makes sense to let things continue and to see what happens and I know to be cautious around the Commander. I guess it is up to me what happens, I do not think I can pretend to be who I used to be that well…"

Shinji scooted over next to Rei, "You have some time to think about it, so try to cheer up and laugh again, everybody's life around here is pretty messed up, we have to work together to not go insane, remember your not alone," Shinji hugged her and gave her a reassuring smile.

Rei felt warm and hugged him back, "Thank you…"

They stayed connected for a moment before Shinji broke off, "Come on, it's late and author powers says we have school tomorrow."

"Alright, do you think you could get some ice crea…" Rei started, a gleam in her eyes.

"Argh! What happened to the last pint of …nevermind, stupid question," Shinji shook his head, "Sure, but you're starting a tab."

Rei eyes dimmed, but she had a smile as she headed towards the door and stopped abruptly.

'_Did she forget to say something?' _Shinji wondered as she turned around and approached him.

Rei tilted her head and kissed Shinji on the cheek, eyes half closed, and turned around again.

'_Huh?' _"Wait, ano…what?" Shinji mind tried to make logic of what happened.

"I wanted to, good night," Rei exited the room with a faint blush.

Shinji mechanically went thru his nightly regime and laid down on his futon. He stared at the ceiling before mentally shaking his head, _'It's so different now…Things could be worse, like why did Hikari assign me cleaning next week with her? Sigh, shut up brain, no thinking now, sleep….damn it, I command you…ugh, never works. I cast lvl 2 sleep. Sing. Trance. Forced-sleep technique….' _Eventually he got some sleep, and dreamt of magic chapters writing themselves.

--------------------------------- A TON OF OMAKE LATER!--------------------------------------

A/N: Oh god, this took how long to shove out my…creative…shut up, I don't have an excuse. Now, for anyone who has the time, suggestions on how to bring Hikari and Ritsuko/Maya (both) into the harem. Ritsuko and Maya are "close" friends wink and that's not delved into. I'll make a little something up if it's demanded. They're going to join the main group very late, if not epilogue, and there's nothing NC-17 serious going to happen (besides omake, and never detailed) in this story. I'm still deciding really.

Review if you want, enjoy the Omake.

-----------------OMAKE (plot bunnies of chapter and then a separate anime crossover section)-------------------------------

---Laundry Rei---

Remind Asuka that we have a harmonics test this afternoon and to do the laundry already, I'm out bras."

'And there goes Kensuke and Toji, they didn't even have time to comment on her promotion…wait, it's Rei's turn for laundry. She already did it too…'

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Indeed, Rei had done the laundry, in her own unique way that her roommates didn't know….

Rei picked up the hamper and moved it into the laundry room to sort out. Everyone was out today, Shinji at Kensuke's playing war games, Asuka was shopping by herself _'Thank God I escaped'_, and Misato was at work. She had finally sorted out the piles when she noticed something, _'My clothes are dirty,' _and she did the natural thing: stripped to her bra and panties.

'_Much better,' _Rei thought as she started the first load. Thankfully, it was warm out, but she couldn't go out without changing and a shower was out of the question with temperamental/improperly hooked up washing machine. So, she did the next natural thing: read the newspaper while petting PenPen.

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**Buzzzt** The first load was done and Rei got up from her chair, penguin sad at the loss of his masseuse. "Wark War wa Rk rk ku ku," _'Hm, I haven't listened to the stereo in a while.' _

Our favorite feathered fowl went to his fridge and pushed a button on the side. The side panels flipped out and door revolved, revealing massive speakers and a DJ sound set-up. "WARk!" _'let's crank it up!'_

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rei was folding the undergarments when she felt the vibe as the techno started to blare. _'This…' _"ROCKS" She grabbed a pair of Shinji's boxers and wore them on her head as she danced and head banged to the music, all the while doing the laundry in her bra and panties. She would make a tradition out of this and convinced her roommates to join her in a few years when they found out. PenPen was already rocking out wearing a suit of Misato's bras the same day Rei started.

---Naoko's last impact---

Maya was at the controls and looked at the monitors:

Clone-girl, KamiStud, and AngerRed labeled three bar graphs with the giant header of "F'ing angel goop toxicity levels", fluctuated back and forth. It was kinda hard to look at the contrast with the neon green background and constant spam, pop-ups, and pr0n sites showing up.

Ritsuko sighed as she worked to correct the display as the meow mix song started to come in over the PA system, "Meowmeowmeow Meowmeowmeowmeow …."

She rubbed her temples as she patched the system as best she could, "sigh, mom just had to update the operating system the day she had a break down and suicided." (To Ritsuko's knowledge)

We got you a male stripper, Go Shinji!

Everyone was having a great time at the party when Ritsuko whispered conspiratorially to her old college roommate.

"NO WAY, THERE ARE KIDS HERE! WHY DID YOU HIRE A STRIPPER?" Misato's eyes bugged out. Hikari's eyes gleamed pervertedly at the news as Rei asked Asuka what a stripper was.

"Relax," Ritsuko stepped away from the turning green Kaji, who was getting ready to bolt from the horror of male stripping, he had an ego to maintain, "he's your roommate, and I have to say he's extremely well off."

Asuka's eyes bugged out, Rei joined Hikari in drooling with her newfound knowledge of stripping, Misato was turning red, and the males remaining in the room screamed their goodbyes. They had noticed that Shinji wasn't there for the last couple of minutes after saying he needed to prepare something.

There was complete silence as Shinji entered the room in a suit, shaking his head in disbelief for what he was about to do. He stood in front of the group of dazed females and set a boom box on top of PenPen's fridge and turned it on.

'_Come on, come on,' _Rei and Hikari had achieved the same wavelength and started to mumur their thoughts. Maya had taken residence beside her sempai and Misato was on the other side trying to force her mind off topic and keep cool. Asuka was still gaping in disbelief, but was very red.

Shinji was turning red himself before sighing in annoyance. He stomped on the ground and left to the kitchen.

A brief moment of bewilderment passed thru their minds before PenPen's door opened and the fog rolled out to reveal the warm-watered penguin in a cop's uniform with a studded collar dancing out.

Everyone but Ritsuko facefualted into the ground hard, shaking the table and chairs, before glaring in annoyance at the scientist.

"What? You should see the size of the cod he has."

---Alt. Ending to Previous---

Everyone _including_ Ritsuko facefualted into the ground hard, shaking the table and chairs, before glaring in annoyance at the scientist.

"I'm as surprised as you are, that little bastard took my money and this is the set-up we get?

---Another Ending---

Everyone _including _Ritsuko facefualted into the ground hard, shaking the table and chairs, before glaring in annoyance at the scientist.

"Damnit Shinji!" Ritsuko screamed in annoyance as she heard laughing from the kitchen area Shinji had partitioned off from the living room.

"I can't help it, you were discriminating against penguin equal opportunity employment," Shinji laughed before stepping from behind the partition.

The girls disappointed faces disappeared. Shinji was carrying dessert…only using his naked body as a serving dish with his front adorned with various cakes and pastries. He was carrying a tray with several syrups, creams, and a fondue pot of chocolate. "Any requests? Or do you want to help yourselves," Shinji said lustly.

What happened that night…use your imagination :P

---Interrogation Take 1, I should have used this looking back…---

"The further away the better," Shinji exclaimed while carrying in a trays of food with Touji and Kensuke in tow. Nodding at the lonesome bag, "Guys, you never gave out the party favors?"

"No, we figured the food was more important and we didn't want to make a mess yet," Kensuke said as he laid down the last tray.

"I guess," Shinji took the bag of favors and gave them out to everyone but Kaji, "I have something to say to you Kaji-san…"

Touji and Kensuke were whispering to the other party participants about what was going to happen, but Kaji didn't notice as Shinji pulled a (I don't own!) Heckler & Koch USP ("Universal Self-loading Pistol", .45 ACP (Automatic Colt Pistol). It was a newer version of Misato's sidearm, who whistled in appreciation as Shinji pointed it between Kaji's eyes.

Kaji didn't appreciate it as much, "Heh, nice gun. Mind pointing it elsewhere?"

Shinji pointed it his crouch and pulled the trigger as Kaji screamed "NOT THERE! AHH!"

**Gunshot** A stain appeared on Kaji's trouser's, and not a blood stain. Yes, it was a silly string stain as the pink string covered his crouch and slid off. The occupants of the room laughed as Shinji handed Kaji his own silly string gun and ran. Kaji laughed a moment later and joined in the festivities, enjoying the party, food, and friends.

---Interrogation Take 2 (This took a weird turn)---

It was a newer version of Misato's sidearm, who whistled in appreciation as Shinji pointed it between Kaji's eyes.

Kaji didn't appreciate it as much, "Heh, nice gun. Mind pointing it elsewhere?"

"You are accused of espionage for multiple parties, including the government, NERV, and the old men. Yes, I know who the old men are, and why they want to defeat the angels to unite humanity."

Everyone stared at Shinji, Misato asking, "What are you doing Shinji?"

"My job," he replied steely and retrieved another H&K USP .45 ACP and pointed it at Kaji's chest.

"Who do you work for?" Kaji asked as calmly as possible.

"That's obvious, myself. I call my occupation a modifier. So mind telling me why you delivered you-know-what to the Bastard after _Over the Rainbow_? That was very foolish, but good in some aspects."

Kaji stared at the teenager in front of him and tried to decide what next, he couldn't escape. "I want to know the truth behind the human completion project, angels, and Eva. The angels are searching for the first for a reason and the second is still locked in Terminal Dogma, with some DNA in Rei over there."

Shinji blinked, _'Oops, too far.' _"Err, what are you talking about? I'm playing around here." He pulled the trigger and silly string stuck to the flabbergasted man.

"Yes Kaji, what are you talking about?" Misato and Ritsuko asked at the same time.

'_(this word has been modded) FUDGE!', _"Heheh, I was just um, playing along," Kaji grinned nervously.

"I don't think so, you reacted when I mentioned SEELE and revealed your knowledge of Adam and Lillith. Plus LCL is angel blood," Shinji accused as the two aforementioned women stood over him on either side,

'_Wait, he knows!' _Kaji mentally gasped, "Wait how do you know about those names? And I never said anything about LCL being angel blood!"

People gasped in shock, "LCL is angel blood?" Misato stared at her former lover in shock for revealing this.

"Yes! But why does Shinji know, and he said it before me for goodness sakes? And he knows about SEELE!" Kaji tried to point the oddity of the third child's knowledge.

"Hey, I didn't say anything about me being from the future, having a perverted mother forcing me to make a harem, and Gendo surgically implanting Adam into his right hand to implant into Rei later to fuse with Lilltih and control the upcoming third impact!" Shinji refuted.

"What? See! See!" Kaji shouted and pointed at Shinji desperately, "Doesn't anyone else see that Shinji shouldn't know any of this? He's more of a danger than I am!"

"Stop trying to change the subject baka," Misato said as she knocked him out and had Ritsuko get something from her room, "Come on, I never thought I would use the handcuffs for detaining someone outside the bedroom."

Everyone nodded and wondered if they had ever really known the man that was Kaji, why couldn't he be as easy to trust as Shinji was?

---Gendo's reason---

Gendo bent down to pick up a piece of leather in his arctic gear after forcing the UN vessel to stop at the largest floating iceberg. _'After all these years, and many expensive UN funded trips to Antarctica, I have found the remains of the collar Yui used to make me wear. I can leave this dead sea and add this to my shrine.'_

As he was walking back, he looked to the side to see some researchers from the ship taking measurements and samples of the area. **Clang **He should have looked in front of him as he tripped over a metallic object. One of the naïve scientists, who didn't know this detestable man, helped him up and exclaimed, "You did it sir! You found the Lance of Longinus!"

Gendo, who had been thinking of destroying whatever had tripped him, went with the flow, "Of course, why did you think I was here?"

The man couldn't answer, because no one before had known. Fuyutsuki sighed as he saw the recovery team uncover the rest of the spear, he wouldn't need to make an excuse this time to why his old student had gone to the arctic.

---MAGI's Recommendation---

"Well, what do the Magi suggest Maya?" Misato started considering her options.

"They unanimously recommend evacuation." _'After the other two denied Caspar's recommendation of a massive orgy with Shinji and telling the angel to leave them the $#$# alone.'_

Ritsuko's contrasting eyebrows disappeared into her hairline seeing Caspar's opinion _'Mom as a woman…'_ "What do you want to do? You are the only available command officer."

Misato paused for a moment, and asked embarrasedly, "What do the Magi suggest again?"

"They say to…" Ritsuko stared at the screen and re-calculation. "That can't be right." _'Caspar, did you corrupt the other two? Amazing…"_

"I don't care the absurdity of it," Misato stated as she couldn't see the screen, "what's the chances of it succeeding?"

"Ten million percent, in fact, if we follow it, the rest of the angels will die and the world will enter a golden age, with all of the NERV employees, except the commander, becoming filthy rich," Maya read the output.

"So what's wrong with it?" Misato asked, ignoring the absurdity, as she approached the station the other two were at.

Misato gulped, who was she to complain with that odds and the Magi, and she wasn't complaining "Call Shinji-kun in here and make preparations. Let's do this!" She cheered.

----------hours later--------

Shinji walked into a dark room and his instincts went off, telling him to run for it. As he turned around the door closed and the lights came on. The room had a gigantic bed in the center, surrounded by various instruments of pleasure and sensual food. He felt something prick his arm and saw Ritsuko pull out a syringe.

Misato stepped out from behind a bedpost, wearing a seam-bursting plug suit that was formerly Asuka's, "Your mission, as the Magi have developed, is to utilize the weekender Ritsuko-chan administered and….(rest is too graphic, but Rei, Asuka, Maya, Ritsuko, and Hikari arrive as well, go Shinji! Think like Yui and you'll get the picture)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The second part of the plan took place as everyone in the world turned their backs to the Eva's and whistled innocently.

'_YES, full reign of our power!' _Yui communicated, moving without a pilot out of NERV.

'_W00T, we are T3h L337!' _Naoko agreed as she followed Unit 01.

'_Of course, but leave some stuff to the professional, mayhem and explosions are my specialty,' _Kyoko snapped the mouth restraints and grinned evily. Asuka's violent tendencies were definitely traced back to her mother.

'_Fine, but I get this angel, no one is going to interrupt an Ikari's first sixsome, it's a milestone for each of us, and my son will be no exception.'_

'_Hm, Naoko, after this, let's make some bodies and return to life, Kaji-kun should be a good first target for me,' _Unit 02's eyes gleamed.

'_OK, that sounds great, I have my own rounds to make and we can help Yui with her books,' _Naoko relayed.

'_I'm thinking of expanding actually into movies, mangas, games, you name it,' _Yui giggled in anticipation. Unit 01's arm raised up and the Lance was summoned thru the incoming angel, _'Now let's kill us some old bastards and steal their money. Then we get Gendo and Adam.'_

The rest was history as they lived happily ever, Gendo still being subjected to torture for three years before ending his misery a week before Shinji's and his wives wedding. Yui couldn't be prouder as she published the honeymoon in her next book. She was single-handedly responsible for the astounding reproduction rate humanity was undergoing.

(A/N: I'm taking a break to relax right now after realizing how perverted some of this is. Do I need to up the rating? I'm not explicit and most of it is humor and left to imagination. Suggestions? I'll get more readers as a teen fic I think)

---A different Holiday---

Waiting until Misato left, Asuka turned to the others, "Baka, we could have gotten more of that."

"Nah, she splurged in paying off the last of her student loans, she's broke until payday," Shinji informed the redhead.

"PenPen told me, right Rei?" Shinji winked.

"Of course Shinji, right after he convinced you to buy more ice cream," Rei smirked.

Asuka didn't buy it, "Was this before or after he upgraded my wardrobe?"

"Before, but he didn't remember your sizes so he left to get you a gift card this morning on the way back from buying me a new boken," Shinji started, "Whatever. Come on, let's head to the lockers and get ready."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, the three pilots awoke to their amazement at the things next to them on the floor. Asuka had a gift card, Rei had a minifreezer with an insulated handled spoon, and Shinji had a high-quality katana.

They heard sleigh bells come from the living room and all three rushed to see a blue Renault, with a sack of toys and penguin driving, fly past and park in the parking garage.

The three shrugged, but prepared a bath, food, and massage table for their favorite penguin and dubbed the day as P-day.

---The Movie---

"Oh no, I have shoved my head too far up my own #$#!" the villain started to exclaim…in a muffled shout.

"That's what you get for taking on ME, the good guy!" the man laughed, wearing a suit of shining gold armor that looked like it was Styrofoam.

"Oh my, I met you 20 seconds ago, I love you," the princess said, speaking with, yes with, her magical unibrow.

Thus ended the crappiest 2 minute movie ever. Everyone was so shocked at the quality that they just left in silence, forgetting to demand a refund, and forgetting to warn others not to go see it

---What I think of my fluff---

Shinji scooted over next to Rei, "You have some time to think about it, so try to cheer up and laugh again, everybody's life around here is pretty messed up, we have to work together to not go insane, remember your not alone," Shinji hugged her and gave her a reassuring smile.

Rei felt warm and hugged him back. She then went rigid as they both hacked up three pounds of powdered sugar. "Shinji, do you get tired spilling off this hallmark/kodak moment crap?"

Shinji groaned in relief, "Hell yea, let's just kill SEELE and the Bastard and do whatever the hell we want."

**BANG! **Shinji's head flew off and Rei sighed in relief as she put down the shotgun, "You talk to damn much, give me more lines. And alcohol, lots of it. With raw meat!"

#Guess the anime, it may be obvious#

---How bad could food be?---

(not particularly funny, but meh)

'_Misato…god bless her soul for trying, but don't I'm not letting her buy the groceries ever again,'_ Shinji thought as he tried to take note of what she had bought. _'What the hell?' _Shinji lifted up a weird package and set it down after examining the "consume at your own risk" label. It said it was non-toxic at least.

Later during the day, the roomies were in the living room playing video games "Headshot!" and Misato had stolen Shinji's controller and asked for a snack, handing him one of the snack tickets he had given her at her promotion party. He grudgingly left looked at what they had, _'I guess, the coloring's off a bit…better give some to PenPen first.'_

After using Misato's pet as a food poison detector, he brought the tray into the living room for the girls, "We're eating healthier today, despite it's appearance. One hundred percent PenPen approved." _'Well, besides him saying it tasted like #$#$.'_

"You sure this isn't mold Shinji?" Asuka picked one up and examined it next to her face.

"For all I know, it could be. This is also a reminder not to let Misato buy anything but junkfood, that's what she's good at," Shinji patted his guardian on top of her head. "I can guarantee that it won't kill you or make you pathologically ill…makes me wonder why the label worded it like that?"

(can you guess the anime yet, it's not plot similar, just a plot device)

"I've bet I've tasted worse," Misato bravely said as she tried the blue and white swirled orange.

"Fine, I call dibs on the orange grapes," Asuka snatched it off the tray.

"I will try the purple and neon green cherries," Rei leaned over and picked the bowl of those up.

"Sigh, and I get the apple, I don't want to know why it's brown and pink," Shinji picked his fruit of the tray.

Everyone stared at each other, noticing no one had started eating. Slowly, in unison, they moved the fruit up to their mouths and began to eat. Feeling compelled to finish it, despite the looks of disgust on their faces, they rapidly chewed and swallowed.

"That," Asuka

"tasted," Misato

"like," Shinji

"#$#$!" the four of them screamed and scrubbed their tongues violently.

"Beer, I need beer!" Misato cried out. Suddenly, the refrigerator door opened up and a can flew to Misato's awaiting hand to the room's amazement. "Shinji, explanation."

"I don't know, you're the one that bought these Devil's Fruit," Shinji replied, his arm had grown longer and bulked up before returning to normal.

"WARK!" PenPen ran thru the room, it wouldn't be too weird except the fact that he was on fire.

"I must be dreaming!" Asuka pinched herself and tried to wake up. She had just turned into a ninetaled fox, fox-woman, and then back to normal.

"I think we should start web searching, I believe I just acquired x-ray vision" Rei said. _'I could see Shinji's…' _

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Hours later, they had finally pegged down what was what using the website off the box the fruit came in. Rei had the Vision-vision Fruit, giving her the ability to see using any combination of the electromagnetic spectrum, for any distance, and at any rate of speed. She could also see auras.

Misato (eating the Metal-Metal fruit) could control metal, not just things that were magnetic either, and was having great fun creating an orbiting ring of Yebisu cans.

Asuka was slightly more comfortable now with what had happened after she ate the Vixen-Demon fruit. She could become a ninetailed mystical fox, a mixed form that caused Shinji to nosebleed slightly, even with his inhuman tolerance, and her regular form.

PenPen had eaten the Fire-Fire fruit and could turn into and control flames, as shown by him mimicking one of the outrageous anime moves and having a blue dragon of flames fly around the room.

Shinji was satisfied with his as well, the site said it was one of the most difficult to find, the Body-Body fruit. He could control his body structure down to the very atomic structure, meaning he changed his hand into metal, could condense and strengthen his muscles, and crush his boken into a 5 cm cube. And grow parts of his anatomy as well as he found out in the shower that night.

---The Names (english order) will give it away, you'll either know it, or be clueless---

(this is more like a oneshot crossover huff …so tired, It's alt. universe where no angels)

Tamaki Suou, tall, blonde, popular, sauve senior, was happily bounding around the windows of Ouran High's 3rd Music Room. Why you ask? "Mom", AKA Kyoya Ootori of the medical conglomerate had informed him that thru some unforeseen circumstances (Renge Houshakuji's blatant insistence with a monetary bribe…plus a powerful motor) that they would be gaining a new member, at least on a temporary basis.

"Honey-senpai" (actually named Mitsukuni Haninozuka), was devouring cake after cake since he had arrived for the special meeting before opening today. His child-like appearance apparently didn't limit his stomach capacity and only further proved some people's alien hypothesis. Takashi "Mori" Morinozuka was keeping guard over Honey, by being completely silent and…well something, I can't work with him.

The twins, Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin, were going over their latest prank for the newcomer and King. You could feel the pure mischief radiate off them as Tamki shuddered. Finally the last member of their club arrived: Haruhi Fujioka. She, dressing as a he, was a commoner and forced to be a member of their prestigious club until she paid off a very expensive vase she had broken.

Now the club they ran was called a "host" club. Where in laymen's terms, they strutted the guys around as eye candy, served snacks (picture high quality pastries, teas, and sea food on occasion), role played the most common cute/hot guy stereotypes, and conversed with the customers, who are all women. It's like a starbucks the caters to teenage girls with more involved waiters that held conversations and could be reserved. There was an entrance fee and Kyoya Ootori sold magazines, photos, etc. as part of his administrative/treasurer's duties.

"So who's our new playmate?" Kaoru grinned devilishly.

"Yes…we're so interested in meeting him" Hikaru draped himself over his brother's shoulders. They entertained the…shudder…incest and yaoi fanatics.

"Hai, hai! I want to introduce him to Usa-chan," Honey laid on the cuteness. It was his job as the cute little boy, and Mori would be the intimidating, silent guy with a heart of gold and dedicated job accompanying Honey.

"Well…it's a secret!" Tamaki said happily to the twins.

"You don't know, do you?" Haruhi asked and Tamaki anime pitied himself in the corner.

"His name is Shinji Ikari. 16 years old, Birthday: June 6th"

"Hey, he's three days older than we are," the twins interrupted Kyoya.

"His father is deceased, former military scientist. And his mother is the famous Yui Ikari."

"Who?" Everyone but Kyoya and Haruhi asked.

"It's her real name instead of her penname. She's an author, director, engineer, guru for mature media. My father has a small shrine to her and says that he owes most of the money he makes to her influence. Her penname is Goddess of Pleasure (sounds better in Japanese…I hope)," Haruhi replied.

Everyone but Honey's face turned red, "What's everyone blushing for?"

No one dignified him with a response, instead they stared at Mori in a "you explain later, we're not gonna".

"And after monitoring certain releases with trend in our own sales, there is no disadvantage in allowing Ikari-san to participate temporarily if not permanently," Kyoya said while looking at his files,_ 'His mother has single-handedly spurred revenue each time a book comes out for the corresponding genre of our hosts.'_

**Knock knock** "Anyone home?" The door to the room creaked open to reveal Shinji, he had plain brown hair that was as short as Mori's, but not spiky. He didn't look like much to the guys from far away and the guys wondered what he could be good for with his ultra-common style.

"Ah, welcome to our club," Tamaki glided over and dragged Shinji to a seat, where he then introduced each of the members.

"Wow, so you're Fujioka-sama's son,' _'Thought he had a daughter though…' _"Mom and him are discussing business plans and repayment for all his help over the years. Your mom also helped mine start-up you know, legally of course," Shinji added the last part before Haruhi turned red from embarrassed shock. Although he never knew where mom came up with the Lobelia's…

"And we get a ton of supplies from your families enterprise Kyoya Ootori-san."

'_Yes, 90 percent of the revenue from the sexual healthcare division…' _

"Sorry, but I don't know much about your families, I've lived out of the spotlight, thank god."

"That's okay, but please, call us by our first names. As of now, you are our new associate, congrats!" Tamaki pulled a party popper from nowhere.

"Wait, first a challenge, guess which one of us is Kaoru and Hikaru and we won't introduce you in our own special way. You get one question to help you since we just met, but it can't be about our names in any way," the twins grinned, holding super soakers.

A lightbulb went off in Shinji's mind, "Hmmm….Hitachiin's, I have heard that before. Since I helped scan the incoming e-mails last week when asked to, this will be cake. Which one of you will blush when I tell everyone about the request for begging to get another copy of Yuri-quest the videogame, despite the technical age requirement, after reading the steamy scene that you pasted in the message:

"_Rei couldn't help but blush when asked if blue was her natural hair color. Asuka always enjoyed embarrassing her. She wished she was as confident as Asuka sometimes, as she strode around the hot springs in not even a towel. Said girl of her thoughts had now come over and placed her hands on Rei's knees, which were tucked into her body and protecting her from exposing her nakedness. "sigh, you don't have to. I'm just joking around, you're too nice a girl for your own good sometimes. And you're a great friend…even when I'm a _**w**_itch. I wouldn't know what to do without you," Asuka said and was about to leave before Rei stopped her. "It's…natural." As she spread her…" _

Both twins were giggling pervertedly, Shinji continued though, "Because you broke the game with your "excitement" before your brother could finish that scene on his time and had to distract him before he killed you."

Karou, as now identified by the twin chasing after the other with a materialized baseball bat and screaming "YoU BrOkE MY GamE?!"

"Save me!" Hikaru, who had written the email, pleaded.

"Fine, mom sent a deluxe copy, but keep it hush hush. Although no one would dare prosecute my mom due to the consequences," Shinji tapped his chin in thought.

Karou flew thru the air and snatched the copy of of Shinji's hands. Hikaru's soul was sticking out of his mouth as he laid on the floor gasping for breath.

"I don't really see why mom's stuff is so popular, you'd think people would be happy with their own imaginations. Weird as it may be, mom has kept me pure until I'm legal age. Plus the fact that my mom thinks of the stuff up drives me away," Shinji spoke to no one in particular. _'Using experiences of her own…shudder'_

"You poor, poor man," Mori shook his head as the group looked back at him.

"Right, so…" Tamaki tried to change the conversation to something more comfortable, but was interrupted by a powerful motor!

Only there was no laughter, Renge's head swiveled on her neck past human limits so she could stare and drool at Shinji, occasionally squealing in delight.

"Um, is she always like that," Shinji pointed at the comatose French girl. _'Oh no, I know that look. Damn, mom released another photo of me on the web. And I ran out of kawarimi logs this morning!'_

"Nope, but how will we know what Shinji is good for now?" Honey asked with a fork sticking out of his mouth.

"Good for what?" Shinji tilted his head as Kyoya explained what the host club did. "Oh, set up a kitchen and café. I'll cook until we can reset Renge. I could also spar against Mori-senpai if that would help."

"Make the arrangements!" Tamaki told Kyoya with a grin, "And let's open up so we don't keep our lovely patrons waiting."

"Done." Kyoya hung up the phone and the movers finished installing the fully-stocked kitchen and café.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The doors opened and the regulars started to stream in, to be greeted by the members (sans Shinji) standing side-by-side showing them to the café setting.

"Oh yes, and before we forget. There is a very special temporary guest host joining us today. Please join us in welcoming mister Shinji Ikari," Tamaki graciously said in his hosting persona of royalty.

Shinji turned around and walked over to the awaiting group in his apron and unbuttoned jacket, he was carrying the first batch of desserts and drinks he had made, "Hello, my name is Shinji Ikari as Tamaki-san has said. I enjoy cooking, kendo, and just laying back, spending time, and relaxing with friends. We will be serving what I have prepared in and I will join the other hosts in twenty minutes. You are welcome to watch me in the kitchen, make requests, and get to know me better, I won't mind any interruptions. Hitachiin-sans, would you mind helping serve for a bit?"

The girls were taking in the site of a new boy and a few in the back started to drool with murmurs of "online" and "hot" flying around. Anyways, they took their seats and the hosts were assigned their groups by Kyoya and the day began.

Only seconds later were girls screaming in chocolate ectasy and Honey had teleported to Shinji's side in the kitchen, "While in this kitchen, your name shall be Kami-sama!" The girls raised their forks, "To Kami-sama!"

Girls who had not asked for anything to eat were driven by this to try it themselves with similar results and before long, Shinji had quite the group lingering around the counters of his kitchen asking various questions about him and a few about getting his recipes. Somehow a massive pile of treats and a line of tea and drinks had accumulated past the demands of the customers, "Well, it's time I join the other hosts. Please do not enter the kitchen, maybe I'll see if I can give group lessons another time."

Shinji left to clean up and the girls remaining went to see the other hosts or Kyoya to make reservations.

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Kyoya couldn't help but smirk at Renge snapping out of her stupor when offered a cake and tea, only to finish it, squeal, and wear out the buttons on her cell phone calling everyone she knew to come taste the foods of the Kami. They would make quite a bit of profit this next week.

Tamaki had come over to the French girl and his friend at the time during a quick break, "So Renge-chan, what in particular does Shinji appeal to? I'd have to say it's culinary/homemaking skills for the businesswoman."

She had calmed down enough, "True, many of the girls here are being groomed to do that, but he has a hidden skill that I believe he's repressing."

Kyoya adjusted his glasses and looked in his folder, "Please enlighten us."

"Three words: Pure Animal Magnetism. It's his family's secret to success and he's the second generation to be able to control it. It's family secret that I only know due to our families' past acquaintances and mishaps."

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'_Hm, I guess I'll join the other newbie, "The Natural"'_, Shinji thought before carrying a tray to Haruhi's group, "Konnichiwa ladies, Haruhi. Mind if I sit down until Kyoya-san assigns me?"

The girls squealed and gave him culinary compliments. Haruhi replied, "Sure, I haven't gotten to speak to you much either."

"Oh, do I interest you?" Shinji laid back on the couch and put his head on Haruhi's lap, _'Definitely a girl…' _Meanwhile Tamaki's daughter sense was going haywire, but the couch across from his view blocked from the chest down and he didn't see Shinji.

Haruhi blushed slightly, "Of course, our parents are doing business and I get the feeling I'll be seeing you often."

"I hope mom doesn't get any ideas, she's always looking for a boyfriend, girlfriend, marriage pacts for me," Shinji sighed, the girls squealed. "Do you mind me lying down like this? It's just the kitchen wears me for a little bit afterwards…"

Haruhi looked down, "No, go ahead. Goodness knows I needed a break during my first day, so how did you enjoy your first day here?"

"Hm," Shinji saw a crowd start to form, "Well it's very nice, I'm just used to a common life filled with video games, ramen cups, and studying. This is very upscale, you know?"

"Hai, we're not all royalty. I'm amazed that I got a scholarship to come here…I just hope nothing happens that I have to leave," Haruhi looked solemn, but in reality she was thinking: _'Why are we drawing such a crowd?'_

Shinji raised his hand to Haruhi's chin and brought her vision down to him, "I wouldn't worry, it doesn't suit you. Plus, your family had a third of the shares of our original stock, we thought your father forgot about it after…sorry, but it's the reason we're visiting."

The female host took a moment to stare at him, _'That would mean…'_

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Elsewhere, Kyoya watched Haruhi's debt disappear via money transfer from her father and the stock exchange make a major announcement of which family owned the third of GOPE stock and a third of the scientific firm NERV.

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'_I'm free…' _Haruhi was still in shock. Her father must be having a heart attack.

"Yo! You there?" Shinji waved his hand, worried that he had upset her or something.

"I'm fine, it's just that would solve several problems I've been having."

"Ah, that's good. Uh oh…" Shinji had lost control of his magnetism; it was something he normally didn't have trouble with. Why now? Made no sense. Maybe if he just closed his eyes, it would go away.

Haruhi was looking around at the growing crowd, some of the girls drooling and squirming. Then one said: "That's the son of the goddess, there was a picture released the other day again." Not even the hosts could break thru the barrier of girls that now surrounded the two.

'_Huh, is shounen-ai that popular? I almost feel sorry for Kaoru and Hikaru. But I have to admit Shinji-kun is pretty cute…huh?' _Haruhi started heat up and breathe deeper realizing this teen was currently on her lap and she brushed his bangs back. The girls screamed "Moe" (even I don't know what this means…) as Shinji's eyes fluttered open.

'_There, it's under control…why are they still here? Moe?' _Shinji thought. "Well, I think that I should find Kyoya." Shinji sat up, "It was nice talking to you."

Shinji leaned over to kiss Haruhi on the cheek to the spectator's delight, which was turned into full blown overdrive when Haruhi turned her head at the last second to receive a long lingering lip-to-lip goodbye. Renge had been watching from her pedestal and fainted over the edge, most of the group that was recovering from the magnetism had keeled over as well.

"Bye," a glowing Haruhi was smiling, crack-happily, and broken as she received a full blast at lip contact.

"Damnit! I'll kill you!" Tamaki was lunging at Shinji before being restrained by Honey and Mori. The twins we're loose and charging, only to be repelled by a quickly formed honor guard of Shinji's new admirers.

Shinji brushed his hair back and sighed as he reached Kyoya and sat down. He momentarily gave the other guys his bastard look and they cowered. Kyoya made note to ask how to do that as Shinji quipped, "If I had glasses, I could make them run for their lives after #$#$ing their pants…'

---Short, but stupid (So bad, I could use suggestions for a better crossover)---

"So what are the eva's made out of?" Shinji asked, knowing angels already.

Ritsuko sighed and decided to tell him the truth, "Most people think angels, but they're wrong."

"Huh?"

"The truth is when Nerv employees die, Gendo destroys their soul chains and isolates them near terminal dogma. Then a hole forms in their ethereal form and we shove all sorts of electronics in their new evil monster bodies. We then shove another soul of a living person in and voila: an eva is created. Neat, eh?"

"I'm piloting a dead person?"

"Yep!"

---Let's Upgrade---

(sorry, don't know too much about this one)

"So this is innocence and it holds untold power for people who are compatible with it," Shinji asked as he held a gold cube up to this white haired kid, with a scarred eye and heavy trench coat.

"Yes, and you are called and exorcist that can destroy Akuma controlled by the earl of the millennium," said Allen Walker.

"Hm, never seen an Akuma. They like these gold cubes then?" Asuka asked.

"Yes, but you have to return to our headquarters so we can train you," Lenalee Lee, a girl wearing a similar jacket with a skirt and stockings.

"Does that mean you want the rest of these things?" Rei said aloud and they gaped, "More?"

"Yes, I believe we have sixty or so of these, they can't be that rare," Ritsuko reported as she approached the group.

The two exorcists stared before resetting their minds, "Hai, that would help…infinitely….goddamn, no wonder we couldn't find that many."

Shinji had an idea, "Hey, let's help them out and put a bunch of these in the evas. We could set a trap for the earl with the rest or simply escort them back."

"Sounds good, let's do it!" Misato commanded, with no one higher ranking there, her word was law.

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They had squeezed 48 innocence into the Eva's and the other twelve would be on a caravan to headquarters. It was honestly to tempting for the Earl to pass up attacking them on the trip and they knew it, but Misato wasn't worried, "The MAGI say it's guaranteed to work with all three evas guarding you guys, just let us do the work. Without a need for power with innocence, we'll kick ass!"

They had moved all the way to the middle east before the earl struck. Every available akuma, noah's family, finder, and exorcist was gathered. The 12 innocence hiding behind a forcefield and the ark was actually transporting more troops there.

"Heheheheh, so Allen Walker," the creepy man with the top hat said, "Have you…what in God's name is that monstrosity?!"

He pointed to three evas with angel wings out of there back stomping thru the hords of akuma. It didn't matter the level so far, although Rei thought the level threes were crunchy-er.

"Those are some of our friends, we figured if you can use human souls inside of dolls and human flesh, we'd one up you and get help from human souls piloting angel flesh. Let's see how you like being on the receiving end. Everyone, sit down and enjoy the show," Komui Lee told the Black Order.

Unit 01 jumped and squished half of Noah's family with it's right foot. The earl appeared before the eyes and asked, "Wouldn't you like your mother reborn Shinji? I could do that with this doll."

"HAhahahaha! You poor pathetic thing, my father is an evil bastard, I'm immune to it. AT field squishy time!" Shinji smiled, crushing wave after wave of akuma with the other two evas. "And you are not escaping," Shinji spread his AT field around the ark and swatted the earl out of the sky.

Rei and Asuka had just killed the rest of Noah's family mercilessly and now were helping to contain the umbrella bastard in a three sided AT field with Shinji's help. Who knew he could scream in pain so loudly? Now all that was left was to channel the innocence of everyone and grind him into paste.

Allen chuckled as the fat man's form exploded and his arm and curse faded out of existence. _'We should have asked for help sooner, although it's kinda hard to believe an alternate reality traveling innocence started this.'_

(A/N: honestly, I had more ideas, but I'm too lazy to figure out how to write them, so I'm done for now :P They were easy to guess. YOU ARE FREE TO USE ANY IDEAS IN MY STORY OR OMAKES, I HONESTLY DON'T CARE)

meh, review if you want


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